Wanting to be masculine and feminine at the same time.

Welcome to the Ying & Yang of the cross dressing world for many of us. Nothing to be ashamed of and there is nothing wrong with enjoying both worlds. Just have fun with it.

Thanks everyone for the helpful and hopeful posts. I feel a lot better now, actually. Also, it may not look like it, but I actually enjoy life. :)

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Originally Posted by teresa

Hi Milou,
I know what it's like to push your male side to hide the fem side, if your fem side has always been there it won't go away. You say you are a student, will you be able to move from home when you graduate? You may have to be patient and see how you feel then, you don't mention a partner so is there any possible support close to you to help you along ? You have age on your side but you have to work on a balance.

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Yeah, I'm living on my own in March. I also have a partner and she knows about my urge to crossdress (something I haven't done in 8 years). She doesn't like to hear about it, though.

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Originally Posted by samantha rogers

This has probably been posted before, but I am somewhat new so please forgive me...Dr Anne Vitale has written some really insightful stuff about this very topic, which I found very helpful. If you google her I am sure you can find an essay from her entitled The Gender Variant Phenomena. It was a lot of help to me. I have never been big on labels, and I know lots of people only care about the acceptance and embracing side of things, but for some of us, understanding the why helps get to the acceptance and the peace.
Hugs

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Thank you.

I found what was very useful for me was practicing fluidity, not just in gender, but also in mood. I find I have the worst time when I freeze a mood in place. If I can just recognize that I feel, for example, self loathing, I can usually just let it go and another mood will come along. So if you hate yourself for being a man when you're feeling femme you can just recognize that, relax and kind of pat yourself on the head as if your mind is a moody but much cherished pet. Then you can move along. Find a mirror and give yourself a hug. Unfortunately it is too easy criticize ourselves for not meeting up with some ideal of masculinity, femininity, happiness, confidence, competence or whatever. Our inner critics are really loud. But our inner critic loves to keep circling around the same topic: our unworthiness, our failure to live up to expectations. Moment to moment acceptance of who we are and compassion for being that allows you to be fluid in gender and mood. Strangely enough, when you allow yourself to be fluid in mind and mood you often find peace within yourself. Hang in there. It really does get better, and for you, with your whole life ahead of you it will get very much better.

Hi Milou,
Your are not alone for sure! Thanks for starting this thread! I read the whole thing...something I don't usually do, and it was full of so many wonderful suggestions... I have come to think of gender identity as a continuum, rather than an either or choice. I am somewhere in the middle, loving things male as well as female, but usually not at the same time ;) It took me a long time to get over guilt for loving my femme side though.

trisha