Laundry in a DADT relationship?

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Hiding it was worse. Omg did i leave something out? Did i leave something in the machine? Did sonething drop while putting it away? Led to several return trips home after leaving bc i was freaking out.

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I also have similar concerns with did I leave something out, did it drop between something, or get left in one of the machines. I wear panties most days under drab while working. When I come home from work I change into male underwear and have a spot for dirty panties in my dresser. I wear the male undies to the gym in the morning and toss them into the clothes hamper. My wife works a lot of Saturdays, so I just get up early and throw mine stuff in the wash with a load of other things out of the hamper. I would not just wash my stuff alone it is not enough and a bit of a waste.

this is the one thing that upsets me. Trashing someone's things. its disrespectful. Id go out and immediately replace them. and have a talk.

@Kelly DeWinter;

So would I - and it's not all I'd be replacing.

There's no excuse for the wilful destruction of my things, no matter who does it or why.

If i've had any time to dress at all (a rare wish) I do laundry when ever I know I have 3 ish hours with my wife out. The cheap hosery I just replace periodically its not like I'm working out in them. The rest I deal with the consequences of the dryer on low. Its a not perfect but divorce isn't either.

For the time I was DADT. I did laundry when my wife was gone shopping on the weekends. Later in our arrangement I always washed my clothes separately. So it wasn't an issue. Now we have been separated for 4 years. I have my own house. Wash what I want when I want

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Originally Posted by NancyJ

Obviously, there are different levels of DADT. ... Your wife entitling herself to trash your things is extremely hostile and disrespectful. I don?t think I would call that DADT as that term implies a certain level of tolerance of private behavior that is mutually known even if not discussed. I would be furious if my wife threw away something of mine, and I would never entitle myself to take or destroy something of hers.

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Originally Posted by nancy58

Trashing each other's possessions is strictly out of bounds, and if my wife did that to me, we would have words, and I would insist on marriage counseling, maybe leave. It's not so much the value of the possessions as it is a matter of mutual respect. Each partner has some attributes or behaviors that the other sees as flaws, and it's important to figure out what can be tolerated and what is a deal-breaker. Ideally, this is done before the proposal, but our brains are in a fog during courtship thanks to evolution's need to propagate the species.

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I'm in the club that thought that I'd be "cured" when I married, so I never told her. Later I found that I couldn't manage it very well. When she found my hidden things, we had "the talk", but she hated all about CD. We almost broke the relationship, but we continued, and then it was almost impossible to end with my CDing. Later, a therapyst suggested DADT, but my wife run away, she didn't want to hear a word about this. Since then, every time she finds Tam's stuff that I forgot or didn't hide very well, she trash it. When she is upset about something I did, she searches for Tam's stuff and also trashes them. That is how she deals with it!!! She can't tolerate this.

Trashing her things as a revenge would only start a nonsense war. I prefer to say "I don't touch your things" (which I previously did after every purge).

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Originally Posted by NancyJ

Seems like if you have underwear to wash and you respect her wish not to see it, go ahead and do your wash when she is not around. Are not there ever times when you are in the house alone?

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Before she knew, she travelled for a couple of days some times a year, so I had some time to do my laundry. She stopped those regular trips after she descovered Tam. Since then I could do my laundry just few times. Now, we have children, and she wouldn't let me do anything that it could damage them. But the small appartment is 100% full all the time. No time for dressing, no time for laundry.

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Originally Posted by MonicaPVD

I live in a city that has multiple laundromats where you can simply drop off your clothes and pick them up washed and neatly folded. Inexpensive, convenient, out of sight out of mind.

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Laundromats aren't inexpensive here. It's cheaper to buy a new set of panties.

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Originally Posted by Sometimes Steffi

It's not always what's in the laundry, but what's not. There was a while when I was wearing panties every day. Every day that I wore a pair of panties, I would hide the dirty panties in my closet and throw a clean pair of tighty whities into the laundry basket. I couldn't bee seen as going commando.

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Ha, ha, ha! I do the same.

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Originally Posted by nancy58

I wish you peace and happiness -- together.

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We are trying... at least I do. Thanks!

Tam, This is a horrible situation. I certainly am not suggesting revenge. I don?t believe in retaliation. Hopefully, she will mature out of this. I encourage you to stand up for yourself. This isn?t going away (as you now obviously realize). I get how much this hurts. My wife is the one person in the world, beyond anyone else, who I wish would accept me fully. Good luck, Nancy