New here - also a new 'GG'

G, you are quite simply a gem. It sounds like both you and your boyfriend are the textbook example of how to make this work. He told you early in the relationship and although you have some doubts, you are clearly making a serious effort to understand. My advice is don't go to fast and be true to yourself. Obviously, be as accepting and as supportive as you can. But, I believe your bf will understand if you tell him at any point that you need to slow down. That is better than becoming resentful.

You also mentioned kids. You can find some threads on here about "whether or not to tell the children." There is a variety of opinions, but my opinion is if he is not transitioning, there is no need to tell young children. I have two daughters, ages 8 and 11, and we have decided not to tell them at this point. However, we have raised them to be accepting of all people, and they have seen me in drag a few times (charity drag shows and one Halloween). Thus, our hope is that if/when we tell them, it won't be a big deal.

Wishing you all the best,
Jamie

Wow! To come back on here this morning and see all the kind, wonderful responses made me so happy. Thank you all very much! I appreciate your words of wisdom, insight and openness to help me better understand my bf, all of him.

We had a great chat last night and I was able to ask some questions, tell him about my post and some of the responses I had received up till that point. He was very open and kept telling me that I could ask him anything, which I appreciate. It was just a really neat discussion and although there were moments I was nervous, a little embarrassed and even a bit giggly at times (he seemed so too at times as well), it was good to hear about his take on certain things and how he felt about his CD'ing. We've both agreed to take it slow, which he had already determined, and continue to communicate openly about how we're feeling.

He made a comment that someone like me is referred to as a "unicorn". While that's a lovely thought, I told him that I don't know if I am entirely deserving of that title... yet, especially given the fact that I have not even seen him dressed as a women at this point. But I plan to continue to be as supportive and understanding as I can and hopefully one day will be more deserving of that title, even if only in his eyes, which is what matters to me the most.

I look forward to being a part of this group and not only sharing this journey with him, but you all as well. Thank you. -G

Littleg2 Welcome. Welcome. You are a wonderful person and addition to this site.

I am trying to catch up on this thread so to be clear you have not seen him in person yet dressed in women's clothing ?

Also just wondering if he gave you any clues before your conversation. For Example while I was dating my wife i put on a frilly babydoll nightie I bought for her to show her it really was comfy and fun. And another time when i saw her walking around in her cute lacy bras and Panties with a towel on her head surprised her by walking into the bathroom minutes later in the exact same outfit. In both situations she laughed and enjoyed the playfulness

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Originally Posted by Robbiegirl

I am trying to catch up on this thread so to be clear you have not seen him in person yet dressed in women's clothing ?

Also just wondering if he gave you any clues before your conversation.

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Robbiegirl,
To answer your questions, no, I have not seen him dressed as a women yet, or even in anything girly, in person (I have seen some pictures). We have talked about it, though, and I have expressed that I would like to, but we are taking this slow and it will probably be some time before I see him completely made up (wig, forms, nails, makeup, etc.). He is very supportive and understanding of my newness to all of this, and doesn't want to overwhelm me and has told me there is no "time line" to it all. I have to admit I am torn between excitement and nerves at the thought of seeing him dressed (in a good way), my heart even starts beating faster...

I would say I didn't have any obvious clues, or rather, he didn't give any. Although, certain little, non-obvious things seemed to make more sense. He did tell me last night that he has been asking me about certain scenarios and things to kind of gauge how open I would be or accepting I would be (he used the term "testing", but then retracted that), but I never picked up on them to make an assumption that he was a crossdresser.

We all crave someone we can confide in and someone with whom we can be this expression of ourselves without fear of rejection or spiteful criticism.

Congratulations to you for being open minded and willing to take the time to begin to understand this side of your BF.
The best thing you can offer is communication. Talk, talk, and more talk, without judgement and with a desire to learn and understand his feelings.
Ask questions, accept his answers openly and together you can be much more than you ever thought possible. That's what has happened in my life.

Littleg2 - Thanks for the quick response

well is ha aplayful kind of guy at all ? And if he had done eithier of the funny things I had done would you have had fun with it or freaked out ??

Robbiegirl

I would say yes, he is playful. As far as bedroom activities go he is also kind, respectful, fun, kinky, sweet, attentive... I could go on - lol And all while being quite masculine, I would never question that. It's actually quite wonderful, and I am just now only kind of coming to the conclusion that he is the way he is because of all of who he is, and I am a pretty lucky gal for it. I don't actually know how I would respond, to be fair, if he had put on lingerie before this point. I have never had this happen with anyone I have been with so am just being honest. Of course I would like to think I would have been alright, but I don't know if I would have gotten "it", per-say. He told me he had done this with another girl (maybe more), but they never realized it was more for him than for them, or they didn't realize how much he really enjoyed it. He told me he wanted to talk to me about it first, which again, to me, shows how respectful of me he is.

Welcome to the forum Littleg2 Yes an open mind and a little humor Is always good. He is one lucky guy to have you.

G,this can be a very exciting and satisfying journey for both of you.
Like Taco bell,"sometimes you got to think outside the box."

Jennifer, Your quote made me smile. I promise to do my best. :)

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Originally Posted by Littleg2

Thank you [................... ]

My *plan* (so to speak) moving forward is to take it slow and keep being open and honest with him. I don't have a clue what my comfort levels are, because they have never been tested in this regard. I would like to think I will face this the same way we face other things together, we'll talk about it before hand, even say something as simple as perhaps seeing him in an article of women's clothing, and test the waters and add from there. I would like to be able to say either I am comfortable and go from there, or that I need more time or I'm not comfortable, if that's how I feel. The way I see it is (and this may sound absurd) is that I am equating it to new food... How do you know if you don't like it if you've never tried it? If we approach things with an open mind, honesty and a bit of good humor, I think it will work.

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love the food reference, terrific reasoning, kudos,

my thoughts are you seem too good to be true.....my jealousy coming through perhaps.

welcome to the group, nice to see accepting perspectives, i could only add to what you have touched on already, go at a pace you are both comfortable with and stay away from things that take you out of your comfort zone.

as far as our children are concerned often times here folks have shared and they look up from theyre devises for a moment, they are told, "cool", "thats it" they return to look at theyre devices.....our kids just seem to get it these days.

thanks for sharing your story with us.....

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Originally Posted by Littleg2

............. It's actually quite wonderful, and I am just now only kind of coming to the conclusion that he is the way he is because of all of who he is, and I am a pretty lucky gal for it........................

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this i think is the thing that causes me the most stress ? or concern ? in my relationship....the ability for them to be 100% themselves with you and your ability to see it....

a link for you to meet your peers here, https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...f#faq_gg_forum

perhaps you SO would like to join us someday....

You both seem well adjusted and moving in a constructive path which is a good thing.
You say you have never seen him in girl mode personally but has he shown and pictures to you of him dressed?
The reason I ask I had one friend and when she saw me dressed for the first time she laughed really loudly and that hurt really bad to be honest.
She saw how devastated I was and tried to make me feel better and smooth things over but I have never really gotten over it.
We are still friends but not as good a friends as we once were.
My point is make him as comfortable as you can that first time you see him dressed because he is the most vulnerable at that time and how you react is very important.

You've seen photos. Honestly, how did you react to them?
You've not seen him dressed, yet. What are your expectations?

Here's a thought. Dress him from the inside out. Over a week's time, YOU suggest something for him to wear each day, one piece at a time, adding each to what he wore on previous days, so his feminine presentation to you develops slowly and how YOU would like to see it. If he has breast forms, include them. By the end of that week, you will see him almost fully femmed, and you will not have had a cold water shock. Each day, hug and kiss him as he presents.

You are a wonderful person for what you are doing. Have fun in all processes. Best of good fortune to both of you.

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Originally Posted by mikell

this i think is the thing that causes me the most stress ? or concern ? in my relationship....the ability for them to be 100% themselves with you and your ability to see it....

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Thank you for your response and the info about kids (and the link to the other area for GG's). I have seen some information on it, and it's always good when these things go well. I think our concerns for our children exist because of our ex's. His does not approve and ended their marriage years ago because of this when their son was just over a year old, and mine is a close-minded spiteful person whom I would not want to know at all, because of how he would most likely react.

I was wondering if you could elaborate on the quoted statement more for me, if possible? Is this your personal concern, that your SO doesn't see all of you or that they can't be comfortable with you?

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

My point is make him as comfortable as you can that first time you see him dressed because he is the most vulnerable at that time and how you react is very important.

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Tracii, thank you for this. Not that I would have intentionally done otherwise, but it's good to be mindful of what his mindset may most likely be.

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Originally Posted by Jenny22

You've seen photos. Honestly, how did you react to them?
You've not seen him dressed, yet. What are your expectations?

Here's a thought. Dress him from the inside out. Over a week's time, YOU suggest something for him to wear each day, one piece at a time, adding each to what he wore on previous days, so his feminine presentation to you develops slowly and how YOU would like to see it. If he has breast forms, include them. By the end of that week, you will see him almost fully femmed, and you will not have had a cold water shock. Each day, hug and kiss him as he presents.

You are a wonderful person for what you are doing. Have fun in all processes. Best of good fortune to both of you.

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Jenny,

Honestly... he handed me his phone and asked me who I thought I was looking at. I knew it was him right away, but at that point in our initial discussion I was still taking it in and was so sad and heartbroken by his story about the abuse he'd endured, I told him "It's you. I know it's you.", and just scrolled through his pictures quietly not trying to react in a way that would make him feel like he couldn't trust me or continue to tell me his story. I remember smiling at him kind of sheepishly as I handed him back his phone, and later that day telling him how pretty I thought he was. I also asked him in the letter I sent him if he would show me more of his pictures.

It may have not been the best reaction, but there is nothing I can do about that now. I know sometimes people laugh nervously at things that aren't at all funny as their way of dealing with an otherwise awkward or stressful situation, but I am not one of those. I am trying my best to be very mindful of what I say and how I react to what he tells me and shows me as not to hurt his feelings. I would never want to do that. I told him I would never want to hurt him by seeming unsympathetic or anything less than supportive and understanding.

Thank you for your suggestion, I will talk to him about it and see how he feels. Perhaps when we have some time off in the summer together this is something we can explore.

G you can't say what you will or will not do at that very moment he reveals that side of him. I said that to make you think about that very moment and realize how crucial your reaction is.
It can make or break your relationship and be that one contention that sticks around for years.

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I was wondering if you could elaborate on the quoted statement more for me, if possible? Is this your personal concern, that your SO doesn't see all of you or that they can't be comfortable with you?

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i have a lesbian friend i know from volunteering....i feel free-er in discussions and actions when with her, so i think guilt is the word i was looking for before, i believe i filter some things when with the Mrs. to comply with her wishes of OUR arrangement, so as far as we have come and as comfortable she is its only 99% of me.

as far as telling your children, plenty of time for that in the future, mine does not know that i know of, (one of those conversations with my friend that i mentioned) but he has graduated and im getting ready....

mikell,

I honestly hope I never give my bf a reason to not feel that he can be 100% himself with me, but I think we always somewhat temper how we are around others, even those closets to us. I don't think you should feel guilty (or stressed or concerned) for not being 100% with your SO, 99% is really darn close. I don't know your relationship, however, so I wanted to ask if you felt there was anything else you could do on your part to open up more to her, or is that just not possible?

Also, good luck if and when you decide to tell your son, I hope it all goes well. :)

Hi Littleg2
Have read most of all this. It was smart for your boyfriend to get this on the table early and you are wonderful to have an open mind (I expect he may have thought you might )
I was married for 20 years before I told my wife, she is my wife,best friend and new her so well I thought she would be okay. It took awhile her biggest fear was what was next, and there were not many resources back then. fast forward we are doing great. We set boundaries on who should know, and though she would rather not see me dressed I do not have to hide. She has seen me and it is not a big deal when our paths cross.
I guess my main point I married an easy going open minded wonderful woman and though I thought I could stop crossdressing it caught up with me but my best friend for life took the time to understand and I love her so much for that.
I think you two will do great, trust and talks about how you want to spend time together when he is dressed, who should and should not know, down to where the clothes go on the hanger, can be worked out as you explore this together. Welcome to the forum it is always wonderful to read GG's stories of support, there are to many stories that do not work so well.

It's gonna go great Littleg2. Have confidence in that. Just the fact that you had the drive to come here and interact with this community is evidence enough.

You're gonna react just fine to his photos. And to his femme presentation. You're going to have a great relationship with him and an awesome, enlightening time when you're out as girls. And if people find out.. intentionally or not.. the world isn't gonna end. Anyone important is going to be fine with it and look past things. You got this!

Dear LittleG2,

A big and warm welcome to this Forum. You have already had lots of good responses and a lot of support and I hope this continues.

It was with great pleasure that I read your post and saw how open and supportive you were of your BF. I wish you the very best in your relationship and hope all goes very well for you.

Welcome and thank you for your post. Upfront and honest is the best policy if you are going to work together on your relationship. I wish you both the best.

First of all...WELCOME!!!!

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Originally Posted by Littleg2

My *plan* (so to speak) moving forward is to take it slow and keep being open and honest with him. I don't have a clue what my comfort levels are, because they have never been tested in this regard. I would like to think I will face this the same way we face other things together, we'll talk about it before hand, even say something as simple as perhaps seeing him in an article of women's clothing, and test the waters and add from there. I would like to be able to say either I am comfortable and go from there, or that I need more time or I'm not comfortable, if that's how I feel. The way I see it is (and this may sound absurd) is that I am equating it to new food... How do you know if you don't like it if you've never tried it? If we approach things with an open mind, honesty and a bit of good humor, I think it will work.

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This was exactly my train of thought when we started this journey. Just go with the flow, be honest and communicate a lot! We talk about everthing! and whenever I wasn't sure how I would feel about something (like shaving all over) I was just honest and said, "I reserve the right to tell you I do not really like this". Most of the time after trying new things, I realized, I really didn't mind. But I am always willing to try new things and keep an open mind. Our life together is very enjoyable because of this!
Take Care! Glad to have you here!!!!!

I really am so thankful for all the responses. I feel as though I should be thanking each of you individually, so I am sorry if my blanket "thank you" is insufficient, but it is meant for each of you who took the time to respond. The suggestions are great and I have enjoyed being able to talk to my bf about them and share with him the positivity I have received. I would say it's even opened our line of communication more and given me a little more confidence to talk to him about his female side. He is such an open, good-natured, wonderful human being that I think knowing about this side of him will only serve to make our relationship that much better moving forward. I am so glad he was able to work up the courage to tell me now.

Thank you all again,
g

I'm really happy for the both of you and I think everything is going to work out just fine.
Same for you too greeneyes.

I know there have been plenty of responses already, but I just wanted to add my 2c.

To start, the way that your bf told you, and the way you responded and the thoughts you had are very similar to what happened with my partner and I. Overall, I am proud to say that crossdressing is a non-issue in our relationship, and i anything, has made it stronger!

I will add that it will take work. It's a difficult and taboo subject, and you'll need strong communication in your relationship to help make things work for the best :)