Standing up for myself.

Stephanie47 Nikki made a few good points so not off base really IMO.
Voice inflection and tone do make a difference but you don't have to fall to their level in retaliation or dare I say be a prick back to the store person.
That alone will put you in a bad light but going to the boss via email or make a phone call is the more appropriate way to handle the situation and actually get something done at the store level.
Nobody likes an activist all up in their face demanding things, we all know that doesn't work because its being intolerant in a way even worse than the intolerant sales person.
Thick skin and a I could care less attitude is the way I deal with things but that is just me your mileage may vary.

Hi Jean, I think you handled it perfectly, the main point was that she made a point of saying SIR, that is not misgendering you thats being deliberately nasty. If she was unfriendly or even a bit negative towards you then maybe let sleeping dogs lie, but she called you SIR. That is simple discrimination, what if you were Asian or Black or Jewish, its no different. The SA does not have to approve of you but she has to be professional.

I own a business and if one of my staff did that, they would be looking for a new job and as the owner i would hope that a customer would inform me of such events. I think your approach was perfect.

Jean, my hats off to you.. Standing up for yourself that way gets stuff done. She did her best to disrespect you and you had every right to get the store manager to call you.

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Originally Posted by Nikkilovesdresses

Sounds kind of like you threw a hissy fit Jean, because drab folks failed to live up to your expectations. I get that your feelings were hurt, but I think your reaction was a little extreme- it's always possible the employees took a dislike to you for reasons other than the way you chose to dress. We tend to look at the world through our own prism, and while crossdressing is a huge deal to us, to most people we're just some variety of fruitcake. I think you took the whole thing way too seriously.

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No, Nikki is completely off base.

My read into the OP makes me believe that the sandwich chef wanted to make a point by saying SIR. It made me think of being out presenting 100+% as female and being SIR'ed and thinking "what part of my presentation makes you think SIR?!?!"

Don't answer that.

Nikki fails to see that when we go out into the real world, no one really knows what species of TG we are. Is this a CD'er? TS? Somewhere in between? I'd prefer that people show a little empathy and err on the side of caution because while the CD'er (or part-timer in general) can retreat back into guy mode should the going get tough, our TS sisters do not have that luxury.

But Nikki doesn't see it that way. He just thinks we are a bunch of fruitcakes to the outside world.

I agree with you Sara, but even if we are a bunch of fruitcakes we still don't deserve to be insulted or belittled. If anything we should be treated batter if we were nuts.

To be or not to be is not a question at all but a statement that you made to be was infact something you stood up for. Think about it. Your dressed and going out as a woman. You went and got a sandwich and you were served as a man.
Now if you did not care to take it any further you would have left it alone and maybe not bothered again. Since you did stand up it shows that your not just doing this dress up but that you are caring and standing up for not just you but for others as well.

I agree what the sandwich person did was mean and wrong I'm not arguing that point.
What the OP did was the right way to handle it.
Its never going to an acceptable thing to be TG or a CD or whatever to the general public any time soon and to think it will be in is naive.
Miss gendering by people is just something we will have to deal with from time to time.

Tracii, ok at first I was mad, sent the email. Two days later when I return his call was calm. At first I didn't know I was talking to the owner. I wasn't even sure I had the right number because he had given me his privet cell phone number. Any way he is a very nice man. He believes we have met and I’m sure we have. This town is only two miles across in both directions and I live near the center. I am all over the place and somewhat know around town. This kid did not know who I am. See I’m not just known for me being me but my two roommates are also well known so I’m also known as being their TG roommate. Sorry my point is that I am living and being accepted by the public. I have been thinking of starting another thread “why some people love or hate me” to further demonstrate this point.

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Originally Posted by Jean 103

I wanted to get out of the truck and beat this fool to an inch of his life. But I can’t do or say anything because I’m representing the company. Some people have all this hate and anger inside, it doesn’t take much to set them off.

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Jean, I think you've explained where you were coming from that day in the burger store.

Sometimes we invest in others' opinions or actions beyond what's appropriate. I think it's possible that you over reacted- others think your response was entirely justified, but I note that I'm not the only one who thinks as I do.

I see my use of the word fruitcake struck a chord with some members. Hey, we're men in dresses, pretending with varying degrees of success to pass as a woman, and NEWSFLASH some people find that amusing. Haven't you ever looked at some guy jogging by in bright red Reeboks and spandex and thought fruitcake?

Get over yourselves people, we're all going to end up in the crematorium soon enough- life's too short to put so much effort into wishing the world would change instead of us adapting to it.

Nikki,

I don't try to present as a woman. I'm being myself.. a person with a very significant male AND female side. I don't consider myself to be just a man in a dress, and honestly, most people.. including strangers.. see more than that.

I don't personally mind being misgendered, it happens. I worked in retail long enough to know that saying "maam" and "sir" becomes so routine that you do it without thinking. It could be a mistake, it could be a dig at me, but I don't really care.

That said.. I know a lot of people who DO really care. For a lot of fully transgender folks - especially those who have recently transitioned - this is devastating. As such, I always remind anyone who calls me "sir" that it would be polite to either acknowledge my presentation or don't gender me at all. I say it politely and give them the benefit of the doubt.. because honestly many of them don't even know or realize it. And I take my visibility seriously.. each one of us acts as ambassadors for our community.

And as such, I applaud Jean for what she did. That was the mature way to handle it, and she may have made the experience more pleasant for those going after her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nikkilovesdresses

I see my use of the word fruitcake struck a chord with some members. Hey, we're men in dresses, pretending with varying degrees of success to pass as a woman, and NEWSFLASH some people find that amusing. Haven't you ever looked at some guy jogging by in bright red Reeboks and spandex and thought fruitcake?

Get over yourselves people, we're all going to end up in the crematorium soon enough- life's too short to put so much effort into wishing the world would change instead of us adapting to it.

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Wait until a group of your neighbors attacks you and beats you for being "a fruitcake." I know plenty of people who've been victimized. And lest you whip out your manly-man Kung-fu skills, last friend of mine who was attacked was attacked from behind by three men. My friend ended up in the hospital. They used another word that started with an "F"...

You did absolutely the right thing Jean, IMO.

Thank you for standing up for us. Many people see us as freaks, like my wife, but we still deserve the same public respect as anybody else. It's very embarrassing to try to pass in a crowd and someone misgenders you on purpose. I feel like a spotlight has been turned on me. Even if I don't pass very well, I know there are many who haven't noticed me as they're busy and so I feel comfortable knowing that I'm trying my best and at least partially blending. When someone makes a public statement addressing my male gender, it just hurts a little.

It must be what an African American felt in the old South when at an all white establishment. Now, there are many who are still prejudice, but respect the customer in conversation. At least that provides a modicum of civility and avoids anger and frustration.

I find it amazing how many of the members here seem to think that the OP was wrong and that we should let these things go and that the people in the "real" world just see us as weird, freeks, or fruitcakes. If this type of thing is done unintentionally and without malice, fine let it go. However from the way the post was written that was not the case this time.

We have to stand up for ourselves and not give passes on this type of hatred or it will never stop. It's fine to say let it pass, but until you've experienced this or something worse you don't realize what it can do to you. I've been threatened with physical abuse multiple times while at work so I know how something like this can make you feel. To make it even worse when I've had the treats made I've been in full uniform including my duty belt which gives me the same defensive capabilities as the local police. That shows the level of hate that we sometimes face.

If we don't stand up for ourselves no one is going to do it for us. We just need to make sure we do it in the safest way possible, which is exactly what was done.

Good for you Jean!

Me being me I prefer not to get someone jammed up on a job unless they really are willing to go out of their way to be a jerk. If it's worth their while I am willing to go full nuclear.
My usual response to a "purposeful" SIR in a loud voice is a polite statement that I am not a medieval knight, Clint Eastwood, or my grandfather, and I prefer Hun, or Maam, usually the cashier will back down, hopefully it's a learning experience for them, if not I will ask if they are paid extra to insult customers, and leave to send a letter to management.