Thoughts my SO wanted me to share with you...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gendermutt

Love your wife unconditionally. Love her just the same dressed or not, or whether or not she is doing something for the CDing aspects. THAT will make a wife feel best about the marriage.

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Now change the pronoun
Love your CROSSDRESSING HUSBAND unconditionally. Love HIM just the same dressed or not, or whether or not HE is doing something for the CDing aspects. THAT will make a HUSBAND feel best about the marriage.

If what Gendermutt wrote is what your wife wants, then should we not all expect the same, but change the person?

And I can also understand that both partners grow and self-discover as they reach life milestones. I think as my kids began to leave the nest, we both started to think more about ourselves over them, and we each moved in a different direction, which casued increased friction in our relationship. I moved to more experimenting in CDing and she wanted future planning and stability, which my changes put at risk since she has the usual fears and refused to learn.

Hugs, Ellen

For the record - I essentially agree with the OP. I do nice things for my wife regardless. Which is what I think spouses should do for each other.

Therefore, I also agree with this add on discussion about fair play and turnaround. Thus I think ClosetEd hit the nail on the head.

For the add on, I think what the OP's wife is saying is already pretty much a given for those wives or partners who ARE giving their TG partners the unconditional love. Now, taking a woman's view on what ClosetEd has further stated-
Her wife shifted to retirement mode after the kids were gone, and CE shifted to more CDing. So CE's wife's usual fears are kinda being played out a bit. Also, from a woman's point of view. CE's CDing is taking second place, above her wife. The kids came 1st, which somewhat quelled the CDing. Then, when the kids were gone, the CDing became more. In her eyes, she sees CDing as the second choice, and her the third. That may or may not be true, but it does give the appearance of it being true.

While I don't read every thread, I've been here a pretty long time. And the threads where I've seen people suggest that someone do something special for their GG SO, were ones where the CD'r was complaining about his SO. Because those of us without a female mate, read in almost shock, how could he possibly be complaining? Doesn't he realize how incredibly lucky he is that his SO tolerates him at all? So many of us have been divorced, even blackmailed over this, kept from our children, outed to other people, when we read about someone complaining about some stupid minor annoyance we can't believe our eyes. So we come back with something, trying to get them to realize that even though their SO is perhaps unfair or perhaps intolerant of some little thing, that's just it: They're little things. She's still with you. STFU and be nice to her for heaven's sake! Try to remember that you being a crossdresser is well, 99% likely a huge deal for her to incorporate into her life. That's when we chime in and tell him to do something special for her, because he's forgetting what he has.

As far as being nice every day? That's what we're supposed to be to our SO. It's supposed to be a given. If it isn't, then you're not doing it right.

I have always and will always take care of my wife regardless of how far she accepts this. We do dates, I massage her, listen to her , clean the house etc...that is part of marriage. I hope one day she accept even more than she always has, and she has already done allot, but whatever she does is fine at this point...I love her.

I came out to my wife while we were still dating. She accepted and supported my cross dressing for the 40 years that we were married. For all that time, it was a private matter between the two of us. Since her passing, two years ago, I've become much more open about my cross dressing with others, which includes being on this forum.

Hi Leigh,

My wife is still farther out on the negative on this. IDWTEK{ I don't want to even know} But reading all this gives me an idea.

The fact that your wife tried to articulate some of her feelings as advice is a huge step and IMO should be rewarded with some space and thanks and an offer to expand on each word so you really understand her. That is her primary desire- you know her and care for her. Heck that's most people's primary desire. Anyway, we are all just proxies for you here, she wants to know what you feel- she wants to know that you feel she is the most important thing in your life.

I think it could be useful to say, "You are the most important person in my life, and everything about being in our personal relationship is super important. We have conflicts over things, not over who we are as people- we've picked each other because we know we are good people and we want to be central to each other.

Crossdressing, and the color of our house, or our choice of church, or whatever, are things. Conflicts over things are unavoidable, but we are not in conflict over ourselves as people committed to each other.

We have conflicts that are easy, and things that are hard, but commitment is what powers agreeable resolutions, and no one can ever have a long term marriage type relationship without separating conflicts over things from not being in conflict over our committment to each other."

Hope this sounds good- I am going to do it tomorrow and will let everyone know how it goes.