Jaci, I empathize with you.
I've lost jobs, I've lost spouse but not in the same week. I feel for you.
About the separation and divorce, think the timing thru, your wife may have decided to leave you month's before she actually left. My wife left me after thinking about it for over a year, with me not knowing a thing was wrong and when she sprang it on me I was devastated. The proverbial Knife in the heart pain, real pain. I tried counseling with her which lasted about 4 or 5 sessions, at the last session she told the counselor and me that she's only coming to the counseling sessions because I need it, to make the divorce easier for me. She told me and the counselor that she thought about the divorce for a long time, made up her mind that it was the right thing, that's when she told me. The point I'm trying to make is this, sometimes the wife will decide and think about the divorce for a long time before actually doing it. When the decision to say it is done, the wife never turns back, all you can do is take care of yourself and go forward..
As far as the job loss, do what you need to do to survive. File for Unemployment benefit's, seek out a good lawyer, remember the legal ramifications of what she is doing. If you had a shared home she still needs to pay half the mortgage till the divorce, Put a marital block on credit cards, call the companies involved tell them you are separated and have a block put on the cards, so she can't charge up your credit to the max. With the lawyers help if your wife also worked you may be able to get alimony from her while you are un-employed. I will tell you bluntly that she will have her friends telling her, to get everything from you, that is possible. You need to start protecting your half of assets. Take half of your money out of all savings and checking accounts and open your own in your name only. Document on paper what the account balance was before and after. This shows the court that you left her half. As far as IRA accounts etc. document the account balance as of DOS (Date of Separation) very important. Above all have marital block put on the accounts or possibly have the accounts separated into separate accounts, one in your name only and one in her name only.
Once those things are done many of the pressures of what to do are off your shoulder and you can start the healing process. Take care of yourself etc.
As far as your children if possible seek a child support agreement with your spouse outside the system, have her sign it. Otherwise if the domestic relations system works the same as here in PA you can get hit for major support payments. If possible if you still live in the same area seek joint custody, you may not need to pay support then, especially if you have them every other week.
I know I've mentioned a lot, but it is important to hear it. I know what your going thru and if you want to talk, PM me. The pain does go away in time and if you can forgive her for her part in the divorce it will make your life easier, plus for the sake of your children it will help if you don't hate her.
Love Kimberly :battingeyelashes:
Jacie, I'm afraid your mother is correct! U need couseling!
Your life is a mess rite now! An experienced proffesional can help u organise your thots and priorities! Hopefully, u can get your SO in for help also.
It sounds like the only way for your marriage is to survive, is for u both to get counseling, and make compromises willingly. This DOES happen on rare occassions. But, if nothing else, counseling will help u survive thru your separation, and/or divorce. It HELPED ME A LOT! Thru mine!:eek:
As always, your marital problems r NOT caused by your CDing. It is simply the "icing on the cake", of your problems!
Hope u can find your way thru this ASAP!:straightface:
