Thats ok, while I was offended by your statement I consider the retraction as good as any apology :) :hugs:Quote:
Originally Posted by JodyCD
Thanks for posting this!Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassia-Marie
I have known many GGs who have double standards when it comes to men and women. In lying, in cheating and many other issues. 'Because I'm a girl' was a common response as to why it was ok for them to have things like 3 different boyfriends at once but if any of their lovers were to have another girlfriend would justify physical violence! Literally!Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheila
For those CDs who have suffered at the hands of these sexist double standards (and believe me the shock from these women when I've called them sexist was very real. They literally considered sexism only as from men towards women and never the other way around!) then condier their own exasperation when they are regularly called selfish for something that is common practice for many women.
Aside from arguments as to whether privacy exists or omitting things is lying it is a often socially-accepted sexist double-standard that Joanne was posting about! One that is, at least in some cases, very valid.
Actually the ice-cream could prove fatal in some circumstances so that may well rank higher in those than CDing!Quote:
and yes I am for honesty in full ..... but even i am realistic enough to realise that full disclosure off all facts are ann impossability but when it comes to CDing it is not like or comparable to eating an ice cream if you are on a diet and not being honest about it ....... this affects our lives as well, so surely we deserve the right to have some idea of what may have an effect on how we choose to live it ...............
But are you considering the very real social psychological pressure most CDs are under to conceal this part of themselves? Compare it to other social taboos involving profound guilt and shame!
And don't judge other people by your own personal capacity! That is never ever valid. I, like you, am in the main a maximum-disclosure and honesty person. Exceptions made to protect confidances and where possible phrased as to protect feellings. But just cause I can manage that does not mean I can assume everyone else can!
And if you accept the very real, very common, experience of people being unable to open up about things they are ashamed of and which they expect fear, scorn, hostility, abandonment and ostracism.. even violence in response to then can you not perceive the dilemma for someone who finds themselves already comitted to a relationship and in love with someone who once able to consider confessing their secret fears that it will emotionally harm their spouse and destroy their relationship?
The CDs are literal victims. There can be no contest of that fact in a society where CDing has been taboo through their childhood. The GGs are often victims too through a domino-effect of harm effecting choices which cause harm. Suffering through guilt and shame distorts perspective, it effects judgement, it reduces the gaining of key coping skills all of which have a bearing on the choice to share or hide!
Ever tried to rescue a beaten abused scared and wounded animal? Sure they may bite or scratch in fear and pain and reflex and that can hurt, but it is rarely comparable to what the animal has been through.
The suffering a CD goes through does not mean a GG does not suffer when they get disclosure. But the feellings of betrayel do not erase nor outweigh nor eclipse what the CD has gone through to reach that point!
The betrayel of parents, of siblings, of peers, of churches, of communities, of media, of workmates and employers, of every facet of society that allowed by inaction or often direct complicity a TG CDing child or teen to grow up in utter terror that they will lose abo****ely everything most people value in life, that they will be abandoned scorned ridiculed and hated by everyone if they reveal the secret about this part of who they are!
A match and a flamethrower both burn, both cause scarring and permanant damage. Both hurt and both are bad to have ones skin exposed to. But they are hard to compare!
