"So are you gay, or are you a lesbian?" I have been asked this so many times that my wife jokes about it. Apparently they think that if I like women then I am a lesbian but if I start liking men then I am gay.
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"So are you gay, or are you a lesbian?" I have been asked this so many times that my wife jokes about it. Apparently they think that if I like women then I am a lesbian but if I start liking men then I am gay.
There's been some talk about breast growth and ensuring you have a proper fitting bra. I'm curious, how was your first bra fitting? I'm guessing you did it in female mode, were you treated any differently because you still, technically, had a male body?
I'm envisioning myself standing in line at a La Senza, the idea seems quite scary (add it to the list). I'd probably end up going to a Wal-Mart or some big department store where I could remain fairly anonymous and simply pick something off the rack and pay.
Well I don't know if I was sexually abused or I liked it. just 2 kids playing on grown ups. then all through my child hood at diff times and I can remember all of them and do not regret any think that I have done. Would I have done diff if I could have done over don't think so may b would have done a little more. Do I think it has something to do with now no but it could have. But I do think that is did have a profound efict on sex it aloud me to b free and enjoy it more. love Cindy
The problem with this Kimberly is that the person that is confused doesn't know it. In other words, you can't get what you want..you are what you are. In the process of becoming a person that lives as their true gender, you find out the truth about your sexuality..Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael
saying you want to be hetero or homo after transition is like saying you don't want to forget something in the future...lots of times you forget it anyway despite not wanting to... and unfortunately you can't tie a bow around your finger to remind you don't want to "change" your sexuality
If you transition and the confusion lifts, you can still choose to live with an SO that you are fundamentally not compatible with sexually...life is gray
I have just one simple question which I am sure you will all understand. Does the "Haunting" of wanting to be in the fully female ever go away? It is that thought that is always on your mind. Please let me know.
It's likely to vary a lot from individual to individual, so I can only speak for myself. I do my best to live a life focused on the things I have control over. For example, I can't rewind time, so I don't believe in regrets. I simply try to make the best decisions I can each and every day.Quote:
Originally Posted by AllyM
So my dysphasia wasn't rooted in not having been assigned female at birth, but rather in not doing what I could to correct that erroneous assumption. Once I finally acted on my needs, that conflict subsided and isn't an issue in my life. There's no more value in dwelling on this particular accident of birth than any other. Sure, I could wish I was born twenty years later, or that I had a smaller nose, or whatever, but unless there's something I believe I can and should do about it ... I'm pretty good at setting it aside and moving on.
What really hurt was knowing that I was avoiding hard decisions and conversations. The meaningful struggle was with myself, not against reality. So no, it isn't on my mind the way it once was.
If you are transsexual, the answer is "No!, Never!". Many of us continue to live in stealth mode, pretending to be men. This is usually because the consequences of transition are more than we are willing to accept. In my own case, I had to delay transition because I would lose custody and visitation rights to my children if I didn't stop transition.Quote:
Originally Posted by AllyM
For those of us born in the 1950s, being a transsexual was something that was "cured" with electro-shock and if that failed - a lobotomy. Even until the late 1980s, the SRS procedures were still pretty primitive, they couldn't do the nerves to provide a sensitive clitoris. Social pressures were pretty intense as well. In Elementary school, "Sissies" were often treated brutally and violently. Often, the brutality continued into Junior High (aka Middle School), and even in high school, being a feminine boy was usually assumed to be homosexuality, which could leave one sexually and romantically frustrated. Even in College, classmates often confused transsexuality with homosexuality, and often, because of the violence, the transsexuality was considered even more of a secret.
Many of us tried to cope with drugs and booze, and I often went into black-outs where "Rex went to sleep, and Debbie took over". Most of my friends and teachers would say "Be yourself" - because it was so obvious that acting male was phony and made me seem deceptive. Often, if we did tell someone, we wanted to keep it a secret, to prevent another cycle of violence. Even into the 1990s, there were those who would have threatened to terminate my career, and even a real risk of having the KKK burning crosses on my lawn (Lived near Zerapath NJ).
Research that includes surveys of nearly 1 million transgenders indicates that, especially among transsexuals, there was also a very high rate of suicide attempts. Extrapulating based on the number of suicide attempts vs the number of actual suicides across the general population, this would indicate that nearly half of those who are transsexual don't live to their 40th birthday.
As we get older, it's easier to let our bodies kill us. Over-eating, obesity, smoking, drinking, and other unhealthy habits can result in heart attacks and strokes, which we are less likely to report or get treated. Perhaps many of us feel that the "last hope" of a female body is to die and reincarnate into a woman's body or girl's body.
Many of us transition in our 60s or 70s. Retirement and no fear of being fired from our jobs eliminate some of those consequences of choosing to become who we really are.
I've always been a girl, who pretends to be a boy. I don't LIKE pretending that I'm a boy. Every day that I have to pretend I'm a boy, I have feelings of loneliness and despair. No matter how big the accomplishment or the acknowledgement, I always felt wondered "would you have given this to Debbie?". As a result, I deliberately AVOIDED such honorariums. I didn't even go to walk in my college graduation. I often did remarkable things, anonymously, and wondered if I would ever be free to be me.
When I was in Kindergarten and First grade, there were about 5 boys in my class of 30 who preferred to play with girls, wanted to be the mother, and played really nice with the girls, like I did. If 1 in 6 boys started out transgendered, why are so there so few as they get older?
I would suggest that many of them are living in "stealth mode". The probably experienced some of the same violence, persecution, peer pressure, romantic pressure, and family pressure, as well as employment pressure, as we did.
Unfortunately, it's also possible that as many as half may have ended their lives prematurely. It may have been an obvious suicide, getting killed by someone else, or engaging in high risk behavior that turned out to be fatal. Some may have even gone into military and volunteered for "suicide missions" and other high risk missions, partly hoping that they WOULD be killed.
I know for myself, the thought of having to spend the "rest of my life as a man", whether that's 10 years or another 50 years, would be worse than dying. The only thing scarier would be spending ETERNITY as a male.
I would actually want to qualify Debbie's first sentence. If you are a non-transitioning transsexual ...
The way for someone who suffers from being transsexual to make the dysphoria (and with it that haunted feeling) go away is to transition.
The haunted feeling will never go away.
It is more likely that it will get worse than better unless the feeling is more about crossdressing than knowing that you are a woman
When I was about 16 years old, the head of the MCC church told me and 11 other adults that your TRUE sexual preference is based on what you fantasize about while masturbating. If you are a man and you fantasize making love to a man as a man, your are gay. If you are a man and your fantasize making love to a girl, then you are straight. Since I could remember, my fantasy was always to be a woman making love to a woman. I realized that I was a Lesbian. When asked if I was gay (asked frequently because I was so effeminate I couldn't pass as a "Man"), and I would tell them "Yes, I'm a Lesbian". Of course, I would make it sound like a joke, but my lovers quickly found that it was entirely true, and it remained a very well kept secret.Quote:
Originally Posted by steph1964
When a woman tried to seduce me as a boy, I was too ticklish. Sometimes, it was even painful. I was a "virgin, from the waist down" (crossing my arms when I said it) from age 15 to 21. Even when I did try to do it the normal way, I couldn't have an orgasm. I was also so short that I kept slipping out. When I tried to wear a condom, I needed a ring (thick rubber band) to keep it from slipping off. I even asked the pharmacist if they made Condoms in smaller sizes (they don't). My one and only "normal" love affair was relatively short. She finally figured out that she could tie me up and seduce me like I was a woman, and we both enjoyed it. I didn't dress, but she would take her time and touch me everywhere, teasing me and pleasing me. After about a month she said "When we make love, and I close my eyes, I keep seeing you as a woman". I smiled and asked if she liked it. She did.
It was only when I asked her to keep her hose on one night that she said "well, at least you don't want to WEAR them". I was silent, unwilling to lie and tell her I didn't want to or didn't enjoy it. The next day she left a note on my windshield telling me she was breaking up and didn't want me to contact her again.
My next lover, 2 years later, loved that I was willing to wait, and when we moved in together, I told her about 3 weeks after we moved in together (Christmas Night), about wanting to dress up. She made it clear that she was ONLY OK with dressing in the bedroom, and would not be OK with going out in public. Transition, in 1980, was still pretty much a fantasy and not really feasible. Besides, with a deep bass singing voice and dark hair everywhere, it felt like I was trapped in the boy's body and just had to make the best of it. She said she was OK with it, but 12 years and 2 kids later, she finally let me know that she was NEVER OK with it, but she loved me too much to let me go.
A year before the divorce, at the guidance of a marriage counselor, she took a lover, and I started transition. She got married and I was introduced to a woman who was bisexual and loved that I was transgendered. She even wanted to support me in transition. She started bringing female lovers home, and these women, who were lesbians, loved our parties, because, as they would say "Debbie is a REAL LESBIAN".
My current wife has had male lovers, and enjoys them, but she loves what Debbie does even more. The biggest problem we've had is that I want to make sure she's fully satisfied, but her orgasms are so intense that we call them "Belly Whompers". Unfortunately, these "Belly Whomper" orgasms have resulted in a number of hernias that have required surgical repair. She's needed 5 surgeries and currently has 5 hernias that will be treated this fall, after she finishes losing over 90 lbs.
The good news is that she's getting a "Tummy Tuck" as part of the surgery. They need to make sure that the compression binder that they put around her belly won't have mushy spots of fat that will result in new ruptures.
So yes, I'm a Lesbian.
" If you are transsexual the answer is no!" " The haunting feeling will never go away"... I for one would appreciate it if when someone answers a question... they answer for themselves instead of talking for ALL of us. As most of use realize... Different people are going to have different results and experiences. Thanks!
Kel
Hey I didn't post for you Selena...errr Kel...
I answered a question based on my experience
Why do you have to be so confrontational about such trivial things...
it's a given that each of us speaks for ourselves. ..would you have each of us start every sentence with "this only applies to me"
are you honestly saying that there are a group of transsexuals out there where the feeling just goes away? or just trying to cause a fuss??
oh and thanks!!!
kait..
Will the haunting feeling ever go away? ...... The haunting feeling will never go away.
How am I being confrontational by simply asking people " nicely" to base their answers ( like you say now) on their own experience instead of painting us all with the same brush. I won't speak for any " group" of transsexuals... Just myself, but you go ahead and speak for us as a group. Oh wait.... That's what I was asking people ( nicely) to try and refrain from doing.
Oh and you're welcome.
Selena.... err.... Kel
Good point. Although, even when you are transitioning, there are periods when you are still haunted. The more you are living Real Life Experience, the more comfortable you are in your own skin. Now that Social Security isn't requiring SRS to get gender status changed, we may see more people comfortable with partial transition earlier. Though I think most of us don't really want to keep the "boy parts" even if we could.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rianna Humble
I have heard from some who have transitioned, that they struggle with having to try and keep it a secret that they were once their previous gender. These women looked and acted like GGs in every way, and were there to support others going through transition. However, they voiced the concern "Now I have to avoid conversations about pre-transition life, so that people won't know that I was a boy. This was 1991, in Denver Colorado, not the most tolerant time/place for transsexuals.Quote:
The way for someone who suffers from being transsexual to make the dysphoria (and with it that haunted feeling) go away is to transition.
Growing up, a girl trapped in a boy's body, I regularly suffered violence by boys who called me a sissy. I was stoned, clubbed, whipped, and almost crippled, even killed. Instinct for self-preservation told me to avoid boys/men as much as humanly possible. I hated recess, lunch, and gym, and avoided walking home from school by doing my written work after class. When boys started coming on to me in 8th & 9th grade, I freaked and let them know that I was not interested. By high school (10th grade), I took the attraction as a compliment and offered to introduce him to one of the others who had approached me (eventually becoming the "social director" for the gay community). Most thought I was just in the closet because I was so feminine.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael
Still, my attraction was to women, especially women who were sexually aggressive, and liked to take control. These girls admitted that they were tom-boys and was even taking estrogen to make her more like me.
As I transitioned, in both 1990-3 and 2012-3, I was surprised to experience entirely different treatment from men. They held doors for me, offered to help me with my bags. They even started flirting with me. There were times when really appreciated the attention, and might have even responded well if I'd had a few drinks while dressed. However, even then I struggled with smells, sounds, and sensations of stubble. All were turn-offs.
I supposed, if I had been a bit more bisexual, I might have been much more interested and responsive. I'd tried with men a couple of times in my 20s, but ended up throwing up. Not a positive experience for either of us.
During both transitions, I had partners who knew I was a Lesbian and loved me for it. They were the dominant partner, and some might have considered me straight because she was more "butch", mostly in terms of behavior.Quote:
In my case, I took to lesbian pride like a fish to water. I don't mind being controversial,and I was already in a stable relationship with a woman I love deeply. So nothing changed, and everything changed.
I often wonder - if I had had a male partner who knew about my being transsexual, and wanted to support and encourage my transitioning, and enjoyed mutually satisfying sex as much as I did, would I have chosen to be "his girl"? If I had been given the choice between the platonic marriage I had for 7 years and 2 children, vs a marriage to a man who loved me and wanted me sexually every day, I might have chosen the man.
There are different trade-offs with each choice. Each choice has issues, risks, and benefits. I wasn't a big fan of "dyke drama".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele
May I ask, (hope I'm not deleted:sad:) What is this Haunted feeling and why will it never go away?Quote:
Originally Posted by kellycan27
I thank everyone for giving me your insight into my question. Kelley, in short, it the desire/thought to want to be who you really are that is always there. It has always been from as far back as one can remember.
Thanks again to everyone!
I think some of us may be reading AllyM's question differently to others. When I replied in the positive I was relating to the part of her question that talks about "wanting to be in the fully female" although I missed the words "in the", but I noticed that some of the post-op replies seem to have interpreted that in the sense of not being able to share some experiences of being female whilst growing up (e.g. when was your first ..." type questions).
I just want to clarify that I was not trying to contradict that aspect of being haunted by one's lack of past.
yes that was how I read it rianna... I took the question as.... if you don't transition, does the feeling you want to be a woman every go away? my answer was simple..no
After transition, there is no haunted feeling of wanting to be anything.....Transition made the whole thing in my mind go away
I wouldn't know the answer to' "if you don't transition...." Because I transitioned. I can say that from personal experience, which has been chronicled here over the last few years, that taking steps to transition including changing my name, living full time, having FFS etc. has drastically diminished the dysphoria that I feel. I'm now only months away from SRS and i rarely think about my gender these days.
April
To clarify my question regarding the "Haunting" feeling, I was referring to just wanting to be who I am. Simply, a woman. Thinking about it is always on my mind. It is relentless. I believe you know what I am talking about. Anyway, my thanks to everyone.
I agree. You make a very valid point! I am and have always been Lesbian.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marleena
Two Questions:
Been reading more about SRS procedures and the healing process; dilation obviously being a huge part of this. Frankly I don't really want to ask this question (scared of the answer) but...how was the dilation period initially? I've read it can be quite difficult and understandably painful. Pain is relative, of course, but would you agree with this?
Secondly, there appear to be a few different vaginoplasty techniques in use. Did you and/or your doctor choose how you wanted things done, weighing the pros and cons of each, or did you go to a specific doctor who specialized in a specific technique? How did you choose?
Hi,
I am post op circa 30 years. I have a good bit of experience as over the years I have escorted a few ladies to their chosen surgeons/hospital. I have had a successful happy (mostly) life. I have moved from back east to my home in the desert southwest to retool for a highly specialized niche in the medical field.
I am available, if it is permitted, to answer any questions pertaining to TS issues. The answer may not always be the correct answer. That, I guess, would be determined by the asker as to its' applicable appropriateness.
I am a CD, at least at this point. I thought my reason for dressing was fairly straight forward, when I was younger it was sexually exciting probably because of the taboo. As I became an adult it was less about dressing and more about dressing for someone. I had never wanted to be or felt like i was a woman outside of a fantasy or a dream once in a while. Now I find there are times I really want to be female and I wonder if that was not always the case. At this point I can't see me going much further, but I seem to devote more time wondering.
So my question is,
I have often heard "I always new I was supposed to be a girl" or "I was born with the wrong body", is that the case most of the time or have many "evolved". I guess, was there a time when you didn't feel basically the way you do now?
sorry about the wording, I am feeling a bit confused about my own position.
Thanks
the question about late onset transsexualism is a tricky one and the answers are often soaked in trans politics.
Personally I don't believe it's possible to suddenly be a transsexual. Every T-girl I know (and I know quite a few) has literally "always known". I've written extensively about my 'becoming' and the events that precipitated my transition so I'm on record as completely misunderstanding my condition for most of my life. However, I absolutely knew that I wanted to be a girl at a very young age and it absolutely caused me a great deal of angst. I was not self aware to the extent that I had the courage necessary to talk about it, but I was definitely distressed about my circumstances. My mom even admits that I was "always different" and she's glad that I wasn't able to talk to her about it because she would have definitely not been accepting and "who knows what would have happened".
Sadly my story is NOT unique and every trans person of my generation has lived their own version of it.
For those that find themselves suddenly wanting to be women, I think there is something else going on, but that doesn't mean you don't have the right to live your life however you want to.
I'm a late onset, having gone through the whole I'm a cder thing. I lived with my GD, managing to have a life as a man, it was not until I was in my very late 40s that my GD kicked me in the teeth to remind that it was there. Therapy helped me understand that my past was a precursor and that I was TS. So no, in my case I "did not know" but it was there, I just managed to hide myself from it.
There are some members who honestly believed that they were simply cross-dressers, but when they became aware that they were indeed transsexual a lot of incidents in their past made more sense.
Some of us managed to have whole periods where we did not think about being wrong for as long as one or two days at a time whilst we were in denial, but I know in my case the dressing always felt like coming home rather than something exciting.
Melissa said
I am now 58, started my transition at 56 and hormones at 57. Personally I haven't "always known". I did however "always know" something wasn't right. See my coming clean letter here http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ussions-please (post #6.)Quote:
Every T-girl I know (and I know quite a few) has literally "always known".
Like you I started or so I thought because it was sexually exciting. As time went on that feeling passed and was replaced by a feeling of completeness. I was diagnosed with ADD as an adult. Now with the hormones my mind is clear and I am no longer plagued with rampant thoughts running through my mind.
These things were not talked about when I was young like they are today so I just learned to live with my feelings early on. Then my wife wanted a divorce and after a failed attempt at ending it all I figured it was time to get this sorted.
Perhaps this is how it is for a lot of my generation.
Hugs
Rachel
I cannot hate being transsexual. It is what I am, and considering the alternative, being male, it's a pretty good place to be.
I don't mind that I'm in a middle ground. I'm not GG. I never will be, and at my age being a transwoman, and being referred to as transsexual, is probably the best I'm going to get.
I realize that some things are forced upon us. All things being equal, if I was born cis male it would have made life considerably easier. This is not a path I chose, so dwelling on the less glamorous aspects is counter productive.
I am transsexual. I enjoy being transsexual, and I will probably always be thought of as transsexual. It is me.
In answering Dreamer_grl's Two Questions:
Been reading more about SRS procedures and the healing process; dilation obviously being a huge part of this. Frankly I don't really want to ask this question (scared of the answer) but...how was the dilation period initially? I've read it can be quite difficult and understandably painful. Pain is relative, of course, but would you agree with this?
Secondly, there appear to be a few different vaginoplasty techniques in use. Did you and/or your doctor choose how you wanted things done, weighing the pros and cons of each, or did you go to a specific doctor who specialized in a specific technique? How did you choose?
My answer:
I SRS in November 2010. My doctor in Philly had a specific technique, so I just put my trust in him. He was trained by Dr. Marcy Bowers, so I trusted him to do the job. The first dilation was scary, but it really wasn't that painful. After surgery you get 5 different sizes of dilators, so you start with the smallest of course. I think it's the ideal of the dilation right after surgery that sounds so painful.
I'm with you, Rachel. I have not always known. When I was young, in the fifties, it was impossible to transition and so I mostly suppressed the urges. I even became homophobic to compensate. But over the last twenty years especially, the cross-dressing and urges to be female have continually increased. I don't feel I "have to" transition, but feel it would so wonderful, I have a hard time not going ahead. The main thing keeping me from it is the love of my wife and our great life together. Unfortunately, she cannot (so far anyway) see me en femme. So I am in a terrible place between the two possible lives.
Could I respectfully ask for a qualification on the phrase "Always knew"? Is this in reference to always knowing that one is transexual or is the reference to a different TS specific feeling?
sorry for being nit picky.
For me it means I always knew I wasn't a boy. I was so young I had no idea what "transsexual" was nor that I could be changed. That came later.
I knew when I was around 15. It came from inside me. But although I hadn't "always known", there was no epiphany. It was more of a realization of myself.
I hadn't been treated as a girl by anyone in my life. I didn't have an older sister. I hadn't had an unsuccessful heterosexual encounter. But I knew I was a female. For the past 40 years and through 3 marriages, 2 biological and 3 acquired (through marriages) children I have battled within myself to suppress my true personality and gender.
I am and always have been a 54 year old Male To Female Transgender Woman.
I usually say that I've known since I was 4 since I have a specific memory of an incident at school. But that's just an oversimplification of a very complicated issue that I had a hard time comprehending in my 40's let alone when I was younger. As Rianna has pointed out, many including me thought that we were crossdressers. I had no idea what it was, just that it was not something that I could tell anyone. It wasn't until a lot of counseling and allowing myself to even consider the possibility of being transsexual that everything finally made sense.
For me, it was a bit different than most. from my earliest memories I recall not fitting in with the boys. I shied away from most activities little boys engage in. I played and hang out with the girls. I constantly wanted to be dressed in my sisters cloths. At 10 years old, one of the neighbor girls found an article about Christine Jorgensen and gave it to me. After reading that article and knowing it could actually be done, I stood up at the dinner table and proudly announced that "now I know for sure it could be done, as I placed that article out on the table for my parents to see, I would one day become a real girl". I got knocked across the room for my efforts. From that day on I saved every penny I could find. Every penny I earned went to saving for my transition. Come he!! or high water, I was going to fix this mistake. Twelve years later at 22 years old I started transition. So yes, I "always knew".
Hi everyone :)
It's been suggested that I post here to find out whether you think there's a vast difference between crossdressers and transexuals.
I know, I know, I'm probably going to get what I deserve for this silly question, lol. But I was commenting on a thread in MTF about dopamine and agreeing that this seems the logical reason why my male identified husband likes to present as a woman sometimes (usually the kind that is out clubbing, sigh) yet says he has zero gender dysphoria and loves being a guy. My post was lengthy but explains as the OPs did that his childhood had a big influence, as did his genetics and then came the hormones. At no point though, did he want to be a girl. He sees this as a part of him now, but a sexual, comforting part that is more compulsion than identity. I always found it hard to believe that he'd do this without wanting to be a girl, and then PaulaQ mentioned (of whom I have found great help, thanks Paula:) ) that they are likely to be the same condition but at different levels. Given my initial reservations that my H surely MUST want to be a girl, this gave me pause. But the thing is, my H would be livid with me for thinking that as many counselling sessions and decades later, he still insists he's not a girl. Just a guy who likes to look like one occasionally.
So aside from being very confused, I'm starting to think there really might be a big difference between him and you ladies here.
Am I wrong? Could they also be the same issue but at different levels? I'd love to hear your thoughts as mine are a busy mess most of the time.
Thanks :)
Edit: I'm not sure I'm even allowed to post here or if I've written anything wrong so please let me know if I have or if I've offended anyone. I thought I'd also add that I'm not looking for reassurance that my H isn't TS as honestly, what will be will be and he's one of those people who does what he wants anyway. I'm just genuinely confused with all the labels and what not and also the different stories told here. I actually think it might be insulting to put my male identified husband in the same category as everyone here because as a GG in my mind there's a lot about my H's personal dressing style that I find insulting, lol
Uhhh yeah. There is little similar. They are two completely different things.
One is something a person does, the other is something a person is.
Tink, read my blog.
Your hubby is a dude who likes to play dress up. Don't worry.
Hi Tink, this may sound odd and hypocritical but I honestly don't really get CDing. I'm not putting it down each to hers/his own, I just don't get it. I've transitioned, my body now matches my mind, I would get nothing out of dressing up like a dude. I didn't do all this because I liked the feel/fit of the clothes or preferred more feminine colors or even because I felt sexy. Those things may be true to an extent but I would not have blown up my life for clothes. For me it was all about my body being wrong and with that not getting to live my life. I don't really get the sexual thrill thing either How can a gentic male want to have sex as a woman, be it with a boy or a girl, and yet not want to be a woman? As far back as I can remember I was always a girl in my sexual fantasies, I was almost always with a guy in my fantasies too. I felt that way wether I was dressed in girl clothes or boy clothes or no clothes at all!
Do I think TSes and CDs are totally different animals, or are we just at different points along a line between male and female? I don't really know and the answer to that question but either way I'm pretty sure the differences are greater than the similarities. For what it's worth I think there is a divid between myself and GGs on that gender line too however I'm much closer to female than male if that's even how it works!
That's just my two cents worth.
P.S. thank you for coming over to hang out with us, I wish more GGs would stop by and don't fret you've done nothing wrong or said anything offensive IMO.
April, not hypocritical AT ALL! I don't understand why my H does what he does either. I mean, I can see where and how it started but WHY he keeps doing it when he's overall a very sane intelligent man who should want an easier life is beyond me. If the brain wiring and dopamine really is at play, then realistically he could change this behavior with hard work but I guess the reward outweighs all the pain I give him, lol. Of course, if it's genetics then he's stuck with two lives I guess. I just don't understand why he doesn't find the whole thing exhausting!Quote:
Originally Posted by Aprilrain
And thanks everyone for your comments. My head is clearer already. Melissa, I'm loving your blog. What you write in the beginning, that you were a guy who had to learn to be a guy, is the complete opposite of my H. He spends his free time learning to be a girl. And not the kind you'd bring home to momma, either! Double sigh. I take comfort in the fact that most people are weird if you dig deep enough. I mostly leave my shovel at home these days :)
And I like this part of the forum. It seems like you all know who you are already, which is refreshing.
The difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual is quite simple. Transsexuals transition - crossdressers do not.
On that note, the difference between a good investment, and a bad investment is really simple too. You make money on the good ones, and lose money on the bad ones.
There you have it - you now have the secret to figure out who's a CD and who's a transsexual, and also the secret to never losing money on investments - never make the bad investments, and just make sure that if you are unlucky enough for your spouse to be a CD, that they will be one of the ones who never transitions. Simple!
Here's a model from 2010 that suggests that CD & TS are in fact related in some sense:
THE IDENTITY‐DEFENCE MODEL OF GENDERVARIANCE
DEVELOPMENT
I'm not totally in love with this model - it has issues. Still it would seem as if some scientists are considering the possibility of some sort of connection between being TS and being a CD.
I'm sure that the scientists would love to be able to "prove" that people born with the birth defect of transsexuality are merely extreme cross-dressers, but unfortunately for them, the fact don't fit with their hypothesis any more than they fit with Blanchard's half-arsed attempt at pseudo-science however much credence a few members of this site give him.
There are some gender variant people who suffer from a mild form of Gender Dysphoria but who are not transsexual. Those people need and respond to a combination of therapy and in some cases hormone therapy, but from what Tink says, her husband does not fall into that category either.
Tink, if your husband is adamant that he loves being a guy and has zero Gender Dysphoria and zero desire to be a girl, I think you can accept that he knows what he is talking about.
As for your question about being allowed to post here, the TS Forum is open to all members and you are very welcome whenever you want to join in any discussion here.
I feel this to, I just can't understand how you can want to dress like a woman yet be happy as a man?Quote:
Originally Posted by Aprilrain
To answer your question its chalk and cheese. To some we may look the same as there are m any CDers that present really well. But its in the mind, our identity that things are so very different.
I hate everything masculine about me, always have, I have never fit in, in a man's world. I've tried to, done my best to play the role, learnt about sports just to maintain a conversation. But ultimately I never was one of them and I feel that way with CDers.
I went to transgender clubs to 'find my place' yet felt out of place still. You see everyone might have been dressed as women, but they still drank beer at the bar, talked cars and sports and woman. I don't know what compulsion a manly guy has to want to dress as a woman. But mine isn't a compulsion, its a way of life, its to make the outside look like the inside.
From what you say your husband is very much a CD, believe what he says as its refreshing that he knows his own identity. He doesn't sound confused at all, that's a good thing.
He does seem to know what he's talking about and gets mad at me when I quizz him - usually after being on the forum in my earlier days here and then asking about things I'd read. I've stopped that now as it wasn't helping. Thing is, he's such a guy about it all, so stubborn and unemotional and it's just something he needs to do apparently. The end.
In fact, in our early years together when he used to say the speeches I've read here many times: 'it's my femme side' or 'men who crossdress are considered kinder husbands' or 'it's like having a girlfriend and a husband' etc etc, I actually remember bursting into laughter as there is NO way what my H does is about femininity. It's about females, I'll give him that. But his attitude whether dressed or not is that of a guy and since I pulled him up about all those comments, he's agreed he just said them to make me feel better.
Yeah, because you can fool a woman so easily!!
But, given what I've read here, I do take a little pity on him too as all this came about from major early rejection from his father and some serious issues with how his mother portrayed men etc. There's so many little messed up moments in his life, I'm actually surprised the only vice he has is crossdressing. And when I look at all this and what's written here, the difference between you and him seems infinite. There is literally no similarity other than clothing, which to my H is the essential ingredient in his compulsion and without them he wouldn't bother. But for you and for me, they're just clothes, they don't make us female - it's who we are inside that does.
Thanks for that :)
Here is a question.
I understand that there are MtF's that don't need surgery to grow breasts, and it is instead achieved naturally through HRT. I've always wondered, what does it feel like to slowly grow breasts? Is there a distinct feeling of growth that comes with it? What does it do to your overall health and image?
@Manwithabra
I've been slowly growing my breasts via HRT for 9 months now. It can take up to two years to get all of the growth you'll get. The main sensation I get is that they are kind of sore, and somewhat sensitive.
As for my overall image - it helps it a lot! I can get out of the shower, look in the mirror, and I like the woman who looks back at me. This is a first for me - I always hated the person who looked back at me in the past. Couldn't stand that guy! As for my overall health - I dunno, there's some risks doing this, but since my most likely problem before transition was "lead poisoning", I think I'm likely to live a lot longer now... The emotional effects of HRT have been quite profound for me, and I really believe it has saved my life.
Yeah, other than sore, tender, itchy nipples, growing breast dosen't feel like anything. I didnt gett much growtth from HRT and had to supplement with silicone. Having large breast can be a challenge when I need to carry stuff but other than that I've gotten used to them.
Same. Some tenderness. I am 1 year in, good growth, and I am happy as hell with results.
I am having the time of my life now, but I had to go through a world of pain and agony and general hell to get here.