Printable View
The wonderful feelings will return at some point, regardless, they are part of us.
Depression is a far away place, many of us will have been there at some point. Hang on in there. Keep a log of your thoughts vs physical mood/state, good and bad and each time you have bad thoughts simply write them down and then think. what can I do right now to make this better. Often that is simply take a walk around the block and enjoy the fresh air. That worked for me. Now I climb real mountains. Good luck.
The feelings wont go away for me but if they did and I was content and happy then yes it would be fine. I know I am gender fluid or dual gender and a part of me needs to feel feminine. I love and accept both the feminine and masculine.
I think every man or woman, husband or wife, contemplates the "what if's of life." Reading prior posts I saw you have gone to therapy and used medication for your depression, Perhaps, you should revisit a counselor's office. I think everyone needs someone to bounce thoughts and idea off of. I attend group therapy every week and find it beneficial. Trying to "force" yourself into a cross dressing mindset will not work. I say that from personal experience. Yes, I would getting totally en femme, look in the mirror and think "What the heck am I doing?" Nothing. Off comes the dress. When the feeling returns, it is because a need arose. What I consciously do is avoid mirrors. At 75, my sun damaged and masculine face is not pretty. There is no reference point for my six foot height or 200 pounds under an empire waist dress so I do not get a visual or confirmation that I will never pass as a woman. I let that peaceful feeling envelope me as I go about a day or hours of doing domestic chores and relaxing.Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlotteCD
Heiio Charlotte, I am sorry for your losses and your current feelings, I wish nothing but good wishes and happy thoughts. I believe that crossdressing is a statement of mind and our/your actual visual reflection has little to do with who you truly are. Possibly finding groups that you can spend time with supportive attitudes and activities. IM me, we can chat if you wish. Sincerely, Brenda
Hi Charlotte...
Sorry to read that you've stumbled into some dressing doldrums. It's not particularly comfortable when such a chasm within reality presents itself like this.
I'm going through rather similar feelings at this time about my dressing but for different reasons.
While dressing has certainly been a part of who I am it is much more a hobby than a way of living. I don't dress daily although I long ago embraced and accepted this part of my personality. I've enjoyed many hours and sometimes days wearing what I please and basking in the peace and mental serenity it brings. Yet of late I have felt quite empty towards it, quite apathetic about it all, almost wantonly "whoop-de-doo" about the whole thing.
Dressing has been in my being enough over the decades that yes, I miss some of the comfortable feelings and enjoyment of living while wearing such things when I could but there's very little to do or be said to resurrect those feelings. They'll return - or not - on their own sweet schedule. The warmer weather that summer brings usually dictates much less dressing time anyways so I'm not too concerned at this time. By September or October I'll have a better sense if I truly miss the time dressing and the feelings that accompany it all.
For the most part I just believe that life is trying to hint to me that it's time to focus on a few other worthy goals. Like a good book or movie I know that I'll eventually, naturally return to dressing when it feels right. Could be next week, next month or next year but I know it'll happen if it's meant to. I don't feel too compelled to push for it.
I hope you can find your path through this bout of indifference.
As much as I love dressing and shoes and all things feminine, if one morning I woke up without the need, i would probably just move on. I know it would come back so no purges. But life is much simpler and cheaper without dysphoria.
As you probably know, part of depression is lack of interest in formerly pleasurable activities. Get help for your depression. It is usually responsive to treatment. Also, a lack of intimacy in your marriage is no small problem and also should be addressed. As you know, this alone may be the cause of your depression ? or your depression may be a factor in the lack of intimacy.
As to your question, if I could take a magic pill and wake up tomorrow with zero gender dysphoria, I would take it, for sure. Of course I would have to get all new underwear. Nancy
if these feelings stopped and never reappeared i would thank the high heavens.
I so envy the ladies who see dressing as a blessing, but for me personally it is
and has always been a curse as I have struggled with my gender and sexuality since
puberty.
Would i try and get the feeling back?
NO.
No way, my life would be a lot easier without this whole thing.
Much as I enjoy it at the time, I can only hope it goes away one day.
I am conflicted on this. I feel like I want to say no, and I opened up to my wife the other night how much internal conflict this side of me creates. She knows of my other personality but I don't do anything around her besides my toes are always painted and she often is washing my panties. My conflict is rooted in how much has this alter-ego provided me with the tools to become the person I am? Do I not owe her (myself) the decency of existence albeit hidden from society?
I am sorry you are suffering, please know you are not alone. I sorely wish we had the answers but am afraid it just won't be......
Emi