Am I a gay CD?

I had my first sexual encounter with a guy when I was 26, and I was scared to death, cause at that point I was always against it, I just did'nt like the feeling of it. From that point on, I grew very depressed, and it was also clashing with my insecurities and fear from my CDing cause I was still in the closet and living with my Dad.
At this point, I grew very lonely, and would take any love if it was on offer. I had a breif relationship with a gay man in melbourne who was in his 40's and was very beautiful and kind to me. We were in love. It never lasted cause of the distance I had to travel, and we grew apart.
For 2 years after that, I had no interest in men at all, or anything else.
When I moved interstate in 2005 and came full circle with my dressing as far as no more insecurities, and fear, etc. I grew very comfortable with myself, and to this day have never been happier in my life. In the last 4 years I have had flings with men, but I'm always a CD when I do it. Theres a part of me that likes doing it with men, and theres a part of me that does'nt though. I'm basiccly doing this cause I cant get a lady. I dont find males (on the whole) attractive, but they fill my needs when I need it. Its sad.....but I still dont consider myself gay or even bi. I have'nt had it with a lady for a long long time, and i'm still looking. Most CD's are'nt gay, but I think I maybe....Any advice?

dont put restraints on yourself as far as sexual preference. if you do you may limit the type of person you look for and never find the right one. i have had two encounters with men (while dressed) and have never really even thought of being gay, straight, or bi. im just me and was interested in them at the time. do your thing and love who you love. :)

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Originally Posted by PrettyFlowingGown

Its sad.....but I still dont consider myself gay or even bi.

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I'm not sure that it is worth thinking about. The question is if sorting out your identity would change your behavior? Perhaps not...

Maybe since your relations with men are when you are CDing, that your female personality takes over and you're experienceing female-like urges. Doesn't mean you're gay.

I'm impressed with you Miranda09.
That seems to be a very wise statement.
I wonder what will happen over time with me.
I know that I am feeling differently now in so many ways.
It's kind of confusing to me and it appears to be for PrettyFlowingGown also ( though different than me ).

:hugs:
Dianne

I hope you don't mind me answering this but it really caught my attention so I had a look? I agree with Foxyjj you shouldn't limit yourself preference wise. I have found that since I came out fully I have been far more fluid in every way and the world has become a far more colorful place. I can see why you feel the way you do but don't let it drag you down.

I have found that by embracing my fluidity I am happier, settled and confident in the things that I do. I regard myself as queer in the broadest sence as I am a trans man pre-op and I'm in a committed relationship with a post op trans woman who is post op some six years. This works well.

Before this for the previous year or so I was discovering myself in terms of fluidity and although I found gay men attractive I didn't want sex with them. I do like androgynous peeps but I don't think of myself as a Gay male even though I could be with a trans man for example who has had top surgery but not bottem surgery. Labels aside I generally like the person for the person not the label.

Good luck with this hun xx Felix :hugs:

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Originally Posted by DianneRoberts

I'm impressed with you Miranda09.
That seems to be a very wise statement.
I wonder what will happen over time with me.
I know that I am feeling differently now in so many ways.
It's kind of confusing to me and it appears to be for PrettyFlowingGown also ( though different than me ).

:hugs:
Dianne

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In many ways, I can relate to what Prettyflowinggown is saying. I don't consider myself gay or bi, but when I get all dolled up, and feeling really sexy, my female persona kicks in to full gear and I have female urges for not only sexual satisfaction, but in a deeper sense, an emotional release that would come from the kind of intimacies a women likes to receive from a man even before any sexual activity. My journey is one of understanding women much better than before, and I'm finding it utterly fascinating.

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Originally Posted by Miranda09

In many ways, I can relate to what Prettyflowinggown is saying. I don't consider myself gay or bi, but when I get all dolled up, and feeling really sexy, my female persona kicks in to full gear and I have female urges for not only sexual satisfaction, but in a deeper sense, an emotional release that would come from the kind of intimacies a women likes to receive from a man even before any sexual activity. My journey is one of understanding women much better than before, and I'm finding it utterly fascinating.

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Exactly Miranda. I go to a gay place in Brisbane, a cuppla times a month dressed up. Last month, I got up on the dance floor in my gypsey skirt and lace top. A guy came in between me and another gg, and I was loving it. My feminine side was in full strength, and we were dancing with each other for about an hour, and he was very nice too. But you did take some of the words out of my mouth with your post.

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Originally Posted by PrettyFlowingGown

...Most CD's are'nt gay, but I think I maybe....Any advice?

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Based on what you've said, you seem to fall into the category of bi. More accurately put - if you're aroused by the prospect of sexual activity with a woman and also with a man, I'd say that's bi-sexual.

It also seems that you've been more focused on relationships with men more as of late, than with women. Perhaps you lean more to the gay side than bi.

If you're attracted to someone and they're attracted to you as well - why not just explore a relationship? Doesn't really matter what category you fall under - just do what feels right in your life. Just enjoy the people you're with and see where it leads. Be safe about things - that goes without saying, but have some fun and enjoy. :)

Katie B always gives great advice - listen to her. Go to this website; you may get some "professional" answers to your questions: http://www.aliceingenderland.com/

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Originally Posted by PrettyFlowingGown

Theres a part of me that likes doing it with men, and theres a part of me that does'nt though. I'm basiccly doing this cause I cant get a lady. I dont find males (on the whole) attractive, but they fill my needs when I need it. Its sad.....but I still dont consider myself gay or even bi. I have'nt had it with a lady for a long long time, and i'm still looking. Most CD's are'nt gay, but I think I maybe....Any advice?

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I'm sorry to be negative... but I find your reason for having sex with men a little bit puzzling. :eek:

I find that I am Bi. I am married and am faithful to my wife. I don't put my bi sexuality into practice. When I am dressed and feeling my feminine best, nothing would turn me on more than to be romanced and ravished by a man. A good read about this is " Alice in Genderland " by Alice Novic.

The answer, "yes or no," probably depends on who is answering the question - not so much on who is asking - and says more about the person deciding than the person being tagged.

I think Katie has "a" good way to figure things out, but then there's the "quantity vs. quality" issue that gets in the way of making it strictly a math thing.

Frankly, I'm glad you're bringing the "gay thing" up here again.

Why are so many people worried about gay choices or gay-ness?

We're all people... Live and let live. Get happy, project happy.

Thank you!

I break the issue into two issues: "sex," and/or life choice.

If you're bi, it's about the sex; "Wham, bam, thank you Sam."

If you're gay, it's about a same gender relationship, preferably with the same person in most of the rest of your life as well.

Either way, it's your business what you do and your decision which road you travel in your pursuit of happiness.

Find something that works, repeat as necessary.

Good luck.

The answer is purely academic. If you prefer the company of men for sexual partners, then you are probably homosexual. If you prefer the company of women as sexual partners, then you are probably hetrosexual. The only other choice is that you prefer the company of both men and women equally. I call this sexually omniferous.

:2c:

I completely agree with the idea that "gay", "bi", and "straight" are just labels, and that they very rarely, if at all, help someone who is having difficulty in understanding who he/she is.

But since people in general want to be able to put others into categories so they can more simply know how to relate to them, -- the question will continue to be asked.

I answer the question differently depending on who is asking it and also how I feel at the time.

When I ask myself who I am, I don't have to limit myself to these or any other categories. I am who I am.

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Originally Posted by PrettyFlowingGown

..I think I maybe....Any advice?

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Why does it matter to you? I think the advice to decide who you really are first (how can you have a meaningful relationship with anybody, if you're not sure) is good... :)

Why do we need to put labels on everything? PrettyFlowingGown I would say you are you and that’s it you don’t necessarily need to identify your sexual orientation with a label, just be yourself, were all here to help you, but I would say not to worry with things like this and just get out and live life, and enjoy yourself.

If you didn't enjoy it with men, you wouldn't seek it out. If you're interested in the two primary genders, in label terms,you're bisexual. As some others are saying, it isn't that big a deal- if you're drawn to someone, you'll be unhappy if you attempt to deny it because some bigoted programming in your life attempts to say it's wrong.

"If you're bi, it's about the sex; "Wham, bam, thank you Sam."

If you're gay, it's about a same gender relationship, preferably with the same person in most of the rest of your life as well."
Not correct- bisexual people are just as capable of falling in love & having a lasting relationship, it doesn't mean you're a sex-crazed opportunist only out for quick sex.

I gave up a long time ago on all the sexual categories, labels and so on. I really think we all can find some type of love, lust or whatever for any gender. Who cares?

If I could find one GG who wants to be mine forever and all that, great. I'll just stay with her. Meantime, I'll go with whoever, whatever gets me going at the time! :D

I don't think you should resist what's natural to you. You seem to be naturally attracted to men. I don't think you should fight it.

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Originally Posted by PrettyFlowingGown

I had a breif relationship with a gay man in melbourne who was in his 40's and was very beautiful and kind to me. We were in love.

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Originally Posted by PrettyFlowingGown

I still dont consider myself gay or even bi.

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Um... o.k., while I don't believe a man is gay or bi just because he engages in a sex act with another man, if you fall in love with someone of the same sex you are at least bi.

When I think about pursuing intimacy outside of my platonic marriage. It is always with another CD. So that makes me "lesbian"? The notion of sex with a man turns me off. So therefore I am NOT "Gay"? Or is being a "lesbian" only for GG's?

My suggestion is don't label yourself---you seem to be anxious to prove that you are not gay and/or bi by denying it but at the same time tell us that you fell in love with a gay man and also got really turned on recently while dancing with a guy at a club---the truth of the matter is you probably feel really sexy when dressed and enjoy the turn on and the power it gives you over the guys who are attracted to you---nothing wrong with that darling and nothing wrong with having physical relationships because of those feelings, in fact its a very feminine thing to do. If you would like to discuss this further, feel free to send Me a pm.

Absolutely!.. I agree with you. Everytime I CD I become 100% a girl and would love to be elengantly seduced by a man and be treted like a lady. It is awesome.!!!

Only you can really answer this question PFG.:)

my 2 cents of this subject are about my self exp. i am not bi or gay just a woman trapped in a mans body that lives by my own law and not that what someone has written in a book about whats right or wrong. i do not find people different if they are men with men woman with woman or man with ts but whatever floats ones boat. i am not personally attracted to men but love when they pay att. to me. i dont like hair and most things men desire inside there heads. im attrated to cd's and those people that love making themselves beautiful and pretty much the femme side. i dont care what they have between there legs as long as they are femme, i dont consider myself bi or gay but very normal. its not what they have between there legs but what they have inside that makes them special..

I know that I am not gay. I have had too much sexual pleasure with too many women to ever consider myself gay. I must confess however, that when I see a very attractive CD I do have the desire to cuddle with that person and kiss them and hold them and yes to even pleasure them. I don't think that it's the equipment that matters. It's whether the person turns you on or not. I think you are attractive and would like to cuddle with you

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Originally Posted by BarbiB

When I think about pursuing intimacy outside of my platonic marriage. It is always with another CD. So that makes me "lesbian"? The notion of sex with a man turns me off. So therefore I am NOT "Gay"? Or is being a "lesbian" only for GG's?

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Once you start blurring genders, the binary of homo/hetero makes no sense either?

Are you attracted to someone's physical sex, or to their gender - or a mixture of the two?

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Originally Posted by Nicki B

Why does it matter to you? I think the advice to decide who you really are first (how can you have a meaningful relationship with anybody, if you're not sure) is good... :)

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Originally Posted by Arianna Daniels

Only you can really answer this question PFG.:)

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GREAT answers, including these 2, listed above! But, any opinion here, including mine, is probably factually irrelevant to u!:eek:

Who r u attracted, too? Never mind who you're sleeping with! THAT may give u a clue! And u may be attracted to different people, and genders, over time.:)

I've NEVER been attracted to a masculine looking person in my entire life.
(THAT includes myself when CDing).:battingeyelashes:
Yet, it has taken ME nearly 50 years to decide I'm NOT bi or gay!:brolleyes:

WHY DO U NEED TO DECIDE NOW!?

you is wot you is, we are wot we are,it`s all good:hugs:

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Originally Posted by Miranda09

In many ways, I can relate to what Prettyflowinggown is saying. I don't consider myself gay or bi, but when I get all dolled up, and feeling really sexy, my female persona kicks in to full gear and I have female urges for not only sexual satisfaction, but in a deeper sense, an emotional release that would come from the kind of intimacies a women likes to receive from a man even before any sexual activity. My journey is one of understanding women much better than before, and I'm finding it utterly fascinating.

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I am the same. I am not gay or bi. I have had sex twice with men. Once as a man, where it did nothing for me, and once as a woman, where it did everything for me. That being said. I think I am only interested in men when I come into a complete change mentally/physically into a woman as much as possible. If I just crossdress, I'm not interested. I have to "feel" female first. This probably means if I transitioned I would choose men or women, or maybe just men.

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Originally Posted by BarbiB

When I think about pursuing intimacy outside of my platonic marriage. It is always with another CD. So that makes me "lesbian"? The notion of sex with a man turns me off. So therefore I am NOT "Gay"? Or is being a "lesbian" only for GG's?

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Not trying to hijack the original thread, but seems at least semi-germane...

Barbi, I too, prefer the company/intimacy of another CD (or other "flavor of MtF TG...), and label myself self, and those I seek as:

"lipstick t-lesbian"

Thus, not only for GGs!

cheers,
Paula

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Originally Posted by PaulaSF

Not trying to hijack the original thread, but seems at least semi-germane...

Barbi, I too, prefer the company/intimacy of another CD (or other "flavor of MtF TG...), and label myself self, and those I seek as:

"lipstick t-lesbian"

Thus, not only for GGs!

cheers,
Paula

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Lipstick lesbian is a slang term used to describe lesbian and bisexual women who exhibit feminine gender attributes, such as wearing make-up (thus, lipstick), wearing dresses or skirts and perhaps having other characteristics associated with feminine women.

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LIPSTICK LESBIANS

now Lipstick lesbian does not apply to CDERs ..... so at least you could be called BI curious, but not a lipstick lesbian

I have been married twice and have had lots of girlfriends over the years but then I realized I had feelings for one particular man in a sense that opened up a whole new side of me.
The person inside is what draws me too them not what they have between the legs.Whether they are male or female it dosen't matter to me its who they are inside.JMO

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Originally Posted by MsJanessa

the truth of the matter is you probably feel really sexy when dressed and enjoy the turn on and the power it gives you over the guys who are attracted to you---nothing wrong with that darling and nothing wrong with having physical relationships because of those feelings, in fact its a very feminine thing to do.

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Had to highlight that word, it is a power. It is THE power females have.

If you want a relationship with a woman and cannot find one then you are "looking for love in all the wrong places." Maybe it is your insecurity with your gender ID, maybe it is just your fear of rejection. I will grant that females tend to be cautious around us, but as we have heard many women will date us if we are upfront and honest AND we don't get in their faces about how they HAVE to accept us. When you hang at gay bars, you hang with gay men or ---hags. These women are not looking for sexual relations, just fun (sort of the teaser with little fear of reprisal). If you want to meet women, try a different tack. dress androgynously (don't repress your femininity totally) and go somewhere and have FUN. I know you have a shell and that when you dress that shell is easily pierced, but if you want to date you got to come out. What is really shyness may look like aloofness or disinterest on your part.

I am not playing the label game. Sexuality is a bell curve that is very personal, just like everything else in life. Concrete is a human invention. Flow like the rivers. The water has so much more power over the unmoving stone.

You're GAY

It seems it's the labels that bother you. Do what you desire. Forget whether it means you are gay, straight, or bi. Be what you are. Pursue your desires.

PFG..as you can see by all these responses, there is no concrete answer. It's somrthing you'll have to discover, or not, in your own time. :)

Sheila,

"trans-lesbian" is one of the categories on URNA, and several gals (both part & full-time) I've dated have used both lipstick lesbian, and t-lesbian to self-identify, as well as seeing its usage in personal ads, so do feel its in the venacular...

And notice your citation: "slang," perhaps not to be taken so fully literally???

your well past bi-curious (aka realm of the "str8" admirers that are so common???) :devil:,

Paula

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Originally Posted by Sarah_GG

I'm sorry to be negative... but I find your reason for having sex with men a little bit puzzling. :eek:

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Sarah, I take it that PFG has a healthy sex drive and prefers GGs, but since they are not available to PFG, she substitutes with GMs. I believe this is common. Just look at all the internet TG meeting sites and you will discover they are populated with GMs/TGs looking for each other. I suspect there is a much greater percentage of bis among the TG populace than admitted.

Sorry to speak of you in the third person PFG, and if I am wrong, please jump in and correct me. :hugs: But based on the info you've given I would say you are bi. Maybe not attracted to each of the genders equally, but still enough to not be considered hetero. I agree with Katie B when she says you should base your self-identification (if this is important for you to do) on the percentages you've spent with each gender. Judging by your post, you've spent far greater time with men than women. But since you prefer GGs to GMs, I would not consider you as being gay.
:hugs:

Personally, I think we (collectively) spend too much time trying to figure out What we are, rather than just Being what we are...