Being referred to as a girl...

When I first joined I thought it would be strange to be referred to as a girl. Had a male screen name and didn't think I would want to be called by a female name. I can't quite remember why it changed. Now I don't mind, actually kind of like it.

I think Persephone gives some good advice. Naturally this place has some blurred lines when it comes to gender and things can be pretty muddled on how to refer to each other. A helpful reminder for others would probably go a long way.

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Originally Posted by AngieStone

Megan you have this saying ,"Just go out there and be the best damn little girl you can be honey... walk proud in those big girl shoes", you have Holly Hunter wannabe above your Megan Avatar, but you do not want to be referred to as a woman. You go out for three hours a day in public dressed as a woman are you looking for people to call you dude? Megan you have me a little confused about why you are upset if someone on this forum might refer to you as a girl. If you don't want to be called a lady then if it was me I would not try so hard to standout as one. Just my observation.

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Ah... just the rambling thought of a bi-polar guy who had a capricious day years ago of impulse and spontenarity that was for that moment with my tag line and Holly Hunter I.D.
So.....Next thursday I'll think of something else and want to be Zexburp167z from planet ZyborgX. Your observation is well taken Angie and all in good light. Cheers to you!

I understand where the OP is coming from. To keep me clear abut myself, I prefer to use a 'he' pronoun for myself. I fall into the spectrum as a man who likes to wear women's clothing for short periods. But it is fine to also choose a feminine name to refer to the feminine aspects or temporary personae as a way to make that state clearer. But the majority here have chosen a feminine name and prefer to be referred, while on this site, by that. So majority wins and the feminine pronoun gets used unless someone expresses a clear desire to not have it used, and please forgive any who don't know you well enough to abide by it.

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Originally Posted by Cassandra Lynn

Don't take it personal, it's just that this site has a rather large membership and the majorty has kinda been allowed to rule, as that is how such things tend to go.
One would think that after 47(ish) posts and a month and change in time spent here, you'd have gotten the feel for things and not let it bother you?

Genderless names like yours can be difficult to guage.

It's up to you tho, perhaps you should look at how comfortable you really are here and see if you might not be a good fit?

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I completely agree with Cassandra.

Are we to consult a list prior to posting on to how to address members for fear of upsetting individuals? I'll put my neck on the line and say the majority prefer to present and be called by femme terms, so I'll continue in that vein. If you use a male name, I'll use that and the correct pronouns when conversing with you directly, but I/we cannot be asked to consider individual idiosyncrasies in general posts.

This has been for quite a while, if I'm not mistaken, a site were males present as female. Therefore, female nouns and pronouns are for the most part 'de rigueur'. As Stephanie said by way of analogy, "vegan joining the cattleman's association.....".

Rebecca

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Originally Posted by Nanaya

Something I've noticed on this forum is that everyone has a tendency to refer to others as girls. And while I can definitely understand why... It's something that makes me uncomfortable. While most people here think of themselves as women, it's not the case for everyone. I'm a boy, and though I am a crossdresser, I still want to be referred to as a boy.

I think calling everyone "ladies" is generalizing a bit, in a way. And it's something that should be fixed, for the sake of crossdressers like me who don't feel like women and don't want to be referred to as such.

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I generally avoid this problem by starting a thread with, "Hi, Guys and Girls!", or "Hi, Everybody!" And I might refer to members as "people" or "folks". The only time I use "ladies" or "girls" is when those are the ones that I'm specifically talking to--e.g., on the Make-up and Beauty forum.

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Originally Posted by ColleenA

And while Colleen is not a person or even a personality on her own, it still feels better to be called Colleen (with related terms and pronouns) when I am in "girl mode."

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Did you know that "Colleen" is the Irish for "girl"?

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Originally Posted by NicoleScott

Sissystephanie, for example, has made it clear many times that he is a guy who likes to wear women's clothes and want to be referred to as "he", but uses a female name.

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On another forum I'm a member of (our local Irish forum) beneath your avatar where there's info about you--join date, location, etc.--you can also indicate your preferred pronouns if you want to. Maybe that would be a good idea for this forum.

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Originally Posted by Nanaya

To be fair, I'm not going out of my way to appear as female, I just like female clothes. I like male clothes equally, I find both beautiful and wear both.

As for my name, Nanaya is not a female name, just a genderless nickname. My one and only real name is Naoya, which is a male name.

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This:

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Originally Posted by Cassandra Lynn

Don't take it personal, it's just that this site has a rather large membership and the majorty has kinda been allowed to rule, as that is how such things tend to go.
One would think that after 47(ish) posts and a month and change in time spent here, you'd have gotten the feel for things and not let it bother you?

Genderless names like yours can be difficult to guage.

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And this:

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Originally Posted by Persephone

This forum has a great many people of a great many different persuasions. I'm reasonably certain that the vast majority prefer to be referred to as women, ladies, girls, etc.

If you prefer to be related to as a male, which would likely be an exception, I'm sure that the members here would be glad to accommodate your request. But it may require a bit of a reminder since it is the exception rather than the rule. Perhaps you could add a signature line that says "Call me 'Boy.'"

To add a signature line, click on "Settings" on the upper right of the screen, scroll down to "My Settings" on the left, click on "Edit Signature".

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Has anyone referred to you specifically as "she", or called you "girl", or do you object to posting in threads where the opening greeting is "Hi girls"? You'll be happier if you tell yourself that most people here do strive to present as females in addition to having chosen obviously female names, and to use male pronouns would clash. But, you can tell yourself that the "Hi girls" greetings is not meant for you. When I see a thread that starts with "Hi Girls", I know it is intended for the crossdressers and not the genetic females and I just don't count myself as being part of the intended audience.

For 99.9 percent of my life, I'm all guy and proud to be. But when I'm here, I'm happy to be one of the girls ;)

I think most of what needs to be said, has been said already. This site is definitely a HUGE melting pot of people. From people who are happy being nothing more than a "guy in a dress" all the way out to people who believe they were born the wrong gender.

I think it's wise to exercise some prudence when speaking and tolerance when spoken to for the spectrum of people that reside here - just like we hope/ask/expect the same from the general public.

I guess it bothers you to be referred to as a "lady" as much as it bothers me to be referred to as a "guy" . Thats ok. No one here is out to insult anyone.

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Originally Posted by almostalady

I figure that if they appear as female, and are going by a female name, then they should be referred to as a female. Otherwise they should be referred to as they want to be. It is never done as an insult in any case.

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I totally agree.
I certainly don't go through all the time and effort to look as feminine as possible so that I can be called HIM!
I certainly don't feel like a HIM when I'm dressed and prefer that I be acknowledged as the woman I appear to be and feel I am inside.

I see what you mean. I would hate it if people were calling me a girl. But on this sight it's just something we do

When I'm on this forum, or in public, I well expect to be referred to with adjectives and pronouns of the feminine persuasion.

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Originally Posted by Nanaya

Something I've noticed on this forum is that everyone has a tendency to refer to others as girls. And while I can definitely understand why... It's something that makes me uncomfortable.

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Do you think that that might be because this is a Male to Female forum? Is it not likely that most people will assume that the majority of participants in such a forum would want to be referred to as their target presentation?

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Originally Posted by Nanaya

While most people here think of themselves as women, it's not the case for everyone. I'm a boy, and though I am a crossdresser, I still want to be referred to as a boy.

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That;'s fine, when people who have read this post wish to refer to you specifically, then we will try to remember what you have said.

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Originally Posted by Nanaya

I think calling everyone "ladies" is generalizing a bit, in a way. And it's something that should be fixed, for the sake of crossdressers like me who don't feel like women and don't want to be referred to as such.

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Perhaps you would like a rule which says that all those addressing the wider audience in the Male to Female section should remember that there are some who do not want to be included in the general greeting?

How many exceptions would you consider to be reasonable?

Should we go for something like:

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Hi ladies, or if you don't like ladies, girls, or if you don't like girls, other MtF's or if you don't like that .... and Nanaya and SissieStephanie and ...

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Or do you think that might start to become a little long?

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Originally Posted by Cassandra Lynn

Don't take it personal, it's just that this site has a rather large membership and the majorty has kinda been allowed to rule, as that is how such things tend to go.

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This seems to come up about every six months or so, and the quote from Cassandra above sums up my thoughs on the matter very well. I will just add that I, like MANY here, as shown by the responses so far, PREFER her, she, girl or lady, to he, him, dude, or man...

I am male; I will continue to be male for the rest of my life. I have no desire to actually be female. But I also really really enjoy dressing in female clothes. I think it is a kick to be called 'she'. One other thing to consider - the English language is changing, and the preferred pronoun for a person whose gender you don't know is now 'she' instead of 'he'.

Deedee

I can understand how you feel. When I first learned about and then interacted with CDs and other "trans" people I, too, had difficulty understanding why feminine pronouns were used. As I became more comfortable with myself as a CD and had more exposure to people similar to me, I began to better understand why people used the feminine pronouns and I also began to use them.

In many instances, use of the feminine pronouns is used to imply that the person is in "fem" mode (whether actually "dressed" at the time or not). Many of us prefer the feminine pronoun when refering to our feminine personna.

Hi Nanaya!
I used to have similar reservations... and at times I still wonder sometimes whether "girl-gurl-girly" labels offend anybody in any way.
I hope not.
I think your OP is simply looking for more clarification on the subject.
You will probably become more comfortable with these and similar labels as time goes by.

As I'm not convinced by my appearance when dressed, it's sometimes nice to be referred to as a "lady" or "pretty woman".
I interpret it as a sincere compliment for my efforts and find it most encouraging.

:hugs: Gaby :)

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Originally Posted by Stephanie Miller

I'm thinking there are a little less than a gazzillion members here. If I was also guessing, I would say less than 5% are uncomfortable being "labeled" as female.
Isn't your position the same as a vegan joining the cattlemans association and then complaining? I mean they are welcome to join, they know what the association is.......
Guess I just don't get it :idontknow:

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Not really. I'm a crossdresser joining a crossdresser's forum and noting my discomfort at a particular thing. Personally, I don't really see what's wrong with that, it's not like I outright complained, I just said it made me uncomfortable.



Also, in response to greetings, it's simple. Instead of "Hi ladies" or "Hi ladie, X, Y, Z, A, B, C", you can just say "Hi everyone", which is a rather common way to greet everyone without being particular about who you're greeting. But I think a lot of good points were raised, too. I think it's just something to keep in mind, more so than a really serious problem.

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Originally Posted by Gaby2

You will probably become more comfortable with these and similar labels as time goes by.

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Well, I have explored acting like a girl before, being called a she, and stuff. For more than a year, too. Honestly, it wasn't an enjoyable experience, and I think my discomfort may actually stem from that.

Hmm, joining a CDing forum that has been running for many years and immediately wanting the thousands of existing members to change their manner of address? That seems to be a bit presumptuous!

There are parts of the forum, such as the Lounge, that are intended for everyone and the preferred form of address there is "Hi everyone". MtF Crossdressing is intended for males who present as female so "Hi ladies" is the preferred form here.

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Originally Posted by Eryn

Hmm, joining a CDing forum that has been running for many years and immediately wanting the thousands of existing members to change their manner of address? That seems to be a bit presumptuous!

There are parts of the forum, such as the Lounge, that are intended for everyone and the preferred form of address there is "Hi everyone". MtF Crossdressing is intended for males who present as female so "Hi ladies" is the preferred form here.

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Well, it's not like I'm demanding it. I'm just asking, and in a rather friendly matter if I might add. I won't think less of anyone for continuing, I just think it'd be a way to accommodate all crossdressers, and not just those who want to be girls. But that's just me. I'm not merely asking for myself, I'm asking for me and anyone who feels like me. I would think that crossdressers suffered enough at the hands of "Majority over minority", that it'd be only natural for us to catter to our own minorities.

I'll try to remember to call u, "Dude", dude!

But, it would have been a whole lot easier for me if you had called yourself, Winston, or, Ronald, or Dick!

As I've said elsewhere, I follow the same policy I would in Second Life. If someone is presenting as female, I will refer to them as such, which might include addressing them as "girlfriend" if it fits what I'm saying. I would hope that others would extend the same courtesy to me.

I actually like the "girl talk" aspects of this forum, the way we can all feel comfortable to let our hair down and be women together. I'll never look down on anyone else for feeling otherwise, though.

- Amy

[SIZE="3"]It's quite normal among CD's to refer to each other as "girls" or "ladies" and to use the proper pronoun "she" and "her". You'd understand this if you got out with other "girls". When in boy mode we try to use each other's boy names and "he" and "him". You get corrected when you use the wrong pronoun, it takes awhile to get it right all the time.

It's sort of like using the proper restroom. You go to the one you are presenting as. Quite simple, really.
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Nanaya,

I'll call you, and anyone else whatever they prefer. However, I'd say the majority of us here have a "feminine persona" to some extent, and there are quite a few women on this site, so using a feminine greeting is probably a safe bet in a post to the membership. No offense intended.

I DO get a little miffed when they refer to me as "sugar britches" though! :heehee:

Welcome,
Debby

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Originally Posted by Nanaya

Something I've noticed on this forum is that everyone has a tendency to refer to others as girls. And while I can definitely understand why... It's something that makes me uncomfortable. While most people here think of themselves as women, it's not the case for everyone. I'm a boy, and though I am a crossdresser, I still want to be referred to as a boy.

I think calling everyone "ladies" is generalizing a bit, in a way. And it's something that should be fixed, for the sake of crossdressers like me who don't feel like women and don't want to be referred to as such.

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you are one of the few sweetie. we are girls.