Should you be afraid of engaging in crossdressing if you know loved ones like your parents would be emotionally crushed if they knew that you did it?
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Should you be afraid of engaging in crossdressing if you know loved ones like your parents would be emotionally crushed if they knew that you did it?
I would be more worried about not having control over my own life. Whose happiness is more important to you: yours or theirs?
No, you should not be afraid of engaging in crossdressing based on what someone else may think. What other people may think may influence how and when you dress. If one is afraid and worried about potential and possible repercussions if caught, then efforts should be made to find a way to dress that is less likely to be discovered. Where there is a will there is a way. Fear may influence, but it should not control.
I don't accept the me-or-them situation that Violet proposes. My happiness is connected with the happiness of others, so I would be very careful of causing deep distress to loved ones (and, remember, we are talking about loved ones). At the same time, I must be aware that some of their distress might be the result of ignorance. Education might cure that. So I would try--carefully--to do this.
Since I can't not crossdress and I can't control who will or won't be crushed by my crossdressing... The only thing I can control is who knows or doesn't. One vairable and one equation.... Problem solved! Lol.
It is a dilemna, like anything way out of the normal, and it considered perversion. As far as i know, none of my family knows, but, i think they knew i was experimenting, back when i was about 15. CDing is considered the same or worse than being gay. I don't think the vast majority will ever accept it. Stay in the closet, or be very careful where you dress. I am 57, still don't really have my own life much, as my father is very controlling, no matter what i say. He worshipped his parents, and is angry that i don't praise him. If he found out, it would be hell.
Yeah but that variable could be a complicated function with spatial, temporal and even emotional dependencies. For example take the emotional thing, what if you, by accident offend someone, who then out of malice digs around, finds out, and then reveals it to someone you don't want to know?Quote:
Originally Posted by Karren Hutton
I think it's best not to worry too much about "what if?"
I totally agree with Dawn's take on this. For the most part people not having an intimate knowledge of Cding or being transgendered. Are not educated, and need to be enlightened.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dawn cd
Renee
It would be practically impossible to educate some people. My mom is one!
I think its more a case of being sure not to let them find out rather than being afraid. Its your life to live!. I'm not sure how my family would take it so for me its something they will never know about. Unless they find out by accident. Then if that were ever to happen its something I'll have to deal with. Hopefully it never will.
Yes, be afraid. Be very afraid! Crossdressing will comsume you no matter who knows or dosen't know.
I don’t tell people what they “should” or "should not" do. But I can give you my perspective on this. When a minor is living under their parents’ roof, parents make the “rules” and the child is obligated to respect them. Once we become emancipated, strike out on our own physically and most importantly financially, the relationship between parent/child changes.
Our parents will always remain our parents, but they have also become two adults that we now interact with as adults.
We become an independent adult responsible for making all our own decisions and facing the consequences of those decisions. This includes any lifestyle changes that others, including our parents may not feel comfortable with, but can no longer control. (Although many parents persist in trying, lol).
The only “responsibility” we have is to decide which, if any of the parts of our lifestyle and behavior that others may disagree with, that we are willing to cater to.
Refusing to cater to other peoples’ manipulative strategies like guilt, “disrespect”, personal bias, threats, disloyalty, exploitation, isolation and other dysfunctional behavior is simply part of everyday life and interacting with people. Deciding not to cater to such manipulation places the “burden” of this “decision” where it logically belongs...on the people who view other peoples’ behavior as a dilemma. They can continue to accept us as we are, or choose to limit/discontinue their interaction with us.:thumbsup:
The scenario you presented is a matter of personal choice. Personal choices are always influenced by our personal perceptions and bias formed from personal experiences. But they are still choices selected from a list of options.
I believe that everything that happens to me in life is to some degree, the result of some decision(s) I made somewhere along the way. This means I am always taking responsibility for my position in life, regardless of how I got there.
So, my answer to your “question” is no. I do not think in terms of what I “should” or “should not” do in life, particularly when it comes to people inclined to judge other peoples’ behavior in a court filled with their personal bias.
:love:
Perhaps the issue of confrontation and the ability to constructively communicate with loved ones is far more important ?
We all lead private lives . I think if our's overspills into terrible unrest and emotional pain , then surely it's our duty to try to gain an understanding ground . Or at least provide emotional support .
Otherwise we are just as misunderstood and selfish as others percieve us .
actually my family fears me as a Muslim .. They think lol my deployment to Iraq made me a terrorist.. its a simply theory really : they are the same kinda people, that think Jail makes you a homosexual..
GOD forbid the Crossdressing Muslim , "honestly I do have some bomb things in my bag"..
havent you seen my panties yet?.. :p
I guess so as far as parents go. Never even thought of it until both of them had died. Fifty years old and I start crossdressing, makes no sense to me.
If my loved ones are not happy, I won't be happy either.Quote:
Originally Posted by VioletJourney
First of all How old are you. If you are very young your parents do have rights in controlling what you do. Are you dependant on them for support?
Since you can not stop being a CD but can control it to some extent. Why not just wait until you are ready to pay your own way just in case they can't handle it and throw you out. I know others will say just do what you want. Really life is just not that simple.
My Mom is one also, but i didn't tell her i crossdress as that has so many conotations from casual dressing for sexual pleasure to transexualism.... i explained that I am transgendered [ at least that is the reason for me to dress] She did take it hard, but she also learned over time that it is not going away, and now she occasionally talks about it... education is key.Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetIonis
good luck
msniki48
I'll add that, ultimately, everyone makes the decision on how to react to the events in their lives. If your loved ones cannot see their child / relative / friend through the CD'ing, then that is their choice. If they are offended or hurt, then that is an feeling of their choosing.
Look at it another way: Is your CD'ing causing anyone physical harm? No. Are you insulting them? Calling them names? Stealing from them? The list goes on and on. But the answer is a resounding NO!
I actually feel more comfortable talking to my mom, then my wife about CDing. Then my mom has a PhD in developmental psychology. Has run suicide prevention lines, etc.
I'm just going to suggest that you not attempt to go that route. For most of my life I tried to cure myself and be something I was not in order to make others happy, in the process turning me into a very miserable unhappy person which unfortunately my loved ones were exposed to.
Now that's funny !! I couldn't help myself, I just started laughing....Quote:
Originally Posted by lynn_lynn
There's no doubting it's a difficult situation. You love them dearly & don't want to hurt them, yet this is who you are.
You feel as if dressing in secret is a betrayal, yet would opening up to them make it worse ??
I think it's because sexuality is so deeply ingrained in identity. I hope you find an answer & happiness.
:-)
i would still dress but i wouldnt dress around my family if they didnt agree with it because i respect them that much...
WOW! Ain't that the truth. AMEN SISTA!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by eluuzion
"particularly when it comes to people inclined to judge other peoples’ behavior in a court filled with their personal bias."
Honestly, I get so sick of some people and that g**d*m* s**t. Ewwwwwwww!!!!!
That said however, honestly I'm sensitive to what some people in my life think, particularly my mom. And in her case, deep down in my heart, I don't want to do anything to disturb her, unless it just came down to the point where I just felt I HAD to dress all the time, that dressing was an expression of the way that I felt about myself ALL THE TIME, and that by not doing so I would be placing myself in risk of some severe psychological damage. At least that's where I'm at now.
But thanks to all for the responses so far. I'm listening and considering them all!
I am not responsible for other people being "emotionally crushed". They are.
Some dads are emotionally crushed when their son turns out to be very non-athletic. So much for his dreams of his son being the star quarterback for his alma mater. Too bad, dad. Life is like a box of chocolates. It's your choice, not my fault, if you are emotionally crushed.