Struggling to accept crossdressing

I have been cross dressing since 12 and I am only 18 now. When I first started, I felt a kind a perverse thrill, and yet there was this guiltiness and disgust tugging on my conscience, begging myself to stop what I was doing because I was ultimately male and what I was doing would be a terrible shock to my sisters and mother should they ever find out. However, as the years passed, I find myself more and more compelled to crossdress, and desensitized towards how my family would feel if they knew what I was doing.

A lot of you have already settled in your identity as a cross dresser, especially the older adults, however I am still struggling with this “identity”/”condition”. I never really put a name to my “identity”/”condition” until I did a thorough web search a few months back. At first, what I dug up was “transvestic fetishism”, which totally scared me because I never thought of myself as a transvestite and in fact, feel a certain degree of distaste towards transvestites. Most of my searches turned up medical reports and research papers, which viewed cross dressing from a rather detached and objective viewpoint, emphasising that it was a sexual disorder that had no cure. I didn’t want that sort of perspective, I needed personal anecdotes from actual crossdressers, I needed some form of compassion and empathy, and most of all I needed advice. When I discovered Dixie’s website, I felt like I had uncovered a windfall of information that was actually useful, I realised that there were actually people out there who had to same “identity”/”condition” whom I could talk to.

I was wondering if any of you could share your own experiences of struggling with deal with your cross dressing compulsion when you were younger. I know many think that cross dressing is an identity however, at this age, I am not prepared to accept that I will be cross dressing my entire life and would like to fight against it. Could any of you give me anecdotes and advice?
Thank you.

I've been fighting my desires to crossdress for over twenty years and only recently decided to accept it (I started around age 12 too). Trying to deny it doesn't make it go away. I've only just decided to embrace it so I don't know where that is leading.

What would I tell my 18 year old self? (I can't guarantee that these apply to you)

- It is okay.
- It doesn't mean you are gay.
-It doesn't mean you want to undergo a sex change.
- Looking at a woman and feeling both attraction and something akin to jealously at the same time is tremendously confusing. The two are tied up together and repressing one tends to interfere with the other.
- There are women who are into this. There are women out there who will love and accept and not see you as a freak.
- Don't be afraid of shopping. Money speaks louder than social taboo. Most stores couldn't care less. Buy and wear what makes you happy.
- Seriously, clothes? It is a fabricated social norm. Wear what makes you happy (within the bounds you are willing to socially).
- If you are in college, try to get a solo room in a coed dorm. Maybe play the transgender card at the school counselor if you have problems (I think that card is a lot stronger today that it was when I was 18).
- There are a lot of fetishes that branch off from crossdressing. If you are repressing, you may be making yourself open to some of the fetishes because it provides a way to bypass your "guilt and disgust".

Resources like this didn't exist when I was 18. In many ways you are already way ahead of me.

Let's see...

First off, I don't think you're becoming "desensitized," I think you're just subconsciously getting more and more comfortable with your perceptions of yourself and less and less interested in the consequences of denying that person. Desensitization connotes that you're getting used to something immoral or dangerous. Cross-dressing is neither.

Secondly, "transvestism" has come to mean the sexually driven urge to dress and behave as the opposite gender, but it's initial meaning was a blanket term for all of us. Break down the word. Trans- across, vest- clothing. Cross-dressing. I once considered myself to be a transvestite, but labels are so convoluted. Just call yourself what you are; a person.

Furthermore, you're not going to find many guys and gals on here who consider themselves to be suffering from anything, so the word "Condition" is out. Call it a state of being, call it a perception, call it a gift, call it a difference, but don't call it a disease. That helps nothing and it only perpetuates unnecessary guilt; the kind you seem to be suffering from.

Ultimately, honey, you seem to know who you are, you're just suffering from a tremendous strain on your conscious from that old world finger wag. My best suggestion to you is to keep yourself, literally. Keep your identity. Don't let anyone take that away from you, because you can lose many things, but that's one thing that, for certain, only you can give away.

Finally, provided this will eventually all just degenerates into noise or arguments, on behalf of the only person I can speak for (myself), I accept you.

Feel free to contact me if you want to. If not, be safe. That's all most of us can do right now, so be very good at it.

Wow. I'm 18 too and that is exactly the same as how I feel.
Sadly I don't have any answers for you though.

I have issues with myself dressing and the consequences of my family finding out.
This has caused me to purge multiple times, but crossdressing never left my mind and it was only a couple of months before i would have bought something again.

So, sorry no answers, but you know someone else is in exactly the same position as you.

Amyy

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Resources like this didn't exist when I was 18. In many ways you are already way ahead of me

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I would have to agree. I am now in my 40's and wishing I could turn back the clock and change some of the decisions I had made about cross dressing. The most important one: talking to someone about it. You are still young and the future is yours. Take advantage of all the resources that are available to you now. There are professional councilers and message boards such as this one who understand where you are coming from. Most important piece of advice I can give to someone is "be true to yourself".

Always remember that you are not alone. Good luck to you. :)

Kim

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Originally Posted by kimkat

The most important one: talking to someone about it.

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OMG, Yes!

I was caught a few times growing up. The reaction from my family was to pretend it never happened. There was no talking about it. I am sure that is one of the things made me try to bury my desires to crossdress.

I've wondered if there is some sort of confirmation bias going on about fighting or curing CD. The ones who are successful are not going to end up here to talk about their experiences. Based on my experience, the sooner you embrace it, the happier you will be. But then, I may be wrong about that. Maybe you will be able to fight it successfully. I just hope you will be able to recognize if fighting is futile in a shorter amount of time than I did.

Transvestic fetishism is a term used by those who have never had the desire or never known the joy of being dressed and feeling like a female. It's true meaning is sexual release.
It's nothing more than a label, a categorization of a not so mainstream and for lack of a better word, a compulsion that we all share here.
It's so much more. it's a need that we must fulfill.
Everything and everybody is labeled something these days. As much as equality is preached, there still exist many prejudices.

It took me years to finally accept that I really wasn't that off center and to realize the fact that this was part of me, and innate part of me. It's part of my whole being, the self that exists on this planet and in this society.

You're okay.
You're really okay.
We all are.

This whole cross dressing thing is not an easy thing to get a handle on and at 40 I still don't understand it completely. One thing I do know is you have a leg up on people my age just because of the internet. At your age I thought I was the only one in the world until I started researching this on the net in my late 20's. It was a huge relief knowing I was not alone and there were others in the same situation as me. I wasn't a freak of nature that thought I was for all those years.

As for quitting, everyone is different but most try and don't succeed. Personally I have stopped for various reasons over the years for up to a year at a time. For me something will trigger the urge and that is all I can think about 24\7 till I put something on. Now I go in cycles depending on what life brings my way, sometimes I am able to dress often or go for months without anything.

I also told my wife 20 years ago before we were married, about it. Cross dressing is hard enough to deal with on it's own but hiding it from the one you love makes it even harder on you. I am lucky, she tolerates it to varying degrees from day to day, month to month.

Just remember you are not a freak, you have access to a lot of information these days. So keep exploring until you find a comfortable place in your mind for this wonderful thing we call cross dressing.

I can't say it any better that whats been said here!!! You are still young seek some help if you think you need it but it's all good.A good therapist will help tremindusly I'm 48yo cd been that way sence I was 9 or 10. Plus you have this place to ask any question that you want. If you don't want it out in the open you can PM some one if you want to.
Good luck on your journey
Jan

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Originally Posted by woc

I know many think that cross dressing is an identity however, at this age, I am not prepared to accept that I will be cross dressing my entire life and would like to fight against it. Could any of you give me anecdotes and advice?
Thank you.

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the only advice I can give is to not fight it... hard I know, but I and many others have learned the hard way that this will never go away!

I am 31 and have been dressing since I was very young (etc etc) but it was not untill recently when I had truely accepted that this is who I am (I have even made the odd trip to town to go shopping and all the works) that I have learned that I can go without now... or at the very least I have learned that I don't have to dress for no real occasion if you get my meaning.

I have found that the more I try to fight the urges the harder they hit, but if I accept myself and are truely happy in my own person then I can controle them.

Not what you wanted to hear I'm sure but... its all I got!

good luck with your journey.

I am in a similar position, as a young CD / TV trying to figure it all out. Actually, I haven't discovered too many new answers from when I was 18 to my age of 26 now, though I have come to accept my CD'ing more.

At some point, I think you just have to acknowledge to yourself that it is something that you want to do, and that it is something that will add to your happiness and experiences in life, if you let it instead of fighting it. You can decide not to dress, but you can't really will the thoughts away. I don't think you'll ever come to a conclusion as to why you like dressing, but if the fact is that you like to dress up, then, especially as a young person, you should experiment instead of trying to stifle it... It will help in your personal development, and give you a more experienced perspective on things.

Like many things in life, it's better not to wallow in the negative feelings, and just explore.

I've been where you are now, and it's not a happy place. What you have to realize is that your negative feelings about crossdressing and transvestites are there because of society and your upbringing, not because crossdressing and transvestites are bad. It's all crap that's been programmed into you for years, but it's not right.

Since you want to fight it, what you need to be careful of more than anything right now is redirecting the harmless desire to crossdress into damaging and unhealthy channels. Like I said, I've been where you are. My desire to redirect from crossdressing led into an online porn addiction and overeating. I was still a miserable person because I wasn't doing what I really needed to do. And talk about self-loathing! :puke: Now I wasn't just a crossdressing pervert, I was a fat crossdressing porno addict. By doing anything that helped me suppress the urge to crossdress, I wound up with more problems than I had before. So be very careful in how you choose to mask or redirect your desires, it's very easy to wind up with a bad addiction instead of an expanded wardrobe.

Honestly I don't think you have much chance of quitting, I think your energy is better spent working towards self acceptance. The self-loathing you feel is not unusual (had lots of it myself) but it's not healthy. I think what will help more than anything is telling your family once you have gained a healthy level of self acceptance. It helped me a lot even though not everyone was accepting. Acceptance from people you love reinforces your own acceptance and things get a lot better. :hugs:

I'm 51 amost. I've been cding since 12/13. I went full time 5 weeks ago thats the only place I'm happy, but thats me. When I was younger people would tell me I was different but would not say how. I didn't know how either. I was jealous of the girls in school with there cloths and in the kitchen cooking were I should have been. All you can do is talk with people that work with transgenderd people like us here. There is some much support out here now. It's still hard that is what you will have to learn to accept.

Welcome to the forum WOC!

Oh yes, I definatly remember going through the same thing at your age. Like someone else mentioned, you have the advantage of the internet to look for answers and to actually talk to others who are not the societial steretype, than when I was 18. I'm in my 50's and I started at age 8. I fought it mostly all those years until around my mid-thirties when I was in counseling. For me it was such a relief to finally accept and be OK with myself as a crossdresser. There is nothing wrong with being one. Enjoying wearing women's cloths is not a bad, immoral or illegal behaviour. There will be others who frown on it, but it's more accepted nowadays than before.

Once I accepted myself, the next thing I had to do was figure out what boundries I wanted to stay within, due to my wife and children and other family and friends. Church and spirituality is important to me so for the sake of those who I am in relationship with, I choose to keep it within certain boundries. We each have to find what works for us.

For me, I found that it is so much easier to keep to certain boundries than to fight against something that is so much a part of who I am. We have to keep a balance in our lives anyway to remain healthy in body mind and spirit, crossdressing is just one of that multitude of areas.

As was previously mentioned, finding a non-judgemental someone to talk to is important to find a place in your being of self-acceptance, especially when that hasn't been there for years. The more you feel acceptance from others, the more it will seep into your heart.

There are those who have stopped crossdressing, but usually it's for spirtitual reasons and I think some of the ones who have given it up, treat it like someone who may go into the priesthood and chooses to never marry. The feelings will never go away, they just choose not to participate. For me, I prefer to remain married and keep a balance in my life.

I started when I was 5. Got caught by dad, but he didn't say anything about it. Just told me to take the dress off. I also was wearing clothes on and off during my preteen years. It wasn't until I hit puberty when it started to hit a little harder. That was when I started going thru my sisters clothes and really trying things on. As, probably you know, it was a sexual high. That's was when I thought it was bad, cause I didn't know why. Basically, every weekend I would wear something, and after the relief always felt bad. I also thought I was a freak but deep down inside, I kept doing it. It was when I was 18 and in college when I thought that since I liked it and enjoyed it, then it shouldn't be anything bad or wrong. I wasn't hurting anyone and it was just clothes. Not only that, I was wearing the hose/panties under my pants to make sure I was getting over the arousal phase. I never purged, but I didn't have that much clothes. Never the makeup, wigs or forms, just a dress here with heels and that was it. I finally decided it was no big deal, when I saw some of the people in college wearing women's clothes like there was no big deal. Took major guts for those to do it, but I didn't have it then. When I joined the military, I had to hide my dressing as much as I can but I still did it. I really didn't think it was that wrong, but had no idea whether I was right or wrong. Eventually I looked in the internet and found out that it wasn't that big of a deal and that a lot of people just don't care anymore. That's why I have a full wardrobe and go out whenever I want.

My advice to you will be to study up on it, take your time, and know that there is nothing wrong with you. We are special people and eventually you will learn to accept yourself. Once that comes, a huge boulder will be lifted from you and your happiness will increase 10 fold, plus, when that happens people around you will come around and accept you.

Plus, what Tina2 said.
:iagree:
:love:

Elizabeth

I was exactly the same as you at 18..It started at 12 for me too..I felt like i was the biggest Pervert walking the Gods earth, the guilt would eat me up rotten, So much so it affected my social skills development....Like others have said here...you're very fortunate to be young in these times of the Internet..there are limitless resources and help out there now.....I understand the struggle....i believed that being like this meant i was a bad person...a deviant..a sex pervert....and when people say "Accept yourself"..my brain tends to say "How can i accept, that i'm a pervert, i want people to think i'm a nice decent upstanding law abiding Man...not as a wierdo deviant"...i liken it to when Darth Vader tries to seduce Luke to the Dark Side....Anyway, for me now..the struggles over..i have accepted...not because i've accepted "BEING A PERVERT"...i've accepted it because it is part of who i am...its what makes me feel Well.....i proved it just recently....i'd stopped doing it for 5 wks..went on holiday..came home...i had a bit of a cough...i was feeling extremly lethargic...tiredness i couldn't shake...no matter how much coffee, sleep....but the second i decided to transform back to Clarissa....Wham...Energy...Motivation...Happyines s..joy.....all back in an instant i suddenly felt alive....call it hormones, endorphines whatever..all i know is i felt better...to me thats confirmation...its part of me..its in my brain chemistry...i have to do it to feel good...so forget the guilt, my reasons for doing this are Justified..trying to be "Normal" is the disease...So if you feel the need to do do it....just do it.....I know at the same time you want to still be attractive to the ladies...thats part of the juggling act...it can get a bit wearing (no pun intended) at times but you soon work your timetable..

All the best

Clarissa x

Thanks for all the replies and sincere advice! I’m really glad I found this forum, as well as the answers to many of the questions that have burdened me for years.

It has been very frustrating for me to be unable to share my deepest concerns about my identity with the people I love—mum, dad, best friends, girlfriend... I know they care for me, and want to understand and help me, however, I also know that there’s only a slim chance they would be able to accept me. Conversations always go something like this. “Mum, I’m depressed”… “About?”…”Oh, you wouldn’t understand”, “What is it? Tell me”…”Forget it”. And I get this shiver down my spine every time my father glares at some guy in a pink shirt and mutters “transvestite!” under his breath, utterly unaware that his son’s secret fetish. Here’s my question. How many of you actually told your family and friends about your CDing voluntarily instead of being discovered? Is it possible to always keep it a secret, if you know that your family would never accept it?

It was a little scary and bewildering at first, i but i surprisingly got over it very well and accepted within first year, but you the odd fixation about what your true identity is, but this is mostly when i am aroused rather than feeling that way. maybe as i never did as a kid. I don't have a problem with it in my life, it's just other people that have, and i know it, so don't or won't tell anyone close to me. I don't mind the term Transvestic fetishism, i see it as more of a feeling when i do dress up rather than arousal.

Hi whoever you are. I started at age 12, just like you. I remember wondering if I'd ever "outgrow" this peculiar affectation, but here I sit, at age 49, wearing a pretty dress and heels, answering your post. I remember always counting the years as they flew by. I remember when I turned 25, thinking to myself that I had now spent more than half my life crossdressing. I went through a few (very few) purges, and still, the inclination to wear women's clothing (and more) never left me.

I came to the conclusion that being at war with myself over it was kind of ridiculous. Why fight with yourself if it's a war you're never going to win? Why not, I thought, accept it and attempt to gain some kind of control over it? Once I did this, I gained a peace of mind that I'd never experienced until then.

I struggled with thoughts of transexuality. I still think that had life laid itself out for me just a bit differently than it had, I might well have gone ahead and had a sex-change. I still wish I were female every day, but I came to accept that this is not going to happen. This allowed me to focus more on being a good husband for my wife rather than being consumed all the time with a sexuality that was not going to ever be mine.

All in all, it was a tough row to hoe, and I did not have the benefit of the internet to help me through it. I'm glad you do, and that you are able to reach out at a young age in order to get the support you need to come to grips with this. Don't frown upon yourself over this; it's not worth it. Accept your quirks, and it will help you to be more tolerant of others while you're at it.

Good luck with it all. Remember that you have friends even when you don't really know them all that well.

I pretty much told everyone important to me after my ex threatened to out me to everyone. As it turned out, I never lost a single friend. A few even felt safe enough to share some deep secret they had been holding in, after I told them. Now I was very discrete to whom I told. Like in the military, you share some secerts only with those who have a "need to know".

I hope you do find someone you feel safe to talk to. I kept it a secret for my first 23 years and never told anyone. It just ate me up alive though.

Otherwise, how well do you get along with your parents, especially your mom?

Just hang around on the site and get to know others and their experiences. You will gain confidence in yourself. Maybe there is a local support group you could attend.

[SIZE="3"]I started exploring my feminine side at the tender age of 5 or 6. In the real early years, I felt no guilt or remorse, even though I felt I needed to keep it private. My dressing progressed as I had the opportunity and time. Guilt and anxiety developed over CDing in my teen years. I knew I could not be the only one who was like this, but knew of no one else who dressed. Much later in life, with the help of the Internet, I learned I was truly not alone in my desires. I am finally more in touch with my feelings and feminine self. I still do not understand what brought me where I am, but have learned to enjoy who I am, and no longer feel the guilt or anxiety about what clothes I wear. This has been a long, bumpy journey over 4 decades, to get me where I am now. I hope that lifes path is smoother for you, but hang-on for the ride. Remember "You are not alone", in this journey.[/SIZE]

I'm afraid it's not going to go away, and it's not going to get any easier. The more open you can be with yourself, and the people who are close to you, the better things will be in the long run.

I get the impression that the younger generation are more open than the older, so I'd be inclined to share with your own generation first before your parents. What does your girlfriend think about crossdressing? Have you asked her? Take it very gently. If she asks a direct question back, be honest. But otherwise don't say anything until you are sure of her thoughts on the matter. Thinking back to my youth, you're young and everything is new. You could legitimately ask her what it's like to wear tights/pantyhose, heels, skirts, etc. because it's something boys can't normally wear. See how she reacts to your questions. If she does ask you why you're asking, say what I've just said. There's nothing wrong in being inquisitive. If you go shopping the following weekend and she suddenly takes a great interest in browsing the tights/pantyhose section of a department store, you could ask her what she would think if she got a pair for you to try out!

This is not going to help your situation, but - as an aside - it always fascinates me how society's view of what is feminine and masculine can change so quickly. If your dad thinks a guy wearing a pink shirt is a transvestite, you should remind him that in America and Europe in the 19th century and up to the 1st World War pink was considered a boy's colour and blue a girl's colour. See how he reacts!

I have just recently realized that I am a crossdresser(like others here, I was doing it before I really knew that was what I was doing). I was caught in pantyhose and skirts a few times from ages 6 to 8. I really didn't do it through my teens but started being interested in women's clothing again around my mid 20's(I'm 27 now).

I found this website about 4 months ago and am glad I did. Knowing there are others out there like me really took a lot of the weight off my shoulders. Ultimately it comes down to being happy. If crossdressing makes you happy, then do it. If you suppress it it will cause problems in other areas of your life. I happen to be one of the lucky people who has a girlfriend who accepts it and that helps me out a lot too. There are women who accept and like the aspect of dating a crossdresser.

Everyone's situation is different, but we all share a common thread. Just don't forget there are people who can understand :)

>>I was wondering if any of you could share your own experiences of struggling with deal with your cross dressing compulsion when you were younger. I know many think that cross dressing is an identity however, at this age, I am not prepared to accept that I will be cross dressing my entire life and would like to fight against it. Could any of you give me anecdotes and advice?

Struggle?

Well, like anyone engaged in this (one of many things that allegedly can cause premature blindness) I did what I thought it was safe to do until I needed glasses...

And, when I got the glasses, I realized that if I could get one set and pay for them, I could get another and pay for them too.

Problem? What problem?

Growing up to be happy is growing up so that you wind up being the person you want to be. Some people aspire to be on the High School football team, and they coast the rest of their lives on that. Others want to be Air Conditioning repairmen so they can buy a boat, drink beer, and jet around scaring fish. Me, I wanted all that and to find a skirt that fit properly and shoes that went with the skirt, etc. So, sue me - I have a life!

Living at home with parents and brother and sisters is just practice for the other people you'll run into in life. Your Dad mutters about "trannies"? Ask him to go say it to the tranny - he probably won't. And, if he does, he might get, "Dickhead!" in return. So much for that... Turns out he doesn't have superpowers.

Look, if you like what you do, pay attention to what you can and can't do and manage your life so you can be you. CDing is not harmful unless you make it a problem for yourself - it's not them, they don't even know about it. And, if they find out, you can say, "Yeah, I kinda like it. And, it doesn't cost any more than Playboy magazines, you know. I didn't tell you about it, because I didn't think you wanted to know my business."

On the other hand, you wrote about being depressed and not being able to talk about it. So, try this:

"Gee. I feel like pond scum because I kinda like doing the dirty deed and I think you guys would not like me and might beat me up and throw me out of the house. I just like it. I know it's not the solution to life's problems... It's just something I like to do sometimes and I feel bad because... Well, I guess I'm not perfect... And, I feel like I'm letting you guys down because I'm not. I like this and it seems a little weird to me, but it seems like I'm just this way. So, are you gonna yell at me now and make me leave home? It's not your fault and it's not your problem, but I could stand some help if this is the way I am. I'll shut up now so you can give me a hard time. I know it's a big deal and all. So, go ahead, tell me what it is I'm supposed to do about being me - which is kinda sucking right now."

Asking for help is different from just dumping a problem on them.

Odds are good you'll work out at least a truce on the matter.

What can they do?

You're their kid.

You're their kid needing some help being a kid, and growing up to be a happy, living person.

Good thinking and good luck.

Hi Like you I started when I was about 5 I knew that I was different to the other lads but had to bluff my way through life them days there was no internet or anybody you could trust if I had told anyone I would have been branded a freak , I would have been sent to an institution where they would treat you with electric shocks ,then brand you a pervert as it was illegal to cross-dress I could have been imprisoned and all sorts of horrid things.so I had to keep it to myself for over 50 years not being able to discuss it with anybody,or let anybody find out

You are very lucky ,this day and age we have the internet with sites like this one,local groups to go to that will help ,and above all people these days are far more acceptable and understanding

I believe that about 1 in 10 of the world population of males cross dress its a wonderful gift that you have embrace it and enjoy,it as we have but a short time on this earth
I am a 63 yr old heterosexual male and love every new day

:hugs:

J-JAY

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Originally Posted by woc

How many of you actually told your family and friends about your CDing voluntarily instead of being discovered? Is it possible to always keep it a secret, if you know that your family would never accept it?

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I told my family after hiding for 30 years. My Mom had caught me when I was young, but she had never told anybody. She died 3 years before I decided to come out to the rest of my family. So yes, I suppose it's possible to keep it a secret for life.

I came out because I felt like I needed to tell my family. I hoped that they would all be accepting but that has not been the case. But the acceptance from those who did accept my crossdressing has been very important to my own self acceptance - does that make any sense?

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Originally Posted by CLARRISA

I was exactly the same as you at 18..It started at 12 for me too..I felt like i was the biggest Pervert walking the Gods earth, the guilt would eat me up rotten, So much so it affected my social skills development....Like others have said here...you're very fortunate to be young in these times of the Internet..there are limitless resources and help out there now.....I understand the struggle....i believed that being like this meant i was a bad person...a deviant..a sex pervert....and when people say "Accept yourself"..my brain tends to say "How can i accept, that i'm a pervert, i want people to think i'm a nice decent upstanding law abiding Man...not as a wierdo deviant"...i liken it to when Darth Vader tries to seduce Luke to the Dark Side....Anyway, for me now..the struggles over..i have accepted...not because i've accepted "BEING A PERVERT"...i've accepted it because it is part of who i am...its what makes me feel Well.....i proved it just recently....i'd stopped doing it for 5 wks..went on holiday..came home...i had a bit of a cough...i was feeling extremly lethargic...tiredness i couldn't shake...no matter how much coffee, sleep....but the second i decided to transform back to Clarissa....Wham...Energy...Motivation...Happyines s..joy.....all back in an instant i suddenly felt alive....call it hormones, endorphines whatever..all i know is i felt better...to me thats confirmation...its part of me..its in my brain chemistry...i have to do it to feel good...so forget the guilt, my reasons for doing this are Justified..trying to be "Normal" is the disease...So if you feel the need to do do it....just do it.....I know at the same time you want to still be attractive to the ladies...thats part of the juggling act...it can get a bit wearing (no pun intended) at times but you soon work your timetable..

All the best

Clarissa x

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Wow you put so many of my own thoughts in there Clarissa :hugs:

WOC everyone has a different path to travel in life ,go with your feelings and be "you" :wave2:

Like so many have already said---it is not going away.

I would suggest going to a gender therapist and trying to understand yourself. I would want to find out if I was a CD, a TS, a Tg, or whatever you feel you are. Then I would want to become comfortable with what you are--it will remain with you for the rest of your life. But it will be a lot easier to live with if you undertand it, accept it, and then learn to deal with it.

It's amazing how similar your background is to mine, and so many others who have responded...you asked two really good questions:

1. Is it possible to quit? I guess anything is possible, but the odds are against us...in my case, I was able to kick crossdressing when I got into dating girls, although the feelings and fantasies were always with me, and they came back big time when I hit the proverbial mid-life crisis.

2. Is it possible to keep it secret? Yes, it is. You have to be a born double-agent, ridiculously careful and incredibly lucky, but it can be done, but only if you're the kind of person who loves keeping a secret and isn't torn up about being dishonest with the people who love you.

As you can tell, your post elicited a lot of sympathy and support because we've all been there!

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Is it possible to always keep it a secret, if you know that your family would never accept it?

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Well in my case, I've been able to keep it a secret. I'm 29 and I started when I was 15. I've been doing it off an on over the years. For me, crossdressing isn't something I have to do, it's something I like to do. When I started I felt some shame initially, but looking back that didn't last. The way I saw it was, "screw it, if it feels good, do it!". For me, it's not a "I don't feel normal until I wear a dress" sort of thing. It's almost entirely sexual. I feel kinky when I dress up. I feel sexy when I do it, fantasize about it. Not all the time, mind you. There was a time when I couldn't try on a pair of panties without getting aroused. After a while, that thrill was gone. I'm not saying you'll grow out of it, just that in trying to make yourself get over it, you might be fueling your desire to do it. Once you accept the fact that you enjoy it, I think your feelings of shame will start to pass.

Life is too short. So you like to wear woman's clothing? So what? As far as sexual fetishes go (and I'd say most of us have them) it's pretty tame. If you're not hurting yourself, just do it!

Going back to me keeping it a secret, no, I've never been caught although there have been a few close shaves. I don't do it very often as I don't have access to the clothing. (Frankly, it can be a pretty expensive fetish to have!). Ive kept it a secret because, honestly, it's no body's business. My parents don't need to know, so why tell them?

One last thing. You should ask yourself two questions, and be honest with yourself. I think asking yourself these questions will help you understand just why you crossdress in the first place.

1. Why do I like to crossdress?

2. Do I want to be a woman?

I knew very early on that I didn't want to be a woman. I do fantasize about being a woman, but I don't feel like I was born the wrong sex (although, if it were possible, I'd love to live as a woman for a week, just to see what it's like).

Hi WOC,
You have been offered so much useful information by others in this website and I agree with so much of it. I am a 58 year old late bloomer with this gift. You are very young and exploring different directions and how you fit in with that. Two things that I have learned and will say is that no matter who we are, how we look, behave, and dress, there will always be a few detractors out there. With that in mind and guided by what feels right in your conscience live your life the way you truly want to live it. Yes we should be law abiding citizens but beyond that there are few restrictions. The second thought is that usually our worst fear is fear itself. We tend to worry about the ramifications of how others react about us when in reality there is either no reaction expressed or there is support given. This fashion preference does not make us cause violence or destruction or create fear outside of us. It is only the narrow minded, red necked, bigoted, and intolerant people who might react in a negative way towards us but what goes around comes around. For their behaviour they surely must live pretty miserable lives. I don't feel that way at all and I sense much love and joy by the confident comments expressed by many people who are in this web community. Enjoy the ride. Cheers! :) Chris

Most of us here have gone through some degree of guilt in crossdressing. My time is long past,but peer pressure tells you it's wrong when your young. Older texts on cd'ing puts the cd'er in many different catagories. Forty years ago you were automaticly gay when in fact most of us here are not. What do these people know unless they have experienced this themselves. This usually means they are still doing it. Once we start crossdressing 99% of us do it for life with maybe a break for a few years as we try to find ourselves. You have to find yourself. We can't do that for you but maybe we can help in your questions along the way. Good luck

To "cut to the chase"......

For most, there is a certain amount of self doubt and even self loathing when first discovering that you love wearing female clothes.

Once one comes to grips with the fact that there is nothing seriously wrong with it and acceping that this feeling will probably always be with you, can you really begin to accept it an enjoy it guilt free.

When at a relatively young age, it is normal to wonder how it will effect you future life etc.
As everyone's situation is somewhat different, all one can say is take it one step at a time and don't do anything drastic without thouroughly thinking about it.

Being 18
It can be a tough dream
Soon an adult
Quite easier
By a lot

And since you accept
Who you really are
That's what's important
Really, by far.

Down the road
Twists and turns will arise
For unseen events
In your life will abide.

I was a transvestite,
Now I cross dress
although it's the same
It sounds better
I guess?

Though labels they be
Can you not see
It is still me

That's

A

Reality!

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Originally Posted by woc

Is it possible to always keep it a secret, if you know that your family would never accept it?

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I did not talk about it with anyone ever from 12 to 36.

No one.

Ever.

I told my wife recently after keeping it a secret through 8 years of marriage.

I can't think of anyone who I wished I had told in the past. Maybe if I had come out and made different friends...

I don't think I'm going to talk to my mom about it -- she is way too passive aggressive and will make me feel horrible about it. I think it is likely to be something just between my wife and me.

Since it seems the popular thing to answer in your post, no, I was never "discovered" because someone found my things or came upon me minding my own business in a blouse.

But, I did/do make noises all the time about having my own mind and being willing to talk, talk, talk about things. I comment on the news, books I read, what the neighbor said about something, etc.

People know me by my words and actions - and people aren't dumb. They figure things out. If you talk about something, they figure you have a reason for doing so... Even "academic" discussions are about topics picked for a reason.

My father died before I got around to sharing this part of my business with him. But, knew my Dad well and he would have kept a respectful distance from my affairs - because he rarely offered more than an opinion about what I did. His job was to keep me safe - get me out the door in the morning and collect me at night... My life was mine to live - his major concern was that I keep living - how was usually up to me.

My mother and I discussed this late in her life. She too, was pretty good about leaving her children to use their minds and live their own lives. When she heard about it, she was fascinated by it. It was never a problem for us and I think she admired me having a life of my own - and having so many friends, a good job, a nice home, etc. It was more, "Really? Is that right? And, it's fun? Tell me more." As I have noted before, I think by then she was "old" but happy that someone else was "getting out there."

As to my siblings... Well, they didn't want to know what they didn't have to know. It wasn't something of interest to them and they'd rather spend time talking about, and working on, a room addition than get into my personal life. I told them, years in advance by talking about things of interest to me, what kind of person I was like, what my views were about particular things...

So, when we got around to talking about it, their response was like my neighbors, "Yeah, well it's a big world. Good for you. What else is going on with you? Going to buy that SUV you were talking about last week?"

There's a right way and a wrong way to do everything. The right way to share information about yourself is to share it, not hide it. How, when, where, why, and with who you share things is up to you. Be kind - find a way to tell people as you go along instead of putting you all in bad spot later when "it" comes as a big sudden surprise that you have no control over.

you Started at age 12, and now you are 18, that's just 6 years, it took me twice that long just to find out what I did had a name! Of course you have doubts, they have been given to you from birth. Stop worrying about names, take the word Transvestite, break it down, Trans (to cross) Vest(and article of clothing) Thats the best I could find in 1964 in an old Dictionary, words like transvestite where not even in it. So I had no idea anyone thought about the "Fetish" part. It was just about the clothes, and I still felt bad about doing it. by my late twenty's I started to realize it is just who I am, and the need, and desire to cross dress was not going to go away. So I told my wife, who was very understanding, and she helped me lose the guilt, and I learned not only how to dress better, and do makeup, but most important, I learned to stop worrying about why, and started to really enjoy it. Now at 65 I have more female clothes than male, and I dress when I please. and with all of that I still am not out, and neither my parents, or my children know about my "hobby", kind of a need to know type thing, they don't need to know, and I don't feel a need to tell, you can share it with the ones you think you want to know and keep it from the ones you don't, neither makes you a bad person. I never felt like I had to discuss what goes on in my bedroom either, a person is entitled to a certain amount of privacy after all.
Tina

Woc, several others answered your first questions much better than I ever could. What you describe is a road that all of us have been down at one point or another. One thing I don't find in the answers is the fact that there is no one answer that covers everybody. Crossdressing isn't an on/off switch; it's a wide range of behaviors that can run the gamut from just wanting to wear nylon underwear to wanting to go all the way and present as, and be treated as, a woman in all things 24 hours a day. Like most of us, you're probably somewhere in the middle but only your own journey of self-discovery will reveal what is and isn't important to make you fulfilled.

As for telling family... when I was your age, I didn't have the Internet or any other close at hand resources to tell me what I was, so I kept it to myself and remained very confused for many years. I didn't buy anything so there was no evidence for my parents to discover, and the few times I wore something of my mother's I put it back where I found it right away.

To this day, the only people who know are the people who share a house with me - my wife and children. You're still a long ways off from that, but at some point you're going to have to make the decision whether to tell the person who is going to share your entire life. I am fortunate in that I don't feel the need to actually go out in public looking like a woman. Just underdressing so I have something soft next to my skin, or wearing my dresses at home, is enough for me. So I don't have the constant struggle of trying to go out in public and not be recognized. And because I told my wife before we got married (so she would be able to call it off if she couldn't live with it), there is no grief from trying to hide it all the time.

The other thing I always want to stress to newcomers is, THERE IS NO NEXT STEP. So often what I see on here is "Now you're ready for the next step, blah de blah de blah..." which may include adding makeup to your inventory, going out to gay clubs, going out to straight clubs, flirting with guys... I tell you, not one of those activities is for me and it doesn't have to be for you either. If you find comfort at a certain level, you are under no obligation to go beyond that level unless you yourself find you need more. Who knows, it could turn out that all you need to be happy is the soft caress of satin under your regular clothes -- you'll be in some stuffy board meeting with a bunch of executives in suits, snickering to yourself that they have no idea what's lurking under your Armani (although chances are there are a few others in the room thinking the same thing). So don't let anyone else tell you what to think, feel, or do.

Good luck on your journey. I totally agree with the others that just having someone to talk to about it makes all the difference in the world!

I started dressing when I was 7 or so (sister's clothes). I dressed on and off, purged, etc.

I am now 38.

One thing I've realized is that there is nothing wrong with me. I have no desire to hurt anyone.

We live in a society that has a fundamental problem with nature and with women.

The image of the suburban nuclear family is touted as being "normal."

There is no such thing as normal. Nature is a weird, wonderful, hugely diverse experience.

Do whatever you think is best for you but remember that A) there is nothing wrong with you and that B) society's rules and definitions are artificial constructs. It is not easy being TG but the last thing we need to do is hate ourselves for simply being.

You have an advantage in that you are young and have access to the internet. My advice to you at this young age is you can live anywhere you want, you have your whole life before you, so why not choose somewhere that is more amenable to CD? Also, to repress is never healthy...this is not a disease like alcoholism, it's not a crime to be ashamed of, and although we can't fully explain the why of it, the fact is, it IS, so the sooner you accept and embrace it, the better off you'll be. Also, there are SOs that are accepting and some who even prefer it, so be honest and up front with anyone you might get into a relationship with...maybe not on the first date, but definitely when you see the relationship heading somewhere. If someone can't accept you as a CD, they aren't for you...it's part of who you are. Keep coming here and posting how you feel and what you go through, it's important to express yourself and there are plenty of others going through the same thing. It's not to be viewed as a shameful thing, but part of YOU. I am engaged to a CD and have known about it for about a month...the main thing for me was to learn and have my questions answered...he is still the same wonderful person I fell in love with, and I love him no matter who he is...Jim or KatelynMae.

Thanks so much for the replies and different perspectives you all contributed! I feel a lot less confused now and more confident of being honest with CDing self :)

At eighteen years of age, you are still forming your persona.

I think that the only advice anyone can give you is this: If you have been feeling urges to crossdress since you were 12, you can bet that those urges will not go away. Ever. You need to come to terms with yourself. Like everyone else in the world, you are unique, and you shouldn't worry about fitting into anyone else's compartmentalized vision of what you ought to be like.

You're going to evolve as a person from now until the day you die. Accept yourself, and be comfortable inside your skin, no matter how that evolution proceeds. There is nothing wrong with crossdressing. There is nothing wrong with being bisexual if it turns out you are drawn that way.

Be a good person, and in the future you'll be able to look at yourself in the mirror with a clear conscience, irrespective of whether you are wearing a beard or some of Elizabeth Arden's best.

Finally, something which I wish someone had told me years ago. No matter how hard you try to follow all of the good advice you're getting from the posters here, every once in a while a non-understanding society will make you feel self-revulsion. When that happens, resist the urge to purge. I could probably buy a really great Sony 60" high-def if I had all the money I've wasted by throwing out my clothes when depression and self-loathing have hit me hard.

So many great threads here. If you knew from a very young age that you wanted to dress like the opposite sex I think you were lucky.
I believe the desire to cross dress has been suppressed in my conscious from a very young age but did not really become aware of it until I was in my thirties. Still I did nothing about this. As years have gone by the tug to feminize myself has become stronger and stronger. I wish it was this strong when I was thirty. At 62 I have lots of reservation about cross dressing. If I can do it and look good I would do it. I just don't want to come off looking like an old drag queen. LOL :heehee:

Hi hon and welcome to the forum.

You will be fighting it all your life and it will get harder still - promise.

I don't know what you want from your life but if its children you have to seriously think about what you are going to do.

I seem to be muddling through but you have a chance.

We're only here once so go out there and enjoy yourself, dressed.

I promise its what its all about,

Hugs

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Originally Posted by woc

I have been cross dressing since 12 and I am only 18 now. When I first started, I felt a kind a perverse thrill, and yet there was this guiltiness and disgust tugging on my conscience, begging myself to stop what I was doing because I was ultimately male and what I was doing would be a terrible shock to my sisters and mother should they ever find out. However, as the years passed, I find myself more and more compelled to crossdress, and desensitized towards how my family would feel if they knew what I was doing.

A lot of you have already settled in your identity as a cross dresser, especially the older adults, however I am still struggling with this “identity”/”condition”. I never really put a name to my “identity”/”condition” until I did a thorough web search a few months back. At first, what I dug up was “transvestic fetishism”, which totally scared me because I never thought of myself as a transvestite and in fact, feel a certain degree of distaste towards transvestites. Most of my searches turned up medical reports and research papers, which viewed cross dressing from a rather detached and objective viewpoint, emphasising that it was a sexual disorder that had no cure. I didn’t want that sort of perspective, I needed personal anecdotes from actual crossdressers, I needed some form of compassion and empathy, and most of all I needed advice. When I discovered Dixie’s website, I felt like I had uncovered a windfall of information that was actually useful, I realised that there were actually people out there who had to same “identity”/”condition” whom I could talk to.

I was wondering if any of you could share your own experiences of struggling with deal with your cross dressing compulsion when you were younger. I know many think that cross dressing is an identity however, at this age, I am not prepared to accept that I will be cross dressing my entire life and would like to fight against it. Could any of you give me anecdotes and advice?
Thank you.

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I too went through the guilt and shame, still do. Started at 11 and even then I couldn't figure what made me try panties that first time. It isn't as if I sat in school planning it but it happened. It was always an excitement followed by a bad feeling . Yet, Istill found myself doing it again and again. When I decided to start wearing the panties to school a new feeling emerged. Fear. Actually fear was always there because I knew if Mom found out , there would be trouble. But in school it was fear that the guys would know and I'd get beat up. Eventually I did get busted which was not long ago. Now my Mom does not speak much to me . Crossdressing has caused me so much hurt yet I cannot turn away. I wish I could say this is a phase but it isn't and foreverone it is different, some times the guilt subsides and some times it don't.

Younger? When was that?

Frankly, I did not deal with my dressing when I was a kid. It dealt with me. I dressed every chance I had and always felt very guilty and ashamed about it. If I had time alone at home, I dressed in as many outfits as I could find in Mom's closet so that I never really had any alone time to myself since I always felt compelled to hide out in a dress. Those were unhealthy times. I am glad that I am not that way now although I wish I had gotten smarter a lot sooner.