Whatever else he does, if he is taking real hormones, he should be talking to a doctor. Too much estrogen at once can create life threatening blood clots as well as some other very dangerous conditions.Originally Posted by pradaarmani
The two of you probably need to start looking at your mutual needs. As the Partner of a Cross-Dresser, Transgendered, and possibly Transsexual partner, you should be thinking about what YOU want from his changes. If he wants to stay on hormones and it's making it hard or impossible for him to get it up, then you need to find ways for him to satisfy you sexually. If he's becoming more serene and less aggressive, he needs to use the transitions as motivation. He needs to have some responsibilities both at work, and at home, and needs to be responsible. If he were a single woman, he would still have to work and have a career. Even married women need to work these days, and very often, become very successful.
If he has reached a point where he is comfortable with the changes in his body, and doesn't want more, he shouldn't try to quit cold turkey, and he should probably find a support group or therapist so he can share some of the feelings he is going through. He has made choices, and thus far, he has had to deal with very few consequences.
You are both going through transitions, and you can either fight them, and be frustrated, or you can look for what YOU want out of the transitions. If he can't please you the usual ways, how can he please you. If he's becoming more feminine, will he take on some of the "women's work" chores? If he doesn't like fighting and being aggressive anymore, would he like to focus more on support and service roles and opportunities within his career.
You might even want to encourage him to dress up MORE. Many men, when faced with the pressure of having to do a full dress-up every day, 7 days a week, even if it's after work, and having to get dressed and do normal things all the time, begin to see that being a woman full-time may not be everything they had hoped it would be. You might even want to insist that he dress in skirt, hose, heels, wig, bra, heels, and very tight underwear (tuck) as soon as he gets home from work, and starting first thing in the morning on his days off.
At the same time, you need to let him know, up front, what you expect from him. He has to do better than before at work, and find a way to be doing what he loves at work. He should also under-dress while at work. Wearing what he can under his clothes. A bra may not work, but a camisole, underwear, and hose or tights might be a good choice.
These are all things that a professional therapist would recommend if he thought he wanted to actually transition. Part of the reason is because a significant percentage of TGs and CDs who go through the Benjamin protocol of supervised transition, often find that they aren't interested in making the transition after all.
If he really thinks he wants to transition, the next step would be electrolysis. Sometimes that alone is enough to discourage a wanna-be.
Meanwhile, if he DOES decide he really wants to go further, even if not to sex reassignment surgery (SRS), you will have the ability to either find ways to adjust that may YOU happy, or you will be able to determine that you may not be able to go much further.
Rather than break up with him, you may want to work together to decide on how your needs will be met. This may include having a boyfriend who can please you as a man, as well as having your current boyfriend who can please you the way he pleases you now. You may even find that as he comes out, that you could fix him up with a man or woman who could better meet his needs.
The two most dangerous things to do right now are to just "dump him" or to give him an ultimatim that he stop all medications immediately. Either could trigger some nasty emotional and mental issues. He won't admit it, but he's probably more vulnerable now, with you, than he has ever been. He loves you more than almost anything, partly BECAUSE you accept both his masculine AND FEMININE side. For him, it's the only way he can truly be loved. At the same time, he is experiencing love and the ability to express a part of himself, the most precious and protected part of himself, with you and in public. I'm sure you have seen how happy it makes him, and how much he enjoys it and how much he loves you.
If you "pull the plug" on either, the risk is that he will think that if he failed with you, that he will never be able to make it work. With a future that dismal, a future in which he can never express his true self an can never be truly loved - the possibility of 30, 50, or even 70 years of living a lie, hiding in the shadows, always having to pretend to be what he is not and pretend not to be what he is, and never to be loved, is enough to drive many young men to self-destruction. This may take the form of suicide attempts, drug and alcohol abuse, putting himself in high risk environments and situations, and/or trying to get someone else to castrate or kill him.
If you do want to go your own way, you might want to consider "setting him up" with someone who has expressed a desire to take him where he thinks he wants to go. Let your girlfriends know that he's going a bit farther than you want to go, and that you'd like to know who might want to take him the rest of the way. But before you do that, make sure that he really does want to go that way.
I suspect that if you follow the suggestions I mentioned above, that he may find that he is happy being a man who can be a girl once in a while, and that having small breasts and a girl who loves him is more important and more in line with where he really wants to be. I'm basing this on the statements you have made as well as some of his actions. The fact that he's self-medicating and hasn't started electrolysis tells me that he is playing with ways to improve his look as a CD rather than a desire to spend the rest of his life living full-time as a woman.
