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When you have sexual encounter with Karen you are not alone. You are with a "woman" you love and want to feel good. She makes you feel good to, otherwise why would she excite you . When I look at my pictures that I posted, (I cannot dress right now) I excite me.......
Unfortunately, you can't make yourself be more attracted to anyone. You can, however, make an effort to be with the other person when you're "in the mood" and transfer your need over to making love with them. It's like anything else in a relationship, if you want it to be better, you have to work at it.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
Karen
when i cross dress i fell more sexy. i don´t have girlfriend now, but i´ll like have sex with a girl dressed like me. i think croosdressing is not a obsession, is just a man dress the clothes that he like to wear...
My sex life is crossdressing. My wife has no interest in sex, or crossdressing for that matter. I could maybe do without one or the other, but not both. I love my wife dearly, but we're at the point where she has to give a little on the crossdressing. I'll give her what ever she wants, but it comes with her acceptance of me as a crossdresser.
Joann Kelly
My supportive wife has known about my crossdressing since very early in our relationship. It's always been part of our relationship and always been part of our sex life.
I did read up on autogynephilia, that puts a new perspective on a lot of my dressing, the thoughts that occur when I did, and some of the things I've done when dressed, both in private and out and about.
My wife and mine's sex life is very on and off, but when we do find the time I always 100% man... even when I'm not into it. In those cases, I use complicated mental games to get myself in the mood-- usually going third-person and projecting memories of past encounters I've had with men when dressed into the situation-- more or less seeing things from her perspective and my real self just the guy in the bed... does that make sense?
Probably not, but it works for me. Whatever it takes. :battingeyelashes:
This is THE significant issue for me! While I wish to find a REAL female companion, age is a problem! The women I see, r MUCH older than Sherry appears to be!Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
I seem to be SO VISUALLY oriented now, sexually:eek:!
While I would CHOOSE to find real GGs sexually exciting, I DON'T! I've become too hooked on Sherry's looks!:doh:
IF ONLY MEN COULD FAKE being turned on!:brolleyes:
This situation may become a real issue in the couple, especially if the wife is more demanding about sex than average.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
I discovered only recently (say not until 55 yrs old) I needed experiencing on a regular basis "female" orgasms and that helped me a lot to understand I was a transgendered person instead of a mere crossdresser. Simultaneously I felt my libido towards women would wane, while I still feel no attraction at all to men.
In fact my libido is intact except I must imagine I am the woman and I have a vagina to get oustanding orgasms. That's easier to imagine it when I am alone dressed than when I make love to my wife as a standard man and undressed. However I want to give priority to intercourses with my wife in order not to jeopardize our couple. I have found : the more she is accepting of my crossdressing, the more easily I can give the priority to her.
Nadia
The more feminine I am the more sexual i can be with my gf. hoping to tell her soon and hoping she will accept....
Wow Karren, quite a thing to admit to I mean looking at yourself in the mirror and anyways... :heehee:
My love life and affects of me being TG -
The lady on youtube I like to watch, she doesn't mind a bit if I am TG...
Yes youtube is weak, my tastes are very tame.
My wife and I are not gonna be together much longer but didn't have much of a sex life anyways. We just aren't interested. Looking back, I don't think me being TG really effected it. Admittedly, I never have felt the need to "dress" suring sex. I prefer to be naked for real.
Now about self-gratification -
I am so paranoid about having more kids, I don't even like to self-gratify in the case where I might knock up myself somehow. But still happens anyways.
I've always believed that sex is more a mental thing so the physical side has never been an issue for me. My wife has always had a better, and demanding, sex drive than me. So I'm happy, very happy, to let her set the pace.
Besides is sex just about an orgasm?
I'm married and my wife is unaware that I CD. Our relationship is suffering at the minute because I have very little desire to have sex. I don't want to be the "man" in bed and recently our sex life probably resembles a lesbian relationship. I struggle to get turned on so fantasise I'm a woman. This sometimes means I fantasise she's a man. I am bisexual so this isn't totally alien to me. CDing is no longer a sexual act for me. As a teenager I used to always end a CDing session with sexual pleasure but that is no longer the case. I dress like I do because I feel I am female not to get aroused.
Somehow I think this is quite common. If there is a lot of emotional (&physical) distance in the relationship then the innate need for sex seems to get satisfied in other ways. For some CDing may represent a means of providing that comfort and sexual release even if it is not overt. CDing can become an important part of ones identity. For some even an obsession. This will vary I am sure and ultimately people will find their "comfort zone". Do you have a need to "go out and pass" or is an occasional session alone at home or at a hotel sufficient? Or for some this CDing a part of a realization that they want (and need) something different and this is just the first stop along the path...:daydreaming:
For some people the need to CD and what it provides seems to change over time and evolve. For a time it seems absolutely critical to understand CDing and why and what it represents. (Why am i doing this??) After a while it seems to be a matter of comfort and maybe not even a sexual release (read fetish or anything) and you may not even care why you do it, just that you feel a particular need and it feels good. Now it seems like the ultimate goal and pleasure is to try and attain that ultimate feminine look. (Ok maybe that is just me I am speaking of with the last statement.) :heehee:
Somewhere through reading this thread I kind of lost the real focus of this thread. Is it that increased Cross-dressing with a non-accepting SO leads in fact to more Cross-dressing? Or is it sex in general? :hugs:
I don't think anyone mentioned it so i will throw this out there. A long time ago I asked my wife why so many wives were so disapproving of their partner's CDing. Her reply was that at least for some women if they had no interest in being with another woman themselves then sex with their CD partner particularly when dressed was a turn-off. For a woman to enjoy having sex with a CD there must be a complete understanding of their partner, a sense of adventure and an acceptance of that partner. I could always buy that....it's always acceptance that everyone (CDs, TG, TV, TS etc) crave Acceptance!:love:
It is pretty amazing when you can literally have it all, great sex with a loving partner while you can enjoy being a CD. :2c:
So many wonderful responses! Thank you all for being so open and honest about something so intimate. You've given me so much to think about. :love:
Karen
I think there is another aspect to this: Some women may have sexual attraction to other women, but they don't want their husband to be an imitation of that, from both ends-- a crossdresser is not a woman, and many women understandably can't get past that reality.Quote:
Originally Posted by darla_g
But more importantly, I think there are wives who see their husbands as entirely masculine, and love them that way, and don't want that image destroyed by seeing their hubbies dressed all girly. There are plenty of stories here of husbands who came out or were caught, and it permanently alters the wifes perception of her husband, and often in a negative way. Sometimes of course this is associated with the deception or the feelings of discovering a significant aspect to her man's life that she is not part of, but I think sometimes it's also just as simple as a woman wanting a 100% masculine male for a partner, and the turn off of having that image permanently altered.
Just for fun let's take dressing out of the equation.
Typical marriage (I know some of you are still like teenagers)
You meet, you find each other physically attractive, marry and mate (or vice versa) you find each other sexually attractive. You live together and maybe have a kid or two. One or both of you no longer have the time or inclination to make yourself physically attractive (kids and jobs and running a household will do that). Sex in marriage decreases most of the time and often it becomes rare. It isn't what you wear or want to wear, it is familiarity breeds complacency, ask Tiger. I think both partners look for reasons to not have sex. Time, stress, losing interest in something like how your partner looks (both ways). It is nature. Every male friend of mine is either getting a divorce or honestly just hanging on to comfort (probably the same for the women but for some reason I never ask "how's your sex life"). I envy the few who still see the sexy vivacious partner they started with, and IMHO I would bet that him putting on a dress might even build that fire higher.
So as they say "Don't blame the tool, blame the carpenter"
For the references to autogynephilia. First I'd heard of it- one article suggested that this is a natural part of feminine behaviour- namely they are "attracted to themselves" for lack of a better word when they get dressed up and this is one of the driving force beyond wanted to do so. In other words, it's a natural part of being a GG.
Does this sound reasonable or accurate to you (GG)?
A sexual attraction to the self is not a natural part of feminine behavior. GGs are attracted to guys, or if they are lesbian they are attracted to other girls.Quote:
Originally Posted by lavistaa62
I am one of the few lucky ones here who has a SO that is supportive and enjoys making love whether I am in drab or drag, but I get more turned on when in drag and I think she likes that.
FOR ME, if I see anything that looks MALE or like ME, in the mirror, I get turned OFF!:sad:Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
I'm SURE that's tru for other straight CDs, too. I just have NO IDEA how many!:straightface:
I'm not attracted to myself sexually. I mean sure, its nice to look at yourself and take pride in your appearance but it doesn't get me going or anything.
I'm also completely hetrosexual, so seeing my partner en femme doesn't turn me on at all. I don't mind her dressing and to be honest I do enjoy being an active part of picking her outfits and brushing her hair, (It appeals to the same part of me that loves and collects dolls) but other than that nada. I just love masculinity so much. His smell, his broad sholders, the shape of his torso, his jawline and neck. Now that does turn me on.
Back when I was dressing publicly and having experiences with men, there was an older guy-- a married guy-- who I had an ongoing thing with... whatever he was up to behind his wife's back (and it was a lot) he always was a gentleman to me. At one point pillow talk turned to his wife, and I asked him what she looked like. Instead of telling me, he pulled a picture out of his wallet-- a gorgeous put-together mature woman who any guy would feel lucky to have on his arm. What surprised me at the time is that it aroused me very much to look at the picture of this woman, with the guy in my mind thinking, "Dang, I'd hit that," while I'm lying dolled up in the afterglow of a good time with her husband.
Looking back from a married perspective I see he was no prince and I shouldn't have been playing around with him, but at the time it really made me feel very validated, feminine and most of all sexy to be "the other woman" to a guy with a beautiful wife at home.
It hasn't happened yet, mostly due to me and the GF being in different cities currently, but my GF looks forward to exploring my inner-lady in the bedroom with me, so my CDing is only looking to improve my sex life. I'm one of the lucky ones, in that way.
Absolutely not! I'm sure that I speak for most GGs to say that there is absolutely nothing arousing about dressing ourselves up. You do it all of your life and it's not all that fun, either. When i get dressed up I may feel sexier or even have times when I'm quite impressed with how I look (hours of work later) or whatever, but the theory that it's a natural part of feminine behavior to be attracted to yourself is silly. The article was obv. written by a straight man.Quote:
Originally Posted by lavistaa62
Due to health problems (on both parts) we really don't have a love life, so I really can't say if CD'ing has affected our love life.:straightface:
Heather J.
Since my bride allows nice nylon night gowns for both of us, it is a part of our routine. I am sure she does not get anything special out of my nightie, but I do. She is special, and a keeper. Things have been known to happen, without the femme sleepware. I miss the getting dressed and going out to party, yah drab for me, but I love watching her get ready. Seems no one gets dressed up for almost anything, very often.
that was an amazingly candid story. interesting.Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronica75
as for the idea of women in love with themselves isn't that what narcissim is all about? Well maybe not be in love with one's self but more like everything is centered around one's self.
For me, it hasn't changed much...instead it's created a whole new level of intensity.
My SO and I have been dating for 3 years now, and we are getting married next week.
We initially entered the relationship as a power exchange, with me being the submissive one (of course). As we grew together, she was able to help me break down mental barrier after mental barrier, but still I was afraid to tell her.
Interestingly, she rarely wears makeup, and wears shorts and comfortable clothes almost all the time. She describes her dress style as "lesbian gym teacher".
It's never been an issue, as I have always been attracted to her mind and personality, not so much to what she wears etc.
However, 6 months or more ago she stumbled upon me stumbling upon this site, and up through a couple of months ago, it was the pink elephant in the room.
Since then she has picked out no less than three outfits for me. She loves feeling these clothes, she just doesn't like wearing them. But, she loves seeing me in them, feeling me in them, and looking at me.
But I wait until she wants to dress me, I have never (or will ever) insist or even hint that I want to wear something. It just feels better when she controls it...I let her choose that option, which keeps us both in check.
I hope this helps.
Meghan
I read through a most of these posts and would like to add my thought(s).Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronica75
The wife can sacrifice some of what she wants to please her husband. This allows him to fulfill his CDing needs (in bed or while alone). Alternatively, the husband can sacrifice some of what he wants to please his wife. This means he cannot CD. If he does it alone, this will detract from sex with his wife. And he he does it with his wife, it will reduce her enjoyment. So we kind of have a yin/yang going on here. Is there some kind of middleground that can bring some kind of balance?
That's the crux of it. Hopefully each partner will be willing to go there.Quote:
Originally Posted by gemsay32
Unfortunately there are situations, even with willing and supportive GGs, where the two yins simply cannot mesh.
My girlfriend has never had an overly zealous desire for sex. I love her and accept this fact.
However, we have had sex several times while I was dressed enfemme and she commented on how much she enjoyed it.
I have made it a point not to ensure that we have to have sex with me enfemme. We have sex in whatever manner we find it. We enjoy it both ways.
For our relationship, dressing and sex blend well together. My partner enjoys the way I sometimes dress for bed, and it becomes part of a role play / fantasy scene that we share. I am so grateful that she is accepting of my quirks.
Every three or four months I initiate a discussion at the dinner table regarding my dressing, as a kind of reality check for me. I just need a confirmation from her that its still good for her.
When I dress up it's just me wearing women's clothes, she's into it, and it totally turns me on so its all good. But, one thing that I wonder about is that a lot of people here refer to their feminine sides by another name, as though that person is totally different from their male personas. If I put myself in my partner's shoes I am not sure if I would feel comfortable having sex with a third person like that. Does that make any sense?
Not much of asex life her after we hit40. I can remember being dressed twice in 35 years of marriage and she hated it.
Ive had sex befor.............and its overated.
....................dana 2010
This is an excellent and thoughtful thread.
Thank you MarcieBflo for posting the reference to autogynephilia. Interesting read and very thought provoking. I found enlightenment in that article, like you did.
After that article I can say that I understand why I like pleasuring myself and have no interest in others and why my fantasies are about myself as a woman. I understand why I want more mirrors in my bedroom to see myself and reinforce my fantasy with a visual proof.
I love my wife but we have not had a sexual interest in each other in a long time and we have been married for 33 years ... so it is a long time.
Still in love but more so with myself
Tisha
I've had sex with my wife on my office desk while dressed in a short black dress, heels and make up. Then she dared me to lock up the building and drive home dressed as I was.
She also **** me at the beach while I sat on a stone wall, 20 feet from the highway around 10pm.
My ts desires kinda have put a damper on my dating... so I couldn't say really... It makes me really nervous to get into a serious relationship with anyone because of things like this, at least til i'm post-op...
I like your post.Quote:
Originally Posted by gemsay32
Just IMO... ideally in a committed relationship there's some willingness to participate in what your partner likes either to please them or see if you like it. My fiancee and I have a game called "once a month." If there's something we enjoy, and we're not sure the other is okay with, we'll do our best to indulge it, but no more often than once a month. It works for us because one person gets their quirky fantasy fulfilled and the other person gets the assurance that the fantasy won't consume our sex life. There are hard limits we both have (has to be monogamous, safe, etc.), but I think what's really worked is trying to put a lot of weight on each other's wants.
Dressing has changed parts of our sex life, but we're as satisfied and active. I think the thing that's really gotten us is identity questions... does liking this mean I'm lesbian/bi... stuff like that. I really dislike that I've put her in the position of questioning all that.
You are one lucky girl Samantha!Quote:
Originally Posted by Samantha Girl
Sex life?? whats that?? Haven't done that in a while, although I really don't care much anyway I'd rather shoe or dress shop
I engage in sexual activities often and rarely the person who is initiating but instead my partner. Dressing does not constitute a sexual ritual for me but instead to be feminine. If given the choice I can go over a week but that has not happened for some time now. I had surgery last week and that curtailed my bones being jumped for about five days.
I too, much prefer to pleasure myself. As I mentioned on another thread, I do try to make her happy and play the role of a man but it is becoming hard for me and harder for her too; what with menopause and all.
I absolutely must imagine myself within a scenario that at least contains dressing and role playing (as the wife) in order to accomplish the act. Still works though and I will soldier on because I love her....Dee
For me there is a definite "erotic charge" associated with cross-dressing. I suppose to put it bluntly, it makes me feel sexy! However, without getting to graphic, it's not something that really provides sexual gratification. Another thing I find interesting (when I should really just accept and get on with it) is that the desire to dress is definitely greater when I am not getting as much sex as I would like; ahhh the ebb and flow of a long, and basically happy, marriage. I guess what I am trying to say is that, for me, there is a definite link between sex and dressing but I am pretty confused about what it is.
xx Catherine.
I'd much rather please myself. I know what I like. The dressing has always been sexual for me. As far as I know, my ex-girlfriend never knew I dressed, but the sex was better with myself than with her. I guess it would be hard not to be able to please yourself every time. :)
I'm a virgin. I've never had a sex life.
Personally I would have difficulties now wanting to have sex with a partner who did not understand me or flat-out rejected my CDing side. I think an emotional connection becomes increasingly important as libido subsides with age. I suspect many CDs turn to their own image as much to find open acceptance even if it is internalized.
The more unaccepting the partner is, the more likely the CD will resort to self-gratification to satisfy both his sex drive and also his emotional need for acceptance.
On the other hand an accepting GG may find that her partner increasingly needs to CD to become aroused with her. Understandably this may lead her to question if her partner still desires her or is just using her as an accomplice in his sexual fantasies.
On the question of why many women get turned off, this has to do with the idea that femininity needs to be matched with masculinity. A woman wants to be desired by a man, she wants to know that she drives him crazy and is aroused by her presence, by her beauty and personality. She wants to be consumed by his desire.
So femininity seeks out masculinity to complete the circuit. Without masculinity, femininity has no reason to exist. These ideas are conceptualized in a woman's emotional/sexual needs in a relationship and the pleasure and comfort from being found desirable and wanted.
The problem is our society conditions everyone to believe that when a man expresses femininity, the essence of his masculinity is destroyed. He is devalued as a man and can no longer play his complementary part in a relationship. Just the thought of her partner in a dress without even seeing him or even any clothes can leave a GG cold. She feels she has lost the quintessential part of him that she subconsciously needs to feel complete and satisfied herself.
Well thats my take on it. Until masculinity is redefined in society to include feminine qualities, some GGs are going to struggle with the idea because it attacks the foundation of emotional connectiveness.
[QUOTE=Satrana;2011768]Personally I would have difficulties now wanting to have sex with a partner who did not understand me or flat-out rejected my CDing side. I think an emotional connection becomes increasingly important as libido subsides with age. I suspect many CDs turn to their own image as much to find open acceptance even if it is internalized.
Well, this, and the rest of Satrana's post crystallize the essence of what's going on ........in my marital experience at least...nothing else left to say...
Just wanted to wish you all the best, and I know you and your bride to be will be happy forever.Quote:
Originally Posted by Meghan M
And I hope you'll be wearing something pretty on your wedding day. I know I did :)
Karen
Karen,
For me cross dressing and sexuality are fairly intimately (pun) connected. Of course as an adolescent, I found a solitary outlet for the arrousal that accompanied cross dressing. But as an adult, dressing became an integral part of intimate relations with my (ex) wife.
I remember how it began. I'd quit dressing while I was in the military - for obvious reasons. Then, during the early months of my relationship with my fiance, I really never dared bring up this part of me. Then, one night a few months after we married, we were making love. We often shared erotic fantasies - one of her (and my) favorites was lesbian love making. In the midst of foreplay, she asked me to dress in her bra, panties and panty hose...I very willingly complied and as usual, the sex was fabulous. After that, the genie was out of the box. I admitted my interest in cross dressing and she accomodated me, at least to the extent of letting me wear pantyhose and panties when we made love...and under my male clothes.
Years later we were divorced. Dressing was NOT a contributing factor, but there was a lot of anger, and she "outed" me to friends and family. Fortunately, it doesn't seem to have impacted my other relationships - I suspect many people thought she was just being spiteful.
Now, I'm remmarried. My wife has known from the outset of our relationship and is wonderfully understanding and supportive. I don't go out - sadly I can't hope to pass. But I enjoy being dressed most of my time at home.
That's my understanding too. But a GG doesn't have to wait until the rest of society changes its definitions. She can learn to embrace the idea on her own. It becomes difficult when her partner doesn't believe her and prefers to continue hir solitary practices.Quote:
Originally Posted by Satrana