Attracted to men even more when I'm dressed... But I'm married...

There's more to this I didn't add but here it goes. I don't feel appreciated in our relationship the way I think I should be.. Besides things in the past like being cheated on with the help of one of my female cousins to sneak off with some guy she barely knew from online..I recently have not felt appreciated. This morning for example I get home 5:30am from a long nights shift at work hit the bed by 6 after feeding the baby and because I'm human and my stomach hurt I woke up at 8am to use the restroom. I just so happened to make enough noise to I guess wake the little one up. This turned into name calling puts down like "you dumb ass" "you never do shit" "your only good for sucking dick" which I haven't done for years but for some reason it's easy for her to use homophobic put downs and yelling me how I only care about myself when I work nights to be home with her and the kids and never!!! I mean never go out with friends..I buy her everything she wants.. She doesn't cook for me.. She complains about washing my clothes.. She's always trying to argue.. So yeah.. Sorry if I want some positive attentive selfish attention from a man. I can't think of the last time she made me feel special so excuse me for wanting a little affection which from the guys that usually hit on me is exaggerated attention. And trust me I've tried to be this manly man she supposedly wants ever since we got married and I've given her more than enough compliments and affection so I'm not lacking there either. I've tried I really have tried.

Thanks for more info and I was never appreciated in both my marriages I was used for a provider for their lazy asses.
I fed the kids did all the laundry 99% of the cooking plus worked 70 to 80 hours a week.
Got bitched at for no reason so I know exactly what that feels like.
I divorced my first wife and kept custody of our kids and raised my 2 daughters by myself.
My second wife had a great job and for the first few years life was great but then she stopped working and turned into a pure demon from hell.
Soaked me for money, stole money from me to feed her gambling addiction.
I was just a wallet to her.
Life is tough no doubt.
All that is part of the reason I let my gay side out and just gave in to it.
Dating guys is a lot easier.

Tracii G now we're understanding each other..lol.. It sucks that there's women who can't see what I assume a lot of us type of men who dress are which is sensitive and passive..I hate conflict and love making good passionate loving memories with whoever I'm around and unfortunately for me I'm mostly around her. I've tried and don't want a divorce so my original post was me really trying to find an escape from this. It's been my reality for some time now and I just wanted some of that old affectionate fantasy life that I had at one time. Being complimented, admired, appreciated, spoiled. I'm sure you went through these feelings as well. While I have a strong sex drive and kinky side it's not what motivates me. I understood what I wanted from marriage and know what it should be but it isn't going as planned. I just want some positive exciting fun living again whether it's with her or a "admirer".

I wasn't dressing at the time of my first marriage and I am far from passive even now lol
She would bitch about something so I gave it right back to her sometimes when I thought she was wrong.
I tried in my second marriage to be understanding and a nice guy but after a few years she said I was too nice, too understanding and I needed to be a man and tell her no once in a while which I should have done.
She left and I haven't seen her since.
I am a paradox in the fact I an trans, do have a deff female side and that I despise some women and what they do to men.
I don't think I have ever explained my self in quite that much detail here.
Gay/trans ex outlaw biker that kicked ass and took names later.
I need to write a book LOL

Tracii, thanks for your openness, it helps in the understanding of many of your previous posts and why you react the way you do.

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

Gay/trans ex outlaw biker that kicked ass and took names later.
I need to write a book LOL

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Tracii,now that's a book I would read :)

Sophie

Plain & simple, if you are in an unhappy marriage, bite the bullet and split up. If you cheat and get caught she will use it against you in divorce court. Yes I know it's hard to do but it's better than living with a mean hurtful spouse. Just my opinion. Being a lying cheater doesn't solve the problem. Be an honorable man for Christ sake.

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

Gay/trans ex outlaw biker that kicked ass and took names later.
I need to write a book

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Originally Posted by t-girlxsophie

now that's a book I would read :)

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I am looking forward to the movie adaptation of that book.

Maggy... sounds like you're not with the ideal woman for you. In the long run, your kids are probably better off not being immersed in such an emotionally toxic environment. Be true to yourself. There's ALWAYS a way to extricate yourself from a less than loving relationship; just takes some guts and creativity.

It sounds like she is pulling high school girl tricks on you to try and get you upset to the point you leave.
Don't let her games dictate what you do or don't fall for her head games.
I would file myself and claim spousal abuse before she does.
Leaving is hard and the situation sucks we all get that but if you want to be happy and find love you have to do something because the love is not in the relationship now and once its gone its not coming back.

I also occasionally have that overwhelming MM urge. During those spells, I can be somewhat reckless. Fortunately, so far, I have not had the opportunity. I suppose I hope that my fantasy guy stays out of sight and out of touch. ... WAY too much to lose. Jade

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

Don't let her games dictate what you do or don't fall for her head games.
I would file myself and claim spousal abuse before she does.

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I am totally with Tracii on this. I know it's hard, but what you're describing is spouse abuse and the fact that you're a man (or CD, TG, NB or whatever) is irrelevant. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 9 years and it took me about 4 years to leave and 3 years to sort my head out afterwards. Add cheating into the mix and she'll be able to use your guilt as a lever over you as well. That's the last thing you need.

I agree with Eemz.

I think you should take steps to end this toxic marriage. I was in a bad marriage once too. Last thing you should do is cheat, get caught and give her ammo against you. I'm now in a relationship with a wonderful man

Maggy,
This topic is very old and discussed many times here.
It usually confront two groups of opinions, one could support you while the other condemns you based in morality.
I can say I'd been in both sides without being in a extreme or condemning anyone but when in the bisexual side I couldn't understand the moral guys and, honestly I used to find them hypocritas.
Without telling my whole story I can say that I thought I was bisexual and did so many things and sex with more men than women. I was promiscuous.. My sexual desire with wife and women was disappearing so fast that I arrive to the conclusion I was gay. In the search of gender identity I confused with sex and that's the reason I had sex with men.

Now is almost 7 months in HRT and that has produced several changes in my being. Beyond the physical changes, one of the biggest change was my sexual orientation. What in a time gave me so much pleasure today is completely unpleasant and more than that, I feel repulsion, regrets for that and the things I did, I'm talking about sex with men. With wife discovered new ways to have sex and we're everytime satisfied.

Even thought I'd like to say some things to try to avoid condemnation against people that's different from us. We all here, except cis women, are weird things for society and the standards of morality, so none of us could throw the rock.
Morality about cheating your spouse is very relative and changing, swingers are a good example.
Someone could say that a man having sex with other man is not cheating because the sex is different. Wives cannot give you and make you feel as a man does. I know someone said but is sex and you're cheating your wife. For that reasoning when masturbate you're cbeating.
When we are in one side our Moral doesn't let us see or understand the others point and reasons. Like in my case, now, I understand that there's a huge difference between sex and gender. no every one understand that and more people confuses it as one and the same thing and I'm sure that many of us had done things connecting our gender with your sexuality, some had being brave and did everything and others are more prudent and just dream, for me is the same, the desire is there, you're cheating in your mind.

For those who profecy a destructive tion of your marriage a d family, thats 100 percent sure.Not necessarily.

In my case that was the most horrible thing for my wife and has been very hard for us even talk about it because when I dress, her main concern and fear was that I do it trying to attract men. She was right.
I promised her never lay with men again and I'd been faithful but it wasn easy so Maggy I understand you.
Now she is slowly seeing the changes that hormones are doing to my body it mind too and she is more confident, but memories are painful for her and me too.
Conclusion: I recommend you therapy, gender therapy that would help you to find yourself without blame, shame or guilty feelings, after all this life is just one and the worst could happen us is to li e a fake life to please others. If you find out be a trasgender hormones will help you, and believe me the main effect reported for people under HRT is the peaceful feeling and clarity of mind to look the path on your own journey without the judgment of morality.
If in this road your wife would learn with you a out your sexual preferences and probably agree to spend the life with someone that's different for who she got married and live a happy life together.
Feel free to pm me if you would like to go deep in details.

Vanessa

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Originally Posted by Maggy999

I've always have had my crossdressing linked to my sexuality.. At 18 years old it got to another level when I met my first "DADDY". Being a shy person I always got hit on by girls even kissed and talked dirty but never went further than that. Well when I met my first "DADDY" On a Yahoo chat room it went a little different.. We chatted pretty heavily about fantasies that included us both together but sooner than later he was ordering things for me to wear and setting up a date for the first meet up. Unlike with girls I was excited and eager to be with him sexually right there and then.. Long story short at 18 I lost my virginity to this man I called DADDY and had no regrets about it.. Shortly after that experience I actually became more confident with girls and had sex with them as much as possible which was a lot.. Not showing off by the way it was true.. Anyways years have passed and I'm married now with kids and no lie am happy with where I am and where it can go but the craving for other things (being with men while dressed) just don't go away and I'm not fighting to let them go either. I've spoken to my wife about it so she knows.. Is she happy with it? No. Does she want any part of it? No. Am I considering going behind her back to fulfill these urge? Well.......... LOL let's just say it's hard to deal with.. So with that said.. Does anyone else deal with this?

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Like you, my dressing has always been linked with sex... but maybe not the same in terms of my actual sexual identity... but, my dressing is very much a fetish and I know that I have those same urges when I dress. In fact, it’s almost exclusively fantasies about being with men... not a particular man, just a random, faceless guy... I can honestly say that when I’m in “guy mode” (which is 99% of the time), I have absolutely zero attraction to men. But when I dress, it’s almost a complete 180. For me personally, I think it’s simply me wanting to take my dressing to a new level and try to Make the thrill and excitement I get from doing it more intense. Pardon the analogy, but almost the way a junkie talks about trying to recreate the way it felt the first time they shot up.

Obviously, if you’re married, you absolutely should not do it... the other posters are right... cheating is cheating, but I can guarantee you that if you do get caught the split will be one of the most painful and embarrassing as I’m sure she will drag your children family, and friends into it by revealing that she’s leaving because you engaged in sex with men while dressed as a woman. I thin the only way it would work is if the two of you agree to have an open marriage... and even then, I still doubt that thing would ever truly be the same between the two of you... I think she will ALWAYS view you as a homosexual afterwards. Whether she’s right or wrong in thinking that is irrelevant.. if she thinks it that way, then that’s the way you’ll be in her eyes.

That being said, if you’re going to cheat, then you’d better make damn sure you do not get caught.

My fantasies of being with men while dressed really only came into the picture in the last couple of years... I think it’s partly came about as my experimentation with dressing had evolved, but I also think it’s been triggered because each time I’ve actually opened up and told a woman about dressing, it’s gone badly and the relationship ended fairly quickly afterwards. Now, I’m convinced that I’ll never find a woman that will accept my dressing. Couple that with the fact that the responses and requests I get from my online profiles is almost exclusively from men, and it’s pretty inevitable that these fantasies about being with men will evolve as I try to find ANY way I can to actually dress and have interactions with someone other than myself.


Have you considered having a 3 way with another man so you can do it together? As bold as it might be, I actually think that may be the best way to satisfy your urges without hiding it from her.

This thread went from "I want to have sex with a man when I dress as a woman." to "My wife doesn't treat me fairly." pretty quickly.

A crossdressing forum is a great place to ask where to buy a new wig or what size breast forms would look good on me, but it's not a good place to get marriage advice. Nobody here knows you, your wife or your situation. Besides, we are not qualified to give you good advice. We only know from our own relationships.

My suggestion is to back away from the computer and find yourself a qualified marriage counsellor or divorce lawyer (you make the call) and spend some time getting good advice on your situation. Back away from crossdressing and sleeping with men until your marriage situation is stabilized one way or the other.

Best of luck.

But, I am not married. I am a divorced, older guy/girl, and Roxanne is at times ever so happy in a dress. And I too think of men, mostly daydreaming. But it would be so wonderful to cuddle in the evenings, and feel close, as a girl, to a nice partner. I would adore sleeping next to him, with my arm over him, and kissing him in the morning to wake him up! Oh, I know, I am a mixed up girl, but I do love it so!
Roxanne Lanyon

"My heart belongs to him"

I would say that instead of being “more attracted” to men when dressed, your dressing is giving you permission to experience the full extent of your feelings, which are being suppressed when you’re in drab.

Normally, I’d encourage girls to explore these feelings, but you're in a committed relationship, so it's game over unless you have a VERY open minded spouse.

Do I have fantasies? Of course I do.. we all have them. When I'm dressed I do have fantasies about being with another man.. CD/TV for sexual fun. But I'm married. We made commitments to each other. Promises of fidelity and truth. Your decision is either be married and hold to your oaths or... get a divorce and go play out your fantasies. JMTC

My two cents, I can't see how people do it with marriage. With all it's benefits, it's a restraint on your freedom and of the many topics discussed here and such an outdated and obsolete concept. I don't have capability to be faithful, so I sleep with who I want, but the complication is whether or not someone is clean.