"Oh you saw me in a dress? Well, that's pretty tame compared to the porn you watch. You really should put a better password on your WiFi."
"I'd be more concerned about the woman your husband was going to town on while you were at work."
"I noticed you kept watching for quite a while. Next time, would you please keep your hands out of your pants while watching?"
I think there's been some good advice given in this thread already...most notably from Jennifer and Angela. I've never been in this situation, but if I ever am, I am going to take the route that my mentor (the girl who helped me realize I needed to accept my transgenderism) took: when it became clear that she had been outed in her new neighbourhood, she was polite, brought up the subject to many of her neighbours, gently educated many of them, refused to scurry about in the dark, and carried herself with dignity. In turn, she won them all over...many of them have become incredible friends who absolutely respect who she is and her candid nature. While we all live in different neighbourhoods, I would never assume that I would receive the completely negative response you appear to be expecting, nor would I see the world as being as unaccepting as tinkerbell seems to think it is. That's not to suggest that I am so naive as to believe there won't be some trouble; there are always ***holes. Best wishes with your difficult time, Billie Anne.
Putting myself in your heels, that would be hard for me, for sure! I guess to have humor would be good. If they ask you, just say yes, one of my hobbies, i do it now and then and just laugh, if they laugh, or mock at you. Wish them good day!
1] You don't know how many of the neighbors know?
2] You don't know how many of the neighbors care?
You already know there is nothing wrong with what you do.
It's likely few will mention it or say anything. The SHARP people who hear "the news" will continue their Relationship with you based on all that has actually transpired between you and them. RW experience. The UNsharp may let their imaginations run amok with useless speculation and leap to wild conclusions. They might try to annoy or intimidate you or do a little baiting. Some might be genuinely curious. Unless you are a mindreader or they are obviously looking down their nose at you you can't be sure about WHY they might ask.
Can you? I think it best to give any one with a Q the benefit of the doubt.
I'm pretty sure you had the word HOBBY in capital letters listed over your over your avatar for quite a while? It's still a hobby to you? [like for most CDers on the planet]
"Yes, it's one of my hobbies. I can help you get started if you are interested". <<< That will put he ball back in their court for anyone with a Q or comment.
"But a guy who gets dolled up in women's clothing is news?"
^^^ Not unless you change the way you TREAT people. That's what sharp people care about.
Own it, get in front of it, and manage it.
(Those words came from a management seminar many years ago. They originally were said in the context of big, unanticipated, problems that affect projects, but they seem to be good advice for lots of life's circumstances.)
Wow seriously? I am shocked at the level of nastiness you pose to others. I have absolutely no idea what someone in your position would say to others. Umm...Quote:
Originally Posted by BillieAnneJean
Honestly everyone, this is the mindset that hiding brings about. We hide because we think we have to, because we suspect the worst in others. In doing that we vilify our fellow human beings. The nastiness starts in our own heads.
Okay, so Billie Anne Jean, how about you say "Hi neighbors, it is nice to see you today, I hope you have a great day!"
It's very unlikely ANY of them will have the audacity to confront you so don't expect them to be chasing you out of town any time soon. Yes, for now they will whisper about you behind your back. It will impact your SO more than it will you, so don't push your luck with dressing for now. Time it will smooth it over.
Neighbors really are a funny lot. All of them are different and each of them has their own little quirks. I can't say we've never whispered about our neighbors with others. The sewing circle is always active in tight knit communities.
Best advice is to be outwardly kind, friendly and social. It's hard to ostracize a couple that everyone believes to be nice. Just be more careful about the windows in your home silly!
Avoid "smart ass" comments or replies, don't say anything jokey or nasty if the subject comes up. Hold your head high and just carry on as a good friendly neighbour.
By now they will have forgotten it and be more worried about Ebola.
Unless you have had direct conversations, or made eye contact with (while dressed) with said neighbors, how are you so sure that they know?
Sorry to hear you have been outed by the neighborhood spy patrol. So if anyone says anything just say, Yes, that was me. Get used to it ladies. Now that everyone knows, you will be seeing a lot more of me. Then go on with your day.
I can understand why Billyjean has the concerns. 1st, we need to put ourselves in BillyJeans wife's position. She it would appear is not comfortable with any type of confrontation, even the mild little innuendos. I know that where I am living is not a trans friendly area. So, if I get outed to the neighborhood, things could get difficult for my wife, moreso actually than it would be for me.
I can simply say yeah I am what of it. But not so easy when it comes to our spouses. Anyone who is not particularly fond of her may use it against her, in even the most subtle of ways. And the "neighborhood" can sort of become like a shark feeding frenzy if it is a small knit pack type of community and one which is judgmental of anything that is not hard core traditional. Even if most really won't care, it will be the few who do and how to deal with them. I would not suggest to you or to your wife to become sarcastic or obnoxious about it. For your wife, something like how he dresses makes him happy, who he is inside is what makes me happy kind of thing. Of course the old its none of your business always works too.
A lot of the reaction will depends on how well you get on with the neighbours. If you are generally seen a as nice guy then it will be much easier. You can only really wait and see what happens. Yes you have been seen but they may choose to keep the information private. If they dont ,then could it be others would see there privacy being invaded too ?
Billie,
You are talking like you are throwing in the towel.
That is not the way to do it.
Keep the peace withyour wife at all times and openly admit it to those detractors out there.
This puts them on the back foot and you can hold your head up high.
You have a great act there looking so good, so why not take advantage of it.
Others do. :)
Personally, if you're not payin' me, feedin' me or ****in' me, I don't see that you have anything to say...
Works for me...
Maybe they will surprise you. You may find out one of your neighbours is a sister or is in to some other "perversion" and was just waiting for the opportunity to talk to you about it. Or may they will ignore it and tell the binocular couple that it is rude to peep in peoples windows. All this is possible. Just today I read that public opinion in the US has changed to the point that the majority of people now support gay marriage when only a few years ago it was the opposite.
To quote Monty Python: Always look on the bright side of life.
And if someone says something about you crossdressing, you just say: "How could you possibly know that?"
Alana
Totally agree with what Tinkerbell said.
Talk to your SO.
But that's probably not how it's going to work. More likely, they'll think you're gay, wonder why you're married, etc..Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenniferathome
And sorry, BillieAnneJean, I don't have any quick one liner zingers ready for you as snappy comebacks to stupid questions. Antagonizing people is never the way to their hearts.
However, :
A better response would be 'What makes you think so?'Quote:
Originally Posted by Alana Lucerne
The first just confirms what they said. The second puts the onus on them to out themselves as gossips or peeping toms.
If they confront you, just give them the slow blink! And they will probably leave you alone after that.
My neighbors saw me the other weekend and I knew he knew it was me but he didn't say anything maybe he just thought I was going to a Halloween party? But personally I don't care what they think. That's reserved for close friends and family.
"I wanted to give the [nosey neighbor's surname] something to look at while spying on all of us. I never thought they'd get over the shock and actually admit to anyone else that they're peepers."
"My dominatrix made me wear the outfit home that day."
"I dressed in the dark that day and had no idea what I'd put on."
"WAIT! You're implying that my card buddies lied to me about this being the latest mens fashion trend."
I think I agree with the non-confrontational responses that have been suggested.
Sometimes humor is a better option. Instead of being openly defiant, maybe just smile and ask them, 'So did you like the outfit?' Then tell them its a long story, if you'd like to hear it some time. Maybe its an educational moment. One good thing, at least there are a lot of trans people in the news lately, so I don't know that its the issue it once would have been, but a lot depends on your neighborhood.
Best of luck, hun!
Margot
Good come backs Rhonda Darling^. Here's your sign!
My suggestion comes from politicians. Steer away an uncomfortable topics by calling it "old news". This throws critics off. They wonder if they're out-of-the-loop. Then quickly shift to commenting directly about the dress, or the wig, or something you're wearing. This again sends them reeling, because you're not being defensive about it. And smile, smile, smile... You may be the only trans-person they ever meet. Good luck, Jean!
"Oh, yes, Isn't he amazingly beautiful? I just Love him!"
:straightface:
"So, I heard your husband built a birdfeeder."
:straightface:
OK, Kate. (Me, gasping for breath in fetal position on the floor, laughing) I'm definitely using this $hit!Quote:
Originally Posted by Katey888
I you're sure it was the binocular spies who outed you, you could say "This is nothing compared to what they've said about a few other neighbors." (Then smile.) If they ask you what you heard, say, "NO, I don't want to be a gossip myself and pry into other people's personal lives."
I wonder how that might work? It might put a lot of unwanted attention on the spies and make them look really bad.
Cheryl