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I dont really know what happened, but after 7 months of being able to dress how I wanted and her acting like she liked it the whole time. One day the truth just kinda came out and still coming out and I just feel so uncomfortable and vulnerable around her now. I want her to be happy with the way I am. But the only way I see her truly happy now is when I am wearing guy clothes. This 180 was such a fast turn around.
She will go back and forth, this is not unusual. What you need to do is find out where the lines are now. You may have to reel it back a bit, or have some exclusive guy time with her to let her know the guy she fell in love with is still there.
I had told my SO before we got married and thought she was OK with it. 20 years later I'm still trying to find the lines. Sometimes it's better and sometimes it's not...
Hang in there and talk to them about it.
Love, Tracy
I have to agree. I have seen many of the members wives at IXE be accepting, then out of the blue everything changes.Quote:
Originally Posted by TSchapes
Sometimes I think it was because the dresser pushed it too far too fast. Wives for some unknown reason like their hubbies to be around at times.
Hi
This happened to me, I was fine with my SO dressing but she started to push more and more and I wasn't ready for it, then one day I exploded, it really did set us back, but talking and setting some rules and boundaries we worked through it.
Sit down with her and talk, ask her what has made her change like this,it could be something that can be easily recetified.
The whiplash effect... Well at least you got 7 more monthes than I had.. So in my humble opinion you have two choices.. Quit and make her happy (and you not) or don't and and you will both be unhappy.. Not a promising situation..
Try underdressing for a while, let things cool down. Maybe it sudenly hit her
that you might be turning into a girl for real, and beining a lesebin was not
in the cards for her, panic set in and you know the rest. Maybe after a time
like was said above, you can set the line where you can go.
Remember, Talk,Talk, And listen. Rader
I suggest you read this thread. It has a lot of good information in it and offers a perspective into the thought process of many GG's. But the bottom line is you need to talk to one another. Get the elephant out of the room.
I just recentley went through this whole situation although my wife and I had other issues as well and not just the dressing....it went to the point that it caused some serious/major problems....to the point that I moved out and went to Florida....lasted 10 days and she called and wanted me back...not sure if that was the 100% reason or how much of a factor it involved loosing ehr job at that time played inot it but we'll see as time goes on....anyway!!!
She's still not 100% "on her knees everyday thanking God I dress" ...but she's OK with it....and that "OK with it", is not doing it 24/7 all the time "OK with it"....
So yeah my toenails are painted 24/7 and I have gotten into weaing panties all the time and woman's jeans all the time and now that winter is coming I have a pair of women's slides that I wear around the house or if I go out on the front porch to smoke...but I'm not into "girl mode" all the time....I have little pieces all the time but not full 100% girl mode...
I still dress and go out to the clubs...sometimes on nites when she goes out with her GF's to hit the country clubs and sometimes I'll go out one nite and they go out the next nite....so there's a balance that we've seem to have struck....and I make sure I give her "man time" more than "girl time"....but I also try including her in my female side...like I help her choose what she's going to wear including accessories....or I'll do her make up for her....and when she shop for her I'll actively help her with choosing things...I might say you want my "man opinion" or my "girl opinion"????...and they are different so moat of the time she'll want both....I also allow her at times exclusively her woman time shopping and may only make a comment or two on something I see and ask her what she thinks about this for Steph but I don't make a bunch of "What do you think about this for Steph"?? comments....and sometimes she'll even see something and say "I think Steph would look good in this" or "this would go good with Stephanies black tights"....
Bottom line is you all need to sit down and talk and establish what the comfort zone is if there is in fact one and if you need to make compromises on her terms you may want to give that some serious consideration...a little is better than divorce court ...trust me on that one...been there in the past...not for dressing but for other issues....and it's not a fun place to be at all...unless you enjoy life changing events and not for the better!!!!
Simply ask her when she feels like it you'd like to hear what is on her mind and her thoughts on your dressing....and then just open the door and let her come and talk when she wants to....let her do it on her terms when she is ready...and not when you feel like it....
If she was OK with it for a while I'd think there is some ground here to compromise between the both of you....ah, the "three of you" I mean.
Good luck....
Stephanie
Couldn't access the thread you cited. Any suggestions?Quote:
Originally Posted by Holly
The link works for me :). At any rate, it is a stickie thread in the Loved Ones section titled. "Now I Like It, Now I Don't." It is an excellent read.Quote:
Originally Posted by sfwarbonnet
I have talked to a lot of wives of CDs. One of the recurring things that seems to happen often is that the crossdressing continues to escalate. The dressing in the house turns into going out, going out turns into increasingly greater monies spent on stuff, also concepts like going full time come into play.
I am not saying this is a given but it does appear to happen often. The perspective I hear all too often with wives is that I marred a man and that is what I want!!!
I'm a wife . I'm ok with it all. Are you still holding/ kissing her ... there for her physically WHEN she needs You?
Ya'll better talk.
Best,
spring
My wife goes back and forth as well. We're going on about two years now that I came out to her. We have set some ground rules. Every so often something happens. Like my last business trip, once I was all packed, she went digging in my suitcase and found Wanda clothes. She still brings up that she thinks I want to transition. Also if there is ever a show on TV it is always about someone transitioning form male to female. There is very little to make the public aware and understanding of crossdressers.
I keep increasing my comfort zone by wearing women's attire more prominently, e.g. a bra and sheer pantyhose with shorts, pedal pushers, and pants. I keep pushing her limits with small steps, hoping that someday I can appear in public with her en femme.Quote:
Originally Posted by WandaRae2009
I would agree with keeping an open and honest dialog going with her , talking is the most important thing , find out what her needs, wants and desires are and try to fulfill them , my guess is that she will do the same in return.
Good Luck
Tomara
hi hun, any chance of you both sitting down and really talking and listening to each other .............. Holly gave you a good thread to read and there is another one if you click here >>>>>> [SIZE="4"]If we GG's could say anything/ The good and the Bad[/SIZE], it gives a lot of good insight into how we can feel about the whole CDing issues, and how we can sometimes enjoy and another day hate the whole thing :straightface: ............ it has often been referred to as a roller coaster ride and sometimes it really feels like it.
Remember; The Holidays are here, and the most fighting and family break-ups
happen during the Holidays. Just go slow, and try to have a happy Holiday's
Rader
Could be you were a little blinded by the pink fog and didnt see it? Mostly with my SO she has her moods, sometimes she just needs/wants the other me. I have/like to be constantly sensitive to that. With the help of all you and my therapy im looking for the right balance.Quote:
Originally Posted by johnboy23
My wife did the same. When I told her many years ago, she didn't like it but as long as I didn't dress around her it was fine. Then a few years ago it because disgusting to her. But then again, she will give me a pair of pantyhose. Go figure. When I want to dress, she goes up stairs and I go down stairs.
Back it up a little. You are probably growing in the dressing to fast. Start over and talk with her. If you love her you will work it out.
what you have to decide is to do it her way or your way???
So right.
No matter who or what, it's almost impossible for a woman to accept. I know, I know. Some do. There are ALWAYS exceptions. But in general, you are dreaming if you think your woman likes it. She doesn't. No way, no how.
Women want and marry MEN. And not men in a bra and panties. MEN. Strong, hairy, stinky, men. If she loves you she may try to accept. After all, that's what women do. They accept and love and nurture.
But at the end of the day, she may find it's just too much. I know for me it would be a deal breaker. I want a whole man, not a part time one. I think the successful unions are those where the CDer can maintain his masculinity withing the relationship in spite of his part time activity. And as soon as that "part time" activity looks like it's eating too far into the relationship, it's gonna be over.
Lovies,
Stephenie
Quote:
Originally Posted by joyce483
Ermmm why can't they decide on a way that suits them both? Talking and being open with each other hopefully would help.
Is there a possibility that you started to take advantage of the situation which is very easy to do and i expect that most of us have done it at some point once we get what we see as the green light .
As Sandra has said talking and being open with each other may find a way to suit you both as most marriages will work with a little give and take on both sides .
not true Stephanie ................ I married the person not the man :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephenie S
The numerous posts here suggesting that it is normal for a GG to go back and forth on how much CDing she will acceptance is normal, but is troubling. My wife is now non-accepting and will tolerate my wearing traditionally women’s clothes only if there is a non-CD raison d’etre. I keep going further though, and pushing her limits with baby steps. My goal is eventually to go out in public with her en femme, and to accompany her in a ladies restroom. If she were to change her mind in mid-course, it would be a major setback to my incremental plan.
Yeah, I think this is pretty accurate. It wasn't an SO, but my roommate when I had my apartment had lines too. He didn't mind if I had the bra and forms under my guy clothes (so he didn't mind the boobs) but he basically got weirded out if he saw me in a gown or dress when I was lounging around...which I was a little weirded out about myself. So yeah, just find the lines of acceptance. Too much too fast is never good.Quote:
Originally Posted by TSchapes
Think of it from her perspective, you come to her one day and say, "Honey, I'm a cross dresser." She may think, "Oh, okay so he likes to wear panties under his guy clothes, whatever." Or maybe "Okay, so he likes to play dress up, that's kinda kinky, I'm cool with that." But then suddenly if she's seeing you in your girl-clothes ALL THE TIME and not just on occasion, then she may feel like she's getting to know you all over again...like you're a different person. So that's, I think, why some women seem okay and then later they are weirded out. GGs, help me out here? Am I on target?
[QUOTE=sfwarbonnet;1969636]The numerous posts here suggesting that it is normal for a GG to go back and forth on how much CDing she will acceptance is normal, but is troubling.
I won`t argue whether it is normal or troubling but i do think that in a lot of case`s it is understandable for a wife/SO to have second thoughts about it as the wife/ SO maybe happy with a certain amount and then the CD wants to push things even further, you cannot expect a " i want and you give" to work all the time , give them some credit and respect .( i am just saying this in general and not pointing at anyone) :)
Truth, it's all about setting a pace, feeling someone out and adapting to thier personality and comfort zone. It's probably not a great idea to just out of the blue greet her one day dressed as Cher obviously ( :) ). Be patient. I started out shaving my legs almost 5 yrs ago and slowly progressed thru unisex boots, metro-sexual-esque grooming habits, exposing my more sensative side and over the course of about 3 to 4 yrs slowly moved into lingerie and eventually a wig, makeup and more public attire. I slowly introduced my wife to my feminine side. This is obviously different from woman to woman but you have to be able to know when you're coming on too strong and be willing to back off when you sense this from you're SO, you have to know your (and her) limits.Quote:
Originally Posted by sfwarbonnet
Also, IMO, for most women you still have to be a man sometimes. Alot of them look to their man for security or a feeling of safety and many of them arent lesbians, that's why they married us in the first place.
Here's another tip, as mentioned before, pay more attention to her. Go shopping with her and when she picks up a pair of shoes or a dress, tell her how "cute" they are or start giving her pedicures and painting her nails. Be the best girlfriend your wife has, that will definately break down some barriers and most importantly, communicate with her as much as possible, even about things that dont necessarily concern CD and make sure and really listen to what she has to say.
Sorry for the long post. :)
I have tried to pull back more than I though necessary- not withholding anything from my SO but really holding back on the dressing and experimentation. While my SO like yours said there was no problem, women like men often don't really say everything they are thinking and feeling so my thought was best to have her draw me out at her pace. If she were to deny my dressing or create a dilemma after saying it was OK with her, well that would be tough on our relationship.
So last night she asked what I had ordered- unclear it if was an invitation to dress or hinting at displeasure over the item or some perceived secrecy on my part. I'm hoping she'll someone miss the dressed me and indicate she wants to see more of her otherwise I'll just hold off until I feel pressure building within me (like today- I'm going crazy with it unfortunately).
A lot of the back and forth is maybe a byproduct of getting more in touch with our feminine side and more aware of her body language. A "dockers guy" probably wouldn't notice or care- we do. With greater sensitivity comes great drama:)
My first wife never even attempted to accept. I had to completely hide it from her. Which I was less than 100% succesful at. The second tried at first but as I started shaving my legs and underdressing she became less tolerant. I even tried dressing up as part of sexual role play but that did not work either. I do give her credit for at least having tried.
Is a wife who goes out with. uses a public woman's restroom with, displays PDA with, and makes love to, a CD en femme a lesbian wannabe? Maybe that's why many married GG's aren't supportive; they don't want to be seen with (what appears to be) another woman. Is a CD who is attracted to GG's. and who wants to make love en femme also a lesbian wannabe?Quote:
Originally Posted by Amanda Styles
From my personal experience, my SO, now my ex-wife, wanted no part of it or to accept it. In her mind I was cd'ing because I wanted to be with a guy.
I pulled back to the point of not dressing or mentioning it, but I was unhappy. I offered counseling, I went alone and she never wanted to go. Most of her friends who knew told her she was being narrow minded. She was so reluctant that one day she just left without saying a word.
IMHO, keep talking, keep the communication open, ask her what are her feelings, but ask her as the guy she knows.