CDing keeps me faithful...not the other way around

I have a bone to pick with the GGs who think that crossdressing is a type of unfaithfulness...a betrayal, so to speak. I want to announce to the world that my desire to crossdress has KEPT ME FROM OTHER WOMEN.

My story is this: I am a totally closeted crossdresser, and married for 10+ years. My wife totally doesn't know. The reason I don't tell her is simple: I have conflicted feelings about it, but I love it, and I know that she won't understand it. I know her tastes, I know her desires, I know her intimately. She won't like it. So I think it is better to just avoid the stress and weirdness altogether. And, besides, I really don't want to have a deep conversation about it, because I'm only just beginning to come to terms with that side of myself. I have been running for it for decades...so it is not something to bring up casually or even joke about. I genuinely don't want it to come between us. And I fear it will.

Now, all marriages go through their trials. After 10+ years, you had better believe that every man has had his temptations. But must tell you this. When faced with the opportunity to have a physical affair with another woman, I have stopped, and thought...sex with another woman is not really the answer to life's troubles. Sure, for some, it might appear to be. But for me, you know what? I would rather (much rather!) spend a day as Dana, out and about in heels and makeup and a skirt suit, than to sleep with that gorgeous young business analyst on the 3rd floor of the office. Honestly, I get more of a rush thinking about being Dana!

So, yes, the desire to crossdress makes me a more faithful husband. Yes, my CDing is a secret, and that is wrong, but it has kept me from making an even more terrible mistake--thinking that sex with another is just a "fun" thing to cheer you up a during a normal ebb and flow of life.

So there, I have said it. The desire to crossdress is a sexual rush...but it is a "man" thing, and don't try to understand it. Just know that it is entirely separate from the desire to have a nice, stable, and loving home life. It can keep a man faithful, because with CDing, he won't be as eager to fall for the temptation of other women, because it is really, really fun all by itself.

Thank you for listening, and I hope that this doesn't totally offend too many people. But it is my honest feelings.
-Dana

Thank you Dana, well said.
Hugs
BekiJ

I agree with you completely and wish you the best. You are an adult and only you can make that decision. No one should try to peer pressure you into doing what you have decided not to do. Happy dressing!

Right on! I am soooo totally "the other woman."

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

My wife totally doesn't know. The reason I don't tell her is simple: I have conflicted feelings about it, but I love it, and I know that she won't understand it. I know her tastes, I know her desires, I know her intimately. She won't like it.

---

You are right, no one knows your wife like you do. In the end it's only whether you are willing to continue hiding your stash and keeping a secret.

I thought totally the same about my wife, and didn't tell her for years and years, until I finally came to terms with myself and my CDing, then I couldn't keep it in anymore. It sure was a shock to her, but with the help of a couple of very informative and educational websites, things went better than I could have imagined.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

I would rather (much rather!) spend a day as Dana, out and about in heels and makeup and a skirt suit, than to sleep with that gorgeous young business analyst on the 3rd floor of the office.

---

Absolutely, I feel the same way. No bigger high these days than to transform and spend the day as Tash.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

Thank you for listening, and I hope that this doesn't totally offend too many people. But it is my honest feelings.
-Dana

---

Well said Dana.

Good luck

Tash :)

I couldn't agree more! I too have been married for quite a while, coming up on 20 years, and have never cheated on my wife or really even come close.

At one time, Dressing was a sexual thrill, but now it's more of an escape for me. I can be someone else, even a different gender, and I don't involve anyone else other than the girls on this board and any unsuspecting store clerks I encounter out there. I think lot of people have affairs to escape their regular lives and add excitement to what has become ordinary, but for me Dressing allows for that without all the other problems of affairs.

As for the idea that keeping it a secret is a betrayal, I really don't agree with that either. All couples, all families have things they don't discuss or don't throw in the other person's face. My wife told me early on that if I "was into anything weird like wearing my clothes" that she did NOT want to know about it. I kind of laughed and said that "yeah if I ever decide to do any of that I won't involve you" but beneath it all it was serious, and I have stuck with that ever since.

You've just got to do what works for you and the relationship, and if that means not telling the wife about Jessica then that's what I do. She also told me many years ago that she does not enjoy going to Lakers games, if you can imagine such a thing, so I don't involve her in those either.

A couple of thoughts come to mind. One, let's not congratulate ourselves too much for doing what is the right thing to do (I have been married 21 yrs, never cheated). It's like congratulating oneself for not robbing banks because you work too much. No one should cheat, period. Second thought is that If the crossdressing is a major part of why you don't cheat (hopefully not), than, to me, you might as well say that you probably would have cheated except for that. If I am inferring something that is not true, I apologize, but that sounds like what you are saying. If true, that doesn't sound very good either, just saying.:2c:

As far as not telling your wife, I certainly wouldn't ever (and don't think anyone should)pass judgement without knowing the totality of experiences you have. One has to do what one has to do sometimes. There have been many accepting SOs but significantly more non-accepting SOs. SOmetimes the non-acceptance turns very ugly. So I, for one, can empathize. My wife knows but is non accepting. Still, I am glad I was upfront with her. But that was the decision I made, just as you have made yours.

R u REALLY being faithful? If U r the OTHER WOMAN?:brolleyes:

Would your SO agree?:eek:

I'm wondering what my So, if I had one, would say, if she found out I got a bigger thrill from being, and being with, Sherry, than with her?:Angry3:

Dana, I fully respect who you are and your decision to not have an affair when you might have been tempted. But it is your reasoning I cannot understand. If I were to become attracted to someone else, even though my SO & I are not married, I would feel as if I had betrayed him if I went outside the relationship for sex. I would choose to remain faithful not because I may prefer to do something else over having an affair, but because I would not want to hurt my SO.

Lots of things can be a wedge between couples, not just affairs. Anything that consistently comes first above the relationship (other than getting basic needs met): obsession with a sport, workaholism, a wife ignoring her husband by hiding behind her children's needs, a partner's over-indulgence or compulsion in anything .. shopping, food, alcohol, or an overly active social calendar. In short, anything that becomes a priority over the partner indicates a disconnect in the relationship. The couple may not even realize they've settled into a tacitly agreed upon marriage of convenience, with or without fringe benefits, as their relationship hasn't developed into its fullest potential for closeness or intimacy.

CDing in itself is not a betrayal to a relationship. It becomes a wedge when a husband spends his time thinking about his next opportunity to CD, or everything else connected with it, rather than being present in his relationship with his wife.

Good outlook Dana. I am also Faithful but it's because of a think called LOVE.It has keep me there foe 40 years with only her.:hugs:
Angie

Dana

This has been the best "right on" thread I have read. The subsequent additions have only affirmed your statements. Even those who see the issue but came to a different conclusion, see your point.

We are all dealing with the same compulsion. I know I have for 37 years of marriage, I have dealt with this on and off.

I sometimes think the marriage would have been better had I not had to deal with this. Having said that, I also believe that it would have manifested itself in a more distructive activity had it not rooted itself in cross dressing. In some ways I have been more attentive to her and the family to offset or make up for the distraction this may have caused.

Thank you for the courage to say it and say it well.
Barb

great post Dana... I am in the same boat as you, and although I've been advised by some friends to tell my SO, I just think it will unnecessarily over-complicate things, and as long as I'm faithful, I have no reason to feel bad about it.....

:hugs:

I do think that CDs are far more faithful than average guys but not because we are better people. Rather it is because we don't see women as "skirt" to chase and conquer but instead we relate to them more because of our interest in femininity. The drive to prove our masculinity through sexual conquest is largely lacking in a CD.

On top of this our self-esteem tends to be low because we have this guilty secret that makes us feel we are undesirable hence we are more likely to stay faithful to a woman who agrees to marry us even if she is in the dark about the CDing.

I believe that when GGs talk about unfaithfulness in CDs, they are really talking about the threat to the relationship - in particular the threat to the idealized relationship between a man and a woman that we are constantly bombarded with through the mass media. We expect certain things from our partner because that is what we think everyone else is getting, even though this is actually an illusion. So the use of the word unfaithful is really a cry of helplessness and insecurity in seeing their man becoming less masculine (the horror!) and becoming unduly focused on an idealized alter ego which they cannot hope to compete with.

I don't know that CDs would be more faithful on average than other couples. As a reasonably shorttime CD though I do become the other woman when I dress. My wife knows all about it and at times even suggests I might like to dress. She says I'm a different person when dressed, more caring, considerate and talkative. Other than for her I'm way in the closet and will keep it that way. It all comes down to LOVE and after nearly 40 years in my case that's still very strong (that's not to say I've always been an angel). :drink:

Are you really saying " hey i have just thought of a good reason why it is OK to keep secrets , so that should make me feel better about it :daydreaming:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

I have a bone to pick with the GGs who think that crossdressing is a type of unfaithfulness...a betrayal, so to speak. I want to announce to the world that my desire to crossdress has KEPT ME FROM OTHER WOMEN.

---

I think you will find that most GG's who "discover" their partners are CDR's, do not think it is a type of unfaithfullness .............. issues surrounding what "SOME" CDR's do with it & use as an excuse to explore their sexuality whether in real life or on the web can be ...... there is a difference.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

I want to announce to the world that my desire to crossdress has KEPT ME FROM OTHER WOMEN.

---

I would have prefered the phrase "my love for my wife" is what keeps me from other woman ..... but maybe I am just being picky

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

My wife totally doesn't know. The reason I don't tell her is simple: I have conflicted feelings about it, but I love it, and I know that she won't understand it. I know her tastes, I know her desires, I know her intimately.

---

you may well THINK you know your wife .......... we can never, ever know another human being that well, much as we would like to think we do just my :2c:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

She won't like it. So I think it is better to just avoid the stress and weirdness altogether.

---

she may, and she might just not see it as being weird, she may have conflicted feelings about it, but she may be willing to work through those because she loves you ...... or she may not and unless you tell her OR she discovers, you will never know

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

[SIZE="3"]And, besides, I really don't want to have a deep conversation about it, because I'm only just beginning to come to terms with that side of myself. [/SIZE]

---

Ahhhhhhhhhh, now that is a telling statement, you don't want to have a deep conversation about it & because you are just "coming" to terms with it, u make assumptions that your wife could not

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

The desire to crossdress is a sexual rush...but it is a "man" thing

---

It is not a sexual rush for all CDR's nor is sexual rushes exclusively a man thing

You nailed it Dana, I could not have said it better. Our home life is almost non-existant at the current time, and I must say that if Raychel wasn't around, I may have strayed. But with Raychel around it just makes life more livable. :2c:

Thanks Dana.

Well personally.... Faithfullness is a moral trait that is independent of what I clothes I wear... Its like saying that if I didn't have my truck to work on I'd go have an affair with the neighbor lady?? Not a good excuse to go out and buy a broken down truck and not one to justify your crossdressing either, in my humble opinion..

Dana; I do the same thing with a gay difference. My dressing lets me vent my fem side without having sex with men and my marriage is not jepordized.

My main contention with you Dana are the secrets. I don't know what your wedding vows were, but keeping secrets I bet wasn't one of them.

Sorry to be hard on you and your sisters that keep secrets from their SO, but I've seen it backfire so many times. It's hard to put the pieces back together.

I'm hoping too that all the CD's that keep this secret from the SO's pass away after their SO does, otherwise their's going to be this "big surprise" along with the grief once the SO discovers your "stuff".

Oh, btw my SO knows, and even though she does understand that it's a part of me and she has forgiven me, she still believes that I am cheating on her in some ways with Tracy. Namely the time I am away from her. But there is communication and we are constantly working on our relationship and how Tracy fits into it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Stuff to think about. I know what works for one does not work for another, and if you are perfectly happy with your arraignment, far be it from me to throw a wrench into the works.

-Tracy

JoAnne is all the "other" woman that I can deal with - I do like the flirtations

that GGs give me in my DRAB mode - don't know how they would respond in

my underdressing mode - my Spouse knows that other GGs flirt with me - but

I'm like an old dog chasing cars, I don't know what to do if I caught one.

JoAnne and my Spouse know each other and try to get along.

JoAnne Wheeler

"I'm an all American Bluegrass Girl and Proud As I Can Be"

I can't reply to everyone!! But I have a thought. When a happily married GM sees an attractive woman walking down the street, there is a part of him that wants to totally go to town with her. That is an animal instinct. Fortunately, most GMs know that that is not socially acceptable behavior (like, thrown in jail for a long, long time), but the thoughts are there nonetheless. Is it right to tell your wife that you are attracted to random women walking down the street? Why bother her with that information? GMs and GGs are very, very different in their concept of sex...it is amazing that we can live together at all!!

I have to say Dana, from a gg's point of veiw, im a little irked by your post.
Please correct me if im picking you up wrong,but to me your saying,its ok to be cd'ing behind your wifes back, because hey! atleast your not cheating?..
For eg, if my partner was secretly betting on the horses every chance he got because he loved it so much, or was addicted to it,does that mean if he didnt get to do it he would probably be cheating on me??
I dont get it?. To me its still decieving the person you married and shared vow's with.And yes men and women are different in ways, but are you also saying if you werent cd'ing, that you WOULD be cheating on your wife? then surely that would be because your not satisfied with the relationship you have with your wife and what you have at home.or downright selfish and greedy for more than whats there already.
If you look up many of the gg's posts here,i think you will find that whether they accept or want to be involved in theyre partners cd'ing, the main thing that bothered a lot of us gg's most when it came out, was the lying and hiding and keeping secrets about cd'ing in the first place,and not actualy the cd'ing in itself!
If i didnt know my partner aswell as i do, and wasnt happy with his cd'ing, i would be reading your post thinking 'jeez i better start pretending to be ok in every with his cd'ing or hes going to cheat on me!'.
Whether it be cheating with another, cd'ing, addicted to gambling,etc..Its the lying or hiding these things that can eventualy make the matter worse.Im not speaking for everyone on here,thats just my opinion.
But i a am curious to know,if you wernt a cd'er would you be cheating on your wife with another right now?
Im not attacking you in any way on this,like i said just curious to what you are trying to say in your post? Loren

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ReineD

Dana, I fully respect who you are and your decision to not have an affair when you might have been tempted. But it is your reasoning I cannot understand. If I were to become attracted to someone else, even though my SO & I are not married, I would feel as if I had betrayed him if I went outside the relationship for sex. I would choose to remain faithful not because I may prefer to do something else over having an affair, but because I would not want to hurt my SO.

---

Now thats what I call well said

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Well personally.... Faithfullness is a moral trait that is independent of what I clothes I wear... Its like saying that if I didn't have my truck to work on I'd go have an affair with the neighbor lady?? Not a good excuse to go out and buy a broken down truck and not one to justify your crossdressing either, in my humble opinion..

---

Agree again, not cheating on your SO has nothing to do with cd'ing, it has to do with love and respect. Looking at whats on the menu is totally normal, just don't order!
If I ever told my SO 'honey your lucky I don't cheat on you because I cd' I'd get:brolleyes: and then deservedly get ripped a new one:doh:

My suggestion, turn some of your energies to your SO, come up with some wild sexual ideas and rock your womans world! Nothing like the real thing, and make it all about her:)

Loren, I admire your tolerance and understanding and of your approach...

I suspect many of us wrestle with trying to do the "right thing", and that frequently is about deciding what not to say. There are many of us on this site who have been open and then things have gone disastrously wrong, for others this approach has worked. Some of us have taken the view that if it means splitting up and then re-engaging with another that's cool because we have taken control of our lives...

There are some of us, and I am not really sure where I am yet, who have chosen a path of "protecting/supporting" the relationship (especially if kids are involved) because they fear the consequences - not for themselves, but for the people they really love and whose lives they could wreck.

I totally understand where Dana is coming from... and I think this thread is a really important one - it is causing me to challenge things big time and understand my rigidities... which is what personal growth and change is all about..

Thanks Dana, Kaz xx

This is one of those threads that make me glad the Internet came along.

This discussion cuts to the core of what concerns me about being Intersexual (2/3 male, 1/3 female). When I came out to my wife her reaction was initially negative, but it has softened, apparently to an attitude of "Oh well--boys will be girls."

I keep things on the down low and we seem to get along. I don't feel I'm being untruthful.

I agree with whomever said CD'ing was like wanting to go to Lakers games--my wife wouldn't want to be a part of that, either.

Again--great thread & thanks to all of you who have contributed.

If the only reason my husband chose to remain faithful to me was because he was a CD, I'd say thanks, but no thanks.
That rush may wear off you know, then you will be looking for new ways to keep busy in order to remain faithful.
I don't cheat on my husband, nor does he cheat on me. It has nothing to do with him being a CDer.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

I want to announce to the world that my desire to crossdress has KEPT ME FROM OTHER WOMEN.Dana

---

Speaking as a married crossdresser, I hope that there is more that keeps you from straying than this.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

IWhen a happily married GM sees an attractive woman walking down the street, there is a part of him that wants to totally go to town with her. That is an animal instinct.

---

I really dislike this rational. I do not understand how anybody would think of themselves as being so week of character that you can't pass a woman on the street without considering infidelity. I certainly hope that the majority of males are beyond acting like we are in 6th grade.. Sure I like looking at women. Its one of life's great pleasures. But one has to think that if your thoughts go beyond looking there might be a reason.
I think I should have this in my signature line be once again: Have that talk with your wife. No matter how careful you are you will get caught and matter how uncomfortable you think that talk may be its will be nothing compared to explaining things once your busted.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

I have a bone to pick with the GGs who think that crossdressing is a type of unfaithfulness...a betrayal, so to speak. I want to announce to the world that my desire to crossdress has KEPT ME FROM OTHER WOMEN.

---

That's got to be the saddest excuse I've ever heard. I feel sorry for your wife, that your love for her wasn't enough to stop you from straying, your love for womans clothes etc was... goes to show what comes first.

If you didn't crossdress, then what you're saying is you would have cheated on your wife by now, pretty poor excuse don't you think? You're probably too self absorbed with your CD'ing anyway to even have the time for an affair. I think you have betrayed your wife, for putting your cd'ing first, the biggest thing in your life that stopped you from straying... I pity her... very sad :sad:

Okay, my :2c: worth.

I am continually amazed at how self centered some of us are. I read some posts and have to shake my head. I want this, I need that, I wish things were this way in my life, my wife needs to be more accepting or I'll leave....etc....etc...etc... Now I'm not a judgemental person, but come on girls. It ain't "all about you" when you are married.

Cheating is a choice. You either choose to cheat or you choose not to cheat. Trying to justify an activity you do that your wife doesn't know about by saying....well, it keeps me from cheating on her....is completely self centered.

The number of crossdressers who put the importance of crossdressing before their wives and families boggles my mind. Do you want to live and die all alone so you can wear women's clothes whenever you want to? Sounds like a recipe for misery to me.

I'm glad my wife shows no interest in this forum. She sure wouldn't have a very good opinion of crossdressers after reading a good many of these posts.

[SIZE="3"]Angie G

joanne f

Karren Hutton

TSchapes

Jess_cd32

trisha59

&

Samantha43

thanks :hugs:[/SIZE]

I agree with something that Satrana posted, "I do think that CDs are far more faithful than average guys but not because we are better people. Rather it is because we don't see women as "skirt" to chase and conquer but instead we relate to them more because of our interest in femininity. The drive to prove our masculinity through sexual conquest is largely lacking in a CD.

On top of this our self-esteem tends to be low because we have this guilty secret that makes us feel we are undesirable hence we are more likely to stay faithful to a woman who agrees to marry us even if she is in the dark about the CDing."

For me, since I've pretty much underdressed with Panties for pretty much 40+ years, I was afraid to get into any compromising relationship, not that I didn't have a few possibilities, simply because how do you explain to someone your'e jumping into the sack with, why your wearing women's panties. And now after my marriage is over the same situation still is there, how to explain why to someone new. So I think what Satrana said is very true and accurate.. :battingeyelashes:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

So there, I have said it. The desire to crossdress is a sexual rush...but it is a "man" thing, and don't try to understand it. Just know that it is entirely separate from the desire to have a nice, stable, and loving home life. It can keep a man faithful, because with CDing, he won't be as eager to fall for the temptation of other women, because it is really, really fun all by itself.

---

But Dana, you ARE being unfaithful to her - it's just that the 'other woman' is you? :strugglin

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Malori Cross

This discussion cuts to the core of what concerns me about being Intersexual (2/3 male, 1/3 female).

---

Malori - intersexed has a widely agreed, physical meaning - I'm not sure you're using it the same way?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Nicki B

But Dana, you ARE being unfaithful to her - it's just that the 'other woman' is you? :strugglin

---

Yep, that is true. It is cheating. But, you know what? It is a heck of a lot less damaging than sleeping with another woman. Because society is very clear about the boundaries of marriage. Sleeping with another woman is wrong. But for crossdressing...that is subject to a wide variety of opinions. Is it wrong to be secretive and dream of the woman I created? Sure, it is a little wrong...but does it really compare to having a full-blown physical affair? There are some women who think so...and many others who realize that it is just another goofy thing that men do. Women do goofy things, too.

For example, romance novels are female porn. I'm being serious. They give women the exact same feelings of fleeting joy that an X-rated porno does for men. That is because men and women are very different in this respect.

Do I feel uncomfortable when my wife cuddles up with a Romance novel? She does it ALL the time. Do I find it threatening???? Sure, it is a sign that our lives are not perfect. But it is okay, because I have CDing, and it serves the same purpose for me. A temporary escape that makes me happy.

And to answer an earlier question about whether I would hav had an affair if I was not a CDer...ALL MEN GET TEMPTED at some point in their lives. Whether or not he acts on it depends on the exact circumstances of the temptation, and the ebbs and flows of life situation, and a million other factors. So in my case, the desire to CD took a higher priority, and I resisted.

On the one hand, Danam, I'd say, " I rationalize, therefore, I am!":doh:

On the other hand, after being married and divorced, I'd say, " Different strokes for different folks. And if works for BOTH of u, go for it!":)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

Yep, that is true. It is cheating. But, you know what? It is a heck of a lot less damaging than sleeping with another woman. Because society is very clear about the boundaries of marriage. Sleeping with another woman is wrong. But for crossdressing...that is subject to a wide variety of opinions. Is it wrong to be secretive and dream of the woman I created? Sure, it is a little wrong...but does it really compare to having a full-blown physical affair? There are some women who think so...and many others who realize that it is just another goofy thing that men do. Women do goofy things, too.

For example, romance novels are female porn. I'm being serious. They give women the exact same feelings of fleeting joy that an X-rated porno does for men. That is because men and women are very different in this respect.

Do I feel uncomfortable when my wife cuddles up with a Romance novel? She does it ALL the time. Do I find it threatening???? Sure, it is a sign that our lives are not perfect. But it is okay, because I have CDing, and it serves the same purpose for me. A temporary escape that makes me happy.

And to answer an earlier question about whether I would hav had an affair if I was not a CDer...ALL MEN GET TEMPTED at some point in their lives. Whether or not he acts on it depends on the exact circumstances of the temptation, and the ebbs and flows of life situation, and a million other factors. So in my case, the desire to CD took a higher priority, and I resisted.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

For example, romance novels are female porn. I'm being serious. They give women the exact same feelings of fleeting joy that an X-rated porno does for men. That is because men and women are very different in this respect.

Do I feel uncomfortable when my wife cuddles up with a Romance novel? She does it ALL the time. Do I find it threatening???? Sure, it is a sign that our lives are not perfect. But it is okay, because I have CDing, and it serves the same purpose for me. A temporary escape that makes me happy.

---

Takes ane huge breath, counts to ten, goes and bangs head against brick wall :Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:


How the HE*L would you know what gives a woman joy ............ you are far to busy doing that for yourself.......... then ......
Give me a break ............. your wife is, if you believe the crap you are spouting, probabley cudddled up with "the female version of porn (according to you)" purely and simply because her life partner is way to busy being loved up by humself .......I pity your wife I really do:Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sheila

Takes ane huge breath, counts to ten, goes and bangs head against brick wall :Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:


How the HE*L would you know what gives a woman joy ............ you are far to busy doing that for yourself.......... then ......
Give me a break ............. your wife is, if you believe the crap you are spouting, probabley cudddled up with "the female version of porn (according to you)" purely and simply because her life partner is way to busy being loved up by humself .......I pity your wife I really do:Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:

---

If it was nonsense, then you would have ignored it!!!

Oh well, I guess sooner or later this thread would digress from rational conversation to insults. My fault for ebbing it on, I guess. Sorry everyone!!

And, yes, I agree with a previous post: With enough thought, you can rationalize anything. I am totally guilty of that.

I have only rarely been tempted to stray from my wife, and I've never given in to those desires. Marla is one of the reasons I stay faithful as well. I don't need other women; I am the other woman!.....err...well, sorta. I don't crossdress to cheat on my wife. I do it because ....because.....uh....I gotta. Dressing is my sanctum sanctorum. Many men find relief in the arms of other women. I find mine in Marla. And I'm not even considering ever cheating on my wife.

:edit:

Let me clarify. I don't feel a need for other women. My comment about being the other woman is said with tongue in cheek. I love my wife, and she fills my needs for love and companionship. I don't stray because I do not have any desire to do so. We had a few rocky moments in our relationship, but marriages take work, cooperation, and courage to survive. I'm happy with her, and I do my very best to see that she is happy with me. 'Nuff said.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by danam

If it was nonsense, then you would have ignored it!!!
Oh well, I guess sooner or later this thread would digress from rational conversation to insults. My fault for ebbing it on, I guess. Sorry everyone!!

And, yes, I agree with a previous post: With enough thought, you can rationalize anything. I am totally guilty of that.

---

:thumbsdn:
What could I possibley know after all I am just a GG

The book 'Men are from Mars and Women from Venus' was so popular for a good reason.

Men and women are hardwired differently, its sounds like your wife would appreciate some romance in her life at the moment and it sounds like your content being the 'other woman' for now, filling a void rather than just enjoying cd'ing like most of us. Remember you both married for a reason, try to re-ignite what you found so attractive about her, and her in you in the past.

Time does take its toll on all relationships, sometimes they need a good jumpstart to bring back the emotions and attractions we've had for one another and they don't nessesarily have to be sexual in nature. Some of the best times I've ever had with my SO have been out of the bedroom:)

Its very interesting but breakups of all things will automatically re-ignite alot of those feelings when a couple gets back together, makeup sex is what its called and it is said to be the best ever. Been there, done that, agree 100% with it. Why is beyond me, but its like a total body, mind wakeup call for both.

Can I suggest a compromise or idea, tell your wife, get dressed up really nice your going out to a romantic dinner, one that prefferably will have candlelight at your table. Get her some of these first to start the night out:love:....and a thoughtfull card wouldn't hurt either.

Go out and talk about what you love about her, compliment her, make it totally her night, make her feel like a million bucks and show her you can romance her better than any book:)

Trust me when you get home you'll forget about the 'other girl' for the night and she'll skip the novel for the night. Then start to regrow your relationship again from there, I doubt you'll be disapointed, just my .02

As for the 'other girl', she's also an important part of your life but don't allow her to replace your SO or become more important, just enjoy being her in a healthy managed way:)

Women DO seem to like romance more than men. That means they seem to like affection, tenderness, and communication more, too.
Men, I think, seem to like just plain S-E-X a bit more!

My ex had a way of showing she "was not in the mood", without saying a word! And that attitude made me NOT WANT to provide her any affection or tenderness. She wasn't providing ME with ANY of those things either! When the LOVE goes out of a relationship, everything else soon follows!:doh: MY experience, anyway!

If Danam needs his CDing, and there's still love between him and his SO, I could NOT say he's doing the wrong thing!
If the love is gone, or goes, out of their marriage, then his CDing doesn't really matters. Because they've BOTH stopped caring anyway!

Your CD fem alter ego can provide u with raw sex, among other things. But, NOT with affection, companionship, etc. If your SO provides those things for u, but the sex spark in gone, maybe Danam and others NEED their fem alter egos to keep from straying!?
It sounds SO WRONG, but yet, SO REASONABLE!:brolleyes:

I can see that this is a way to the goals you desire and to avoid the ones you don't.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sheila

[SIZE="3"]Angie G

joanne f

Karren Hutton

TSchapes

Jess_cd32

trisha59

&

Samantha43

thanks :hugs:[/SIZE]

---

I second that :thumbsup: You guys/gurls show that not all men are selfish when it comes to CDing or your relationships, thanks for showing your love. :D

:love:

Akira

It sounds like you, Danam, have a very strong sex drive and have a strong sense of commitment to what marriage means to you. I relate to you in terms of how my inhabiting the feminine energies of my being integrates the "other woman" construct that men so often chase around.
I would urge you, however inappropriately, to consider that there might be a form of marriage that includes honesty and happiness. Whether that is right for you and your wife, is out of my league.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Akira Shaolin

I second that :thumbsup: You guys/gurls show that not all men are selfish when it comes to CDing or your relationships

---

So you believe most CDs are selfish? That comes across as sexist and condescending.

Dana's point about women resorting to romance novels is a fair point. Maybe Dana's wife uses her books to prevent her from straying. Should Dana receive our sympathies for this?

If people satisfy their needs by resorting to other outlets whether it be crossdressing or books then so be it. It is NOT necessary to believe your partner must deliver everything you want nor is it remotely realistic. Relationships work on many levels in many ways so I don't see the point in criticizing other people's relationships when you don't know the first thing about them. It just leads to lots of judgmental point scoring which this thread contains plenty of examples of.

Goodness, I said not all men, can't you read? Geez, sorry I didn't include you ffs. :brolleyes:

Danam's original post says:

Quote:

---

I know that she won't understand it. I know her tastes, I know her desires, I know her intimately

---

.

It's very sad that your wife doesn't have the same opportunity to know you intimately. Believe me, there will be something missing from her life with you that she can't put her finger on. A big part of you is being withheld from her and some part of her will feel that loss. She could spend her whole married life being denied a fundamental part of who you are. I think that's sad.

So let me see if I've got this right.

Because you cd it stops you from being unfaithful?

Well obviously there can't be a lot of love towards your wife if it's only the cding that stops you.

I've heard a lot of :BS: here but this beats all of them.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Satrana

Dana's point about women resorting to romance novels is a fair point. Maybe Dana's wife uses her books to prevent her from straying. Should Dana receive our sympathies for this?

---

No she shouldn't, there's a big difference between reading a novel, which Dana believes is the equivalent to male porn... which is seriously the stupidest thing I've heard... so no, she doesn't deserve sympathy for that.

Think about this logically: -

1. My love for you stops me straying
2. I love my crossdressing so much it stops me straying

Imagine ever saying the second one to your partner... I know which one I'd prefer to hear, and I know which one would get his ass booted out the door if he ever said it to me :Angry3: