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I have often considered venturing out in public, but I am nervous and don't want to get humiliated. Just not sure if I am passable enough to do so. I don't know if people will take notice or simply dismiss me as a woman. Any advice or suggestions are appreciated. My pics are posted.
xoxo,
Breanna
If you are not sure try going out to a TG friendly bar or club for the first time. It will give you the chance to feel safe, relax and get feedback with out negative comments. Then as you become more comfortable you can expand your horizons.
I looked at some of your pics and I would look at you as another woman on the street or in the store. I was gong to say something about the girlfriends hanging out of your outfit, but I read through the comments. You are beautiful and you're passable to me.
When you wake up in the morning and put on a a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt to go walk the dog. (inside joke)
The answer is that you don't know. You never know. Even when I ask my girlfriend how I look I have NO way of knowing for absolute sure if she is not just being nice to me. You never really know for sure. All I see when I look in the mirror is an ugly old broad. I see all the negatives. My friends, on the other hand, like me. They see only the good things. So I do the best I can with what I got. That's all any one can do, woman or man. I don't have the worry about "passing" because I am a woman. But none the less, I never really have the assurance that I look "good". Even when I think I look "good" when I leave the house, my lipstick comes off unevenly when I drink my morning coffee, my hair blows out and gets messy, my nicely fitted jeans slip down a bit and begin to look a bit baggy. All this happens when ever you leave your house no matter what you looked like when you left.
You just have to do the best you can and DO IT. You will get better, believe me. Women aren't BORN knowing all this stuff. We LEARN it. And you will too, if you are serious about it.
The advice about going to a TG bar or support group at first is great. You will feel much safer and more secure. But you will NEVER have that absolute security that you look "good" all the time. No one does.
S
It'll be pretty obvious as soon as you start encountering people...I used to wear sunglasses on the sidewalks of Chicago so I could look at people without making eye contact to see if they were staring at me, making funny faces, pointing and laughing, whatever. If you're not getting any double-takes, that means you have the physical chops to pass. The next step is when you start interacting with strangers, like ordering at a restaurant or shopping at the mall...if your mannerisms and voice are such that you're treated like a woman, you're there.
I think we all tend to be rather self critical when it comes to our appearance. "Passable" is a word that I think often gets rather misused and seems to have a different meaning for many folk. When some GF's go to the mall, they often have their hair tied back, very little makeup, wearing jeans and a simple top. Attracting too much attention due to things like overdressing or wearing evening makeup during the day may to some, seem necessary to "pass". I go out alot both during the day and evening to anywhere really and from my experience, moving through the world during the day without attracting attention is to me "convincing". I agree with Alice. For an initial outing, a local TG friendly club would be a good start.
I'm not sure where you live but in many of the larger cities, there are groups of people who often organize events. Perhaps that would be a good first step.
Enjoy and best wishes.
Tonya
If you go out and attract an angry crowd with torches and pitchforks, you may not be "passable"
Don't worry about being "passable". Go out and just be yourself and you will do just fine.
I have been busted a few times by my nosey neighbors when I ventured outside. They we brief encounters and at a distance so who knows what they think..It has always been dark also , nothing has ever been said and I do have women who stay here sometimes ,, I do not even attempt to go outside anymore as great as the night air feels, I just open a windown and leave the curtains close..Atleast just for now.. Passable ? Prolly not for me, depends I guess Judging your Pic I think you will do fine but apperance isn't the only thing that aids the passing ..
I honestly don't know how to tell whether or not you pass. I know that I do not pass for anything other than what I am. And that's a guy in a skirt. And I'm OK with that.
Sure, I will do some things to try to draw less attention to myself. I'll try my best to cover my beard shadow, I'll but some supplimental hair on my head and remove some hair from my legs and chest. But even after doing the best I can, I'm still a guy in a skirt. I know that, and I'm OK with that. If the people around me are not OK with that, then shame on them.
Being passable isn't nearly as important as getting over what other people think. As soon as you learn to shrug it off and hold your head high, you can go out and be yourself and have fun with it without worrying if you're being read or not. Chances are, you're going to get read anyway. I have been out 'dressed' at least 100 times over the last 5-6 years, sometimes full make-up, a lot without any. A few times I didn't even bother to shave. Once you realize, "Hey, I'm out in the real world, dressed as a girl, and people aren't pointing and laughing, or chasing me out of town", it becomes a lot easier to just be yourself. Lately, I haven't been going out dressed as a girl, but still openly crossdressing -- skinny jeans, leggings, heeled boots, tight t-shirts, pink scrunchies etc. I've yet to receive any kind of negative comment. Most people just shrug and go about their business.
you know you're passable, when you wear gender neutral clothing (like jeans and a college sweatshirt) and still get gendered female.
I think allot of it is more how you act and move.
People give you the benefit of the doubt because you are wearing the clothes and makeup.
Its just the first impression and most dont think any further.
Sit down in a skirt with your legs apart or stomp around and you lose that benefit.
Try to hard and use very exagerated feminine movements or look nervous and again you lose that benefit of the doubt.
If you give them a reason to look twice you just doubled your odds of getting read.
I was on an elevator once and the doors openned to a room full of young girls and their mothers.
Of course my friends pushed me out but gave me some great advice.
Head up; Chest out; relax and just walk :-)
If you act like you belong most folks wont give you that second look.
Hi..
If you have a look at my posts . youll find i keep saying I DONT pass. end of , i never will even with my pic up there thats just me & how my friends see me all most every day plus all the other s at our city centers. im not trying to be some one that im not .
It comes down to all out acceptance , yet, as a woman im not seen as a sexy young lass or a film star. im just an other woman whos different. i do use what i have inbuilt thats me , & the other point is many here will leave me for dead as to dress make up & so on. & really its a wonder i am accepted & more so as a woman....so you see it sure is not looks for me , as others here have seen your pics & saying go for it . so do & have a good time while your at it. just accept who you are & others will.
...noeleena...
The only way to tell for sure is to go dressed to your high-school reunion, and hope your old gym teacher shows up. They are always honest...
Hey, don't worry too much about appearance, chances are you won't look the same five years from now, no matter how good you look.
I mean, what is the worst thing that can happen? Maybe some person you don't know might say something. You will never see them again anyway...(unless they shoot you and you have to show up in court at their trial to identify them):D
Just drive someplace new and try it out. You can always just leave.
ThinkLess/ActMore~Life is short.
:hugs:
:love:
You look great. Will you pass as a GG? Sure most of the time. Will you be read? You betcha. That time will come even for the most convincing TG lady. The key to functioning in the world is confidence. Ease into this. Many of the other ladies have given you advice on the best ways to do that. With confidence comes the realization that you belong in the world just like any other person. Get out there and live life.
There is no "sure thing" when going out en femme as far as the reaction of others. A lot depends on where you go and what you plan to do.:)
Just go for it. There are a lot of noncrossdressing GG's out there that can easily pass for a guy. I P-ed one off the other day when I accidently called her sir. I've also seen a lot of non crossdressing guys over the years that would easily pass for a woman.
Confidence...as in your right to be there in your presentation...Dress to blend,and keep moving....After all,they have to run home to get their torches and pitchforks and you'll be long gone!
It is impossible to tell if someone is passable based on a picture. Passability also depends on how good one's deportment is (and if it is appropriate to one's perceived age) and how passable their voice is.
So true, My wife and I were thinking about taking a vacation to Florida together as women. New place.... No one to worry about recognizing. Not sure I would want to visit my high school reunion as Breanna though. LOL that would be CRAZY! Wow I cant even imagine the reactions. But who cares really. You are right about living life how I want to and doing what feels right. As for my high school gym teacher......she was a woman and a lesbian. We would probably end up as good friends! hahaQuote:
Originally Posted by eluuzion
xoxo,
Breanna
I do need to work on my voice though.....Practice, practice, practice.Quote:
Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV
Just go out and have a great time! I was recently in a mall on a Monday morning/afternoon. Ususally a pretty quiet time in malls. This particular Monday though, was President's day. So no school. Do you know what every high school girl does when there's no school? They go to the mall! Anyway...i looked at shoes, found a great buy on a dress at Sears, and tried on some rings. I had a great day! all the while...no one swung a purse at my head, I saw no pitchforks or torches. And, teen girls are the hardest to interact with. I may have heard one giggle, but I don't think I'll ever see her again, so I suppose I won't retalliate by having a flock of pigeons delivered to her doorstep. Point is, just get out and have a great time, no matter what you do. Even a nice drive or a walk in a quiet park is nice! You become more and more "passable" as you learn how to opperate in the world as a woman.
Good Advice! I belive you are right onQuote:
Originally Posted by Stephenie S
Maybe its a self confidence thing, but I can never fully believe someone when they give me a compliment, I always assume they are just being nice. But when they add a little criticism with it, it makes me believe them more about the compliment.
Thanks for the advice Windy. Wearing sunglasses out initially might ease my nervousness.Quote:
Originally Posted by windycissy
A good beginning would be to post a pic(s) on this thread! And, see what the girls say!?
Disclaimer: I hope you are asking for some honesty here. I am trying to be kind, and this is just my opinion.
When I see your pictures you are dressed very provocative. How many GGs do you see that are dressed that way? It is not common. Many times as CDers we like to dress as to what is sexy to us. This becomes a stereotype for us. If you want to be out, without becoming a blinking sign, you will have to dress a little more conservative. I personally like to dress so as to blend. I know I don't pass. Does everyone stare? No. I get a few looks. I get, what I think is a lot of, "Was that a guy or a girl?" I will take that, and with honors. That is good enough for me. I am working on passing better, and with time, I think I get better.
If you are wanting to be out just to enjoy yourself then you have to just not care what other people think. So what if people think you are a "freak". You are having fun, and doing what you want to do. If you are just wanting to be out, dress how you want. Go, enjoy!!
I hope you understand where I am coming from, and this is meant with sincerity and not meant in anyway as derogatory.
I've got to pretty much agree with a lot of what has been posted. If you attempt to blend your chances of getting outed are greatly reduced. My first time out I wore a pencil skirt with a nice blouse and blended quite well. But I had a lot of mannerisms to learn. Did I pass? Yes and no. But that's ok, I'm getting there.
The only way to know if you're passable is to do something in public around other people. Lots of great advice has already been posted in this thread. I would just add, like others have said in this and other threads, that being confident and acting like you belong will go very, very far in "passing".
It's been my experience that if you don't call attention to yourself (by dressing inappropriately for the setting and/or acting like you're an impostor), then people won't notice you. Believe me, I go out a lot fully dressed and if I perceive myself as doing something "wrong" or trying to fool everyone, I'll get all sorts of scrutiny. But if I embrace the mantra "head up, smile, and be confident", then I rarely notice any attention. It really is amazing how this works. I never, ever worry about "passing". Instead, I do my very best to look and carry myself in a feminine manner.
In nursing school one of the girls said that she saw a lady who was just to feminine to be a real girl. She said the person looked like a woman but had to be a guy because of this. I guess you can walk the walk a little to well and still be read. Billie JeanQuote:
Originally Posted by PetiteTonya
Lets face it girls, we were not born female. At some point in time no matter how hard we try, we will be read. That being said, just be yourself, show your confidence, look and act like you belong there, noone will say a word about you unless they are a complete jerk. Get out there and have fun with it!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Billie Jean
[SIZE="3"]How do you know if you are passable??? If you're out and about and you "catch" one or more "gentleman" checking you out...I'd say that's a fairly decent indication that you pass....( personal experience here and one was "busted" by his wife doing so)... :heehee:[/SIZE]
http://www.kendra954.com
Remain still, and if people move beyond your location, you're passable.
Well here is a couple pics. let me know....Quote:
Originally Posted by docrobbysherry
There's no real way for us to know if you are truly passable on pictures alone (although you do look good in your pics) ... and even if your picture doesn't do you justice and you look even better in "real life" you can still give yourself away by your body movements, gestures and deportment etc.
My advice would be to go to a TG support group and "ease your way into it". First time out it's good to have other CDers around you then if you're feeling confident, next time you go to the meeting, do a little window shopping before the meeting .... you know, build up your public exposure more and more as you get more and more confident. Before you know it, you'll be shopping for dresses and interacting with the public like you've been doing it all your life! :)
I think if u go to TG/gay friendly club, you'll be FINE, PH! At least, in THAT outfit and with THAT demeanor!
I WOULDN'T think you'll pass at Macys, tho! Lol!
You have gotten a lot of good responses already! But no one has given you the only one that matters!! If you want to know if you are passable, LOOK IN THE MIRROR!! If you see a female than yes you are passable. If you don't.......well there is a problem!!
if you make out actnomel and no will know the diff. but if you act out of place pople will know some thing diff.
I love the pics. You look great. I think you might be able to pass. Billie JeanQuote:
Originally Posted by PantyhoseTV
There is only one real test, no other test will give you as good of results, The test is, open the door to your house, and walk out, go to the mall and go shopping (even window shopping will work) looking in windows, allows you to watch the reflection and watch what people behind you are doing, if no one is standing there laughing, or threating you, you pass. Just remember, if you plan to go out, you have to accept the fact that no one passes all the time. you will get made, sooner or later, so you have to be ready to deal with it.
Tina B.
If your hands aren't large enough to crush a human skull, you're not so tall that you hit your head on door jambs, not so muscular that you make juicers look bad, your Adams apple is not so pronounced it looks like you swallowed a beach ball, and nose is not so long that Pinocchio would laugh, then I'd say you are potentially passable.
I'd never pass, I'm a freaking Amazon with a long nose. People won't laugh at me, they'll run away in terror!
I haven't seen any pics of you, I don't know if you are passable. I wouldn't tell you anyway because I wouldn't want to offend you if you weren't. Go somewhere TG friendly first. Get honest opinions and tips from the girls there before you venture out to pass properly. Otherwise, roll the dice and be prepared for people to run in terror! "AAAAAAAAaaaaagh!"
Ginger