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Stephanie,
I think I understand your question because I am at a similar place in my life. I do not have an answer but some of the posts suggested a sound marriage can thrive while including crossdressing and I think that is true but I find myself asking how sounds is my marriage and thinking the answer to that should determine what I do next. Getting Counseling sounds wise. Remember tosmile and laugh when you can. Cheers Danielle
i have tried to put that side of me away, many times but it ain't going away so i have just recently learned to really accept it. If you actually go in for cross dressing mote than once, and keep doing it then it is really a part of you. Just know that it is there forever. Lucy
I am 55. All my life I knew I wanted to be a girl. I denied it...I pretended it wasn't so....I hid it...I was miserable. I recently separated from my 2nd wife and this kind of exploded. I no longer deny. I love being feminine and do so as often as possible. I hid it and avoided it too long...so many wasted years.
I'm sorry Stephanie. I've just looked up your story and it can't be easy. :sad: I wish that your wife could be more open-minded, even if she chose to not be involved in the CDing. You've been a member here for quite a while, and throughout the years it's been important for you to seek a balance between your male and femme sides.
I don't know why I'm saying all of this, other than to offer you encouragement. You seem like a very nice person and I would not give up on finding someone who can accept you as you are. Take me for example .... I have no trouble accepting my SO's gender expression, and there are plenty more GGs like me, if you'll read all these threads:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ccepting+wives
I'm really sorry for the demise of your marriage, not only for the financial impact (this cannot be dismissed), but more importantly for having lost someone that you loved and had committed to for decades. In reading some of your older posts, it was apparent that your wife holds extremely traditional and moralistic views of gender and gender roles, and we can't really fault people who hold such beliefs. A religious belief is a powerful thing indeed (just look at all the atrocities around the world that are committed in the name of religion), and people just can't or won't let go. It is as if they would die without that safety net. Had your wife been born in a different family, she might have adopted entirely different views.
So yes, it is time to let her go if she is still seeking a divorce. But please try to not become bitter over it, and continue to be the person you always were. And have faith that once you are free, your life will unfold and there will be more for you than just the opportunity to shave and wax your brows. In other words, don't retreat into the CDing just to ease the pain of your divorce, but instead go out there and try to meet people who will understand and accept all of who you are.
I've never put Sami away. I've never even purged. There have been times when Sami wasn't very active. I guess I didn't need her as much at those times. Sami has existed for over 35 years and I have been happily married for 25 years. My wonderful wife met Sami well before we were married. She was accepting at first, but I don't think she cared for her very much. Now she is very supportive. I have worked hard to keep balance in my life.
Samantha,
Great post darlin, thank you for doing so.
Been there, tried that! It took me a long time to realize that love can make you do some very stupid things! But there is no love strong enough to change who you are!
I've tried many times over the past 30 odd years but she just keeps coming back!
I have tried to quit many times and it always comes back. When I did stop and put Vanessa away I ended up in dark places and always felt despair. Vanessa is a part of me that I cannot deny.
I have put my cross dressing self away. In someways I might like to cross dress again. I still remember putting on my mom's dress as a teenager, and my sister's bra and panties. It was fun. Due to my families religious beliefs and due to fear I hide the fact that I like women's clothes like I hide many things. Perhaps I will cross dress again. I know when I wore my wife's panties it was fun till she got mad at me. She had told me it was ok, guess it wasn't. Probably one of the many reasons we are divorced now.
I tried to suppress my dressing a couple of times. Once I purged a whole bunch of stuff I really miss now. The second time I hid everything away in storage and hoped for better days. Both of them were for the sake of GGs. I never told the first one. I told the second not so very long ago, and the "better days" have come as a result.
That seems to be the way it is. Once a crossdresser, always a crossdresser! :)
- Amy
I am in complete agreement with Sherry on this.Quote:
Originally Posted by docrobbysherry
I was in the same situation. My marriage was dead but we just kept it going. Why?:eek:
Then something came along to force the issue and I was facing divorce.
6 years latter and I can’t believe how stupid I was not to move on sooner.
Stephanie, move on and be happy.
I don't think I have ever denied to myself that I was transgendered or that I was a crossdresser. I knew from the time I was very little that I wanted to be a girl. In fact when I was 4 or 5 I was sure I was a girl and didn't understand why I was told to be a boy. I did learn early on to keep it to myself as I was teased a lot about it. I was made fun of because I wanted to play barbies with the girls and not play with the boys. So I covered it up all of my life. Yes I did crossdress when I could be sure I wouldn't get caught. But growing up and doing what was expected of me, I got married, had 3 kids and began a career.
I would go long periods of not dressing. Mostly because of fear of getting caught. When I could I would wear my wifes things and when travelling for work sometimes I would get my own things and wear them, but always had to throw them out before I went home. Sometimes life just got in the way and I would go for years without dressing up. It usually ended when I had a dream about being a girl or wearing the clothes and I would just get the urge so bad I had to find something and wear it.
After my second divorce I finally for the first time tried dressing up completely as a woman. Wig, shoes, dress, makeup the works. Oh man was there a door opened for me at that time. Something inside of me just kind of blossommed and I finally saw the real me and all the years of keeping it in just exploded. Although I still keep it secret from my family and co workers my life has changed completely. I have gone out a few times dressed, I am learning makeup, I have lost over 60 lbs, My legs are shaved, my eyebrows shaped and I am building up a wardrobe. I wear only panties now every day under my clothes. I guess after suppressing it for so many years and finally living alone for the first time in my life I am finally allowing Ellen to grow up and have a life of her own. Before this time I only lived alone - just me and no kids or spouse - for about 6 months about 8 years ago. Now finally Ellen has a chance to live and I will not stop her.
I agree with you Jennifer! So true...strong foundations help work through the speed bumps along the way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenniferathome
been there, done that. Forcably surpressed for years when i was young. Then willingly surpressed because i loved my (ex)wife. Only turned me into a frustrated person. Never again...
Yes, thats exactly what I am doing right now. I am still POed at the election results. I cannot bash any real women, but I can punish my cd self.
I have tried quite a few times but now I know what I am and have at last accepted it and have really enjoyed dressing over the last few months. I have some new things that I picked up today and and am going to do a 'petite fashion show' for myself. If anyone does try to put it away it always comes back. We are what we are. Lucy