Melanie has a good point, too many times we don't try to see it from the other point of view.
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Melanie has a good point, too many times we don't try to see it from the other point of view.
Hi Judy,
Pretty similar situations for sure. I told my wife I cannot purge. I don't want to lie anymore. We're just going to have to work something out and I hope you and your wife will too.
Sounds like neither of us are going to be satisfied with purging. I know me and I've been like this my entire life and it has gotten much stronger with age and the time and place to go out. I don't think I could keep a promise to not go out either. Going out is very fulfilling to me now and acceptance by people validates my feminine side.
My wife is also very controlling. But, she needs to understand that me stopping is akin to me cutting off an arm to please her. It just doesn't make sense.
She is also a devout Christian and feels it's against the bible. My therapist is also Christian and she made the point that God made me the way He wanted to. Accept it, period.
I made the point to her as well that NOBODY wants to be like us, we just are. Who would want the extreme issues we bring upon ourselves? So therefore, it is who we are and we can't just change. For me, especially as I've gone so far down the road of being Christina. The cat's out of the bag. I'll never get her back in. We'll just have to compromise via negotiation in front of a counselor so it doesn't get out of hand.
Good luck with your wife, I know I need it with mine.
The half loaf is sort of the way I see it. It isn't a perfect solution, but still better than the previous circumstance of hiding and lies and all that fun stuff. I think for some of us, we are banging up against a brick wall. Too many years have gone by, our partners grew up in a world of non acceptance, and we never showed them anything to be accepting of. And now after ALL these years we throw the ultimate knuckleball at them. I am pretty much certain that had I told my now wife early on had she continued to date me, and then later marry me, her issues of it all would be no where near what they are and have been. Now, she may not have married me because of it, there's a good possibility of this too, but, if she did, the trust, the awkward uncomfortable nature of it all would be non existent. What so many here don't seem to be grasping is not that we dress, or are feminine and whatever else, but that we brought about this, or made a serious sharp turn on this long after the vows. The way I see it, WE who did this need to give our partners a lot of leeway on this.Quote:
Originally Posted by MelanieAnne
It's something else entirely if we told them early on and then after the vows they then said no more, or just started to have real serious issues with it, not that that hasn't happened, but it was WE who changed the circumstance completely one sided. They had no control whatsoever on the change of direction their marriage or relationship took. That is a biggie folks, and cannot be stressed enough.
Interesting point and probably a subject for a new thread. It has gotten stronger for me also. When I was younger, I forgot all about CDing for long periods and was chasing girls.Quote:
I know me and I've been like this my entire life and it has gotten much stronger with age and the time and place to go out.