I was exactly the same as you at 18..It started at 12 for me too..I felt like i was the biggest Pervert walking the Gods earth, the guilt would eat me up rotten, So much so it affected my social skills development....Like others have said here...you're very fortunate to be young in these times of the Internet..there are limitless resources and help out there now.....I understand the struggle....i believed that being like this meant i was a bad person...a deviant..a sex pervert....and when people say "Accept yourself"..my brain tends to say "How can i accept, that i'm a pervert, i want people to think i'm a nice decent upstanding law abiding Man...not as a wierdo deviant"...i liken it to when Darth Vader tries to seduce Luke to the Dark Side....Anyway, for me now..the struggles over..i have accepted...not because i've accepted "BEING A PERVERT"...i've accepted it because it is part of who i am...its what makes me feel Well.....i proved it just recently....i'd stopped doing it for 5 wks..went on holiday..came home...i had a bit of a cough...i was feeling extremly lethargic...tiredness i couldn't shake...no matter how much coffee, sleep....but the second i decided to transform back to Clarissa....Wham...Energy...Motivation...Happyines s..joy.....all back in an instant i suddenly felt alive....call it hormones, endorphines whatever..all i know is i felt better...to me thats confirmation...its part of me..its in my brain chemistry...i have to do it to feel good...so forget the guilt, my reasons for doing this are Justified..trying to be "Normal" is the disease...So if you feel the need to do do it....just do it.....I know at the same time you want to still be attractive to the ladies...thats part of the juggling act...it can get a bit wearing (no pun intended) at times but you soon work your timetable..
All the best
Clarissa x
