After lots of time on this site, and other sites reading and reading and reading, I still am not completly sure but I'll give a go at a description to the question of "how do you know what you are."

I enjoy most manly things like sports (includes being a pretty good basketball and football player and playing in leagues both as a school boy and as an adult for many years). I enjoy doing heavy home improvement projects (building walls, patio covers, landscaping, etcetera). I don't hate my body or wish I was a woman. I adore the female physique and beauty. I am not attracted to men. If I'm out in public and people watching, I will always look at the attractive women and enjoy their beauty.

I enjoy looking at lots of beautiful things: trees, landscapes, sunsets, cute animals, art, houses, cars, clouds, lakes, mountains, boats, airplanes, architecture, and many other things I'm sure. If I see a beautiful dress in the window, I marvel at the colors, the daintiness and I think there's a deep link, a neural path that connects that to a beautiful woman, and of course, to sex. My first thoughts are probably not that I would like to know how that dress would look on me, but that thought might be 2nd or third in the chain of thoughts that flood to mind. The fact that the thought of wearing the dress does seem to start a cascade of thoughts is not something I trivially push aside. If there is a pretty dress that I have the opportunity to try on, I often indulge.

Once the mind starts down this path, it's like alternate programming is loaded and running in my brain. I don't have to dress to make it run. I just have to think it, and follow the thoughts. I have a vivid and deep imagination. It is pleasurable and nice, which makes it a habitual thought process to follow. I believe our brains are more powerful than most people realize. I spend a lot of time introspecting on these things and have come to the conclusion that our brains know how to deliver pleasure and that is why we do a lot of what we do. Is this an example of predetermined destiny as opposed to self-determined behavior? Certain things that repulse you in a normal state of mind, that you might actually do when stimulated (as in a heightened sexual state, or on alcohol or drugs--think oral sex). I view love and attraction as a type of drug, and treat them with the same respect and restraint so as not to let those things control ones life.

That said, when I am in a heightened state, I can imagine myself as being a woman. It is pleasurable to do so. I don't have to dress to get into this state. I know AGP is not a popular theory amongst many here, but it is one of the closest descriptions I have read that describes how I feel. I thought about it a lot, and if I was to go deeper, dress to the nines, venture out, and do so on a regular basis, I am scared as to what it might lead to (as in wanting to go further and further--like a drug). I have been this way since I was a teenager, and probably even before that, but not having had the information or life experiences to understand why I was the way I was. Of course, it was very confusing for a long time, which surprisingly didn't create any big problems for my life as a whole, but just left me in wonderment when I tried to figure it out. I tried to figure out if I was gay, bi, or what. Nothing seem to fit, so I just accepted that I sometimes drift into the trans-type thoughts, and went on about my life. Of course, the internet made it possible to discreetly dive deeper into the why part, and to know there are others out there experiencing the same things, but still didn't answer all the questions. It is kind of comforting to know that even the so called experts don't have all the answers. It's another one of those areas where mankind doesn't have all the answers (like What are we? Where are we in space/time continuum?), and we just have to find a way to be OK with that and get about with the day to day tasks of survival.

All that said, I do fantisize about dressing fully with breast forms, makeup and all of it to see how good I could look. I have experimented with makeup, but not having enough time to really experiment how I would like to, it leaves me a bit unsatisfied. I would want to dress and be attractive. And yes, when I do get into this state of mind, I can easily imagine being intimate with another CD or man. So, based on the evidence presented, I feel I'm on the transgender continuum somewhere, but not going to transiton or even push it much. I'm totally and completly in the closet, and want to stay there.

I read one commenter in this thread mention something about AGP being total BS. All of it? If that is so, what does that make me in your opinion based on my description? I'm always open to new opinions and insight.

I don't post much, but I posted this in case it might help others. I know there are more than a few on this site whose descriptions of how it is for them is similar to mine.

There are many intelligent and caring souls on this site, and that's what keeps me coming back. Feel free to DM me with any questions, as I might not see responses in the thread.

Thanks for reading all of this.