How can we make something Positive out of this?
I am absolutely capable of innocently insulting someone. If anything I say here insults you, please tell me. I would want me a chance to understand, and make amends.
That said, I hope to do good for everyone through these words...
The impact of Jesse69's words is SELF-EVIDENT, and I feel DEAD CERTAIN Jesse69 is innocent of any intention to irritate, insult, or demean any woman.
I feel the pain, and anger, and astonishment expressed here is not a conspiracy to attack Jesse69. I see it as a fund emotion due to insults, judgments and internalization of media and societal messages.
I have heard that noon can make a person less through words and messages, that it is up to the individual determine and manifest their inalienable self-worth. It is also arrogant to expect anyone to fully manifest from the root of their being that wisdom which must be learned by examples, in this world where such examples are the exception. Words often hurt, and it is hard work to let the hurt go, or arrive at a state where we are immune to their wounding.
For a woman, being a woman is a given. Woman is. Women are. No adjectives are necessary.
BUT! being seen as a woman, a fountain of power, life, nurturing, and mystery and <your favorite womanly attributes here>, gets complicated by the must-have attributes of "slender", "compliant" etc. When bombarded by these messages that make womanhood conditional...you are a woman if....well that can cause a woman to doubt herself, or to grow her own inner warrior to banish such doubts and messages from her Queendom.
When I look at a woman and dismiss her because she doesn't have one of these must-haves - then I am denying her right to self-determination, and the appreciation she deserves for the essential miracle that she is.
Were I to be a woman so judged, in my vulnerability it would depress, and respecting and protecting my vulnerability, I would rise in anger.
I feel that way when judged about certain masculine/male attributes, except that the new must-have is that men should not get angry, so I only get depressed.
The important truth is:
I DON'T LIVE MY LIFE AS A WOMAN AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE WORDS LIKE 'SLENDER', AND 'FAT' AND 'UGLY' MEAN 'YOU DON'T EXIST', 'YOU AREN'T WORTHY', AND 'GO AWAY'.
Deep in my gut, these words have only their dictionary meaning to me, as a man, despite the fact that for 20 years I ranged in weight from 250 to 300 lbs - no one doubted my manhood over that. For many women, they are hand-grenades, barbed spears, bitter acid, or atom bombs.
Innocents can hurl them innocently, and those wounded by them can innocently blame those who hurl them.
When there is innocent action that leads to real pain, what is there to do ?
Absolve the innocent, and diminish the reality and pain of the anguished? That diminishing would feel like a repeated insult. It is not my place to say what is to be done.
I think there is no sensible solution that preserves the relationships of the participants as it is. Our relationship to these messages, our status as men and women, and to each other must change.
People in 'privileged groups' (men) that 'innocently' transgress upon those in a 'target group' (women) will not find peace until they realize the power of their words - they must accept an end of their ignorance. It is also true that those in the target group can become so exasperated with the constant society-sanctioned barrage of insult that they lose any hope of healing and bridging the rifts that have been created. They must accept that healing and forgiveness is possible.
Has this kind of wounding happened Here?
Can this kind of healing happen here?
In this community of people seeking care and support and fellowship and encouragement, I do think that respect, and forgiveness and being honest and open enough to earn trust, and courageous enough to trust and risk the inescapable betrayals by loving, however imperfect beings....I think these would be nice ingredients for the healing pot....
In Love and Service,
:rose: Roberta :rose:
open your eyes and take a look around...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Melinda G
Gimme a break! I've been single for 26 years now, after 17 years of marriage.
Just try and find an attractive woman over 40, with a decent figure, who dresses well, heels, dresses, makeup, etc, who has some interests, besides grandkids, shopping and bingo. One of the main reasons I dress up, is because most women dont!
Melinda, I'm with Bev on this one. At 48, I think I look better than a lot of 25 year olds:tongueout , but hey, alot of that has to do with personality and attitude. I don't smoke, LOVE to dress up, don't have grandkids and most likely won't for at least 6 more years, and I don't play bingo. But then again I have a lot of interests and keep myself young looking by enjoying life as much as I can.
