Dana, I fully respect who you are and your decision to not have an affair when you might have been tempted. But it is your reasoning I cannot understand. If I were to become attracted to someone else, even though my SO & I are not married, I would feel as if I had betrayed him if I went outside the relationship for sex. I would choose to remain faithful not because I may prefer to do something else over having an affair, but because I would not want to hurt my SO.
Lots of things can be a wedge between couples, not just affairs. Anything that consistently comes first above the relationship (other than getting basic needs met): obsession with a sport, workaholism, a wife ignoring her husband by hiding behind her children's needs, a partner's over-indulgence or compulsion in anything .. shopping, food, alcohol, or an overly active social calendar. In short, anything that becomes a priority over the partner indicates a disconnect in the relationship. The couple may not even realize they've settled into a tacitly agreed upon marriage of convenience, with or without fringe benefits, as their relationship hasn't developed into its fullest potential for closeness or intimacy.
CDing in itself is not a betrayal to a relationship. It becomes a wedge when a husband spends his time thinking about his next opportunity to CD, or everything else connected with it, rather than being present in his relationship with his wife.
