How does crossdressing affect your sex life?

[Tora]

Since my bride allows nice nylon night gowns for both of us, it is a part of our routine. I am sure she does not get anything special out of my nightie, but I do. She is special, and a keeper. Things have been known to happen, without the femme sleepware. I miss the getting dressed and going out to party, yah drab for me, but I love watching her get ready. Seems no one gets dressed up for almost anything, very often.

[darla_g]

Back when I was dressing publicly and having experiences with men, there was an older guy-- a married guy-- who I had an ongoing thing with... whatever he was up to behind his wife's back (and it was a lot) he always was a gentleman to me. At one point pillow talk turned to his wife, and I asked him what she looked like. Instead of telling me, he pulled a picture out of his wallet-- a gorgeous put-together mature woman who any guy would feel lucky to have on his arm. What surprised me at the time is that it aroused me very much to look at the picture of this woman, with the guy in my mind thinking, "Dang, I'd hit that," while I'm lying dolled up in the afterglow of a good time with her husband.

Looking back from a married perspective I see he was no prince and I shouldn't have been playing around with him, but at the time it really made me feel very validated, feminine and most of all sexy to be "the other woman" to a guy with a beautiful wife at home.

that was an amazingly candid story. interesting.

as for the idea of women in love with themselves isn't that what narcissim is all about? Well maybe not be in love with one's self but more like everything is centered around one's self.

[Meghan]

For me, it hasn't changed much...instead it's created a whole new level of intensity.

My SO and I have been dating for 3 years now, and we are getting married next week.

We initially entered the relationship as a power exchange, with me being the submissive one (of course). As we grew together, she was able to help me break down mental barrier after mental barrier, but still I was afraid to tell her.

Interestingly, she rarely wears makeup, and wears shorts and comfortable clothes almost all the time. She describes her dress style as "lesbian gym teacher".

It's never been an issue, as I have always been attracted to her mind and personality, not so much to what she wears etc.

However, 6 months or more ago she stumbled upon me stumbling upon this site, and up through a couple of months ago, it was the pink elephant in the room.

Since then she has picked out no less than three outfits for me. She loves feeling these clothes, she just doesn't like wearing them. But, she loves seeing me in them, feeling me in them, and looking at me.

But I wait until she wants to dress me, I have never (or will ever) insist or even hint that I want to wear something. It just feels better when she controls it...I let her choose that option, which keeps us both in check.

I hope this helps.

Meghan

[gemsay32]

I think there is another aspect to this: Some women may have sexual attraction to other women, but they don't want their husband to be an imitation of that, from both ends-- a crossdresser is not a woman, and many women understandably can't get past that reality.

But more importantly, I think there are wives who see their husbands as entirely masculine, and love them that way, and don't want that image destroyed by seeing their hubbies dressed all girly. There are plenty of stories here of husbands who came out or were caught, and it permanently alters the wifes perception of her husband, and often in a negative way. Sometimes of course this is associated with the deception or the feelings of discovering a significant aspect to her man's life that she is not part of, but I think sometimes it's also just as simple as a woman wanting a 100% masculine male for a partner, and the turn off of having that image permanently altered.

I read through a most of these posts and would like to add my thought(s).

The wife can sacrifice some of what she wants to please her husband. This allows him to fulfill his CDing needs (in bed or while alone). Alternatively, the husband can sacrifice some of what he wants to please his wife. This means he cannot CD. If he does it alone, this will detract from sex with his wife. And he he does it with his wife, it will reduce her enjoyment. So we kind of have a yin/yang going on here. Is there some kind of middleground that can bring some kind of balance?

[ReineD]

So we kind of have a yin/yang going on here. Is there some kind of middleground that can bring some kind of balance?

That's the crux of it. Hopefully each partner will be willing to go there.

Unfortunately there are situations, even with willing and supportive GGs, where the two yins simply cannot mesh.

[sesissy]

My girlfriend has never had an overly zealous desire for sex. I love her and accept this fact.

However, we have had sex several times while I was dressed enfemme and she commented on how much she enjoyed it.

I have made it a point not to ensure that we have to have sex with me enfemme. We have sex in whatever manner we find it. We enjoy it both ways.

[Laurie A]

For our relationship, dressing and sex blend well together. My partner enjoys the way I sometimes dress for bed, and it becomes part of a role play / fantasy scene that we share. I am so grateful that she is accepting of my quirks.

Every three or four months I initiate a discussion at the dinner table regarding my dressing, as a kind of reality check for me. I just need a confirmation from her that its still good for her.

When I dress up it's just me wearing women's clothes, she's into it, and it totally turns me on so its all good. But, one thing that I wonder about is that a lot of people here refer to their feminine sides by another name, as though that person is totally different from their male personas. If I put myself in my partner's shoes I am not sure if I would feel comfortable having sex with a third person like that. Does that make any sense?

[Elaine Lynn]

Not much of asex life her after we hit40. I can remember being dressed twice in 35 years of marriage and she hated it.

[drushin703]

Ive had sex befor.............and its overated.
....................dana 2010

[Tisha Ann Ryan]

This is an excellent and thoughtful thread.

Thank you MarcieBflo for posting the reference to autogynephilia. Interesting read and very thought provoking. I found enlightenment in that article, like you did.

After that article I can say that I understand why I like pleasuring myself and have no interest in others and why my fantasies are about myself as a woman. I understand why I want more mirrors in my bedroom to see myself and reinforce my fantasy with a visual proof.

I love my wife but we have not had a sexual interest in each other in a long time and we have been married for 33 years ... so it is a long time.

Still in love but more so with myself
Tisha

[try something new]

I've had sex with my wife on my office desk while dressed in a short black dress, heels and make up. Then she dared me to lock up the building and drive home dressed as I was.
She also **** me at the beach while I sat on a stone wall, 20 feet from the highway around 10pm.

[utah beauty]

My ts desires kinda have put a damper on my dating... so I couldn't say really... It makes me really nervous to get into a serious relationship with anyone because of things like this, at least til i'm post-op...

[sempervirens]

The wife can sacrifice some of what she wants to please her husband. This allows him to fulfill his CDing needs (in bed or while alone). Alternatively, the husband can sacrifice some of what he wants to please his wife. This means he cannot CD. If he does it alone, this will detract from sex with his wife. And he he does it with his wife, it will reduce her enjoyment. So we kind of have a yin/yang going on here. Is there some kind of middleground that can bring some kind of balance?

I like your post.

Just IMO... ideally in a committed relationship there's some willingness to participate in what your partner likes either to please them or see if you like it. My fiancee and I have a game called "once a month." If there's something we enjoy, and we're not sure the other is okay with, we'll do our best to indulge it, but no more often than once a month. It works for us because one person gets their quirky fantasy fulfilled and the other person gets the assurance that the fantasy won't consume our sex life. There are hard limits we both have (has to be monogamous, safe, etc.), but I think what's really worked is trying to put a lot of weight on each other's wants.

Dressing has changed parts of our sex life, but we're as satisfied and active. I think the thing that's really gotten us is identity questions... does liking this mean I'm lesbian/bi... stuff like that. I really dislike that I've put her in the position of questioning all that.

[Kristitx555]

I am one of those cross dressers who's sole interest in dressing up is for the sexual excitement. I never feel more sexy than as Samantha. Almost every time I dress up I am sexual, but 80% of the time I'm alone with toys and stuff.

My girl likes me to be a guy in the sack, as she has every right to And honestly I like having both sides to my sexuality, sex as a guy, and sometimes as a girl. Every once and a while my girl will come home and I'll be dressed up and she'll suggest we do a role play role reversal with toys. I'll get in trouble ( as I have before :p ) if I'm anymore specific. We always have fun! It is amazing and I'm still stunned at her willingness and acceptance of me. She is the most loving woman I could've ever hoped to find Especially since it's just never simple with me, I make everything complicated

So it's had an affect on my sex life, a very positive one!

I wish that could be the case for everyone here

You are one lucky girl Samantha!

[Staci G]

Sex life?? whats that?? Haven't done that in a while, although I really don't care much anyway I'd rather shoe or dress shop

[Karen__Starr]

I engage in sexual activities often and rarely the person who is initiating but instead my partner. Dressing does not constitute a sexual ritual for me but instead to be feminine. If given the choice I can go over a week but that has not happened for some time now. I had surgery last week and that curtailed my bones being jumped for about five days.

[Dee2U]

I too, much prefer to pleasure myself. As I mentioned on another thread, I do try to make her happy and play the role of a man but it is becoming hard for me and harder for her too; what with menopause and all.

I absolutely must imagine myself within a scenario that at least contains dressing and role playing (as the wife) in order to accomplish the act. Still works though and I will soldier on because I love her....Dee

[caan1848]

For me there is a definite "erotic charge" associated with cross-dressing. I suppose to put it bluntly, it makes me feel sexy! However, without getting to graphic, it's not something that really provides sexual gratification. Another thing I find interesting (when I should really just accept and get on with it) is that the desire to dress is definitely greater when I am not getting as much sex as I would like; ahhh the ebb and flow of a long, and basically happy, marriage. I guess what I am trying to say is that, for me, there is a definite link between sex and dressing but I am pretty confused about what it is.

xx Catherine.

[rachelcdtvcd]

I'd much rather please myself. I know what I like. The dressing has always been sexual for me. As far as I know, my ex-girlfriend never knew I dressed, but the sex was better with myself than with her. I guess it would be hard not to be able to please yourself every time.

[vetobob9]

I'm a virgin. I've never had a sex life.

[Satrana]

Personally I would have difficulties now wanting to have sex with a partner who did not understand me or flat-out rejected my CDing side. I think an emotional connection becomes increasingly important as libido subsides with age. I suspect many CDs turn to their own image as much to find open acceptance even if it is internalized.

The more unaccepting the partner is, the more likely the CD will resort to self-gratification to satisfy both his sex drive and also his emotional need for acceptance.

On the other hand an accepting GG may find that her partner increasingly needs to CD to become aroused with her. Understandably this may lead her to question if her partner still desires her or is just using her as an accomplice in his sexual fantasies.

On the question of why many women get turned off, this has to do with the idea that femininity needs to be matched with masculinity. A woman wants to be desired by a man, she wants to know that she drives him crazy and is aroused by her presence, by her beauty and personality. She wants to be consumed by his desire.

So femininity seeks out masculinity to complete the circuit. Without masculinity, femininity has no reason to exist. These ideas are conceptualized in a woman's emotional/sexual needs in a relationship and the pleasure and comfort from being found desirable and wanted.

The problem is our society conditions everyone to believe that when a man expresses femininity, the essence of his masculinity is destroyed. He is devalued as a man and can no longer play his complementary part in a relationship. Just the thought of her partner in a dress without even seeing him or even any clothes can leave a GG cold. She feels she has lost the quintessential part of him that she subconsciously needs to feel complete and satisfied herself.

Well thats my take on it. Until masculinity is redefined in society to include feminine qualities, some GGs are going to struggle with the idea because it attacks the foundation of emotional connectiveness.

[shannonFL]

[QUOTE=Satrana;2011768]Personally I would have difficulties now wanting to have sex with a partner who did not understand me or flat-out rejected my CDing side. I think an emotional connection becomes increasingly important as libido subsides with age. I suspect many CDs turn to their own image as much to find open acceptance even if it is internalized.

Well, this, and the rest of Satrana's post crystallize the essence of what's going on ........in my marital experience at least...nothing else left to say...

[KarenHiller]

For me, it hasn't changed much...instead it's created a whole new level of intensity.

My SO and I have been dating for 3 years now, and we are getting married next week.

We initially entered the relationship as a power exchange, with me being the submissive one (of course). As we grew together, she was able to help me break down mental barrier after mental barrier, but still I was afraid to tell her.

Interestingly, she rarely wears makeup, and wears shorts and comfortable clothes almost all the time. She describes her dress style as "lesbian gym teacher".

It's never been an issue, as I have always been attracted to her mind and personality, not so much to what she wears etc.

However, 6 months or more ago she stumbled upon me stumbling upon this site, and up through a couple of months ago, it was the pink elephant in the room.

Since then she has picked out no less than three outfits for me. She loves feeling these clothes, she just doesn't like wearing them. But, she loves seeing me in them, feeling me in them, and looking at me.

But I wait until she wants to dress me, I have never (or will ever) insist or even hint that I want to wear something. It just feels better when she controls it...I let her choose that option, which keeps us both in check.

I hope this helps.

Meghan

Just wanted to wish you all the best, and I know you and your bride to be will be happy forever.

And I hope you'll be wearing something pretty on your wedding day. I know I did

Karen

[kimdl93]

Karen,

For me cross dressing and sexuality are fairly intimately (pun) connected. Of course as an adolescent, I found a solitary outlet for the arrousal that accompanied cross dressing. But as an adult, dressing became an integral part of intimate relations with my (ex) wife.

I remember how it began. I'd quit dressing while I was in the military - for obvious reasons. Then, during the early months of my relationship with my fiance, I really never dared bring up this part of me. Then, one night a few months after we married, we were making love. We often shared erotic fantasies - one of her (and my) favorites was lesbian love making. In the midst of foreplay, she asked me to dress in her bra, panties and panty hose...I very willingly complied and as usual, the sex was fabulous. After that, the genie was out of the box. I admitted my interest in cross dressing and she accomodated me, at least to the extent of letting me wear pantyhose and panties when we made love...and under my male clothes.

Years later we were divorced. Dressing was NOT a contributing factor, but there was a lot of anger, and she "outed" me to friends and family. Fortunately, it doesn't seem to have impacted my other relationships - I suspect many people thought she was just being spiteful.

Now, I'm remmarried. My wife has known from the outset of our relationship and is wonderfully understanding and supportive. I don't go out - sadly I can't hope to pass. But I enjoy being dressed most of my time at home.

[ReineD]

Well thats my take on it. Until masculinity is redefined in society to include feminine qualities, some GGs are going to struggle with the idea because it attacks the foundation of emotional connectiveness.

That's my understanding too. But a GG doesn't have to wait until the rest of society changes its definitions. She can learn to embrace the idea on her own. It becomes difficult when her partner doesn't believe her and prefers to continue hir solitary practices.