Wow, I'm overwhelmed by all of the responses...thank you. Just to clarify a few things:

Yes we've been together for twenty years, and for most of that time, his crossdressing consisted of his dressing while I was out of the house. He didn't shave, he didn't wear woman's underwear and nylons underneath his every day wear. Now, just recently he started shaving and wearing the undies and nylons every day. Oh and he paints his toenails too. To me this seemed like an escalation of great proportions. We've talked about it, and he says that this moderate dressing is enough for him, and that he is satisfied and happy with things as they now are. I am afraid that is a temporary thing.

Oh if only we lived in a big city like Chicago or New York...than things would probably be easier for him to express himself.

I've thought about bringing him to my therapist to discuss things...but so far I think we are doing ok on our own. As long as he is always honest with me up front. I cannot stand the lies this sometimes creates. That is a hard pill to swallow.

I'm not worried at all about divorce. We all have things about the other that we don't like. I'm overweight, and I know he doesn't like that (neither do I), but he still loves me. I look at it as something like that...he CD's...I still love him for the wonderful man that he is.

This man has helped me and been with me through my cancer, through the deepest depression where I had to be hospitalized two times for suicidal thoughts. He loves me. He stands by me even though I'm not well. I would never, ever through that away.

I need to come to terms with his crossdressing. I need to accept him for who he is...but with some ground rules for his safety and our family's safety and reputation. I hope that isn't a bad desire on my part. I really don't want our friends and neighbors to know about his CD'ing.

I hope this clarifys some things, and thank you all so much for your posts. It helps a lot. I will look into getting my ten posts in order to join the wife's forum on here...thanks for that suggestion.

Di