This is so well said in that it almost perfectly describes me. Thanks for putting it down on "paper".Quote:
Originally Posted by OrdinaryAverageGuy
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This is so well said in that it almost perfectly describes me. Thanks for putting it down on "paper".Quote:
Originally Posted by OrdinaryAverageGuy
So well said nothing to add!
well said ordinary guy.
Good response, Ordinary Guy. As the definition says, the requirement is to "self identify all of the time or part of the time..." If you are male and you don't identify as female-like, at least part of the time, then you do not fit the definition of transgender. To identify in that way the person must sense a dissatisfaction with the gender associated with their natal sex, that is, they must have some significant degree of gender dysphoria. If you don't experience that then you are not transgender and therefore in need of a change in gender expression and thinking to rid yourself of the dysphoria (discomfort of being male) so your adopted sexual and gender identity are congruent. In short, incongruency is the key.
So considering yourself as a crossdresser (a male who enjoys for some other reason wearing clothes intended for females) fits very well and is completely logical. That said, most, but not all, trans people are also crossdressers. Some do not crossdress because their experience is completely internal and the clothes don't matter to them. But they still identify as female (or male if female). Not common, but they do exist in both MTF and FTM transgender people.
The main point I am making is that trans, CD, NB, etc, etc are just labels that have no discrete reality and definitions that, although understood, are really pretty bad as far as definitions are concerned. Gender is the role that you have chosen to have in the fabric of the culture in which you live. That is usually masculine for male and feminine for female, but there is no requirement to be that way. In a very few cultures everyone is actually noticeably gender reversed. Gender is an inherent, biological property of humans, but it is not cast in stainless steel and absolutely binary. That is not the nature of biology. Biology is all about variation.
Another ditto to OrdinaryAverageGuys post that Jenn pasted #51.
Having finally accepted this part of me four years ago and having had the opportunity to finally act and reflect on this impulse, my ambition never seems to go beyond wearing dresses and looking afap (as feminine as possible).
So I feel pretty strongly I am just your garden variety CDer...for now. A lady has a right to change her mind. ;)
IMO, it is a continuum with the m2f transitioning on the far end and the fetishistic crossdresser on the other end. I have come to see myself as transgender, although I will never transition and now actually rarely crossdress. I wish I were born a woman and, I think if I did not marry early and have kids, and would have been born into a world with puberty blockers, etc. (and had the opportunity), I would have transitioned. But that is not the life I have had. Nancy
I'm a crossdresser, but the actual description would go further to say that I am a straight guy who wears things that expand his masculinity rather than converts his nature to femininity. I love being a guy, a husband, a father, a grandfather, etc... I actually feel like a stronger man when claiming some of the softer parts of who I am.
After lots of time on this site, and other sites reading and reading and reading, I still am not completly sure but I'll give a go at a description to the question of "how do you know what you are."
I enjoy most manly things like sports (includes being a pretty good basketball and football player and playing in leagues both as a school boy and as an adult for many years). I enjoy doing heavy home improvement projects (building walls, patio covers, landscaping, etcetera). I don't hate my body or wish I was a woman. I adore the female physique and beauty. I am not attracted to men. If I'm out in public and people watching, I will always look at the attractive women and enjoy their beauty.
I enjoy looking at lots of beautiful things: trees, landscapes, sunsets, cute animals, art, houses, cars, clouds, lakes, mountains, boats, airplanes, architecture, and many other things I'm sure. If I see a beautiful dress in the window, I marvel at the colors, the daintiness and I think there's a deep link, a neural path that connects that to a beautiful woman, and of course, to sex. My first thoughts are probably not that I would like to know how that dress would look on me, but that thought might be 2nd or third in the chain of thoughts that flood to mind. The fact that the thought of wearing the dress does seem to start a cascade of thoughts is not something I trivially push aside. If there is a pretty dress that I have the opportunity to try on, I often indulge.
Once the mind starts down this path, it's like alternate programming is loaded and running in my brain. I don't have to dress to make it run. I just have to think it, and follow the thoughts. I have a vivid and deep imagination. It is pleasurable and nice, which makes it a habitual thought process to follow. I believe our brains are more powerful than most people realize. I spend a lot of time introspecting on these things and have come to the conclusion that our brains know how to deliver pleasure and that is why we do a lot of what we do. Is this an example of predetermined destiny as opposed to self-determined behavior? Certain things that repulse you in a normal state of mind, that you might actually do when stimulated (as in a heightened sexual state, or on alcohol or drugs--think oral sex). I view love and attraction as a type of drug, and treat them with the same respect and restraint so as not to let those things control ones life.
That said, when I am in a heightened state, I can imagine myself as being a woman. It is pleasurable to do so. I don't have to dress to get into this state. I know AGP is not a popular theory amongst many here, but it is one of the closest descriptions I have read that describes how I feel. I thought about it a lot, and if I was to go deeper, dress to the nines, venture out, and do so on a regular basis, I am scared as to what it might lead to (as in wanting to go further and further--like a drug). I have been this way since I was a teenager, and probably even before that, but not having had the information or life experiences to understand why I was the way I was. Of course, it was very confusing for a long time, which surprisingly didn't create any big problems for my life as a whole, but just left me in wonderment when I tried to figure it out. I tried to figure out if I was gay, bi, or what. Nothing seem to fit, so I just accepted that I sometimes drift into the trans-type thoughts, and went on about my life. Of course, the internet made it possible to discreetly dive deeper into the why part, and to know there are others out there experiencing the same things, but still didn't answer all the questions. It is kind of comforting to know that even the so called experts don't have all the answers. It's another one of those areas where mankind doesn't have all the answers (like What are we? Where are we in space/time continuum?), and we just have to find a way to be OK with that and get about with the day to day tasks of survival.
All that said, I do fantisize about dressing fully with breast forms, makeup and all of it to see how good I could look. I have experimented with makeup, but not having enough time to really experiment how I would like to, it leaves me a bit unsatisfied. I would want to dress and be attractive. And yes, when I do get into this state of mind, I can easily imagine being intimate with another CD or man. So, based on the evidence presented, I feel I'm on the transgender continuum somewhere, but not going to transiton or even push it much. I'm totally and completly in the closet, and want to stay there.
I read one commenter in this thread mention something about AGP being total BS. All of it? If that is so, what does that make me in your opinion based on my description? I'm always open to new opinions and insight.
I don't post much, but I posted this in case it might help others. I know there are more than a few on this site whose descriptions of how it is for them is similar to mine.
There are many intelligent and caring souls on this site, and that's what keeps me coming back. Feel free to DM me with any questions, as I might not see responses in the thread.
Thanks for reading all of this.
Laura, as one who identifies with AGP? I think u may be confusing it with other feelings?:straightface:
When I see Sherry in my mirror, I have no interest in going out. Because I want her all to myself!:o
And, ever since I identified myself as a straight CD, I have zero interest in dating men or other dressers.:thumbsdn:
As a straight male? I'd say if u have thots of being with males, you're either gay, bi, or r having the common fantasy of being treated as a woman by a man.:battingeyelashes:
I agree with doc. When we have a greater freedom to do whatever comes to our minds, its easier to rule out fantasies, wishes or desires that existed only out of repression or suppression. I already mentioned here that I keep asking myself why I?m not dressing more at home since my girlfriend is such an enthusiastic supporter. Why is she asking me to put heels or sexy feminine attire to go to bed and I’m just… no… I’m pretty comfortable wearing boxers freedom is a great modulator of desire.
It’s hard to know what you really want when you don’t have the opportunity to experience the situation.
As for me, I’m a plain heterosexual crossdresser.
I am a committed male and have no interest in exploring a feminine personality. I just like to wear women's clothing, especially bras and panties.
I am bisexual. I have a new girlfriend who is replacing a boyfriend.
I am an occasional crossdresser and my new girlfriend seems to like the idea enough that after I told her a few nights ago she ordered something that she says she wants to see me wear.
I feel like you know, for me I love to dress but have no further desire to be a woman.
I quoting part of this thread to give context.
Marina said...
I replied...Quote:
Originally Posted by MarinaTwelve200
Laura wroteQuote:
Originally Posted by IamWren
I didn't say "total BS" and I said it response to Marina's insinuation that it is a hypothesis that applies to trans people.Quote:
Originally Posted by laura.lapinski
Based on your description?Quote:
Originally Posted by laura.lapinski
I think you are red-blooded, heterosexual MAN who has found a healthy view and outlet from wearing women's clothing. I don't think you're transgender or even close. I think imagining yourself as a woman and dressing as a woman gets you sexually aroused. But given what you wrote above... I truly believe you're a heterosexual, cisgender man.
Transwomen are not men. Some... some, for various reasons may have some male anatomy but they are not men. AND... if a transwoman gets sexually aroused it isn't because of the flawed nature of Blanchard's hypothesis.
There are a lot of articles written on the subject in support of and against.
There is an unfortunate lack of study on trans folks in general however, the idea of AGP as it was applied to trans women has been disproven through critical thought, logic and reason countless times.
Here is a really good article (albeit, quite long) on the subject.
Making sense of augtogynephelia
Hmmm. This is very opportune.
As a young lad dressing in sisters and mums clothing and then later my wife's I just thought this was some sort of sexual quirk.
12 years ago with so much information at my finger tips I realised that I had a strong attraction to my female side.
Whilst imprinted from a child that I was a boy and did boy things I still felt drawn to soft fabrics and makeup.
I am lucky enough now to make changes to my appearance and make this a reality. So I have moved from CD to (almost) female.
When you make the conscious decision to fully dress as a female (IMHO) and present to the outside world you are affirming that you would prefer to be female.
Not all males are (gender dysphoric) disgusted or hate their genitalia but it is interesting that we all use breast forms and tuck away everything else to emulate the female form.
I think for most of the members here who are; but for relationships and jobs where they need to conform would if wishes could be made real would change sex.
Why else would you dress as something you are not?
Just my view and not written to upset anyone.
Philipa
Rhonda. Hellooo, by the way - it's been far too long. Yes! This is it in a nutshell. I joined this particular online community the second day after my eg cracked; at that point my thinking was about as sophisticated as "Ah, So I'm a cross-dresser then, that's interesting; let's see what the Internet has to say about that...". Now, 6,5 years later I am still happier wearing all the paraphernalia than not; I am "happy" to identify as gender-fluid; i have no wish to physically transition (just too much trouble, cost and pain involved, to be honest, and I still get some (occasional) pleasure from the "boys". If there was a magic pill then would I take it? Yes. If there was no antidote, would I still take it? Yes. Why? Because "Homo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto." I know that the Mods dont like anything in any language other than Engurlish, so the translation of that is "I am a human and nothing human is forbidden me" or similar.Quote:
Originally Posted by HelpMe,Rhonda
Good to see you here and that you are still active; we should catch up!
Jules
For me it is mostly about the lingerie - JC Pennys did me in at an early age - though I like some woman's clothing - so I would say I am a CD Lite!
It's important to remember that different people might call the same thing by a different name. I remember someone once insisting that I was "transexual" because I like to wear women's clothes. Personally, I do not agree with that definition, but I am powerless to change what other people think.
There are times when I wish I was a woman, but I realize that this is just a fantasy, that becoming a woman is not possible.
In the end, I like to dress as a woman and pretend that I am one. I call myself a "crossdresser".
I cross-dress because I am very fetishistic, and I like women's clothes so much, that it excites me to wear them, moreover, like a lot of you, I have legs that are quite feminine, and feet too, which wear sandals well, I love walking in heelsAttachment 330397
I am Rachel. Take it or leave it. I agree with Karren. Don't know don't care
Just to remind everyone. This thread is NOT about who u r or what u call yourself.:sad:
Also like Karren, I don't care what u r. I want to know HOW u determined that's what u r!:thumbsup:
This is a tricky one. Terms these days make it weird. I find myself into the femininity of being dressed as a girl. I know that if it were another life I may have gone full trans. For now I can be called a crossdresser but if I could I would dress in public if I knew my small town wouldn't judge me. Ultimately I'm probably non binary. I did pickup my fiance the other night in full dress and makeup with my natural longish hair. It was fun!
I knew I was only a Crossdresser because I am happy as a male, I have always found girls/women admirable and sexy. I have never once looked at a male and gotten aroused. I have no desire to transition, but I sure like the feeling of wearing women’s clothes and trying to emulate a woman.
like me, you are disguised as a fantasy to get excited. many transvestites are admirable and dress with absolute femininity; some women should take a role model, because many young women no longer dress as women, as we miss it, I think we are replacing this lack
[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]
yes, you are only a transvestite like me, we love women so much, that we love to wear her clothes and look like her for hidden momentsQuote:
Originally Posted by Mary Loo
It's why you do it and what you want from it. A friend of mine is transitioning and I'm learning so much from watching her progress. She genuinely has dysphoria among other unrelated issues but I see the difference between her and me. That doesn't take away from my situation which I put more like "I'd rather be" as opposed to "I have to be". Even with all that she wants to keep her manly part and I could care less about mine. I joke if it were gone I'd have one less thing to hide and clothes would fit better. Those would be my main thoughts. Transitioning really would just be a preference for me not a necessity. A long time ago I didn't think that was enough reason. Now I see it can be. Seeing how comfortable I am spending most of my time as a woman the reasoning behind it is kind of less important now. It would just feel right to me to transition. I guess that's how I know what I am.
So true!! One of the reasons why I feel really lucky to have a boyfriend, who has been very accepting, supportive and encouraging of me from day 1 in our relationship. As for who I am, I'm a happy CD who definitely feels like a beautiful woman when dressed!Quote:
Originally Posted by docrobbysherry
Petrale,
Beautifully said you are so right...
Davina
I've had a couple of good turns in my life over the past months, starting around last Christmas, and that's let me go pretty much full time. It's been a revelation, but I am in a similar situation as you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Genifer Teal
Sorry for bringing this back up, I know it's been done over and over. Some really interesting replies.Quote:
Originally Posted by docrobbysherry
This is HOW for me...
Through my counsellor, she took me on a journey of self discovery, she handed me the keys, I opened the door and can never go back. I was in turmoil before counselling, now I am in a whole new world of turmoil. Before counselling I had never even considered I was anything more than a CD but knew something wasn't right. Now when I look back through my life there are so many things that happened. Starting in my teens when a group of girls I was best friends with used to tell me all the time I should have been a girl, they even started calling me Jeanetta. Throughout our marriage my wife has said a million times due to my behaviours or ways or when I forget to scream in a masculine voice; "My god you should have been a girl" or "You are such a girl.". I have stopped seeing my counsellor which has not been a good move.
For me it's still a bit of a grey area. I love dressing and feel sad when I do not, even with feminine jeans and tees it's not the same as a skirt and boots.
I think with me, and possibly with quite a few others, being 6 foot, broad shouldered, big feet, deep voice is too much to overcome. I'd never feel that I'd pass (and I know that's a phrase that a lot of people hate). I know it's not about fooling people you are a woman but simply blending in. If I could just be me, in a dress, sometimes makeup and wig sometimes not without any repercussions I'd settle with that.
Seems like it was mentioned before, but for me the pandemic and having a full day pretty much every day re-ignited full dressining after many years of not but has revealed to myself I squarely in the crossdresser realm and if anthing, still slightly fetish-driven vs wanting to be a woman.
Seems to be pretty simple when you have definitions. A homosexual (or bisexual) is attracted to those of the same sex. A Trans wants to be or identifies with the same sex. BOTH are known to cross dress. while a "crossdresser" proper, just cross-dresses without the aforementioned "complications". An activity that is shared , but with different SETS of motivations.----all three being "different animals" altogether.
I'm in very much the same camp as you are Roxy - tall, broad, size 13 shoe and deep voice. Makes passing or even blending in virtually impossible. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy doing what I can with what I've got while also keeping it all away from wife's prying eyes.
Definitions r fine and good, Marina. But, u haven't said which u identify with or how u found that out!:straightface:Quote:
Originally Posted by MarinaTwelve200
I was a CD first and maybe just maybe because of that mode of thinking led (predisposed) me to being bisexual.
If I was going to place it in a point of time it would have to be my first homosexual relationship at around 13-14.
At 53 I'm still very much a CD and still very much bisexual. I've also had some bouts with dysphoria. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I am somewhere on that rainbow spectrum. Where exactly, I'm not sure.
1) am I CD Trans or what? Yes.
2) How do you know what you are? By the way I've interacted with the world since I was 4 or 5.
OrdinaryAverageGuy probably captured my view the best.
That said, I am probably going to upset some people with the following--I apologize in advance...
I once looked at the labels and tried to fit myself into a category. Unfortunately, the LGBTQ... community really turned me off and in some ways makes me embarrassed to be myself as I don't really want to be associated with the political movement that has become. I do think that every person is absolutely unique, so trying to put people in a particular box only serves political ends. On the one hand, that political movement has made it a little bit easier to be open about wearing the clothes and expressing myself as I feel most comfortable, but now when people see me they immediately want to put me in that political "box," which I do not want to be put in. Can't we just be ourselves and not be judged in any way at all?
Brenn
Just goes to show everyone, what you look like, how you dress, Doesn?t mean anything. We should stop Pigeon hole everyone into a class of people. We are all different, we all have different wants and happiness. No two people are the same
Thot provoking post, Retro! Equating your gender and sexuality? If figuring out your gender was only as easy as figuring out your sexuality! :thumbsup:
Everyone's pretty much atttacted to either men, women, or both.:)
Where as genders r a million points of lite between male and female. And, even some others outside that spectrum!:eek:
Quote:
Originally Posted by RetroChrissyCD
I am simply a man who enjoys wearing women's clothing and have no desire to transition.
And, you've known that since what age?:)
I am what Misty_cder just described. No female persona (and in all fairness not much TG identification), no "real me" epiphany once dressed, just the pleasure of looking great once dressed in what my heterosexual mind considers spectacular.
Ah, and no AGP either. Not interested in making love to myself (supposing AGP ever was a thing to begin with).
I have thought about this too, I feel like the main things holding me back are losing my family and friends so, until I get to a point where that seems like a conversation I?m going to have then I?ll have it. But for know I?m happy when I get my Olivia time here and there
I think I've always been on the line between crossdresser/transexual yet still somewhat in the closet.
That is a good question. When I first started dressing at a young age, it was a fetish / sexual turn on for me. As I got older, my desire changed from a fetish to just enjoying the styles and fabrics of women’s clothing. There was a short period where I really wanted to be passable, but with my body frame, I came to the conclusion I am a MIAD. To respond more specifically to your question, I have to say it was in my late 30’s when I realized I just enjoyed wearing women clothing.Quote:
Originally Posted by docrobbysherry
I dont believe in labels, but I would say im a hetero cd.
I like a temporary indulgence but wouldnt want it all the time.
That said ive been doing it more often but still happy as a male.
I saw a poll started the other day. What are we?
Gay or Bi Sexual.
I commented where is the hetero sexual option. CD has nothing to do with sexuality.
I went back to see other responses and the poll was deleted. Young people are confusing the whole thing. I see it all the time on Reddit. Someone cross dresses. And then asks should they keep going? I always say you dress for yourself. If you feel good while dressed then yes.
Dressing does not decide your sexuality.
Cross-Dressing (The Verb) is something SHARED IN COMMON with Straights, gays and Trans---but often with different reasons. Cross-Dressing does not define which of these groups you belong to.Quote:
Originally Posted by 1Ladyjade
Marina,
I don’t know why it is that you have the misinformed notion that trans people crossdress but that is categorically false.
A trans woman may wear the clothes from the men’s aisle if she isn’t passing OR she simply feels it’s safer for her to do so. But I don’t think that’s what you mean. And she certainly isn’t crossdressing for the same reasons that a person who identifies as a MAN, wears a dress.
What I think is that you have somehow performed the mental gymnastics to see trans women as men wearing dresses. When a person who was assigned male at birth but has determined that she is a woman wears women’s clothing… she is not crossdressing.
I have constantly seen you conflate the idea that trans people are somehow lumped in as a category of crossdresser or somehow gay men. That is patently false!
I haven’t done years and years of introspection, come to the precipice of having my marriage implode and go through the physical pain of medical transition to have my identity as a trans person lumped in with gay men and men who like to wear women’s clothing.
You sir, need to do more research.
Once again, gender is not the same as sexual attraction, but I am not going down that rabbit hole.
As for me, I am a male who occasionally likes (loves) to present as a female traditionally dresses, which is pretty much the Wikipedia definition of a crossdresser.