Hi Ronnie,
I'm really not sure why. Maybe it's because most people don't know anything about or have never seen a cross dresser.
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Hi Ronnie,
I'm really not sure why. Maybe it's because most people don't know anything about or have never seen a cross dresser.
Ronnie,
I agree with Char because they really do not know much about a cder. If they google it they will find the opposite it mostly true.
Here's the difference. If a majority of men also wore dresses, heels & hose, then this guy would NOT be crossdressing. This clothing style would have become mainstream among men's clothing, and if women also wore dresses, heels & hose, you could say that the style would have become gender neutral, as are blue jeans for example.Quote:
Originally Posted by ellbee
But, this is not the case. Dresses, heels & hose are still considered the sole choice for women, whether we like it or not. And so a man who wears these items is considered to be crossdressing, even if he doesn't wear makeup.
With regards to plaid & denim shirts, slacks, blue jeans, etc., that women wear - this has become mainstream in women's clothing (they come in all shapes and sizes in women's stores) and since men also wear these things, you could say that they have become gender-neutral clothing. Hence women who wear these things are not CDing.
When gays began coming out of the closet and we began to celebrate homosexuality with gay pride parades and gay nightclubs featuring drag queens as a seemingly universal form of gay entertainment, the idea of men dressing as women or who wore outrageous makeup and feminine-looking clothes with wild colors and feather boas was associated with homosexuality. Non-homosexual men did not dress that way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronnie38
Also, there's the idea that if a man dresses in a way that indicates he wants to attract heterosexual men (sexy lingerie, or form-fitting clothes over prominent breast forms, short skirts, or butt and hip pads that form an attractive "bootie" under tight pants or leggings, heels, long hair, etc), then he must be attracted to these men ... else why would he dress that way. Most women don't dress that way. Granted not all crossdressers dress that way, but the stereotype survives.
Just do a google image search for "sexy crossdresser" and you'll see what I mean. I won't post a link because many of the images violate this board's content rules.
Another silly question: I spent a few hours with 2 GG friends and one observed that I have "girl legs", not guy legs. Of course, I took that as a compliment but wasn't sure exactly what it means. Any ideas?
I posted a query back at #86. I had one response. It concerned whether you husband or S/O has ever tried to explain why he needs to emulate a woman. The question was the "Why" and not how he looks or how the clothes feel. But, the "Why?" A post with a link I followed today ran back to the issue of "the lying," "deceit, "secrecy" and similar words. The article postulated many women would not actually mind their husband wearing woman's attire, except for those words. I really do not agree with that analysis. Sure, there are women who can live with it, but, most just as soon her husband stop or worse dump him out the door.
The question this article sparked in me is whether there is an acceptable time or circumstance when it is alright to "lie by omission" (not outright tell a falsehood when asked) or keep things secret. I've read too many posts/threads where the husband's attire has been tossed in the garbage. Or the wife is hunting down every last article of clothing. You get the picture. Expunge this from the marriage or I would may be hesitate calling it a marriage. So, the guy is caught between a rock and a hard place. Cave in and waste away his true identity or continue his activities. I can understand a wife being upset with too much time spent at her expense. Too much money spent. The potential loss of friendships. Sometimes it is convenient to be married rather than divorce; social standing, financial, etc.
So, are there circumstances when it is justified shielding a wife from cross dressing activities?
I agree with what Reine and the others said but want to add this - there are three groups of people who can be read as men wearing women’s clothing that are far more prominent in popular culture than cross dressers, and probably more likely to be encountered in real life presenting as women outside their homes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronnie38
Drag queens - everywhere on TV and movies, eyecatching in public, and almost always attracted to men.
Transgender women - who of course aren’t actually men but can be confused with crossdressers, who are much more prominent in the news than crossdressers, and most of whom are sexually attracted to men.
Male prostitutes dressed in skimpy women’s clothing - who may or may not be actually trans or CD, gay or straight, but present as men dressed as women trying to attract male sexual attention. Even if this is rare outside big cities, people will be semi-familiar with movie or TV representations, such as background characters in gritty police dramas.
I’ve probably walked past many more straight CDers in a week, than members of all those groups, but I only know about the two CDers I’ve had relationships with. The other “male” bodies in “female” clothing stand out more. Of course people will link CDers with what they are more familiar with.
Stephanie47:
There are so many scenarios. Just my opinion but, to me, the words "justified shielding" means "hiding something" from a person who has committed to live their life with someone. In that case, who is making the determination as to whether it is justified or not? Also, can the person doing the shielding absolutely, positively, guarantee that the wife will never find out? Usually the person hiding something controls the decision whether to tell or not.Quote:
So, are there circumstances when it is justified shielding a wife from cross dressing activities?
I realize that everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. I'm not saying the reasons are right or wrong. Only the person who is doing the justified shielding can really answer if it is right for their situation.
Kimdl93:
Not sure, I've never seen your legs, lol :) Maybe because they are shapely and hair free? Next time you spend some time with your GG friends, it might be interesting to ask them.Quote:
Another silly question: I spent a few hours with 2 GG friends and one observed that I have "girl legs", not guy legs. Of course, I took that as a compliment but wasn't sure exactly what it means. Any ideas?
Kim, off the top of my head I’d say there is muscle differences and I remembered something from wayyyy back when looking at buying ski boots ( I wear a larger size 11) was told Men and women's ski boots are different because the calf muscle is in a slightly different position and I could not wear a mans . ( so there’s that) :)Quote:
Originally Posted by kimdl93
I am answering from my life past experiences so take that into account/ I knew from the beginning and it was a huge part of our life together it was not just a once in a while thing it was our life. I said from the beginning to Sher NEVER lie to me that would be a deal breaker for me and we were open and shared everything. Other couples are different/ some want a dadt thing but that’s not how I am .Just know....most Gg that come here after finding out that is the thing they have the most trouble with the lies and not having a choice and they sometimes wonder if they can trust again.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephanie47
Add I’m the one who answered your post #86 :)
I think it’s probably true that most women would prefer their husband not crossdress, though it’s hard to tell how many would break up a relationship over it, because there aren’t any good studies on something generally treated like a dirty secret.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephanie47
But you know, the same thing can be said about polyamory or watching copious amounts of porn or lots of sexual proclivities people have, and yet people make compromises over in a relationship.
Also, people do have a right to get out of a relationship they don’t want. Even women!
Yes, If you live in an autocratic regime where marriages are arranged and you can locked up or executed for your sexual identity.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephanie47
In the circumstances you are describing however, absolutely not. If you are CDing at a frequency that involves deception, including evasiveness, about time or money that would otherwise be available for mutual choice in a relationship, its not ethical. Not murder or assault or domestic violence level unethical, but at least moral cowardice.
I fully accept this depends on the relationship, and can be negotiated in many ways. If you are able to CD without feeling like you have to hide or evade or gaslight, by arranging private time for yourself, than good! But it sounds like you can’t.
Every argument you are making for why it’s ok to lie to your wife can and has been made by people cheating on their spouses ( see also hiding addictions, STDs and criminal behaviour). People who just “can’t help themselves”, whose wives don’t understand them, etc. Well, people who really and truly don’t want to be or can’t be monogamous have ethical options. It’s taken risking social dissaproval and accepting a limited pool of partners and a lot of rejection, but polyamory and non-ethical monogamy are a thing now. People who practice it have to actually communicate with their partners and treat them like equals, but also get to enjoy not being cheating scum.
Your wife probably won’t appreciate your CDing. Most women find porn tailored to male tastes ridiculous and pretty depressing and most men find erotic novels for women ridiculous (and often unsettling if they ever bother to read them). Even gay couples run across the problem that our sexual tastes are highly individualised and yet baffling to those who don’t share them. You probably won’t find a woman who is more than merely tolerant of cross-dressing without advertising on specific sites. If you are honest though, you might readily find a woman who loves you without having to lie to her constantly, without treating her with contempt and taking away her choices. Maybe even your wife.
It means your legs are shaved. Nothing more, other than the fact that men don't tend to put weight on their legs as women do. More women put on weight in the thighs as they age, also ankles become thicker. Not males so much. And I think more men have well developed calves due to general larger muscle mass in males.Quote:
Originally Posted by kimdl93
Put all these things together and you get a male middle-aged leg that women used to have when they were younger. :)
If you compare young male legs to young female legs, there shouldn't be much difference other than size (taller and larger male means larger leg), whether the male is a crossdresser or not. :)
How do you know this. The majority of women do stay. In fact there was a study in the 90s that showed two-thirds of women do tolerate it (to varying degrees of approval depending on how much time and money the husband devotes to the crossdressing). I should think that with all the internet info we have now, this number would only increase.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephanie47
There are so many other variables. If she was told at the onset of their relationship, the greater the chances of approval or tolerance. Also the longer the couple is married, the more complicated it is to unwind their lives. Are they deeply in love or have they become indifferent toward one another with time. Are there children and grandchildren? That said, if they're young and the wife feels she has her whole life ahead of her to build a family with someone else, then she might consider divorce. But I think that most men figure out the crossdressing is here to stay closer to middle age. By then, the husband's and wife's lives are deeply intertwined.
If they do divorce over the crossdressing, then they likely would eventually divorce over any of the common issues in marriages - infidelity or other betrayals, money issues, much arguing, unrealistic expectations, lack of intimacy, lack of equality, weight gain.
Not in my view. I would feel utterly betrayed if my SO had kept an important facet of himself from me. I would feel as if our life and commitment toward each other had been a lie.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephanie47
True identity, or a facet of yourself. Does this mean that who you are to your wife is a total lie?Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephanie47
If you tell her and she divorces you, it will be because you've lied - not because of the crossdressing.
Last, please read this again:
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoGG
Stephanie47, For me lying is lying. A lie by omission is still a lie. You can not have a loving, strong, open, and accepting relationship if you lie.
You ask about shielding a wife from cross dressing activities, the problem with that is that eventually you will be found out and then there is almost always problems. Every relationship is different, of course, but being lied to is one of the hardest things for most women to get over. Trust once broken is very hard if not impossible to rebuild.
Okay, perhaps a silly question, and it's not an "attack" or anything on any GG's...
But oftentimes I'll read about (and not just here) how the wives/GF's of these CD'ers have felt they've been lied to, felt they've been betrayed, how it affects them, etc.
IOW, quite often it at least publicly *comes across* as though they're looking at it all very one-sided -- i.e. *their* side of the story. That it's all about the GG, and what the man in their life has "done to them" via his CD'ing.
And my question is: Do you ever feel some sympathy/empathy & even try to put yourself in *his* heels? ( :heehee: )
If you stop & think about it, at least from the CD'er's perspective, it is all a bit "quirky," to say the least.
Though imagine if *you* had this overwhelming & pretty much unexplainable need & drive throughout your life, to dress as, to present as, to emulate as, to "pass" as, to participate as, etc., a member of the opposite sex (in your case, a guy!).
Wouldn't it kinda mentally "mess you up," at least a bit? Could you imagine how *that* must feel?
What would you do? Would you try to fight it & quit, perhaps repeatedly, in attempt to be more "normal", to make it all go away & never come back? Would you embrace it? Would you try to hide it from others -- even as it's continually trying to burst forth & you have this need to be seen in public, to simply do what "normal" people do & share this part of you with others?
What would your family say? Your friends? Your co-workers? Your neighbors? And how would you approach dating/relationships/your marriage to a hetero male -- if at all?
Obviously this is more of a hypothetical... In which case, you should consider yourselves fortunate, at least on some levels. :)
But pretend for a moment or three, that you *truly* are this way.
What would you like your life to be like -- and what might real-world reality actually dictate?
Anyway, I understand that the GG's being here, in & of itself, is a form of trying wrap your head around this CD'ing stuff. And for that, is to be applauded.
But I'm just asking of you to visualize & mentally take it one step further -- on a much more firsthand level... :devil:
Many thanks! :)
Elbee:
Communication is two sided, it can’t happen alone. Sometimes it’s not about the “dressing” but behaviors that come with the dressing that SO’s may be objecting to. There are too many scenarios and every relationship is different. Some CDers are upfront right away, some wait till after marriage, some wait 20 years after marriage. Every one has their reasons or self justification. Patterns of behaviors have been established and without communication, things may spiral out of control.
Your question seems to be more of a statement of how CDers feel rather than a question that one person can answer. I guess there would be a different comment from every GG. To get a true picture of what (I think) you really want to know, you may have to ask all of the SO’s that have objections, reservations, or are in the dark and know something is wrong but not sure what it is.
Sorry I can’t be of more help.
I have to admit when I saw this question I thought, oh, why bother responding to this guy, he won’t read it properly? But, as Char said, communication is a two-way street. I am trying to accept what I see as contempt and hostility may be something else, and maybe this is an honest question. So I will try and answer in good faith.Quote:
Originally Posted by ellbee
First of all, no woman on here objects to the cross-dressing in itself and we’ve all said it multiple times. None of us think that men cross-dressing “does” anything to us. Some of us have expressed discomfort, sadness, or even anger at behaviour that is connected to cross-dressing. Other women might feel differently but they aren’t here to answer.
I am not angry that my husband didn’t disclose he was a cross-dresser, because as even he admitted, he knew I would be fine with that. I am angry he lies to me about coming home late from work ( ironically leaving me with the traditional women’s duties such as childcare ) and angry that when I was putting all my money into the joint account he wanted, budgeting hard for our house deposit, letting him question every book and coffee purchase of mine, he was diverting some of that money to a secret account to hide his purchasing of frilly underthings and other stuff he didn’t want me to know about. It’s not that he thinks I would stop him having free time or buying things, he just can’t get over trying to hide it - yet as the arrangements are hidden I don’t get to arrange fair free time or luxuries for me. I wouldn’t normally go into so much detail but there are clearly CDs obfuscating about what lying really means. It is not just about your freedom of expression, it affects our lives and choices and freedoms too.
Clearly I am, however, trying to understand the shame that lead him to hide things unnecessarily and be empathetic - we are still together and I still love him. I want to love him as he really is though. I think one of the problems with any major deception in a marriage is that the deceiver not only makes the deceived feel insecure and uncertain and hurt, but also takes away their ability to love freely and so the deceiver will also never feel secure. If you think your spouse won’t love you as you are, you don’t trust your spouse to love you.
You speak as if we have no idea how hard admitting being a crossdresser is for you. All humans understand something of shame - it’s hardly limited to cross-dressing. It was hard for me to introduce my parents to my first girlfriend, and it didn’t go particularly well either. A friend lost touch with the majority of her family when she came out as lesbian. My grandmother lost contact with hers when she divorced and left the Catholic Church. Also every trans woman that has come out has shared some of those experiences. Yes, women are rarely cross-dressers, but to anyone questioning our ability to understand how difficult it can be to be true to oneself should make an effort to listen to women more or read more books by women.
I find it interesting that you think the GGs don’t seem to have any empathy for CDs, because I often think the reverse of several members. Do you think CDs complaining we don’t wear the clothes they like, prioritising their fantasy above our preferences and taste, are treating woman as real people? How about the members who claim feminism has gone too far and women behave too much like men, all while wishing their feminine presentation were more respected? The members who insist that their own personal fantasy of being a vapid halfwit has some connection to the reality of how women actually are? How about the people who imply that women should be grateful for being harassed, because in their fantasies of being a woman they enjoy it? Honestly, some of the men on here sound like they hate women just for being women. All of the other, clearly much nicer women than me on here, seem to rebuff this gently and elegantly, again and again. But you think we sound selfish for wanting some respect in a relationship. How about we all try and be a bit more empathetic here?
I was reluctant to answer your question but for another reason. I can not answer for the women not on the forum ( the wives we read about from posters in m2f)
I would say most the GGs here of have sympathy and empathy as they come here for help looking to understand and hear about the shame and hiding many endured ....and afraid to tell their partner.
And many of us are here for yrs to help new GGs when they come for answers.
I think we do try our best to see it from the cders perspective and this question is preaching to the choir.
But I’d you are talking about years and not explaining an overwhelming need and drive ( as you put it) that’s inexcusable and selfish.
Think of a relationship as a contract of sorts. There's a departure point, and normal variances are expected with the passage of time. Variances such as aging, weight change, deepening character traits, and any other change normally brought about with time. However, gender is THE fundamental premise of the initial contract. Girl meets boy and expects to spend rest of life with boy. Girl didn't agree to spend the rest of her life with another girl. And this works both ways. Her husband (if honest), might not agree to spend the rest of his life with a guy should his wife, years down the road, desire to be one. Last, I should think there are more GGs who are flexible on that point than guys are. They might tolerate the situation, with varying degrees of boundaries, rather than leave. Personally, I support my SO unconditionally with his desire to accumulate clothing and present as a woman. My boundaries are hormones and/or invasive surgery.Quote:
Originally Posted by ellbee
Then I would have felt an obligation to tell my partner about, in your words, an "overwhelming & pretty much unexplainable need & drive throughout my life" at the ONSET of our relationship so that he or she could make an informed decision about a lifetime commitment. Not years into it, after my heterosexual spouse had agreed to spend his or her life with a member of the opposite sex.Quote:
Originally Posted by ellbee
But I repeat, I should think there are more GGs who are flexible about this than there are guys. Hetero guys tend to be more homophobic than women.
When two adults enter a relationship, there is the normal "get to know eachother" period where both tentatively assess whether the other person is worth our time. We assess whether their looks are acceptable, their character somehow compatible, their values similar etc etc. We all expect certain things to change, especially in the appearance department. As time goes by, trust gets established so we start opening up about the inner workings of our brains. What turns us on, excites us, angers us, frustrates us, our hopes and dreams and where we see our relationship heading. We all have shortcomings, noone is perfect. And as I always said, it's a matter of whether the shortcomings are of the kind that the other person can live with. Honesty is a non-negotiable at this stage as the other person starts investing at this point. Now, I am not preaching this, I live and breathe it. I was upfront with my partner about certain shortcomings of mine that would be deal-breakers for a lot of people. Things that I wasn't exactly proud of. But I did him the courtesy of letting him make his decision before either one of us was invested in our relationship. And he always appreciated and demanded total honesty from me. He didn't do me the same courtesy. And you are asking whether I can empathise with his position? I am afraid I can't. When you demand honesty from your partner, you better be ready to do the same first. Otherwise, you abdicate on any right to expect an honest relationship. And this is not a ground ANY relationship can be built on, not just a sexual partnership. When your partner stands open and emotionally naked and vulnerable in front of you and you play hide and seek behind her back, remember this: what goes around, comes around. Loss of trust is the one thing that will kill any relationship, not the crossdressing. If you have trouble accepting yourself and your need for secrecy is so big, stay single. Don't drag some innocent woman through this. Do the work needed to begin a relationship honestly. And since I saw that most of you knew this was a thing for you before you got married, no empathy for the lying you felt "obligated" to feed your partners. Understand this: crossdressing is NOT illegal. But it's not your partner's responsibility to make you see that. It's fully yours. Doubt all my long text will make any difference when self-loathing and denial is so strong and a lot of you suffer from the ostrich syndrome. But remember that the crossdressing is NOT what you do to your partners. It's all of the above which exposes you as not trustworthy and therefore, impossible to invest in. And for your partners, who have exposed themselves to you completely and trusted you with their lives,all your justification sounds false and empty. You did ask.
Have any of the GG's here helped with with or actually done the makeup for their SO? It seems like it could be a very intimate act (not necessarily sexual). Do any women see it as such?
In my And Sherlyns case Sher was the makeup expert .
Many yrs in a previous marriage that was mostly all she could do- she would lock herself in the bathroom In pretense of a long soak in the tub but was putting makeup on .
She was an expert after many yrs.
So she did mine but I On occasion did her hair / make fancy updos ,put it in rollers, braid it and whatever I came up with. We would do each other’s nails , facials , massage and basically have spa days. But Sherlyn was an expert on makeup and I pretty much wear lippy and out the door. I’m lucky that way.
Our spa days started out me showing her things I liked and they were rare perhaps a snowed in day but never expected . If we both were in the mood.
Want to add / I have seen where some cds demand their wife do their makeup. That’s a big no no to me....because it becomes a chore and for goodness sake learn to do it yourself.
My husband does his own makeup. My style is “less is more”, my SO wants makeup to show up in pictures so the makeup is more dramatic.
I would not see it as an intimate moment and neither would my husband.
The answer is no. Not something that I was or ever would be interested in and certainly not something that has been filed under "intimate" activities between myself and partners. Walking arm in arm under an umbrella during a rainy night on the other hand...
When we first got together we thought it would be fun to do "girly" things together. But we discovered it just felt weird when I painted my SO's toenails. The reality is that adult women do not groom each other. Teenage girls maybe - although I've never participated in mutual grooming sessions with female friends, not even as a young girl - but grown women? No. Also, I'm not big on makeup. I know how to do my own (basic foundation, a bit of blush and mascara) but I would have no idea how to properly do someone else's with a completely different coloring than my own, especially a male who wants to soften male features. I did say once that I thought my SO's blush was the wrong coloring (it just stuck out on my SO's face), but that's about it.
I also would not see this activity as intimate, not between hetero couples. I suspect it's not even an intimate thing between young girls first experimenting with makeup, no more intimate than talking on the phone for hours about all the boys at their school.
I'm intimate with my SO's soul or spirit, not my SO's clothes or makeup. It doesn't matter how my SO looks or what my SO wears. Really, doing makeup does not enhance intimacy. I do not see a "female" or "male" side in my SO. My SO is just my SO who presents male most of the time and occasionally presents as female. Mutually sharing our deepest inner truths and having no secrets builds the intimacy in our relationship, which we do in male mode since my SO presents male most of the time.
Hi Bea,
Yes I have done the makeup for my husband when he dresses multiple times. I don't have the time for it now since we have a baby at home but it definitely did feel special... Im not sure it was an intimate thing though.... It was fun for me... I like trying different techniques that will make his face seem more feminine (shout out to ru pauls drag race)... and I like doing it because it is so different than my own makeup... not to mention i don't like putting on makeup on myself cuz i then have to take it off which is annoying for me.... but on my husband... i can play around without having the hassle of removing it :)
Thank you to those that answered my question. I think that there was a bit of disconnect over what 'intimate' might mean in the question so I'll try to clarify.
My wife has never been one to leave the house without her makeup being perfect. She's very good at it and has done special event makeup for other ladies multiple times over the years (weddings, proms, etc...).
I really have no interest in wearing makeup on a daily basis. But, I would love to have several sessions with her and have her do various levels of makeup, from "male news anchor" to "tasteful glam' (I'm not the over the top type). Since we both much prefer me with a beard, I am not trying to pass. The goal for me would be just plain experimentation. The fantasy would be for her to be eager to please me rather than to reluctantly appease me.
The intimate part of the equation, as the receiver, would be much like being the receiver of a long slow non-sexual massage (given by the SO). Even bringing an unexpected cup of coffee to the SO in bed would be a small intimate act in my mind. Even if sex isn't the goal or the end result, the act of having someone give time and attention in that way fits my idea of intimacy.
Does that clarify or make sense to anyone?
I never told my wife about my interest in crossdressing before we were married but thought I gave her enough of a clue, what do you think ?
BTW I am known for my great sense of humor.
She had just finished showering and as always was walking in and out of the bathroom in a lacy white matching bra and panty set with a towel wrapped around her head. When she closed the door I noticed a folded pile of her laundry with the same lacy Bra and panty set on top and I thought to put them on. Since she is curvy the set fit a bit too well and with socks to fill out the bra and a towel on my head I was good to go. I walked in and stood next to her and asked to borrow her curling iron. She totally lost it and almost fell over laughing. She then chased me around the apartment with nail polish.
I think some women here may not realize but Believe me for a guy to put on silky panties and a lacy bra takes alot of courage ! So since most guys would never do this do you think I gave her a big enough hint ?
Hi Bea,
Thanks for the clarification. However, it sounds like your fantasy is more of an intimate moment for you. It would be up to her if she feels it is an intimate moment for her. For me, .... sorry, it would still not be an intimate moment.
Hi Robbiegirl,
"Hinting" is not telling and/or having a discussion. You said yourself that "BTW I am known for my great sense of humor". Since that is the case, my thinking would be that she thought you were just joking around.
An analogy would be something like: If before you were married, she brought home a brochure about France. After you were married, she wanted to know when you were both moving to France. You would wonder "Whaaaat??" Then she mentions that she thought you knew because she brought home the brochure (hint hint).
In instances that are important, a discussion is necessary. "Hinting" around or "clues" would not make it a reality.
Reine D-
I could not have said that any better and totally agree. I have never been interested in 'grooming' my best girlfriend. Again its not something I think adult women think is fun. We would much rather go to a spa and have it done to us together, lol.
Hi Robbie Girl,
I think when it comes to something that can be as emotive and sensitive as the fine art of cross dressing that anything this side of hitting your significant other over the head with a sledge hammer is too subtle.
Seriously, cross dressing is an emotive subject and it may be just something you do in your head but not exactly the 'norm' in your significant other's experience. When you are serious about a relationship you have to play all your cards up front, be totally honest, and show all sides of who you are or you aren't being true to yourself or fair to your prospective lady.
I have to say it feels like juggling landmines having my wife in here now. But Anyhoo...
Elsewhere this morning I joked that Char may have fallen foul of the Pink Fog. You know me by now, crack wise or go home, but it did set the tiny (so so tiny!) cogs in my head whirring.
Crossdressing is often associated with shame and embarrassment but us faux-ladies can't be the only ones with cadavers in our walk-in. I've described my first year of crossdressing as condensed female adolescence in terms of finding a femme style. This is not something you GGs are immune to. Us CDs in particular notice.
So, spill, ladies, what are those fashion choices that make you shudder in hindsight? When did you make Beetlejuice look like a runway model? Have you ever turned anyone's hair white? If you can, try to make them NOT related to lamentable past fashions. I don't think those purple loon pants are gonna be met with anything but embarrassment these days! 😁
Ta muchly.
Something I've never told you dear, I've worn a dress with hoop skirts more than once. It was the very early 80s in Baltimore when the company I worked for had a formal evening that i was required to attend so three of us wore full dresses with under skirts and hoop skirts. And gloves. Yes. I said it. Picture Gone with the Wind. I named myself Scarlet Magnolia Belle
Yes, Wifeling! I can appreciate your dealing with a hoop slip. What I didn't say in my post about my larger than life wedding dress was that it also required a hoop slip! They are a really weird invention. If the slip isn't adjusted just right when sitting, the entire mess will fly over the head of the wearer. I did have to practice wearing the contraption.
Ladies thanks so much for sharing your Girly experiences with Wedding Gowns, Southern Belle Dresses and Hoops ! LOL
So with humans being the curious creatures that we are does it really surprise you that guys might think its fun to see how they would looks and feel swishing about in those fun outfits as you described ?
That being said I do think it would be a bit odd to have your husband walking about your house dolled up and knocking things over with his puffy dress and hoop. LOL
I am assuming your question is:
Not sure that it's that much fun! (LOL). More like FUNNY.Quote:
So with humans being the curious creatures that we are does it really surprise you that guys might think its fun to see how they would looks and feel swishing about in those fun outfits as you described ?
Definitely far more funny than fun!
Abbie, I grew up in the 80s. The decade of Madonna and Dynasty. Most girls my age tried the fingerless gloves, leg warmers and big hair look. But after a couple of times, I was back to my trusted jeans, t shirts and Dr Martin's boots. Which is a timeless gender neutral look, even today. So can't really say I have many fashion disasters in my closet. There was never any need to oversexualise myself, I was confident in my sexuality and it showed in the fact that boys were attracted to me. It's difficult to get across to a group of crossdressers how it feels to be completely at peace with how you look and never to have a need to diverge from it. Going through a dressing puberty was never a problem for me, I didn't feel I needed to blend in or stick out from my peers. If I was happy with how I looked in the mirror, off I went. Never spent more than 20 mins deciding what to wear since my default costume was t-shirt, jeans and boots of some sort. Makes life a lot simpler and even today, I have waaaaaay too many things to worry about and do to waste them on clothes. I am sure if I look at pics of me 30 years from now,I will feel like I dressed my age and pretty classic.Quote:
Originally Posted by abbiedrake
It's just plain funny whoever wears it. It would certainly make me laugh, in a "what were you thinking?" way. I wouldn't be caught dead in something like this, but this is my personal taste. Your taste is evidently different. As I said above, I have way too many things to do than waste my time trying to slip into something that has 30 layers and 5 miles of net wrapped around it. FUN for me is a bbq at a friend's garden on a sunny day, eating good food, drinking good wine and enjoying people's company. Call me old-fashioned if you want but I appreciate people more than inanimate objects.Quote:
Originally Posted by Robbiegirl
Ladies if you discovered your S.O. wearing some of your clothes that he was suppose to give to the Goodwill how do you think you would react. This would be a situation that occurred early in your discovery of his odd Hobby of playing dressup ?
Early on in our relationship after I had put on her lingerie in the bedroom on several occasions the following incedent happened. My wife had a few small piles of clothes lined up for the Goodwill. Right next to my pile of clothes she put 3 lacy bra and bikini panty sets from Maidenform. She had seen me model these before so knew they fit and I enjoyed wearing them. Since we really never discussed much my funny habit I just assumed it was her way of saying hey i know you like these frilly items so take them. So i kept them and took the other stuff to the goodwill.
Well about a month later she came home early and discovered me in her prettiest set the baby blue ones and was shocked. When I told her I had thought she had left them for me she gave me a look that said Have you lost your mind ! Was i in the wrong ? Did I not give her enough clues ? Don't women realize that its almost impossible for guys like us to resist getting into Panties & Bras
Oh Robbie, Robbie, Robbie,
Never assume "leaving clues" is going to be acceptable. I think the best way to communicate is to flat out say what you are thinking. Like, "I would like to keep some of the things you left out for Goodwill".
I had a stretchy sequin dress that I was going to take to a consignment shop. My husband did ask if I minded if he tried it on. It was short on him but he wanted to keep it which was fine with me. However, he did ask in advance.
This was not a clue. Lots of guys dress as women on a lark without being CDers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Robbiegirl
I completely understand. Of course CDers think it's much more fun to wear ladies' fashions (any ladies' fashions) than do GGs. For most of us most of the time, clothes are rather utilitarian. We dress for the occasion (nice dress for a special occasion, office wear during the week, casual clothes at home or for doing errands) but we don't get thrills out of it like you do.Quote:
Originally Posted by Robbiegirl
I would see this as having gone behind my back, which is a form of lying. I would be disappointed that he hadn't been up front with me at the time and told me that he wanted to keep the clothes. I would think that he lacked courage.Quote:
Originally Posted by Robbiegirl
Nothing really. I've always dressed according to the times. Tie-dies in the 60s, disco-wear in the 70s, big hair and shoulder pads in the 80s. These things didn't seem out of place then, even if they might look out of place now. Or if not out of place, they certainly would date someone.Quote:
Originally Posted by abbiedrake
Have you ever noticed how old ladies tend to stick with styles that were popular when they were young? lol
I’m going out with some GG friends next weekend... a movie and drinks. I’m fairly reserved in my style, and they assure me that they won’t let me look foolish. But just in case they are being too charitable, do you think I can wear this top and skirt?
Attachment 304471.
The outfit is nice - the skirt does not look too short and the neckline doesn't plunge. But, I would cover more of your shoulders. Not for reasons of false puritanical modesty, but simply because we should cover a little more as we age. We don't want to emphasize our aging body parts as we get older, and like it or not, tank tops emphasize aging necks and less-than-lithe shoulders. I wear tank tops in my back yard int the summer but I stopped wearing them to go out in the evening. Same with my skirt lengths. The older I get, the longer they get. lol
I think this is a good article to read.
http://sixtyandme.com/fashion-after-...-look-younger/
You might think about a V-neck T-shirt such as the one in your avatar instead of the tank top? :)
EDIT
This article also speaks against spaghetti straps on older women. There are lots of fun, creative, attractive alternatives.
https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/...er-older-woman
An honest answer from a woman (not quite) my age ;) Actually, the girls I hang with are in their late 30's and early 40s.....I don't think they see the sags that I see. I have several v neck t's that might work too.
Thanks R
PS: I'd rather wear a turtle neck, but this is late spring in Texas!!!
Skirt is perfect for the weather we are having here in Texas right now with a cute pair of sandals .
Love the design of the top but I also cover up my arms now . I sometimes wear a bolo jacket if I find an interesting top and want cover on my arms.
I'm nearly there! I knew you'd understand and take it the right way, Kim :hugs:Quote:
Originally Posted by kimdl93
Also, it's never a bad idea to have something covering the shoulders in movie house A/C. I always freeze. Have a great time with your friends!
EDIT
I just had another idea. Maybe you could wear the tank top under a sheer, linen big shirt? I have a white one that I wear all summer long over everything. I wear it open like a jacket. It's breezy and cool, and it shows off the things I want to show off while hiding the things I want to hide. Something like this - it would look cute over your tank top:
https://www.jjill.com/product/textur...E&gclsrc=aw.ds
Honestly....skin....esp my neck and arms.... are where I notice the impacts of mother time most prominently! I love the suggestion, btw! So, in keeping with the forum rules, my follow up question would be what other tricks do you use to cope with summer heat!!!
Moving to Texas I found wearing natural fabrics help and hats .Also maxi dresses and skirts .Flowing skirts and dresses more than the tight fitting. Luckily I have both lol and a lot of hats. I might wear a tighter skirt if going to an event held inside . Lol air conditioned getting dressed , in the car and at the event.These are things I have found works for me because coming from Canada to Texas was a bit of a change. One eventI went to last summer I wore one of my outfits I loved wearing in Canada and I was a hot mess and not in a good way.Good thing I can wear it in the winter here so it’s all good.
I also wear my hair differently here except in the winter. It is getting very long. In the summer I wear it up with a cute clip or a pony and sometimes in a braid.
I tend to wear skorts (although sometimes these can be too warm because of the extra layer), shorts, or full skirts in the summer. I usually wear sleeveless tops but not skin tight tank tops. I would rather be too hot than too cold, though. (My previous employer kept the temperature too cool in the summer and 200 ladies froze. We would sit in bulky sweaters when it was 90 degrees outside.) Some restaurants and public places are also way too cold in the summer. If you are going dancing, you will probably be fine. So I would suggest that if you bring a jacket or lightweight shirt (something like Reine showed). And like Di, my hair is fairly long and frizzes in the humidity. I end up with a bun or ponytail.
Have fun Kim!
Of course, I’m from North Dakota originally, so I love sweaters, but can’t tolerate them for most of the year in Texas. As a woman of a certain age, I realize I need to make compromises. Any other tips, make up or otherwise for a mature woman?
Haha Kim, you walked right into this one! Don't wear blue eyeshadow.
Seriously, I like tinted moisturizer rather than traditional foundation (I use Ulta brand but other companies make it). Heavy foundation feels like my face is coated in oil, especially in the summer. Go light on the eye makeup if you are out in high humidity days. Eyeliner tends to melt away and eye shadow (never blue, of course, lol) creases. Mascara may smudge to under the eye. I scrimp on foundation but never on mascara (I use Estee Lauder Doublewear for minimal smudging). Sweating does not help "the look" if makeup runs or smears into a "black eye" look.
I hope you have a good time with your GG friends.
I hope you