Let yourself be who you are. Wear what you like. Wear what your wife likes to see you in. Let go of the past.
Your best self is your present self. Live in the present.
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Let yourself be who you are. Wear what you like. Wear what your wife likes to see you in. Let go of the past.
Your best self is your present self. Live in the present.
DIANE:Quote:
Originally Posted by DianeT
While I somewhat agree, how about the popular current show Emily in Paris? Young women seem to like the show. Does it portray the same misconception? Where does it fit in with real life?
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LISA:
We tend to emulate the type of women we are attracted to. I find it interesting to choose to be with someone whose sense of fashion isn't the way you like. What are your thoughts on that?
Lisa Marie.
You need to let your ex-wife thoughts out of your head....She seemed to have controlled you so deeply that you lost confidence in yourself. Make an effort to stop thinking or referring to your ex....even if you have to meet her because of the children.
Your current wife seems to be a wonderful person, a beautiful soul that really loves you for who you are. Trust her. Love her. Listen to her.
Genifer, the show doesn't have much to do with real life. It is a Disneyland version of Paris where French are all either lazy or latin lovers with six packs, and girls wear cocktail dresses day in day out. You will (sometimes) find cocktail dresses in Paris, you will (sometimes) find lazy people, and you will (sometimes) find latin lovers. But most of the time you will just find normal people going on their business who pretty much look like normal people going on their business in USA or every other part of the world. The show is made to be fun, is as "girly" as can be, so I am sure it will speak to CDers too. But of course it isn't reality.Quote:
Originally Posted by Genifer Teal
I think a more productive conversation would've been about what was situationally appropriate. Pants and shoes without heels are more practical for day-to-day life so that is what most women wear. No one puts on heels to go to the hardware store.
I do feel like when you were raised in a society that tells you not to wear women's clothing a lot of people overcompensate for time lost and maybe go a bit overboard. In that respect there may have been some truth to what she was saying, and that may have been what she was feeling.
On the other hand it's up to every individual to decide what is appropriate for them to wear and this feels a bit like controlling, gaslighting behavior. One thing about this story I find... odd though.
You'd been dating for two weeks and she told you that you weren't allowed to be trans? And that relationship persisted?
It persisted for 23 years. I was 18 and she was my first love and didn't think I could find anyone else. I would say the relationship was a mistake if it wasn't for my kids. I wouldn't allow any restrictions on my identity nowadays.Quote:
Originally Posted by Violetgray
If you are still letting your ex-wife dictate your thoughts, to the detriment of your relationship with your current partner, I think you need to seek some professional counseling to deal with the 23 years of debris floating around your head.
And I will add that "feminine" has nothing to do with dressing and that your ex-wife was feminine no matter how she chose to dress.
A very moving post. Its great that you have found acceptance in your new relationship. You should embrace that. However as you have children from your previous marriage, its a situation that needs to be managed carefully.It could be difficult keeping everyone happy.
Hi Lisa, I think keep speaking with your therapist, your current wife, and above all give yourself time to develop a style that works for YOU!
If your wife gives you lots of validation on your style, it will cancel out your ex-wife's voice in your head.
Hi Lisa Marie :hugs:, That was quite a story, I hope that you can get that X out of your head, >Orchid**0:daydreaming:0**
The "real woman" or even "real man" comments seem like some of the lamest, laziest expressions that there are. Certain women's clothing lines used the "for Real Women" line to sell plus size fashion. I guess the pitch was successful, but the concept that one group of women (or men) are "real" just expresses that anyone not in that group is somehow "not real". I occasionally shop at the above mentioned plus size shop and find it ironic that by shopping there I could be a "real woman" unlike those "less than real women" who don't need plus size clothes.
I'm ranting and rambling and I apologize. Since I have fallen outside the "real man" realm for my whole adult life, I've pretty much abandoned the idea of that particular brand of reality.
I can't really speak to the original post as far as giving advice or answers. If anything, I'd just suggest looking at the absurdity of "real women/real men" argument.
Interesting concept, "real women/real men". Clothing/actions/personality does not define a real...., only birth. I'm a real man and i wear women's clothing. I see real women wearing men's clothing.
Wear what makes you feel good.
"Let yourself, be yourself!" Hugs Lana Mae
From LisaMarieDayton:
"'A real woman wouldn't wear that' when she would inspect my wardrobe (while I wasn't allowed to dress around her, she kept track of what I owned). This applied to pretty much everything regarding anything feminine. This did not only apply to my personal closet, but to society as a whole. She would declare that 'real' women don't wear dresses or skirts. Women don't wear high heels; nor stockings. Females don't wear makeup or paint their nails and they would never wear any lingerie or anything with satin"
LisaMarie, if according to your former wife women don't wear dresses, etc., maybe it's time for men to get out of their REALLY deep rut of attire and expand their wardrobe and grooming practices. I feel that I am doing my part.
I as a MAN who uses his legal first name, wear dresses all the time. I have not worn trousers or shorts since mid June. And Saturday nights I apply a color of nail lacquer (polish) to my fingernails to go along with the dress I am going to wear to church on Sunday morning. And, also for my Sunday best I wear makeup, heels, and stockings. And I certainly better wear a bra when I'm out in public as my bra cup size is DD, thanks to being on estrogen.
And I have definitely gone through male puberty as I sing second bass in the church choir.
Now when it really cools off I'll wear a man's coat and tie outfit some of the time to church. It's just too hot in the summertime in the DFW area to wear such an outfit.
Unfortunately, there are many women who feel the need to disparage other women for embracing attire, makeup, and behavior which is quite feminine. I can't say why they feel the need to do this, other than to mention that my ex did so simply because she didn't feel that she could 'compete' with other women who were willing to go through all the work to appear more attractive, using fashion, make up, hair styling, etc., to be as or more attractive than other women were wiling to do. I got the same 'real women don't do that' responses a lot from her before we divorced. What that ended up meaning in reality, was that SHE wasn't 'willing to do that', not that women in general didn't 'do that'.
But that remaining feeling that your ex left you with, isn't unusual. Many here have expressed the same lingering feelings over the years, of negative impressions, leftover by ex partners especially after they have felt greatly disappointed by finding out that their male mate isn't the 'all male, all macho, all the time' partner that they wanted to have.
Well, REAL men aren't macho, so...
:)
I know plenty of women who dress feminine wear makeup, shirts and a lot of them get regular manicures. There are also some women who don't. If anyone suggests no one does that or they all do this I disagree.
Now that you have freedom, wear what you want. Don't overthink it. You will naturally gravitate to styles that suit you.
That will lead you to your own style.