Confused

Everyone is a crossdresser! Girls wear slacks, boyshorts, ties when they are waitress'. If they were truthful, all guys have tried on girls clothes and probably they liked the feel. It's just guys think they have to be macho. I bet your exgirlfriend wears more slacks they dresses and that she loves her boyshorts. Really, before the 1940's it was frowned upon for girls to wear slacks. My how times change things. I agree with Jill Devine - limit or drop your ex. She will only use the crossdressing as a trump card anytime things don't go her way. Take it slow- maybe underdress more right now. Buy a lace bra ( easier to hide) panties and some thigh high stockings and enjoy the feeling. OMG - I lovethe feeling of letting out my femme side and I think you do too. Don't let someone keep you from your femme feelings. Life is too short.

Well, so you did dress early in life, of course when scolded, as a small child we bury it. But in the long run it's been with you whither you knew it or not. I've gone years with out dressing, and didn't care a bit, but then when it comes on me, I just got to dress. The trouble is the older I get, the more the urge comes on me, and the longer it last. That's why I feel it's important to have a relationship that makes room for it.
Tina B.

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Originally Posted by Tina B.

Well, so you did dress early in life, of course when scolded, as a small child we bury it. But in the long run it's been with you whither you knew it or not. I've gone years with out dressing, and didn't care a bit, but then when it comes on me, I just got to dress. The trouble is the older I get, the more the urge comes on me, and the longer it last. That's why I feel it's important to have a relationship that makes room for it.
Tina B.

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It was a lot different as a child, though. I didn't do it because I liked feeling feminine, which is the reason I would do it now.

And also, as far as a relationship goes, I know that whatever way things go in life (whether I get back with my ex or not), I will need to be in a relationship with someone who understands and accepts who I am and how I feel. If that ends up being my ex-girlfriend, that's wonderful. If not, that's wonderful too. I'm young and I know I'll find someone eventually.

Hey Konfused,

I think it is great that you are seeing a counselor. You've already made some great observations about yourself when you referenced where you are on the spectrum, being the transgendered spectrum. As you get more involved in this forum, you'll find postings and links to articles that may help your need and want to logically understand the "why" part of crossdressing. There are a lot of theories still being developed and analysed, but at this point in time there isn't an exact reason for why we crossdress or why transgenderism exists.

As far as your feelings for crossdressing goes, they may change over time as well. You said when you were younger you did it because you wanted to explore, now you dress because it makes you feel sexy. In another 10 years from now your dressing may feel different, it might be because it relaxes you or a number of other possibilities.

The guilt, for me at least, will come and go, and sometimes be stronger and sometimes be less severe to non existent.

As far as your relationship with your ex, I hope things work out for the best for you two.

I hope you continue to participate in this forum and you get as much from it as I have!

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Originally Posted by Konfused

And as far as where I stand in the spectrum, I feel totally honest with myself when I say that I'm just a guy who likes to be feminine and dress up as a girl sometimes. A lot of times I love being a normal dude and everything that encompasses, but sometimes I get tired of the same old masculinity and like to switch it up a bit.

And this is making me pretty happy to be able to realize and say all of this. It's been a long few months trying to really figure things out, and I started the journey without a clue of what I was doing or why. But now I definitely feel like I have a good grip on the way I feel, and I'm ok with it! It feels good. :D

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As someone who has been dealing with this stuff for decades and has known many other people who have walked this path, I would respectfully suggest that you probably do not fully know yourself yet. Our concept of self and where we fit into the transgender spectrum often changes over time as we slowly let our defenses down and discover more and more about ourselves. When I was your age, I felt basically as you do now, and that's nowhere near where I am now at age 59. If you'll let yourself explore this, you may be surprised to see where you end up. And it's very, very important for you to do that exploring, and do it now while you're unattached. It gets way more difficult to do effectively if you are having to take another person into consideration.

Carol

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Originally Posted by Julogden

As someone who has been dealing with this stuff for decades and has known many other people who have walked this path, I would respectfully suggest that you probably do not fully know yourself yet. Our concept of self and where we fit into the transgender spectrum often changes over time as we slowly let our defenses down and discover more and more about ourselves. When I was your age, I felt basically as you do now, and that's nowhere near where I am now at age 59. If you'll let yourself explore this, you may be surprised to see where you end up. And it's very, very important for you to do that exploring, and do it now while you're unattached. It gets way more difficult to do effectively if you are having to take another person into consideration.

Carol

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As much as I respect and appreciate the advice, I'm going to disagree. Perhaps I am just a young dumb kid, but I feel like I know myself pretty well now.

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Originally Posted by Konfused

as far as where I stand in the spectrum, I feel totally honest with myself when I say that I'm just a guy who likes to be feminine and dress up as a girl sometimes. A lot of times I love being a normal dude and everything that encompasses, but sometimes I get tired of the same old masculinity and like to switch it up a bit.

And this is making me pretty happy to be able to realize and say all of this. It's been a long few months trying to really figure things out, and I started the journey without a clue of what I was doing or why. But now I definitely feel like I have a good grip on the way I feel, and I'm ok with it! It feels good. :D

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It's great that you have come to appreciate where you stand at the moment and that you are happy with that position. Possibly you will remain in that happy equilibrium for a considerable time, but it is also possible that your need/desire to cross-dress may progress over time. The important thing in that case is to be able to accept yourself and find renewed balance.

If from tiome to time, you feel the urge to push out the envelope then why not, you are young and still have your best years ahead of you.

The only word of caution that I would like to inject is that if/when you embark on a serious relationship, please don't try to hide this part of who you are for too long. It will not go away, and if you wait too long before telling a Significant Other, they will feel very hurt and betrayed when they finally find out.

It sounds fair enough to me that you say you know yourself, and also that others say you won't be the same person in thirty years time. There's got to be some foundation, but you can't base your entire life on who you might be at some undefined point in the future.
Life is about change, and ALL aspects of it are a journey. Try to travel it with people you care about and who care about you.

As regards the crossdressing, and what it may or may not be now or later, I think a good starting point is to be honest with yourself, including recognising that the honest truth on one day may be reversed on another. I find that my crossdressing journey includes circular routes, back-tracking and stop-off points with periods varying from days to years. I can feel relaxed that I have accepted my need to dress, or scared that I'm becoming obsessed, or guilty that I shouldn't need to do this, or bemused (when the feelings subside) that it could ever have held my interest.

Logic can be applied to the emotions to some degree, like understanding triggers that increase the desire to dress, or activities or situations that tend to supress it. Understand and rationalise the negative emotions, so that they can be banished or managed. Accept and enjoy the positive emotions.

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Originally Posted by SusieK

It sounds fair enough to me that you say you know yourself, and also that others say you won't be the same person in thirty years time. There's got to be some foundation, but you can't base your entire life on who you might be at some undefined point in the future.
Life is about change, and ALL aspects of it are a journey. Try to travel it with people you care about and who care about you.

As regards the crossdressing, and what it may or may not be now or later, I think a good starting point is to be honest with yourself, including recognising that the honest truth on one day may be reversed on another. I find that my crossdressing journey includes circular routes, back-tracking and stop-off points with periods varying from days to years. I can feel relaxed that I have accepted my need to dress, or scared that I'm becoming obsessed, or guilty that I shouldn't need to do this, or bemused (when the feelings subside) that it could ever have held my interest.

Logic can be applied to the emotions to some degree, like understanding triggers that increase the desire to dress, or activities or situations that tend to supress it. Understand and rationalise the negative emotions, so that they can be banished or managed. Accept and enjoy the positive emotions.

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That is some great advice, thank you. Absolutely what I'm trying to say is that I understand and am mostly comfortable with where I stand right now. It may very well change over time, and that's ok, too. But I'm not going to make myself sit around and wait to "really find out where I stand". If that works for some people, that's fantastic and more power to them, but that is not what I am interested in doing. I do not want to potentially miss out on opportunities that may have a large impact on my life because I was too worried that I may change my mind over time about this whole crossdressing thing. But I do know that when I find someone, whoever that person may be, that it will be necessary that they understand and accept everything I just said, and are willing to journey with me. And I definitely agree with telling the person early; if I had figured out that it was not a passing trend and that indeed it was here to stay, I would have confronted the issue with my ex-girlfriend long ago. I owed it to her, and in that aspect I did let her down. Not by crossdressing, but by not telling her for a year and a half during our serious relationship.

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Originally Posted by Konfused

Well folks, where do I start? This is my first post. I wasn't planning on posting anything anywhere, but rather I was (once again) trying to search for info online about why I sometimes have the tendency to crossdress. I stumbled upon this forum and everyone here seems wonderful and insightful, so here goes.

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[SIZE="2"]Indeed, where DOES one start? I think you’ve started – whatever you do, never, never, never stop. You’ve come to the right place, but I’m sure you know that by now – you’ll get more information here than at any other place. I’ll let you in on a secret – we may seem wonderful and insightful from time to time, but most of us are just as confused as you say you are. This is an inexact science, actually no science at all, made up of myriad sensations and emotional reactions at odds with how you’re supposed to be. The tendency to crossdress is a gift...[/SIZE]

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I apologize for rambling, I just don't really know where to start. I figured if I just kind of belted out some initial thoughts and feelings, something meaningful would probably eventually follow. Thanks for reading.

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[SIZE="2"]You’ve started well. Let the thoughts and feelings flow freely from now on. Please don’t take crossdressing too seriously, because it is meaningful all by itself and doesn’t respond well to examination – that statement comes from an individual (me) who regularly dissects this thing we call crossdressing, but I just like to write about something that fascinates me. Crossdressing affects all aspects of your life, and it draws upon countless memories and yearnings – the clothes may be only the outer wrapper of something much more profound, but only you know the answer to that. I wish you well on your lifelong journey...
:battingeyelashes: [/SIZE]

Konfused,

I have seen a lot of great advise handed your way and glad to see you ended up here , you will find support here some you may like some you may pass on. I'd first would like to tell you that there is nothing wrong with Cding (now if only GG's would seeit that way most of us wouldn't be here) . I started like many as an infant and my desires grew stronger as I aged , my wife knew of my Cding before marriage ,before we had children and after a 25 year relationship she decided she couldn't take it anymore.

So now I sit here as a member of this site single ,alone and just like you CONFUSED! My dressing while married was surpressed and I rarley ever had a chance to do it . My wife and family came first and was by far more important to me that my own selfish desires.. If I ever do become lucky enough to find someone special entering my life she will have to accept me for who I am and that includes my dressing.. It would be introduced in a tasteful way showing my potentual mate that she is important and will be first in my life but ,I will explain to her that dressing makes me who I am .I will also explain to her that I do not wish to expose myself to anyone and everyone that my dressing is very private ,that I am embarrassed and ashamed ,that its my problem if it's a problem and not hers, that I will deal with it and if she can't deal with me she must move on..I say this now because I know cding will never leave , I will always be a cder and I have come know this and grown to live with and accept it in my own way..

So , you can get back with your ex, have children and everything will be great because your urges. have been on the back burner to dress..Know this if like most your urges will grow stronger as you age and you will sneak in cding time rather it be under dressing or while the family is away and your are home alone for a short time,, You will get caught and you will promise to never do it again to only let your lady down one more time the next time it happens. If you choose to get back with your ex, be open explain that you will do your best but no promises that it will ever stop... Communication is helpful you can make it work ..Good luck

Konfused

I am also a 20 year old straight male who is a Cross-dresser. My ex found out 2 weeks after we started dating last September but she did not tell me that she knew about my cross-dressing till almost 3 weeks after we broke up(which was a couple of days ago) and my cross-dressing was something she liked about me. Before she left she gave me a couple of outfits.

Taylor Skyrim

When I say except what your doing and don't beat yourself up. You will more than likely think you don't want to do that.
If your like I would guess quite a lot of us, the older you get the more you'll want to dress as a female. Thats what I did.
I have dressed all my life, like you not all that often when I was your age and never really got into it on a regular bases until I was 35.
I fully understand a girl your dating or marrying not likeing or excepting.
I agree with Jill forget your ex girlfriend. If you ever did get back with her she would more than likely torture you now and then over it.
I go back to this fact now that I'm older and more excepting of myself. I dressed in women's cloths when I was like 5 or 6 years old, nothing sexual at all about it.

Konfused,
Welcome, you sound like me almost 20 years ago.
You are not alone and there is always somewhere who has done or thought of the same problems/issues we have.
You have found the right place.
Welcome.
prene