Who do you see?

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Originally Posted by samanthasolo

Isha, when I look in the mirror I see a reflection of ME! ... So let's remove what is considered NORMAL in society, remove religion and politics and the PROGRAMING that is prevalent with such I don't know if there would be an issue with what anyone chose to wear... Another thing I do know is that what is considered NORMAL in society is based on religious and political beliefs!

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Hi Samantha,

Very interesting response and thought provoking . . . NORMAL. You are right, normal is dictated by society based on various beliefs. In fact what is considered abnormal can be justified as normal based on cognitive dissonance. In my past employment I did horrible things while deployed, things I can never take back or forget, things in society writ large that would land me in prison. However, because war can be justified, my behavior was considered normal. To me it was not and that is yet another demon I struggle with.

Is a man wearing a dress normal? By societies standards "no". However, it wasn't long ago that women wearing pants was considered abnormal. It would be so nice if we could just put aside societal judgements and standards and allow people to be who they are. But I think you hit the nail on the head, each of us needs to define who we are an how comfortable we can push the limits of societal norms. Once you reach that, then you will be more comfortable with yourself IMHO.

Hugs

Isha

Hi Isha

I have been thinking about your post nearly the whole day. It is really strange that lately I have really been quite happy with what I see in the mirror. I really enjoy seeing my man presentation and female presentation. I am the fittest and healthiest I have ever been in my adult life and I am nearly 40. I often remember seeing someone sad and trapped when I looked at the mirror, but lately I feel like I am seeing the real me without so much guilt and shame, I see someone who is happier and can smile at himself in either boy or girl mode. I can see a more confident me, I am also comfortable with the image of me wearing a dress with no makeup and no wig now that is strange for me.

To sum it up, I am quite satisfied with who I see in the mirror. The problem is I can mask most of my internal struggles from the image on the mirror, now I really need to work on my mental image.

Love and respect to all

Sonya

Trying to break the habit of reading all of these fairly interesting threads and then not throwing in my own two cents because I never feel like I have anything earth-shattering to say... But still, it's more fun for everyone if we all chime in, right? Well, operating on that assumption anyway, here goes:

"When I look in the mirror, who do I see?"

As with any simple question I feel like a lot of how you answer has to do with how you interpret the vague context of the question, so here is my own semantic take - since I'm not asking "Who am I?" but am instead just asking about who I see in the mirror, I think it's interesting (certainly not best or anything, but hopefully at least interesting...) to restrict my answer to the physical of what I see rather than what I know to be true of myself. So nothing about my past or personality or anything beyond the physical...

So working forward from the most obvious. I see a person, a human being. I see a person with dark brown hair down to their shoulders, dark brown eyes. I see a person who appears to be in good health and of a relatively young age. I see a person who appears to be of at least primarily Caucasian heritage. I see a person who stands at or just slightly below the average height of white American males and has a somewhat below average weight in relation to that height. Based on the combination of overall height, broadness of shoulders, slenderness of hips, slight 'hardness' of jaw, length of chin etc (apparent skeletal structure, basically), this person would appear to be genetically male.

So... This is what I came up with... I tried to write it as a stranger might see me and so that it could be written regardless of what I was wearing (except that I imagine my genitals would be covered anywhere I'm being watched by a stranger...), and what I find interesting I guess is that it really felt like there wasn't much that you could say! If I didn't know my own age or exact measurements it would be hard to estimate exactly, I'd imagine, and a lot of things I might say fall into the pedantic description of what constitutes a typical person (ie, 10 fingers, two arms, two ears, etc) or were 'negative' along the lines of 'no tattoos, no piercings, etc'... Am I just an unusually 'featureless' person then, or is this how we'd all have to describe ourselves if stripped of what we just happen to know about ourselves looked at ourselves with a stranger's eye?

Oh! And I guess I could explain that yes, I said I see a person who appears to be genetically male since I subscribe to that notion that sex and gender are different and to say that one sees a "man" would be less scientific and would be saying that one sees something about that person's psychology and their own conception of self. There are obviously markers that we use to indicate that inner psychology to others, but if I were to be very strict about saying only things which were evident to the eye from an image alone and based solely on my body (which is how I chose to analyze the question since my clothing changes every time I look in the mirror, but my body remains in very large part the same over long periods of time) then I could not say whether I see a "man" or a "woman". In fact, if my self-analysis were to take on that question based on the 'markers' of my body, most of them would, I think, indicate a somewhat feminine conception of self.

That is, depending on attire that made all these things visible, I would see someone with evidently shaved legs, shaved underarms, a smooth chest, a smooth, hairless face, thinned eyebrows, the aforementioned long hair and, incidently, an amount of breast tissue not common in genetic males (though this last point would not necessarily indicate volition on my part and so would not perhaps say anything of my own psychology).

So... to conclude my absurdly long ramblings the final label of the gender I see in the mirror, which is what I would probably want to get around to discussing with a therapist at some point. I would say:

"I see a unusually androgynous individual, genetically male, but who appears to have a certain affinity towards a presentation that this person's social environment would consider rather feminine, perhaps in an attempt to be accorded a slightly more feminine social role."

Clearly, when I finally get around to seeing a therapist, they're going to love me. :)

Isha, at my a'dvanced age I'm unable to describe "me" to me-. Much less anyone else.

When I look in the mirror I do Not want to see me. I want to see an attractive female. I can see me anytime and dressing doesn't make me look prettier if I recognize myself in a mirror or photo.

The most interesting part of your post was your aswer to the question, "why"? U said, "Because it feels so rite". Then, u described other garb that "felt so rite" to u. Not only have I never felt "that feels so rite" in my entire life, I've continally asked myself why I started dresing late in life and have yet to find an answer!

Isha,
Girl, you make my head hurt!:) To the point, I see all my flaws as a woman, yet all my sweet beauty. I'm not just a man in womens attire, I AM JENNY! I am pretty, sexy, demure. I am the side of me that gets let out and is a part of who I am. That's pretty much it. I try not to dig too deeply. I'm comfortable with the "whole" of me, as seperate as the "whole" has to be.

Thank you for this post Isha. I find myself asking this question all too often........maybe daily.........with no answer, except, I see me.

I wish that I could be me more outwardly and and allow a natural me to evolve without external pressures, but there are others and the standards of others to be considered. There are people I deal with daily, there are family members, and so on. I think it would be somewhat easier under different circumstances to just be me, but life seems to get in the way.

In any event, I wish the very best for you....................Carlene :daydreaming:

I really don't like over analyzing any part of my personal TGizm.
If I ever do go to a therapist I have the feeling I would be messed up even worse.

Very good post, I sneak up on the mirror anymore. but what I like is seeing cheyenne looking back or better yet to dream I'm cheyenne when I'm sleeping, the wonders of the mind are so intreging

when I look in the mirror I see a the person I thought I always was.

In daily life how many actually think of how they really look. We have in the back of our mind how we think we look. At least that is me. Sort of like gender. I don't go around all day telling myself I am one gender vs another. I am who I am. However the image in my mind never really matched the image in the mirror (same with cameras). I am now closer to the image in my mind, but not totally. Now I see an older image of what SHOULD have been. I think "wow, just think what you would have looked like 30 years ago". Then I see wasted time. But then I look and I see me, as a pretty person, and I smile which makes it even better. Then I see a future where I can be what I am.