Printable View
My two thoughts after reading this:
#1) I don't understand yet the tone of your posts. You know about hormones, your are TG, but you write as if you are totally clueless about all the struggles involved. Sorry, but all this is confusing.
#2) After #1, I'm not sure if I can believe the entire story, but if all this is true, your boyfriend might be using you and your experience to understand his transgenderism or to help him transition, or to get clothes... I'd just recommend you to be careful.
My boyfriend has stopped taking the hormones (and blockers) for a few days. He was on hormones for 6 months. He is depressed and moody now as far as I can see. He feels like does not want to do anything. He does not even want to answer when I ask something. He will need to see doctor soon too.
At the very least your b/f needs to check with a doctor about his liver since hormones are tough on the liver and can damage it. If he is self medicating how can he possibly know the right doses and just how his liver is affected. Those who do this properly through an endocrinologist have their liver function tested regularly. The process of transforming from male to female is complex and has dangers he most likely knows little about and his liver is just one of them. If you still care for him make sure he knows that so he doesn't end up hurting himself far more than he might be prepared for. Hope you can come to peace about this.
Whatever else he does, if he is taking real hormones, he should be talking to a doctor. Too much estrogen at once can create life threatening blood clots as well as some other very dangerous conditions.Quote:
Originally Posted by pradaarmani
The two of you probably need to start looking at your mutual needs. As the Partner of a Cross-Dresser, Transgendered, and possibly Transsexual partner, you should be thinking about what YOU want from his changes. If he wants to stay on hormones and it's making it hard or impossible for him to get it up, then you need to find ways for him to satisfy you sexually. If he's becoming more serene and less aggressive, he needs to use the transitions as motivation. He needs to have some responsibilities both at work, and at home, and needs to be responsible. If he were a single woman, he would still have to work and have a career. Even married women need to work these days, and very often, become very successful.
If he has reached a point where he is comfortable with the changes in his body, and doesn't want more, he shouldn't try to quit cold turkey, and he should probably find a support group or therapist so he can share some of the feelings he is going through. He has made choices, and thus far, he has had to deal with very few consequences.
You are both going through transitions, and you can either fight them, and be frustrated, or you can look for what YOU want out of the transitions. If he can't please you the usual ways, how can he please you. If he's becoming more feminine, will he take on some of the "women's work" chores? If he doesn't like fighting and being aggressive anymore, would he like to focus more on support and service roles and opportunities within his career.
You might even want to encourage him to dress up MORE. Many men, when faced with the pressure of having to do a full dress-up every day, 7 days a week, even if it's after work, and having to get dressed and do normal things all the time, begin to see that being a woman full-time may not be everything they had hoped it would be. You might even want to insist that he dress in skirt, hose, heels, wig, bra, heels, and very tight underwear (tuck) as soon as he gets home from work, and starting first thing in the morning on his days off.
At the same time, you need to let him know, up front, what you expect from him. He has to do better than before at work, and find a way to be doing what he loves at work. He should also under-dress while at work. Wearing what he can under his clothes. A bra may not work, but a camisole, underwear, and hose or tights might be a good choice.
These are all things that a professional therapist would recommend if he thought he wanted to actually transition. Part of the reason is because a significant percentage of TGs and CDs who go through the Benjamin protocol of supervised transition, often find that they aren't interested in making the transition after all.
If he really thinks he wants to transition, the next step would be electrolysis. Sometimes that alone is enough to discourage a wanna-be.
Meanwhile, if he DOES decide he really wants to go further, even if not to sex reassignment surgery (SRS), you will have the ability to either find ways to adjust that may YOU happy, or you will be able to determine that you may not be able to go much further.
Rather than break up with him, you may want to work together to decide on how your needs will be met. This may include having a boyfriend who can please you as a man, as well as having your current boyfriend who can please you the way he pleases you now. You may even find that as he comes out, that you could fix him up with a man or woman who could better meet his needs.
The two most dangerous things to do right now are to just "dump him" or to give him an ultimatim that he stop all medications immediately. Either could trigger some nasty emotional and mental issues. He won't admit it, but he's probably more vulnerable now, with you, than he has ever been. He loves you more than almost anything, partly BECAUSE you accept both his masculine AND FEMININE side. For him, it's the only way he can truly be loved. At the same time, he is experiencing love and the ability to express a part of himself, the most precious and protected part of himself, with you and in public. I'm sure you have seen how happy it makes him, and how much he enjoys it and how much he loves you.
If you "pull the plug" on either, the risk is that he will think that if he failed with you, that he will never be able to make it work. With a future that dismal, a future in which he can never express his true self an can never be truly loved - the possibility of 30, 50, or even 70 years of living a lie, hiding in the shadows, always having to pretend to be what he is not and pretend not to be what he is, and never to be loved, is enough to drive many young men to self-destruction. This may take the form of suicide attempts, drug and alcohol abuse, putting himself in high risk environments and situations, and/or trying to get someone else to castrate or kill him.
If you do want to go your own way, you might want to consider "setting him up" with someone who has expressed a desire to take him where he thinks he wants to go. Let your girlfriends know that he's going a bit farther than you want to go, and that you'd like to know who might want to take him the rest of the way. But before you do that, make sure that he really does want to go that way.
I suspect that if you follow the suggestions I mentioned above, that he may find that he is happy being a man who can be a girl once in a while, and that having small breasts and a girl who loves him is more important and more in line with where he really wants to be. I'm basing this on the statements you have made as well as some of his actions. The fact that he's self-medicating and hasn't started electrolysis tells me that he is playing with ways to improve his look as a CD rather than a desire to spend the rest of his life living full-time as a woman.
I see a lot of things wrong here. My first thought is "Tough Love" Tell him he gets off the hormones now and seek help to figure out what he wants and then call you once he knows. Right now I fear he is not being totally honest with you. Touch love tests the strength of that love. If he cares about you, he will have to make a choice. That is to be a man, one that crossdresses, But be a man! A MAN DOES NOT TAKE FEMALE HORMONES. So I think it's time he makes a choice. You or his becoming more female to whatever extent he thinks he wants to be. But if it includes 24/7 dress, hormones and no sexual drive or capability, he is not the one for you. That is plain to see. Choices with help from professionals is overdue. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you come out of this situation holding onto your hopes, dreams and wishes. Don't give them up for someone else.
He does admit that the hormones mess up his mind and body. He doesn't want breasts and wishes sex drive will come back. He will get his hair cut short tomorrow. He said he needs to man up. We will go to see the doctor and get his liver checked.
This is a big change. I was shocked by his decision because i always thought that he would never quit the hormones. Now he did. And we will see what happens.
You said you have a life to live, love to give and dreams to pursue, do it!
Vieja
I find this thread and most of the posts completely bewildering! Nothing rings tru or makes any sense! :eek:
Did someone slip LSD in my tea? Or, do others feel "lost" when reading about this TS and her possible TS "boyfriend"?:brolleyes:
i'm with you doc.....
Me too. ............
One guy started hormones and blockers in March 2011. He met me in May 2011 and we started dating and relationship. He told a few weeks later that he was a cd and I was fine. I took him out for the first time. In late September 2011, he told me about his hormones.
If he continues the hormones, I will help him transition but I don't wish to stay in a romantic relationship. In my selfish opinion, I want him to stop the hormones. A few days ago, he looked and sounded strange. He told me that he did not take the pills and would stop them completely. He enjoys being a man and my boyfriend.
I understand why he started the hormones. It's because of his past. However, the effects of the hormones and blockers on his brain and body are far beyond what he imagined. Now he wishes to stop.
He is not transexual, he said.
what woman wears all that crap everyday? maybe a an exec. The only reason I wear makeup everyday is to cover up the beard shadow. If I could make electrolysis go faster I would! clothes and make up do not make you a womanQuote:
Originally Posted by DebbieL
I have the same issues and found out that I really am a transexual he need to go to therapy. The main reason mose ment don't is beucase of fear and shame from family and friends it's a tough thing. His nature of always wanting to be more female will never go away, trust me i know.
I would repeat, see a therapist, see a doctor. An endrocrinologist would help manage the hormones a lot better. He could choose a middle path like a No-Op transexual. One example is TrannyGirl15 on youtube. She choose to not to have SRS, and maintain a relationship with her girlfriend. Her doctor helps balance hormones so that she can still function sexual with her girlfriend.