I was the prettiest girl in the world until...

BAM BAM BAM "YOU NEED TO COME OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM!"

"Uh, excuse me?"

"THIS IS THE MANAGER, YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM!"

I peek out the door and there is this woman, 5' 6" ish late twenties maybe early thirties. "YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM NOW!"

I was wearing a beautiful sweater dress that fit perfectly and I really wanted to buy it. "Do I need to change?"

"YOU NEED TO PUT ON YOUR REGULAR CLOTHES AND LEAVE THE DRESSING ROOM NOW!"

Holy crap. One of my worst fears ("There's a guy in a dress!). I changed as quick as I could. I almost threw up a little. I was a wreck. I lost one of my earring clasps. I gathered up my stuff and took the 4 dresses I was trying on and walked out of the dressing room with my head high as though I did nothing wrong.

There were people standing around and as I got near the manager, she made a comment to someone else (There's a situation going on right now but it is almost over."

Apparently, I was a situation.I hung the clothes on the rack next to the young girl who let me into the dressing room, grabbed my jacket out of my cart (which by the way was filled with a new jacket, two sweaters, some pants and a pajama set in leopard print). and walked out of the store as though I owned the world.

When I got to my truck, I started to break down. I felt every eye from the store peering out at me so I drove away to a mall parking lot where I parked and cried for about 45 minutes.

I couldn't get out of my clothes fast enough. I threw up. I felt so embarassed and disgusted with myself. I have so much shame wearing on me that I can hardly move. I feel as though I weigh 200 pounds more than usual and I don't know what to do.

I am leaving to see my shrink in a few minutes but wanted to get this off my chest before I leave so I at least have it vented before the drive. I can't seem to stop choking up. WTF am I doing with my life? AAAHHHH!!!

For those wondering, the store is Ross Dress for Less in Lynnwood, Washington.

You have no need to feel disgusted with yourself just because you met with intolerance. The manager's overreaction was her problem, not yours!

If the store is part of a chain, you should consider writing to the head office to explain why neither you nor your friends will spend any money in their chain of stores again. If it is privately owned, and the manager is not the owner, I would write to the owner explaining that their manager doesn't like the colour of your money.

Christy,
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wouldn't take it lying down, though. I'd register a formal complaint with the company. You could ask what their official policy is and demand an apology.
Lynn

I know I would be sending in a complaint to the headquarters as soon as possible.

Don't let the actions of a narrow minded bigot ruin your self respect. I think you are very attractive and pass very well. They obviously don't need your money. So don't let it bother you. Find a store that appreciates you and your business,

Christy, thanks so much for venting to us. I know that I feel for you right now. I echo the others here when I say that you are still the prettiest girl in the world. It's the manager (and, most likely, a complaining customer) that are the ugly ones here.

Kathi

What They did to you is wrong . ([email protected]) I would let them know what kind of people they hire. Every one is a customer and should be treated the same.

Christy, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!! The manager's actions were totally inappropriate. She should be reported to corporate. If, I repeat IF there was a situation, she is the one who escalated it, not you. I'm glad you walked out with your head held high. I would estimate somewhere in the area of 5% of Ross's sales come from the transgender community. Are they willing to risk taking that kind of a sales hit due to the bad publicity this will generate in the community? You are owed an apology, if not much more.

Christy, you were definitely mistreated. You did nothing wrong. As you mentioned you were let into the dressing rooms. The store owes you the minimum a major apology. They also need to educate there employees. Saying that that does nothing for the trauma you went through. You are definitely in my thoughts, and I hope you get the support and encouragement you need.

I stongly urge you and anyone who feels like it to register a complaint with the corporate office. You can use this link:

I looked at a couple of websites and that particular store has over 20 posts for bad customer service.

You do have the right to be treated as an equal customer.

Please mention the store address.

http://www.rossstores.com/cu.aspx

[SIZE=5]Ross Dress For Less[/SIZE]

18520 33rd Avenue W # A, Lynnwood, WA 98037-4726 (425) 771-0607 ()

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Holly

Christy, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!! The manager's actions were totally inappropriate. She should be reported to corporate. If, I repeat IF there was a situation, she is the one who escalated it, not you. I'm glad you walked out with your head held high. I would estimate somewhere in the area of 5% of Ross's sales come from the transgender community. Are they willing to risk taking that kind of a sales hit due to the bad publicity this will generate in the community? You are owed an apology, if not much more.

---

Well said. I just want to add a voice of support. She was the one yelling fire in a crowded theater. You did nothing wrong. I would not let one bad employee that needs either retraining or an opportunity to go find a job elsewhere get you down. You are a beautiful person, and she needs to not get away with this. I hope you got her name or at least the time it happened as they can search the employee records to see who was working there that day. Since she said she was the "current" manager, it should not be hard for them to track her down. Wouldn't it be nice to go there in the future and be nicely greeted by the "new" manager. You have our support here. Vent when you need to.:hugs::hugs:

On top of the mistreatment, I'm sure the store owners would not be happy to know they lost quite a lot in sales from your treatment as well as future sales and customers as well.

That was totally uncalled for and that manager deserves to be called on it.

I can't tell how passable you are because you've never posted a Picture Thread. But did they read you by your voice?

Same thing happened to me in Ross in Houston - was very embarrassing. Also happened at Macy's because I shouldn't have outed myself to one saleslady.

I just sent in a complaint. I hope someone gets the message.

I need to add that in the past I have sent in compliments to the corporate offices of Dress Barn and Sephora naming the names of the SA's who were very helpful even though they knew I was a male.

I re-read just to make sure I read it right the first time. "I hung the clothes on the rack next to the young girl who let me into the dressing room,"
Looks to me you better get some serious attention from corporate. Being lead into a "situation" by one of thier emploees only to be totaly humiliated by the manager... What comes to mind is two simple words...... Perry Mason. ( O.K., so I dated myself)

Kind of makes you wonder if there is a law suit possibility since the employee induced trauma sent you strait to your shrink. Makes you wonder also what would happen if a GG were in there that did not look so feminine and they made that mistake. Sounds like they need to upgrade their training program for sure.

I hate the litigious side of life but this is an awful case and a claim should be made in my opinion. It takes less than two minutes to send the head office an email of complaint and that's what we should all do IMO.

OMG Christy I'm soooo sorry you had to go through that completely unnecessary embarrassment. As I was reading your story I actually felt myself getting very angry; that manager had absolutely no reason to handle the "situation" like she did. Good for you for walking out of their with your head held high! I really do think that you handled the situation in the best possible way you could have especially being under such pressure.

Like others have said, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. The only person that deserves to be ashamed of themselves is that intolerant and ignorant manager that obviously isn't capable of handling certain scenarios responsibly and respectively.

I would certainly file a complaint with corporate. Also, I'm in no way a fan of frivolous law suits that go on in the United States but Stephanie and Jenny make some very good points.

Anyway I hope you're feeling a bit better when after you have a chance to talk to your doctor. Try to keep your chin up, I wish you the best :hugs:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Christy_M

BAM BAM BAM "YOU NEED TO COME OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM!"

"Uh, excuse me?"

"THIS IS THE MANAGER, YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM!"

I peek out the door and there is this woman, 5' 6" ish late twenties maybe early thirties. "YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM NOW!"

I was wearing a beautiful sweater dress that fit perfectly and I really wanted to buy it. "Do I need to change?"

"YOU NEED TO PUT ON YOUR REGULAR CLOTHES AND LEAVE THE DRESSING ROOM NOW!"


For those wondering, the store is Ross Dress for Less in Lynnwood, Washington.

---

It would have been your perogative to yell - "IS THAT HOW YOU TREAT A CUSTOMER WHO IS ABOUT TO BUY A DRESS?"

You did nothing wrong. If I were in your shoes I might have yelled back at the manager.

I would have told the SA straight up that I was a man, and I would like to try on some women's clothing. The SA could have had the option of leading me to a men's changing room. After that was done, if the manager came by and conducted herself as described above the whole store would have heard my response.

Yes, I think you need to sue for emotional pain and suffering, and damages.

WASHINGTON STATE LAW
RCW 49.60 The right to be free from discrimination because of
race, creed, color, national origin, sex, honorably discharged
veteran or military status, sexual orientation, gender identity or the
presence of any disability. This right shall include, but not be limited
to the following;
(a) The right to obtain and hold employment;
(b) The right to the full enjoyment of any of the accommodations,
advantages, facilities, or privileges of any place of public resort,
accommodation, assemblage, or amusement;
(c) The right to engage in real estate and (d) credit transactions
and (e) insurance transactions or transactions with health
maintenance organizations;
(f) The right to engage in commerce free from any discriminatory
boycotts or blacklists.
SHB 1444 - A safe and civil environment in school is necessary for
students to learn and achieve high academic standards. The
legislature finds that harassment, intimidation, or bullying, like their
disruptive or violent behavior, disrupts both a student's ability to
learn and a school's ability to educate its students in a safe
environment. Each school district shall adopt or amend if necessary
a policy that prohibits the harassment, intimidation, or bullying of
any student, school employee, or volunteer. It is the responsibility of
each school district to share this policy with parents or guardians,
students, volunteers, and school employees.
The Washington State Human Rights Commission enforces the
Law Against Discrimination. The Commission works to prevent and
eliminate discrimination by investigating civil rights complaints and
providing education and training opportunities throughout the state.
Contact the WSHRC to file a complaint or find out more at:
www.hum.wa.gov or 800-233-3247

January 31, 2006--Washington State--Governor Gregoire signed a bill that explicitly prohibits acts of prejudice against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Washington becomes the eighth state to include gender identity in its non-discrimination law, and the seventeenth to include sexual orientation.


I usually am very understanding and try to find a mutual grounds for negative responses from folks who do not understand. This time while reading your post Christy I felt your anguish and pain and couldn't contain the anger I felt. This was a personal and obviously intended attack on client going about her business and without merit to summon such a commotion. I am so proud of you having strength to overcome this, even though with costly consequences. This girl, should never been put in a managerial position and if she might have suspected foul-play she should have confronted you with respect and resolve her issue directly with you in private. I am sure this is just an unfortunate event brought on by unkind, unconsidered and miss-hired to a managerial position person. I am willing to write an email or a letter of utmost anger and frustration directed at Ross and to transgender publications which might like to write an article or two about the chain.
Baby, brush this incident off like a bad case of dust, I know it struck deep and I felt it as well but not everyone is as scarred and phobic like she was, most folks out there are tolerant and helpful. Love, Alexia.

[SIZE=2][SIZE=2]Washington State The Human Rights Commission includes gender identity among groups protected from discrimination and harassment.

http://apps.leg.wa.gov/documents/bil.../2661-S.PL.pdf
[/SIZE][/SIZE]

I'm shocked because I went shopping at a Ross up in Santa Barbara and no one batted an eye at me shopping for a dress in the dressing isle, though I did get a weird look from the SA who let me into the dressing room. Which one did the young lady send you to, the men's or women's dressing room? It's a safety issue if a man was in a women's dressing room, because, let's face it, it's a dangerous world and people stereotype males for being the ones to rape women in dressing rooms. It's always another safety issue for you when you go into the male side of the dressing room in women's clothing or in drab with women's clothing in your hands because it might cause some sort of trans panic of sorts. At least, that's what I assume. But if you were sent to the male dressing room, or if there was only one dressing room, a complaint should be in order. I don't think stores have the right to refuse service from anyone based on orientation, sex, or religion. This is just my speculation though, I guess, but this situation just sounds completely unjustified, and I hope you feel better about it. I also hope it didn't discourage you from being who you are, because frankly, managers shouldn't care who buys their clothes.

I seem to remember someone having problems at another Ross before-maybe it's a pattern?

I'd have been as upset as you were if that'd happened to me and I've been going out for ages. It's hard to think rationally when you're being assaulted (and that is exactly what happened). Now that you have some time to calm down, write to Ross and tell them what happened, then follow it up with a phone call. And let them know that you'll never, ever shop at a Ross again and posted your story to this list so that everyone will know just what kind of transphobic people manage their stores.

And I can tell you that I'll never set foot in a Ross again.

Awww..... I hate Ross!!! Just one more reason not to shop there!!!

I am SO sorry to hear of this. I can only imagine how badly that must have hurt your self confidence, and for no good reason at all. As others have said, the problem was with the managers actions and not yours.

That is HORRIBLE!!!!! That should never have happened. Although I understand your feeing the way you did and wanting this all to just go away, you should register a complaint. After all the Law is the Law. Lets make it work for US! And you ARE still the prettiest girl in the world sweetheart!

I'm so sorry this happened to you! There's one store I'll make sure NEVER to shop in ever. You should file a complaint! I might for your sake just to let them know how I feel!

I am so sorry , you werent doing anything wrong. I remember one time a T-girl sued a gay club in NY because she wouldnt let in, this situation looks even more discriminatory.

Christy - I'm also very sorry that you were hurt today. That type of behavior is not acceptable, especially considering this is 2010. That person needs to answer up for that behavior. Stay strong.

A fellow Washington T-Gurl,

Juliana

Ross is about a sorry excuse for a store, it seems quite often we read complaints about them on this forum.
I know a few other stores get mentioned but Ross seems to come up most.
So our money isn't good?

What I emailed Ross was similar to above but in a more civil tone.

Hey for those who have never been in a Ross -
Quite frankly, the clothes they have there are usually pretty crappy to begin with, hince the low prices.
I used to stop in one from time to time and it is basically a junk store, so really don't even waste your time shopping there if you have any fashion sense.

I sent a complaint because I was so mad! Even if they just know how we feel, it might be nice to receive an "I read your e-mail and am taking it seriously" reply

Man! This is exactly what we want to NOT happen. That manager was completely in the wrong. It is not in hers nor her company's best interests to make a scene out of nothing, humiliate her clientele, and allow customers to leave the store without purchasing the cart full of clothing that would have made a nice sale for them.

But hey, don't let this get to you too much. It's not on you, after all. You're not the narrow-minded bigot here. She is.

That's just AWFUL! :sad::eek:
Ross has stores all over the West Coast - I don't know how many they have further East - maybe using a different name but owned by the same people. From this day forward they won't get a DIME from me! I want to boycott them; tell family, friends & anyone who'll listen that this is a store that discriminates against people and should not be patronized by ANYONE! :thumbsdn:
And you're STILL the prettiest girl! :hugs::love:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Awww..... I hate Ross!!! Just one more reason not to shop there!!!

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Just what would happen to that manager if we all sent in a complaint with our intention to boycot Ross stores everywhere? Then maybe we should burn our bras!! LOL

You all are so sweet. I really appreciate your support and compliments. I can't seem to settle down from this. I keep thinking about it and it makes me break down. It is one of the most awful things that has happened to me in my life and I am sure it has set back my self confidence quite a bit. Feeling the love from this community is so touching. I can't say enough about how you better my life.

The worst part of this is that I was on a pretty good high from earlier today when I was at a local Fred Meyer (Northwest Super K-Mart type store) and they treated me with dignity and respect. I tried on and bought numerous items. Even the woman at the self checkout helped me check out. I thought everything was coming up roses for me today and then a big fat helping of reality was served up - cold I might add...

My fear is that my typical reaction to emotional isues when in drab is to disengage and withdraw from the people I love. I am trying to force myself to let the emotions flow so I can keep Christy's presence in other aspects of my life. Specifically, by making me more emotionally available to my wife and children. It is just so difficult to have this rush come and go like massive waves hitting me on the beach. I just want to curl up and sleep through the next 100 years or so until people don't act like this anymore...

Christy, we love and support you and as others have said we are sorry that it happened at all. How would that sales manager feel if she were in some mens clothing store, buying for her son and was ask to leave? You did great, but I'm afraid I would not have been as nice to that manager. If it makes you feel better and I hope it does....I was about to go into one of their stores and look around, however, please, know I will never buy anything from their store now.

I will never shop there ever.

But listen, this is NOT one of the most awful things that has happened to you. You ran into an absolute JERK, that's for sure. But you will always run into jerks in this life. Know that you did NOTHING wrong and in the face of horrible behavior from another human being you held yourself high and acted like the intelligent and civilized person that you really are. Congratulations. You proved to a store full of people (and then to us) what a wonderful person YOU are. Don't feel bad about this. Celebrate it. You won, big time!

Stephie

Please follow up, and let us know how they respond. I will be boycotting their stores until I hear that they apologized.

I find it really shocking that this happened to you in this day. You should make a lot of noise over at that store. Call the main office, send letters and get that "Person" fired. Completely unacceptable behavior. I don't go to dressing rooms with the things I buy but now I will. Just to see how I'm treated.

Washington State has transgender protection laws. This action was probably illegal.

We should all go to that store dressed very unpassable and insist on using the women's dressing room. The next time I am in the Seattle, I will make a point of it. But, I won't actually buy anything.

I go into women's dressing rooms all the time en homme to assist my partly disabled wife. Nobody has ever complained, SAs or customers.

Christy,
One thing I would suggest is to follow the advice of others who have cited the Washington state law against discrimination against us. This is not about revenge but taking control of your life. You have the right to expect to be treated as every other person expects to be treated with respect.

A quote comes to mind from someone I do not normally relate to, George Will. He said something along the lines of: "Some people say we can't legislate morality but we can. The civil rights laws legislated the open accomidations laws which substituted the rights of one group (the owners of hotels) to choose their clients with the rights of another group (afro-americans) to treated like every other american in their public accomodations."

The state of Washington has chosen to do the same for the LGBT community. So if you so choose, you have the opportunity to assert your rights as they are are yours to enjoy and not to have abridged by some jerk.

Good luck and hold your head high.

Leann

Cristy, I am so sorry to hear this! That is like every transperson's nightmare! Just reading it made me mad!! If that happened to me I would've definitely given the manager a piece of my mind.

But don't let this get you down!

I can't believe that someone can be so cruel and insensitive to another person. I am so sorry that this happened to you. :sad:

I agree with a lot of the others a complaint to management telling of your treatment and you have let a lot of people know a lose of clientelle will help to change the SA atitude . Hope it works out for u .

That's disgusting. That lady needs to be fired, sent to training or something. No-one deserves to be treated like that.

one harvard study found out one bad word from a disgruntled customer cost the store $10K in pro ad's to replace the bad.
let the store corp people and the main manger of said store know what happened and i bet next time you go there that woman will not be employed there any more.
money is money and in these times the b.o.d. want as much as they can get.
that manager is the problem...not you.
she is just a very narrow minded *****.

As an action against Ross Stores, I think all the Active sister groups on here should send a letter to the corporate offices and quote the above laws. They need to inform them that a sisters civil liberty was broken at that washington store and an open public apologie as well as a reprimand of the the employee are in order.
Rachel

I know a few girls who would have decked that b-----!

However, there may be messages in your experience for other CD/TGs that go out dressed!:straightface:

1. I'm glad that what happened to u doesn't happen more often!

2. U could go out dressed every day of your life and NEVER have this happen to u!:thumbsup:

3. U could go out dressed and have this happen to u TOMORROW!:thumbsdn:

Christy, PLEASE don't let ONE ROTTEN APPLE ruin your life style! Remember how many GOOD PEOPLE you've met and have YET to meet! :hugs:

:straightface: This is what I sent to [email protected].

I just read this story of a trangender customer at your store in Lynwood,WA being treated horribly by the store manager. As the story goes, this customer was shown into the dressing room by a Ross employee, then, while in the dressing room, was accosted by the store manager and told to "get out". This person was doing nothing wrong and not harming anyone, only there to use the dressing room for its' intended purpose. Furthermore, this harmless transgender customer was loudly ousted in front of other customers in a most undignified manner. Is this how Ross treats their customers? Frankly, I am shocked at the ignorance and intolerance shown by the manager. As you may or may not know, the State of Washington outlaws this type of discrimination. This is would very easily be a slam dunk for any lawyer with half a brain. This person who was victimized at one of your stores should sue for damages. I, for one, will be boycotting all Ross stores as a result and will be informing others via internet blogs and emailings so they can do the same.


You should see a lawyer as fast as you can and find out what your options are. This behavior should not be tolerated by anybody. Hugs, Tonya