Help me to understand my CD husband please. (LONG post)

In my experience I have learned that when I have been forced to refrain from dressing either from my parents, my x-wife, or my own fears I was very irritable, would fly off the handle over the smallest things, and a whole lot of other disruptive activities. I was not a happy person at all. When I am dressing I am a very different person. I am very relaxed, easy going, fun loving and a very happy person. No one will ever force me to refrain from dressing again. I am just a better person when I am dressing. That being said as with most CD's I am a man, I love being a man and do not want to be a woman. I was loyal to my x-wife and am loyal to my two girls and my SO. I Love them all and wouldn't want to lose them.

You are not a bad wife. The fact that you are trying to understand your husband is proof of that. My x-wife of 10 years told me either her or CDing, nothing in-between. I would say that compromise is in order and a good marriage consoler with knowledge of gender identity issues would be a big help for both of you. There are CDing groups in your area that your husband could join. All of these could be helpful.
You both can be happy and safe.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by WIFE

I need to come to terms with his crossdressing. I need to accept him for who he is...but with some ground rules for his safety and our family's safety and reputation.

Di

---

How is his reputation at risk? Safety? I'm still going to say there is something else to this. I'm a cop. I go out. I'm married. I really don't feel like this risks my safety or my reputation. If found out, I will just tell the truth. My wife supports me and that is all that matters to me. I bet he feels the same way no matter what the boundaries are....if he's been keeping promises for 20 years.....

Lorileah,

This is one of the most cogent statements to a wife that I have read. I wish there were some way that I could get my wife to read it. Great job!!

Snow Princess

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Moxie

But to ask me to turn OFF my heterosexual desires for a man, hair and all, is like asking him to turn off his crossdressing. Neither is fair, even with compromise, because ultimately someone always feels unhappy.

---

This is one of the best points of view I have read. Neither is more fair than the other.

I would argue that it takes more than body hair to be strong. Strength is embodied in many ways that span all genders. I absolutely love watching my female cat stand her ground against our other two bigger, stronger male cats. They are stronger than she is, physically, but she is a persistent b*tch...and I love seeing her not take any bleep from the boys.

Still, I don't want to discount the importance of physical attraction. It's not even a remote priority for me, but most people need to be physically attracted to someone else before anything beyond being friends is possible.

Human behavior is fascinating.

Meghan

I love big hairy men too. As far as age goes I would think he would of already have trans..ferd but he has not. He still loves you "I'm guessing". Plus Payless does not have size 12 or 14 he should know that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sweetgal

I wish my wife cared enough about my cd'ing to find a site like this and reach out to others. I'm jealous.

---

I have to agree with Sweetgal,
You have reached out to a wonderful group of people that are so caring and open on expressing their thoughts and feelings towards others on here. There will be some intense conversations and that is a perfect way to release your bottled up emotions. I am a totally different person in regards to cross dressing and how I approach it now. I too cross dress on a sort of hot and cold cycle. I can go months without the dressing, but I always have the desire to do so. I have opened up to many nice people on here and some of what I have said has opened up bottled feelings from their past.

Please open up to us and if your husband has not yet joined the forum, please ask him to do that for you. We are all on here to listen to what other people have to say or to just voice our suppressed feelings. That in my view is the right direction to healing wounds and to be able to embrace all of the complex issues involved in cross dressing. I can never give it up like smoking, I have really tried to the point of causing severe emotional issues. Denial is a real emotion wrecker, I know that for a fact.

What I believe is a real tough area is how to create a sort of fine-line between cross dressing and the so-called manly man. I used to go into a real denial phase just by shaving my legs. I had felt that by doing such a thing I had removed some of my manly traits. Now, I shave as I please and it has a health benefit too, I can find those sneaky little ticks during the summer in second!

I feel that you have given your husband some healthy limits on being a CD. I would suggest that you try to embrace his need to fully dress and take a nice vacation far from home to let it all out on an as needed basis. Suppressing somebody, just like when you were young usually makes you want do it more. In the end it could cause more damage to the relationship than to let it come out more often.

You have your needs too and you have every right to ask for them. I have found that if I CD on a regular basis, it tempers the need to go from nothing to something a little too wild for my taste. Under dressing is going to moderate his feminine side as this is what I do on a regular basis now. I do desire to go out and dress as a woman in public. That is going to happen because I keep suppressing those thoughts and feelings and it is clouding my thoughts everyday now until I do it.
It took me decades just to post a simple picture of my lower half.

On a funny note, try not shaving your legs for a while and see what reaction you get from him. I wish you all the best on your relationship with your husband and if you need to voice your concerns, please post it on here or PM one of us. You will be surprised on the results of doing so.

Thank you for listening to me today and I hope that I offered some good advice.
Hugs,

Hi Wife,It seems you are doing all the right things on your end.It's easy to see from your post that you are flexible and have extended yourself as far a you feel you can.I think it's time for him to extend the same.For me,the fact that you are loosing sexual interest ,and the rules have changed warrants a full conversation.No ultimatums need be given,but he should be sensitive to where all of this has left you and be willing to make compromises to help and reassure you.I feel he may have lost sight that this entire deal was a compromise for you from the beginning.So lets get that talk going,I would start by mentioning what you said in your initial post...about how you would never leave him even if he were to come out.Then lead up to how you feel different sexually now.Tell him you feel your loosing touch and you want to fix this because you care deeply.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by WIFE

I just need to know...would many of you go back to not shaving after doing it for months? One of you posted that it would be difficult for him to stop now. That scares me. It's like this thing is alive...can't it be controlled?

THAT is indeed my question...are most of you able to control these urges? CAN you limit the activity, or is it out of your hands.

---

I'm 50 so we're close in age, for me, I had pretty much explored my crossdressing by the time I met my wife. I had a complete female wardrobe, makeup and wigs.
A fairly good grasp on colors and styles of clothing, and makeup application.

I had been out somewhat often. There was even a local bar that accepted crossdressers, but I really didn't go out all that much. I enjoy being a guy and doing guy stuff
(except I find watching sports boring)!

There was a full moon on the night I was born... By the time I met my wife I had grown weary of fighting my body hair. I have industrial strength stubble when I shave my chest,
worse 5 o'clock shadow than my face! As a result I don't shave much anymore. I also don't dress much anymore except I only wear panties, and sleep in nightgowns. I also have some silk pj's for lounge wear. I also find something comforting about wearing a bra, which I do not understand.

So yes, it can be controlled.