Came home and all my clothes are gone

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Originally Posted by kellycan27

I agree with you Karen.. Wendy's wife shouldn't have thrown away her things. I think what I was trying to say is that maybe Wendy's wife just got fed up with trying to deal with something that she isn't or may never be comfortable with. I personally think that there is more to this story than meets the eye. Why would someone just snap.. out of the blue and do a complete 180? I don't think people should be so quick to judge
the wife without hearing her side. As I mentioned before, These threads on un accepting SO's are plentiful, and the blame seems to fall on the unaccepting SO rather than the cder who for the most parts gets absolution from the rest.
And let me just ask you one thing........... Did Wendy give her wife the opportunity to compromise from the get go? Nope, not one thought was given to her wants or desires. Wendy was actually the controlling one, by omission.. how loving was that? Are we supposed to look at that as water under the bridge?


And finally............ Nicole Erin has no clue as to how easy or hard my life has been. Her opinion about my life and $3.00 will get her a crummy cup of coffee at Starbucks. ... if she has the nerve to go out in public that is :heehee:

Kelly

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Hi Kelly , I certainly do take responsiblity for the actions my wife has taken due to oringinal deception only revealed a few years ago ,but I feel she could of at least let me get my stuff out of the house to my moms or another friends house to store. I honestly never saw her doing something like this. The only thing that i did find out was that her close girlfriend has been talking to her and reinforcing to her how if it was her finding out , that she would of called it quits straight away. Im not saying that this helped spark this action of hers , but its a very possible connection in that they are the closest of friends and my wife takes her advice seriously in general. I know you spoke ok of control. I truly dont want to control anyone espiecially her , it would be a impossible task even if I wanted to . I made a difficult decision two years ago by telling her. I knew the risks, but I also knew that marriage is something that requires honesty between both people if one , the other or both can have a change to grow. my thinking at the time was that if I could free myself of the burden of hiding to my closest friend {my wife}, that it would make me a better spouse for her in the long run in that my total being could be allowed to express itself in "yes " a controlled fashion set by her boundaries. I respect her very much but I couldnt keep lying to her anymore. Believe me , I wish I could of had the courage to be up front with her all those years ago.

I am so sorry for you dear....really, that was uncalled for.

One always wonders what would tip the scales and push one postal???....well....this is Reeeeal close!!!:angry::Punch:

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Originally Posted by kellycan27

I agree with you Karen.. Wendy's wife shouldn't have thrown away her things. I think what I was trying to say is that maybe Wendy's wife just got fed up with trying to deal with something that she isn't or may never be comfortable with. I personally think that there is more to this story than meets the eye. Why would someone just snap.. out of the blue and do a complete 180? I don't think people should be so quick to judge
the wife without hearing her side. As I mentioned before, These threads on un accepting SO's are plentiful, and the blame seems to fall on the unaccepting SO rather than the cder who for the most parts gets absolution from the rest.
And let me just ask you one thing........... Did Wendy give her wife the opportunity to compromise from the get go? Nope, not one thought was given to her wants or desires. Wendy was actually the controlling one, by omission.. how loving was that? Are we supposed to look at that as water under the bridge?

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Mental illness does exist. Some people snap with no provocation at all.
I think the greatest judgement of SO's is of the ones who were told from the beginning, and said,"that's ok, no problem" and then later say they're leaving because,"you're sick." Many of us DO say hiding it from a partner is a huge mistake, as well as not loving. As I said in this case:
There's two issues here- one being the hiding/deceiving, the other is an abusive controlling partner. "do as I tell you" isn't compromise, & not a loving union.
Two wrongs don't make a right- not excusing Wendy's hiding it, and not excusing her wife's over the line actions out of the blue, when she'd sent a different message before.

Wendy's wife did not do a 180, she simply revealed her true feelings that she had been hiding for the past couple of years. The pressure of hiding these feelings and feigning acceptance builds up inside like a pressure cooker. One day you snap when you cannot take it anymore.

Looking at the controlling measures and emotional blackmail that followed, she appears to have thrown a track. She cannot relate to her husband as an equal loving partner. This has affected her more deeply than she is willing to admit and she is making the wrong choices in trying to resolve her inner conflict.

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Originally Posted by Satrana

Wendy's wife did not do a 180, she simply revealed her true feelings that she had been hiding for the past couple of years. The pressure of hiding these feelings and feigning acceptance builds up inside like a pressure cooker. One day you snap when you cannot take it anymore.

Looking at the controlling measures and emotional blackmail that followed, she appears to have thrown a track. She cannot relate to her husband as an equal loving partner. This has affected her more deeply than she is willing to admit and she is making the wrong choices in trying to resolve her inner conflict.

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Making the wrong choices,like maybe she was worried about the loss of family,friends, Wendy's job? Worried about her security,her children? Kinda sounds like a familiar scenario... only in reverse, Are her reasons are trumped by the cder who does the same thing?
Couldn't the wife feel as though she were being emotionally blackmailed into accepting the CDing out of fear of the break-up of her family or...?
How can you say that the wife has made the wrong choices when she may have made her choices out of the fear of self preservation when the CD has done exactly the same thing? This isn't just about "tossing" belongings. That was probably done out of frustration.. it goes way deeper than that.

that Wendy has accepted for now her wifes restrictions, and wish them both luck on the journey, maybe if we send them both some positivity it will help :)

Except, of course, that 67.59% of people on this site are married, and another 11.03% have been married and did not divorce on account of cross-dressing. The down side: 3.10% have divorced because of cross-dressing.

Source: poll on this forum April 2007.

Life ain't as simple as you think, Ashlee.
______ohh??? I'll put my 7 yr. study and degree in humanistic psychology up against such simple statistics...and people Do go Postal when provoked...
and.... so, are those statistics are supposed to Prove whatever point you were trying to make?

I spent a bit scanning the post so far in this thread, and I feel like I would like to offer my opinions to the OP.
From my perspective, You have had an emotional outburst by your wife towards your crossdressing, and she has offered a resolution that does allow you expression of it as long as she does not need to deal with it.
I think there may be some other issues in the marriage that need some work as well, like communication as well as coming to understand each other to work towards a concensus that can actually work.

Get counciling. But do it with a provider experienced with both relationship and gender issues. A thrid party may help you two work out what both of your needs are as a mediator and allow you to both have space to talk out issues.
What has been offered as a solution is but a band aid to a more serious set of issues.

YIS,
WRI

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Originally Posted by Sheila

that Wendy has accepted for now her wifes restrictions, and wish them both luck on the journey, maybe if we send them both some positivity it will help :)

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Agreed, and discussed in a pm with Wendy.

Making excuses for the wife is as bad as excusing the CD who hides it from their partner. Double standards have nothing to do with fairness, and encourage bad relationships.
Hopefully therapy will be sought. Beyond the wife showing true remorse for her actions, it's key for gaining understanding ( on both sides ) and communications skills to avoid a repeating pattern.