I am very happy being a part time cd. I find it more fun when I have a chance to dress. I am still happy to stay in the closet too!!!!
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I am very happy being a part time cd. I find it more fun when I have a chance to dress. I am still happy to stay in the closet too!!!!
Hi Gabrielle, I also love being a CD. Yes I have had many ups and downs and hated myself for what I was but I won't be happy any other way
It's OK, I guess.:straightface:
I love being a cd its something i really in enjoy in my life. What others think don't bother me one bit, i'm here to enjoy life not complain about it.
I would like to say I am one of the fortunate ones who loves the whole CD thing ...It is not my whole life ,,,,,,lots of other interests
But it is one of the more enjoyable things in my life
all the fun I have had
new experiences
learned a lot about the "other half " and how they live
Sometimes it is a nice quiet soft friendly place to escape for a while from the problems of my "boy " life
To me it is all a very positive thing
Jean Ann :eek:
Right on!
Great note Gabrielle! Thank you! THANK YOU! I am not there yet--but--starting to accept myself. My wife is having a struggle--but she is OK with 6 dresses in my closet. I am aiming to increase the number, though. I talked to the manager of our local Goodwill today, and she asked a few questions. She was very nice and said she is fine with whatever people want to do. She held out her hand and introduced herself to my shy(cd) friend. Gulp.
Gabrielle, after years of struggle I finally happy with myself and enjoying being a CDer :)
As a fun thing I checked my pluse rate in drab approx 72bpm, when dress it went down to approx 60bpm, which means I'm happy and relax when dressed :)
I agree with this comment. I am quite happy to enjoy being c.d. but would like to be in open air so I prey to have seperate c.d.land where only c.d.s can stay & live without any hesitation ,freely move & meet each other in total fem mode. May god bless we all & gift seperate c.d.land/town/beach, c.d.city.Quote:
Originally Posted by AliciaWeb
vjaduc,d, loves lipstick from india.:love::hugs:
I totally love being a crossdresser. I consider it a gift that has brought me so much happiness and pleasure, and has resulted in my wife and I having a marriage that is more loving and deeper than I ever imagined one could be because of the love, trust, intimacy and openness we share.
I love being a crossdresser because I smile when I look down and see my smooth legs below the hem of my skirt. I love the fact that I too can treat myself to a sexy pair of panties. I love the feeling of my bra around my chest and that when I look down those are my breasts, small though they are. I love the fact that I can look sexy for my wife. I love being able to see my pink toe nails in the morning
I love the fact that it has brought me to a deep understanding about who I am -- and has allowed me get in touch with my inner feelings and self -- the girl within. Some men aren't even in touch with the man or boy within. I went looking and -- smiles -- I found a girl there. And oh how I love her. Not in vain sense, but in a well balanced way of treating myself well.
Yeah, there have been bad times -- I've suffered hurt and abuse over it -- but it is the one of the few true things that I have in my life
Huggles
Toni-Lynn
Being a cd is part of who I am. I'm not only extremely comfortable with that aspect of my life, but appreciate the freedom, time out from the stress, expectations, and ego, so instilled in us as part of our male gender.
I'm truly a happy camper:) dana
There is absolutely no other way that I could experience my feminine side in practice instead of in theory. Mention was often made that I got along well with women professionally because I treated them in a way that made them comfortable. Now I know that I was just learning what it took to understand the "other half" of the planet. It is frightening at times, frustrating at times, but always an incredible experience! Lastly, I have been able to talk with my wife about topics I never knew existed! I love being Tina and all that goes with her.
tina
:iagree: Very well stated Holly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Holly
I am sorry ,but no I really long for a normal life ..If I felt fem more often then yes I would probably like it but after 38 years of living in shame ,quilt and fear, never knowing why I dress or have such a strong urge to anyways.
I had my wife call me names of less than a man and always smeared my face in what was a bad marriage or the last 12 0f a 22 year marriage . I kept my fem side in the best I could bottled up corked and suffering to the point of developing "Acid Reflux".
I tried maybe it just wasn't meant to be, I mean I would have felt better if that was the reason for a disolved relationship. To hear "I will find me a real man " ..I can say now that I have left that surpressed envirorment and that I have had more me time this has turned or is turning into me being more balanced , that I feel makes me more complete and reflects me to others as a better person.
I love being a crossdresser thats why I went to being a full time dresser and wouldnt want it any other way.
I really enjoy crossdressing as much as any of my hobbies. If it makes me happy then why not. I'm lucky enough to have a loving and understanding wife, so I'm sure that makes it easier. Even before, I never hated myself for it though, only wished that I had the freedom to buy all the cute clothes that I saw all the girls wearing! Glad I can now, especially the skirts! I personally feel its a wonderful life....
Gabrielle, I couldn't agree with you more. I love who I am and CDing has been a part of my life almost as long as I've been on board this rotating orb we call Earth. I love doing what I do and I don't intend to quit until they shovel dirt on top of me.
OMG I'm not the only one, I've been away for a couple months and couldn't CD. I started drinking and developped gastro-oesophagian reflux too. I had to see social workers to moderate my consumption. Military is more stiff with alcoolism nowadays.Quote:
Originally Posted by curse within
Anyhow I found a way to sneak out of the base and still do it. My stress went down, stopped drinking and the reflux were gone. I can't deny that it is a part of me, it's a physiologi
cal need. I NEED to CD. I like being able to do it. I like showing ppl that beauty is genderless. I like stirring the pot too. Showing machos that all they took for granted is bull. I like it just as much as feeling feminine. I just aimed it toward a purpose.
We CDs are ambassadors. We should embrace the gift of not being "normal".
Yes we should embrass the gift , I have learned and I am now permitted to do just that.. My outlook is " I've spent the first 40 years of my life a bitter young man I will spent the rest a not so bitter old man" I have to make the best of CDing . Not that the ball was never fully in my court it was never in the game. In my marriage there was no such game..Quote:
Originally Posted by Tyler_D
I LOVE this part of me. The relaxation and pleasure it provides is unparalleled. I only wish I didn't have so much body hair!
debbie
Yes I love it....I thinks brings balance to my life and I believe helps me keep my depression at bay:hugs:
I love the relaxation and peace of mind it brings me. Nothing better than lipstick and 4" heels. This a blast with a supportive spouse.
Wow! Thank you. Thank you SO much - ALL of you! :)
Thank you for living and CELEBRATING your lives.
Thank you for being who you are - who God made you to be.
Thank you so much for sharing your stories. I read EVERY one of them.
As I read through, I responded to some directly. Most of them really need no response as you were simply sharing your love of being a cd with me, and thank you SO much for doing so! :)
I wholeheartedly agree. Nicely said.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fab Karen
Yes, but it's not just a song lyric - it's the truth. I spent more than 3 decades hating myself... and for what? Embracing who I am and accepting myself lead me to learn how to love myself. Even though I've experienced happy moments in my life before, I was never just happy until I learned how to love myself.Quote:
Originally Posted by Samantha Kelsey
There is not a soul on this planet that I would stop being myself for. Not even my own wife (who happens to love Gabrielle). I could never be happy living as just half a man. I had to do that for too many years already. I exist on both sides of the gender spectrum, and so I shall be me, period. God made me this way and I'll never turn my back on it again.Quote:
Originally Posted by Samantha B L
And I'm willing to be that any "resolve" you felt in doing so was soon replaced by quite an empty feeling. I'm glad you're comfortable and even happy with who you are now. God bless you!Quote:
Originally Posted by Gisele
Since learning to accept myself, many people in my life have also commented how I seem different - happier and easier going. Maybe because I finally chose to allow myself to BE myself.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kendra08
Me too! I can't tell you how good it feels to see all my sisters chiming in with so much enthusiasm and celebrating who we are rahter than fighting or trying to resist it!Quote:
Originally Posted by Di
I've had that feeling lately as well. Hence this thread. I'm so very tired of "I'm going to do the right thing and live my life as half a man to please those who love me". Thanks a lot for undermining who we ALL are as transgendered people. Nothing like renouncing who we are as cd's AND saying that the "right" thing is to not be one.Quote:
Originally Posted by jasmine57
Good for you! I still hated myself well through my mid 30's. Thank God I finally accepted who I am. If only I could have sooner - so many wasted years of misery. Better late than never though, right?Quote:
Originally Posted by RaquelCD
Yes, a supporting community. I honestly expected it to be supportive of who we are and helping each other find comfort in an unaccepting society. I did NOT expect to find people trying to offer support for some "terrible condition" they suffer from. I did not expect to find our own sisters renouncing who they are and proudly "doing the right thing" by throwing it all away because being who they are hurts those they love. I don't have words to express my offense to that display of "cd = terrible condition to be overcome". It hurts that much more coming from a "former" cd - someone who should KNOW better than that. Nothing is easy in life, but turning your back on yourself AND expressing to loved ones that "cd = badness" is a big set back for us all. Some may not feel this way, but it is the truth.Quote:
Originally Posted by Holly
In my self-loathing period, I would have NEVER spoken out about others like me and implied in any way that "cd = wrong". I sat quietly and hated myself by myself. Who am I to reinforce society's terrible view of us by renouncing it "to do what is right"?
The "right thing" is different for different people, but when one equates cding to something bad to be overcome for loved ones - I have a serious problem with that. Society already feeds me that BS every day. It hurts deeply when one of our own helps make it stick with their words and actions.
I should probably delete that whole remark. It would be wise to do so. It would also be cowardly of me. I only hope I worded it well enough to be truly understood.
Thank GOD! I remember you having some trouble with your family not long ago. It sounds like you're doing well now though. Good for you!Quote:
Originally Posted by LA CINDY LOVE
Well said!Quote:
Originally Posted by Suzanne Taylor
You'll get there if you choose to. It was only after I chose to be myself, that I learned how to accept myself and even love myself. It wasn't easy, but if I made it, trust me - you can too. Be good to your wife and take it slow if she's struggling. Push things too fast, and she'll likely push back. Good luck with thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferR771
I'm so sorry. I've read many of your posts. I know how much you hate this part of your life... Life isn't fair. A trip through my own past paints a clear picture of that fact. So long as you have a pulse though, you can choose to make changes in your life. Fight yourself forever, or walk through that painful door that may lead to eventual happiness. I faced that door too - and here I am. I survived... and even thrived. God bless you, CW. I really hope you do find peace in whatever way makes you happy.Quote:
Originally Posted by curse within
Your wish is my command!Quote:
Originally Posted by Debbie801
** blinks like Genie **
Here - try this razor. :heehee:
Ok, I expect to take some flack for at least one of my responses (maybe more than just some). I thank each one of you who took the time to post about your own feelings. I am SO VERY happy to see so many of you celebrating who you are rather than expressing suffering from some "terrible condition". With all the sad threads lately, I think we ALL needed some happy thoughts.
God bless each of you. I love you all so much! And that's the truth. :)
I'll never turn my back on who I am again. If ever you know of a sister feeling pain or suffering - offer her some help. Be there for her. Let her know she is a good person and she is loved. Spread the truth and set things straight. We're not freaks. We're good people... with some awesome fashion sense! :)
Gabrielle,
I know you mean well , I really truley do. If I bring people down it is in no way to offend or judge how one should live their life...
You have mentioned that you have read my Threads so you should then know a little of my back ground... My purpose is soley to those who have been keeping it " corked ". I've meant what I said that Crossdressing has been a bad part of my first 40 years...
Let me correct that , it's not the crossdressing but the constant battle for normallity.. To be the average Joe to not think about dressing when that cycle comes around , to be honest enough with myself and other members that come here for support by saying these things.
We all have our own levels and we take it to our own extremes . So if you and other members here are grateful and think it's the next best thing to sliced bread I say great!! Good for you and I am happy for you all and you have my up most respect and support.
I would just like to touch on the levels again , we must not forget these or up bringing or how one has lived or dealt with supression due to not being opened about crossdressing . How although not forced and due to not understanding why we do it, some try fighting it to fit into soceity.
How we think it will just go away ( thinking this for years only to see it all being a big lie to yourself ) waiting years for it to happen . Now that I have gone through life changing events and being able to come here , I have now finnaly found some support, somewhere I can talk openly about it and gain some understanding . But most importantly find others who feel the same anti or pro.
I have gained some ground since joining here yet still fighting sanity within it's self crossdressing goes against the grain of soceity and it's just something you do not adapt to over night..
Excellent Post and again thanks for your concern:D
I aree with you. I hate pants. I love being a CD and getting out as often as live allows me to in as many places as I can. I travel for a living and for the past few years I can only think of one or two times when I was unable to take an outfit or two with me. I am working on a yacht in Florida and had two chances to get out this week and one to just hang around the boat.
Gabrielle,
I accept my desire to CD. Recently I've successfully opened a dialogue with my wife about it. She's known about my CDing before we moved in together nearly 9 years ago but only recently have I wanted to understand both my own and her level of understanding and acceptance.
She enjoys my dressing in lingerie and/or nightgown almost as much as I do, and that's even if we don't do anything at night! She told me recently that she prefers that I wear lingerie or a nightgown to bed rather than my drab PJs.
I recently started underdressing more, and likewise she enjoys stroking my leg or playing with a garter under my jeans or slacks almost as much as I enjoy the experience of wear the sexy lingerie!
When we get the chance, I'm looking forward to dressing more fully than my situation currently allows.
I really hate it!!! Guess that's why I smile so much!! :D
Hi Gabrielle,
Excellent post and I couldn't agree with you more! I'm like you, I also love this aspect of my life and I too honestly don't think I could ever be happy without being a cder. Some of the best moments in my life so far are due to my CDing ..... but ..... it wasn't always like this.
Once I got past the guilt feelings and started thinking more about being happy for myself (providing I wasn't hurting anyone) and stopped beating myself up for not conforming to what is expected behavior for a guy, things got a whole lot better. So I like to do girly things ... so what?
I am very fortunate to have an accepting and encouraging wife and so that has been HUGE in my self acceptance and happiness, but yes, .... I'm with you, CDing is a cornerstone of my whole being and I could never stop :)
Well, here's the deal. Unlike singing, which I choose to do and enjoy and can do or not do as it pleases me, I did not choose to be a crossdresser. It chose me. I dress because fighting the compulsion is more emotionally draining than just going along with it - and when I let the urge control me, I feel great.
So I can't give you a simple "yes, I love it" or "no, I hate it" answer. There are aspects that I love, and aspects that I hate.
I love the tactile sensations of the soft clothes. I love the fact that I have many "female" characteristics that make me a gentler, more compassionate person. I love admiring new clothes in the catalog or when I pass someone on the street, and imagining what they would look like on me.
I hate the social stigma. And because of that, I hate the anxiety that living in the shadows has caused me. I hate the expense of maintaining two wardrobes. I hate the discomfort it causes my children (and, to a lesser extent, my wife - she has never spoken against CDing, but neither has she said anything encouraging either). I hate the fact that it IS a compulsion beyond my control, and not just a free will choice. There are so many things I love more than dressing, and I hate whenever the dressing comes between me and something/someone I love.
In the end, I'm content, not thrilled, with what I am. In many ways my response is very similar to that of my wife: I can accept it, but I don't do anything to encourage it and I'd be just as happy if it went away. If there were a cheap, foolproof, instantaneous solution (the "magic pill" we talk about) that would rid me of the urge and make me happy wearing guy clothes all the time, I'd take it in a heartbeat.
Sorry I couldn't join in the enthusiastic support you got on this thread, Gabby, but I'm sure glad you wrote it. You gave me a lot to think about.
ralph
You are not alone Gabrielle,I love it to.And to elaborate,I believe I deserve the right to enjoy my life and time the way I see fit,I've spent the first part of my life pleasing others,so now it's my turn to experience a bit of freedom and choice.
Oh baby I love being a CD. I never really hated myself but I guess like alot of the other girls I had some internal conflict going on. Now the conflict along with the mens underwear are gone. I'm lovin life. I wouldn't change a thing.
Great post.
I agree with Alicia - I love being a CD, love talking to my wife about girly things, etc, I just wish that there were more people like my wife around me - people with whom I could be myself and not worry about becoming an outcast.Quote:
Originally Posted by AliciaWeb
Yea I hate that the internet came along so late in my cross dressing life.. I don't know where I would have been if I would have been on a site like this twenty years ago, or as you say forty years ago.. because I think I might have been able to pass or be passable when I was early twenties maybe even late teens.. oh well....Quote:
Originally Posted by vikki2020
Thanks,great post. Sure I enjoy Cding a lot. For me it is a vehicle for fluid gender expression. I enjoy being a man but could be just as happy being a woman. Cding lets me dress the way I feel and my only regret is the rest of the world isn't quite as enlightened.
I don't know how you managed to conclude that most of us are unhappy about our being CD. Most of the posts I read seem to indicate that we are a pretty happy bunch about who and what we are. Some of us may agonize about the need to be in the closet but most of us seem to cope.
Vieja
I love being a CDer. Since I finally embraced my female side a year and a half ago, I've come a long way. When I'm at home I'm always dressed femme,sleep femme and the best part is that my wife supports me. I just wish I would've embraced it alot sooner instead of finally doing it at 43.
Felicity :)
you look good...you FEEL good..Whats not to love?
I cant say whether i love CDing or not cos at this point in my life i have never enjoyed CDing the way i wanted, had it been i have explored all the aspects of CDing and discover its potential may be i would have made up my mind, but for now i think i will do better without it.
I know a few of you are not quite so happy with where you are in your life right now, and I'm sorry. I think you'll feel better in time... when you're ready. :)
To those of you who chimed in with all those great, positive, "I love cding too" comments - THANK YOU so much! :) You made my day... my week, and my whole year! Ok, maybe not the whole year. :heehee:
I'm bookmarking this thread. The next time there's a rash of purging, self-loathing, confused threads, I'm going to revisit this one. I'm going to read every post over again and remember my sisters who celebrate who they are rather than let society's BS dominate their lives.
There is nothing wrong with being a cd. The problem lies within society's idiotic stigma attached to it. That's it. That's all. I'm a girly-man and I love it! The only purging I will ever do is that of my own negative feelings.
To all you happy sisters out there. PLEASE help make a difference. Open minds and hearts. Live your lives as positive examples of who we are. Let society know transgendered people are not freaks. There'll be a lot less purging and "going to stop because it's the right thing to do..." threads once the stigma has been eradicated.
Put an end to the pain in our confused sisters. EDUCATE SOCIETY!
Not everyone's wife will want a cd husband. BUT once the stigma is gone, there'll be no more secrets kept and so future cd's will not go through this BS again.
Thanks again, everyone. I love you so much! :love:
99% of the time I really love being a CD. That other 1% is when the makeup doesn't apply as well as better days lol.
Its a good time to be a CD and I plan on making the most of it every chance I get.
*hugs*
Zarabeth
Why would I hate getting to be Carol
Nice to meet you Carol
When i get all dolled up, I feel really wow, but, I am very vigilent, not to be found out, by neighbors, or people who know me, or those in the church. I can understand the long, difficult, "curse within", that Curse often addresses. I have lived an emotional, mental living hell, too, being rejected by father, 55 years of ridicule, by older brothers, bed wetting until 20, emotional incest with an insecure mom, putting on mom;s and sisters clothes, very strict religion, which condemns cd, hundreds of rejections, by single women!!! Too tall. I have been in recovery stages, since 31yrs old, but, I know I have severe emotional illness, hate myself, believe my family, and me were cursed from birth. None of us has a SO! In spite of all this overwhelming pain within, I work very hard physical labor, keep learning about everything under the sun, and beyond it, and only dress up occasionally, in order to not let it take over , and destroy me, I am an addictive, hyper sensitive, personality, who can go off the deep end, so easily. If there was a pill I could take, to remove all urge to dress, I would take it, even though, I really like getting dolled up, and taking lots of pics. It is an escape, from the living hell, hardness of this dangerous, loveless world, though, and, I feel less shame and guilt, than I once did. I always enjoy your honesty, and input, Gab. I am helped by it.
I adore being a CrossDresser. Being a CrossDresser is a vital, precious and cherished part of me. I am grateful that I learned to embrace Shannon and to allow (encourage!) Shannon to express herself, not only alone but to trusted others. It is a special and unique experience. I hope that each person, in his or her own way, has something as special and unique to experience.
I must love it...why else would I keep doing it? I think it is the pressure society places on us that makes us feel bad and once you feel bad about something that is part of who you are how can you feel good about yourself? Once you learn to accept yourself life gets better.
I'm with you I wouldn't have it any other way. I would truely miss Daviolin if she went away. And now that I came out to my wife I hope to enjoy her more:love:flickr.com/photos/daviolin
When I was in the closet I had those whoah is me feelings...BUT since I found Dee and the courage to get out the door have no boundriesand socialize with other CD's I can honestly say it has been GREAT! I have come to embrace being a CD and absolutely love it. Would not trade this for anything.
Dee
As I have gone through the various purges along the way, feeling like it was wrong. I finally came to accept myself as who I am. Accepting both sides of myself. It takes a long time to be able to do that, and haveing accepting friends helps a lot. I like who I am now, and feel that I am more of a complete person having 2 sides and being able to express both the male and female of me. I am enjoying my life more now than ever before.
Hi Gabrielle
Let me tell you I am very ok with myself and have been all of my life. I have been CD forever. I am now 52. I am also a double LEO. LOL....... confidence is not lacking here. Both female and male. There is a strong balance of both.
I found this site a couple of weeks ago. I have been enjoying the company as I did not know that it excited.
I still cry when I run onto something that touches my heart. I see lots of issues that I have worked thru and new ones I never tought of. I like the site.
I hope you can find what it is you are looking for. Sounds like you are at a cross road in life.
Hugs
Jill
I wouldn't trade it for anything. I feel sorry for men who don't CD.