I only read the first page...I did not see the development about your dog. I just lost a dog recently and do feel the pain. Take what I said previously...or discard it. You know what to do with your relationship...I am not a big help.
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I only read the first page...I did not see the development about your dog. I just lost a dog recently and do feel the pain. Take what I said previously...or discard it. You know what to do with your relationship...I am not a big help.
Corrine,Quote:
Originally Posted by aluchi_aluchona
First let me add my codolences about your dog! My wife and I rescue dacshunds and truly love dogs, so we certainly have a great deal of empathy for your loss!!!
Second, regarding the above quote, and after some deep thinking on how you have added crucial details at each new step, let me say that the above is right on target!!! If you are the only one giving, he'll drain your emotions dry!!! If he won't seek help on that aspect, I am afraid to say that HE is limiting your options b/c you cannot thrive emotionally and mentally in a life like that!!! If this conjures up a harsh scenario for your future with him, I'm sorry, BUT there comes a time in some relationships where you have to become proactive and end the abuse!!!
SO sorry about your dog.:(
A wonderful speech but it will still come as a shock. After all these years of hiding it away the instant reactin will be denial. Even as he denies it he will be thinking "I wish I could tell the truth, This is wrong".
So the ideas of writing it either here or in a letter, or giving him advanced information that you know he crossdresses and you are not worried about it, are valid and good advice.
Good luck
My Dear, i dont think one can get more accepting and compassionate!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Corrine GG
Your all upset from what you have just been threw with your loss, its OK.
Maybe you have to ask yourself, do i want to help this man? or is he to far gone to be able to be helped? I dont think its the CD issues that are your main concern, is it?
Thanks for all the kind words. He was a lot more understanding and compassionate when he got home. He really is a sweet guy when he wants to be.
I am in class 3 nights a week, the kids are gone this week and I came home last night to find SO on the couch wrapped up with a blanket in a 'hands off' way. (We usually snuggle at night)
I thought it was strange and went upstairs to change clothes, I noticed that he had been in my 'naughty' panties. He later said he was tired and went to bed early.
I can guess what happened, he dressed, 'got off' then had no use for me last night. This is the hardest part to deal with. He talks about his selfishness and how he wants all my attention (he hates when I fight with my ex, says it takes away from him) I guess our next talk will go like this, "You know how you always say that you are selfish and you want me all to yourself? Well, I want the same thing. You need to figure out a way to come to me when you get turned on...no more of this self-gratification and leaving me out in the cold. I don't masterbate during the day only to turn you down at night and I think it only fair that you give me the same consideration."
I am not totally sure that it's sexual for him but all the signs are pointing that way.
Corrine
Why did you not ask him if you could crawl in ther with him?
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobi jean
He was in his obvious "hands off" position, pillow, blanket, curled up. At this point I am tired of being rejected. I asked him him this morning to fool around and he said "I'll get you this evening, I feel gross." Which also translated to me into 'I'm all nasty from my fun last night without you.'
Call him NOW TO REMIND HIM THAT HE IS YOURS TONIGHT, and he is to keep his hands off until after you are finished
Corrine, I hope your next talk goes well. I am so proud of you and all of the other GG's that are trying to get your head around what CDing is. And to add to the fact that it can be so different for each one of us. You are a strong and good person to keep pushing for him to open up to you about his CDing. Like any other issue within a relationship, the two of you need to work out how the CDing will work for both of you within the relationship.
I am not sure how it would play out but you seem fairly open minded. Maybe a shopping trip to pick up something new just for him with a fashion show after the opening of the gift. Ad-lib after that and see what pops up and how things may be different and possibly to both of your likings. Be firm but also beware not to scare him even farther down into the hole of not opening up as he may not be able to handle you jumping into this with him yet. But it may open up things for later and hopefully at least discussion.
Bobi Jean, I like that, make the call.Quote:
Originally Posted by bobi jean
Corrine
If you don't call him right away, you may loose what, I believe, may be one of the most important moments in your life.
If he doesnt accept such a wonderful opportunity, "WELL I GUESS THAT WOULD BE HIS LOSS. YOU HAVE GONE WAY BEYOND AND ABOVE THE CALL OF YOUR WEDDING VOWS, and that takes a very special person indeed.
Do not give up if he is what you want.
It sounds like it is to me as well, but he probably did dress a bit, realieved himself, and felt extreame shame and guilt for it!! Its most likely not so much that he wants to be with a man, as it is the feelings of being a woman are so strong, and it affects his maleness that way!! Totaly normal, the more you dress up that goes away totaly. He is feeling shame and discust with himself while fighting it inside totaly! I hated those feeling so much!!!! So glad that part of this is over for me, im sorry you are going threw this, i hated doing it to my SO as well!!! im sorry :( Unless he is gay, those feelings will slowly stop, its more, <for me anyways> getting cought up in the feelings of being like a woman, we can feel this you know :) that over powers the male sex drive, and we get excited this way, or use to, For some still do, anyways, no need to get all upset about it. One thing you can bet on, is that he HATED himself afterwords because of it! This situation reminds me so much of myself in the past! Except i was single going threw most of it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Corrine GG
I shall give you a hug for strength <hugs>
Hang in there dear!!
Wow what a wonderful person you are.....trully.
Corrine, I'm troubled by the fact that your SO finds it necessary to pleasure himself without considering your needs and desires within the relationship. If he is unable, or unwilling, to take into account your sexual gratification as every bit as important as his own, then "selfish" is much too kind a term.
A couple must make an honest effort to satisfy the realistic expectations of their partner. To do less is unloving and unkind.
It's a joint venture. There's no "I" in team.