Yep it was me..

Ok so I'm in one of those moods and kinda tired of seeing threads made about GGs in general about the question I asked in my anonymous GG post which reine do kindly posted for me. Which ok some very few actually understood kinda what I was asking and still a lot of you missed my point in general. And I'm not going into it any further. But you now see why some of us GGs use the ability to have our questions posted anonymous. Cause there are many that will sit and attack us for questions. I'm sorry to those GGs who were put into the same category as myself when the posts were made. I did not mean to offend anyone I had a question. And the simple way I should of asked it is why do you (not ALL ofcourse I'm not that dumb to group u all in one group cause u all are different) why do some participate in the panty color thread the breasts or vagina thread and others that seem so Juvenal to me being a grown woman. I have words for actual women who flaunt their panty info or talk about things to basically get attention like that. That's not what emulating a woman is really about or at least IMO. Yet I see the excuse of that some of you are in that "young girl" stage but yet that just kinda makes me sick thinking about it since really you all are grown men so what's wrong with acting like a grown "woman".

I'm so very sorry if I'm not as accepting as some GGs on this forum. But you know how I see it... I discovered on my own after 20yrs together and 15yrs married. He did not tell me on his own. When I found out he did not have warmth in his eye and did not say he was sorry for keeping this from me or that he was sorry he was hurting. He just plainly said to me "this is who I am and it's not going to change". So yes I was hurt and in shock and a lot of pain YET you know what I did I went head in joined here did what I could to learn more and ask questions here cause my husband doesn't like to talk about it. I decided that I would be as accepting as I could at that time which was a lot when on the inside I was still hurting so bad. Things were done begins my back yet I still pushed through my sadness to make sure HE was happy. NONE of this time was I ever asked if I was OK. This is the only place I have to talk about it and ask questions and receive virtual hugs. These are the things I need to become OK.

When I first came to these forums I looked in this section. It took my breath away and not in a positive way. WHY can't you all post some of the topics in your GMA section. Away from new wife/gf eyes. Some things can hurt a lot and then we come to the conclusion that heck you all must think like this topic. But then again I think some of these topics you must want in the section to somehow "show off"

So I'll end this with a apology to GGs that got brought into my mess I started. And sorry to those CDers that I am not 100% accepting or even 50% accepting. I am one of those hurt SOs that you put into a group. But I see my ways of being a accepting wife. I'm still married and I try to make my husband happy before I think of myself. Yet I'm working on making myself happy now too cause no one else is going to give it a try I've figured out in the last year.

I'm sorry to anyone who takes offense to this post. I was tired of all the b*thching about the question I had reine ask for me. To all my CD friends on here I hope you arnt too offended either. I've realized now it doesn't matter if I post as a anonymous GG or in self. My feelings got hurt either way. At least this way you can PM me if you have issues.

Oh SweetPea:

You are a truly beautiful person. I feel so sorry that you have been hurt so. No one deserves what you have gone thru. Maybe your SO will eventually realize just how he has hurt you. As you know I have a pretty good idea of how it feels to be so betrayed by the one that you loved and trusted more than anyone else in the world. You are strong and I so hope that with the passage of time you will feel some healing.
I know exactly what you meant in the post re; panty colours, also pics in lingerie etc. not respectable GG that i knows would do this. No 1 who cares.. expect obviously CDers and No 2 we are too much a lady to post pic showing cleavage etc.

SweetPea, I am very sorry for the antipathy you received from your anonymous post. I was not offended in the least by it. I thought it was an honest question, although perhaps a bit rough in its original expression. What I am most sorry for is that you weren't able to have a completely honest conversation with your husband. I do not understand why he couldn't have that conversation with you. In my case, I've only recently stumbled upon this form of expression - months after my wife's death. I can't tell how much I wish I could have the conversation the two of you couldn't.

I have to end it here, I can't see the keyboard through the tears.

Sweetpea, you never have to apologize for being yourself. You have come here and worked to educate yourself. Whatever your feelings are at this point are yours and that's just the way it is. No one has to be accepting. You just have to be you. There is nothing to apologize for there.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SweetPea_GG

When I first came to these forums I looked in this section. It took my breath away and not in a positive way. WHY can't you all post some of the topics in your GMA section. Away from new wife/gf eyes. Some things can hurt a lot and then we come to the conclusion that heck you all must think like this topic. But then again I think some of these topics you must want in the section to somehow "show off"

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I agree with you on this and have spoke up on it. Not so much about showing off as I don't know if many think about the forum they are posting to, it is just the busiest one. But many are quick to say to someone who just came out, "bring them here and they will learn". Oh boy will they. I agree this is a great place to bring others. But it has to be done the right way. The person coming needs to already understand that we are all different and everything here doesn't apply to everyone.

But back to the broader message, you are here and you are communicating. Can anything more be expected of anyone?

In all honesty I'll be glad when things calm down about it all. I have no issues with you at all SweetPea, so no worries.:)

We just have to remember that some issues aren't caused by Cding, but by the person themselves that just happen to be a CDer. I hope things get better for you.

I'm a firm believer acceptance is a two-way street and until your husband is willing to communicate openly with you about this and any other issue I don't possibly see how you can be any more accepting than you currently are. You should NOT feel bad or apologize that you aren't as accepting as some other GG's on here.

The reaction to your anonymous post is one of the main reasons I very rarely post or even read in the main MTF forum. If I'm feeling totally happy with my current situation I'll browse through but often leave quickly feeling disappointed that there's so much negativity and fluff threads (panty color, vagina or breast?).

SweetPea, I have admired you from the very first post you ever made. You have not offended me in the least bit. You say what you think and feel. All I have for you is my deepest respect and admiration for being so loving,open and honest. I am sad that your husband seems blind to your feelings and how much he has hurt you. He does not know the gem he has. I am sad for any CD that is so blind from the pink fog that they don't have compassion and understanding of their wife's concerns, her pain and what bothers her. From what you tell us, he is not even trying. That is selfish and so foolish on his part. I feel sorry for him for not being capable of opening up to you and being 100% honest with you. He will remain alone with his troubles forever if he can't commuinicate with you, his wife. How sad.
I am glad that you are taking steps to make yourself happy. He seems fine in making himself happy and doing little to nothing to make you happy. He can in time kill all the love you have for him. He will be the one with regrets when the pink fog clears.
I'm here for you SweetPea.
For those that felt insulted by your post...forget them. For those that kicked you when you were down, they are not worth feeling bad about. Probably not communitive with their SO/wives either...like your husband. If those that read your question or other threads and felt compelled to attact you,forget about them for they demonstated their lack of compassion and feelings for you and perhaps all GG's. Some of the responses angered me! How dare they! And you are so right, many act very childish! I have learned to igmore those that seem to put their dressing before the feelings of their wives and other GG's. Not the kind of people I care to even know.
You my dear Lady are among my favorite GG members here. Thanks for sharing and caring enough to be here.

SweetPea,

There is no need to apologize. :bh: You're a strong woman and you have every right to ask the questions that you do. The fact you are on this forum and asking questions speaks volumes about you. I've read countless threads where many wives just choose to ignore it all together...and, brush it under the rug. I only hear one side of that relationship (from the husband), and I wonder what else might be going on in the situation.

Before I get started, I would like to say that I AM NOT A CROSSDRESSER. I did not put GG in my title, signature, or anything other than my profile because I felt it was silly to segregate ourselves. But, as I have been recently informed, it's not as appreciated as I had once idealistically believed. So, I will just say it now as not to confuse anyone...I was born a woman. :)

Now, that we are all understood, I can go about answering things with my vague understanding of CDs. I joined this site about 2 years ago (I think?). My SO and I joined at the same time. It was initially to support my SO, but he quickly lost interest. I hung around even though he was never on to just support and understand the people on the site that may not have it as easy as my SO.

In this time, I have seen a few panty threads come and go. It IS a little immature. But, I have an example for understanding it. (In my feeble GG ways). My gay friend started dating another gay man that had just come out of the closet. I was so excited that he was finally dating someone again. But, he pulled me to the side and said, "Shannon, he is RECENTLY out of the closet and accepting that he is gay...they're the worst. It's a time in a gay man's life where he hits puberty all over again and is like, 'Oh my God...I'm so f*cking gay and I know it! I'll screw anything that moves!' This episode that we go through is why gay men have a bad name with promiscuity. This f*cker is going to chew me up and spit me out before Christmas." For some reason, it made me think a lot about the threads on here that make me think, "Wow...that was so me 10 years ago." It's like when there is some inner acceptance, it tends to be like puberty all over again. They never actually went through it like we did, so they're kind of reliving it. (I don't know that I ever discussed panties during puberty...other than the fact that thongs were extremely forbidden and mysterious...but, we're talking about CDs here). Same way with SOME gay men (though I don't want people to bash me for implications of gender versus sexuality)...they did not accept their crossdressing until later in life and so they seem to explore it a bit later (in an almost immature fashion that is not quite GG, not quite TS, not quite male...just basically a CD).

A lot of CDs on here that have been at it for a while are much more mature and easier to get along with...at least, in my opinion. I don't guilt those that start these threads, because I see them as kind of superfluous and pretty harmless. It IS interesting though. A lot of younger CDs (my SO included) that I have talked to think that the panty threads are pretty silly and are bored by them. I wonder the age group on the pantry threads. I wouldn't be surprised if it's people i their 50s-60s that might be hitting their "late version of puberty." Quite a different puberty than what you and I experienced, but maybe with the same level of naivety.

Also, they are CDs so they pay WAY more attention to clothing details than we do. I was reading this TG erotic fiction with my SO and I was just trying to get in the mood. I kept getting irritated by all of the minutia of every detailed piece of clothing. I mean, it was detailed to the studs on the handbag! I was thinking, "Man, it would take me a year to orgasm if I read this stuff on a regular basis..." (I just scrolled through it in the end). But, since clothing is a large aspect of it for many CDs, it gets a lot of attention that we would never attribute as very meaningful. Do I love clothes? YES! But, I don't want to hear about the lace trimmings of my corset when I'm trying to get my jollies.

But, you know...we'll never quite understand...so... ;)

SweatPea,
Please don't feel that you need to apologize for being true to yourself. We all are who we are. We have our feelings and out beliefs. In matters such as those discussed here it is important to be honest in what we say - so long as we say it politely and with respect.

As you mentioned, some of the discussions that take place here and about which you had deep questions, should, IMHO, be in the Male at Birth section as I stated in my response to your anonymous post. Some topics, generally of interest to only the MTF CDs, discussed in the more open threads contain viewpoints or feelings that are very scary to some (many) GGs and it can represent a huge added burden to those of us who are dealing with SOs who are struggling with understanding the conversations we are having with them. In other words, it can make things worse for some of us if we aren't careful what we say.

Lastly, I respect your right to express your feelings and concerns. Even as you have issues dealing with a CD SO, you bring value to this forum as it is important for all of us to realize that feeling such as yours are real and genuine and that, while we can't change who we are, we need to understand your feelings. All we ask is that our SOs treat us with respect in return.

Leann

PS. I apologize for the many run-on sentences but I just couldn't get around it.

SweetPea, I didn't replied on that thread and won't do it here, for sure. Just wanted to applaud the love you show for your husband, and the courage on the path you chose. I really hope things get better for you, and most of all, that your husband take a step forward (like you did) and talk about it with you. His silence brings more and more confusion to you (and would to anyone in your place).

SweetPea, I am very sorry for how everything went down between you and your SO. No one deserves to be left in the dark especially after 20 years together. And I hope I speak for everyone when I say, I have no I'll feelings towards you, and appreciate the original post. I took no offense to it.

In my opinion, I think regardless of what the subject matter of the post may be, you are prolly always going to have a bad taste in your mouth regarding crossdressers. Your situation was handled poorly by your SO (that is assuming everything you say is true, and I have no reason not to believe you), and I understand that with that comes resentment.

My question to you is this, why don't we get any credit for hiding this with the intention of sparing this feeling you are having right now? I mean we obviously don't hide this because we are trying to pull one over on you and get away with something. We do it to protect you from the feeling of shame we have felt our entire lives. A lot of cds feel that the relationship we have is way more important than coming clean, and then losing that relationship becasue you came clean. We would rather risk losing you if you find out later, then risk losing you now. Do we not get any credit for wanting to be with you so bad, that we would try to stop something we cant stop? In my situation, I thought after I found my wife, that I would never want to crossdress again. I was wrong, 2 years later I find myself getting the urge to dress again, and at that point the last thing I am going to do is upset my wife by telling her something as meaningless as wearing an article of clothing. I mean it's clothes for heavens sake. I understand the feeling of betrayal, and the lying thing, I get it, but what it comes down to really is clothes. He is wearing girl clothes, not doing heroin, or molesting children, he is wearing girl clothes.

I don't know why your SO has shut you out. Is it possible even though you say you want to talk about his cding, that your body language isn't exactly supporting that statement? My wife is a perfect example of this. When she found out, she claimed to want to talk about it, but when I did, she always has some kind of surely or snide remark to make that made me feel like she was making fun of me "why would you wear this with that? Seems you would look silly wearing something like that with your body". After a few minutes of this I say "do you now see one of the reasons I kept this from you for 7 years? I knew you would do something exactly like this". After that, she now makes a real effort to make me feel comfortable, so I will want to share with her. I am not saying to do something that your not comfortable with, but at least show him you are serious about hearing his feelings on crossdressing.

In conclusion...
I just found out over the thanksgiving holiday, that my wife has been sending money to her mother every month for the past 7 years. She does the books, and I have always trusted her with that (still do actually), and I find this out because her mother left a drunken message thanking her for the cash. After a bit of research, I find all of the western union receipts in our filling cabinet (little reminiscent of my wife finding my pics). I was irate. She kept this from me for 7 years because she knew I would get mad. I am sorry to any gg's, but this is significantly worse than finding out your husband puts wonderfully feeling fabrics on his body (not saying this is worse infidelity, or something like that). Did I decide to hate every woman in the world that takes money from a joint account to send to thier mothers? No I confronted her, she confessed, I expressed my reasons why I don't agree, then told her that if her mother needs help, we will continue to help her until we find a better solution. Now again, this situation is way worse than crossdressing, so why was it so easily ended? Because I know the only reason she did it, was to protect me. She hid it from me because she didn't want there to be any complications between us, or resentment towards her mother if I found out. 7 years later, I got mad when I found out, but there were 7 years I didn feel that way. She saved me 7 years of anger.

P.S. my wife has told me that if I had come out to her while we were dating she would have ended the relationship. She went on to say that if I had told her 2 years into the marriage (which is when my dressing resurfaced) she would have devorced me. Now after 7 years of marriage, and me coming out, we are closer than ever. She says that my crossdressing is nothing compared to the years we have spent together, and the way I have treated her as her husband. See so if I would have confessed from the very beginning, we both would have missed out on the best years of our lives.

Sweetpea, as others have said, no need to apologize. The very fact you are here on this forum to try to get a better understanding of your husband shows you are an open minded person. I hope you will continue posting here, because, I for one, would love to hear from the other side so I can understand better as well. Dialogue is a good thing and yours is greatly appreciated. :)

SweetPea, you are such a dear, cherished member of our family here on this site. You've hung in there and asked the tough questions, endured the difficult responses, and come back with earnest and thoughtful answers. You've made me think about a lot of things, both in myself and in the GG women I know and especially the one I live with. You have opened my eyes to a different way at looking at our world. And you're reminded me that there is always someone we impact by what we do whether it is in the closet or not.

I've seen you open your heart up and try to understand, and I've seen you lay it all out there because it hurts so much. Rarely have I seen such honesty as you have shown. And I never guessed it was you posting that anonymous question. But in retrospect, I now see how you were trying to get a point across. And we both exchanged points of view even though I didn't know it was you.

SweetPea, you're my friend, and I'll stand by you. I am so very disappointed for the lack of compassion and communication on the part of your husband. Some men are just that way, but not all. I know that I can speak for just about everyone here when I say that we'll be here for you. We'll listen to you. We'll give you our honest opinions, and we'll try to understand when you tell us your feelings.

You are very precious to us.

Sweetpea, I'm saddened to read you have a hard time with 'our' issues. I understand the pain you must endure and my heart goes out to you. You need not apologize for being who you are, ever. There are many different types of people on the Earth, and they walk within all circles so no matter where you go for whatever reason, not everyone will understand, not everyone will be kind, not everyone will have an opinion, but be assured, someone will get hurt by others, sadly. I find it very troubling that your s/o finds no reason to discuss this in a sensitive manner with you and consider the impact it would have on your life. Anyone with any compassion within themselves would understand how important it is to provide to the spouse, the answers needed to help in any way possible. The discovery of one's spouse being gender enhanced is no laughing matter, in fact, I'm surpised how well some gg's take the news, all thigs considered( mine included). Most wives/GF's never signed on for this at the beginning of the relationship and to ask them to simply accept it is hard to swallow.
Stay strong Sweetpea, and if necessary, demand he talk openly and honestly about this. You do not deserve to be in pain as a result of this.

I think you're missing an important point: not all CD's are trying to emulate women. They are dressing mainly because they get a sexual thrill from it, and I suspect that those who are focusing on panties exclusively or to a high degree are in that category. While I'm not in that category, I feel that in a support forum for CD's, they should be allowed to post about what color panties they're wearing without anyone raining on their parade.

I'm sincerely very sorry that you've had some bad experiences related to your relationship with your husband, and you are to be commended for trying to come to terms with him and his issues, but that doesn't make it okay for you to take out your issues with CD's in general. I'm not saying this to be mean, just pointing out that no one should be trashing others here simply because they don't match one's personal values. We're all different, and that's okay. And while your feelings may be hurt, did it occur to you that your disdain regarding panties posts probably hurt the feelings of some CD's here?

Carol

Wow! What a beautiful person you are! I have to ask how in the hell does a selfish SO deserve such a giving person as you! I can honestly say that IF you offended any one then they deserve it! I try hard to treat everyone and every thread the same! Some subjects I may not care too much about but if I can make you feel good about yourself or at least make you smile then I'll say that I have had a good day! Life is too short to have hate into it! I've been told I care too much about others and neglect myself! I don't see it that way, 'cause I can only be happy if you are happy! Thank you for sharing your feelings! Hugs forevermore!

Dear SweetPea. Your So will never know the true gem he has, and how lucky his life has been. Nor will he ever know how much he has been allowed to accomplish because of your support. As shown on some forum threads, just as in real life, there are a myriad of emotional development exhibited in our society, and we hope for tolerance, and accept criticism, and use both to advance ourselves. Your SO will never really advance himself. I know all here hope that each of us will continue to advance both sides of our being toward what my wife is calling an "integrated" person

Please dont give up on us as all discussion is good (discussions are good?)

Thank you for frank expressions.

Babes

Hi Sweet Pea. I am not at all surprised at the difficulty you have had in understanding all of this. I myself, a lifelong crossdresser, struggle to understand it. I only know that I am driven to this activity, I both love it and dislike it to varying degrees, and that I mean no harm to others (especially my wife) while engaging in it. I am glad that you gave some clarification to your original question, as I may have missed the mark on it a bit. But in the light of that clarification, I do indeed understand "what it takes" to be a woman, and I can honestly say that unless I had actually been born that way, I'm never going to achieve that lofty mark. In another thread, I posted that the trait I most admire in women in their compassion. As with all things, blanket statements cannot really cover all people, but women, I have found, posess a greater degree of compassion than do men. I am a very compassionate person, but at times I find that I couldn't care less about some people. This is not true of my wife, who keeps such compassion at a level I cannot.

In addressing the difficulty you have in coming to grips with male to female crossdressing, no doubt an element of life experience you never thought you'd have to deal with, I am very sympathetic to you. If my wife were engaging in equal and opposite behavior, I admit I'd be uncomfortable with it, and likely dislike it a great deal. I know this makes me a hypocrite of the first degree, but there you have it. At least my hypocrisy helps me to understand why my wife, or any other woman I might have been involved with (I'm not...I'm just saying...) would dislike this activity. You struggle to understand, and that is very commendable of you. But you don't much like it, and for that, I don't blame you one little bit.

I saw that you made reference to the various panty threads, and to the "breasts or vagina" thread as well. While I admit I did post in the latter one, I did so because it is something I have thought about for most of my life. I have never bothered posting in any of the panty threads, except to say that I don't bother with them, and really don't care. Just wait until you are treated to the epic "Do you stand or sit to pee" threads. Those are something else!

Anyway, you came here for support and understanding. So I appreciate that you have reached out for such. I will endeavor to do my best to provide such insight as I can, and such support as I can give. You're special, and some of us see it. Keep the faith. Have strength.

Basically, we're mostly guys here. U can't hurt our feelings THAT easily. And if, in a few cases u do, we'll get over it in no time! I haven't read anything that hurt mine!:straightface:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SweetPea_GG

------------------I have words for actual women who flaunt their panty info or talk about things to basically get attention like that. That's not what emulating a woman is really about or at least IMO. Yet I see the excuse of that some of you are in that "young girl" stage but yet that just kinda makes me sick thinking about it since really you all are grown men so what's wrong with acting like a grown "woman".

I still pushed through my sadness to make sure HE was happy. NONE of this time was I ever asked if I was OK. This is the only place I have to talk about it and ask questions and receive virtual hugs. These are the things I need to become OK.

-------------------------- Away from new wife/gf eyes. Some things can hurt a lot and then we come to the conclusion that heck you all must think like this topic. But then again I think some of these topics you must want in the section to somehow "show off"

-------------------. I am one of those hurt SOs that you put into a group. But I see my ways of being a accepting wife. I'm still married and I try to make my husband happy before I think of myself. Yet I'm working on making myself happy now too cause no one else is going to give it a try I've figured out in the last year. .

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SweetPea, Shannon and other GGs. Here's why we often seem immature. For many CDs, they've thot about they're dressing urges on and off their entire lives. Rejecting, then resisting, then dressing, then starting this cycle all over again and again. FINALLY, they get to a point where they fully embrace they're inner fem feelings. The fite is over! Then, they show up here. They're so giddy to finally be who they've WANTED TO BE for years AND they r accepted here! I can't describe the relief, satisfaction, and joy we provide each other here. Something many of us can't get ANYWHERE ELSE! Many of us keep our secret lives entirely to ourselves outside the Web! OF COURSE we want to show off!

Remember back to that first junior hi, or hi school dance of yours? U were all made up and dressed to the 9's for the very first time and u looked in the mirror. Looking back was this BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN!:battingeyelashes:
And, u went out knowing u looked gorgeous! Wanting everyone to see the beauty u had become! Well, THAT'S HOW IT IS for some of us!:heehee:
Immature? Yes! Think of us as young teens because many of us FEEL like that! I've been dressing for 15 years. Yet, I'm just beginning to go out as Sherry. It's kind of like a young teen finding out who she is! And, LOOKS MATTER!
Which is a COMPLETE OTHER aspect of dressing that is like looking into the mirror the first time! Seeing the reaction, rejection or acceptance, of our alter egos in public! Further validation some of us need. However, many NEVER develope the courage or desire to leave our closets dressed!:sad:

Lastly, SweetPea, have u ever heard the expression, "If momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!"?
A happy marriage should be a 50/50 partnership. Sharing and communicating with each other so partners can work out the bumps with compromises that either work or re-worked until they do!
When my marriage reached a point where compromises weren't possible anymore, we separated! Then, divorced.
I suggest both u and your SO need marriage counseling immediately! Because it sounds as if your communication and compromising has become all one sided! And, "Momma ain't happy!":sad:
I'll bet your marital problems r NOT all about CDing either!:thumbsdn:

Hi SweetPea

I suspect I was not the only person whose responses were skewed by the anonymity of the question. I'm really sorry if anything in my replies contributed to your hurt and frustration. When we know whom we're addressing there's always going to be more automatic empathy than if we're responding to an anonymous questioner. It's tough enough for people to stay reasonable online as it is, what with the lack of vocal tone and visual cues, even in this normally impressively supportive forum. When someone posts anonymously it's highly likely to lead to suspicion and defensiveness, which is one of the reasons I questioned Reine's decision to post it.

I have to say while the "joking" topics are embarrassing, I can buy the argument that while my male alter-ego is in his 40s, Rachel isn't; she still feels very girly and I can imagine for many newly hatched CDs it's mixed up with some leftover teen boy too, hence the puerile soft-porn/lingerie-catalogue obsessions. This might be a load of psychobabble, but I've read in several places that we are all made up of different personalities inside us and each part needs to mature and socialise to contribute to the rounded adult. Bits we deny in ourselves don't get to grow up with the rest of us. Some people here aren't finished cooking yet, that's all it is. I'm probably one.

From what I've read of you in the short time I've been here, you seem sensitive, intelligent and willing to work on the issues you've been faced with. If you're getting a blank wall in response to that, someone's either desperately in need of a lot of help in growing the female side of their personality or has one of any number of other reasons why they won't talk and discuss with you.

I know anyone regular here will give you any advice and support you need to work out how to look after yourself. If things are going to work out with your man, it sounds to me like he's probably going to need a strong woman in you. And if they don't you're going to need her.

(I probably should add I Am Not A Psychiatrist etc here)

Look after yourself, and don't hesitate to ask us for help when you need it. x

Awww...your experience and travail with the wonderful man you've married and for whom you provided two wonderful kids who you now are raising....is so very touching. It's difficult for me to read about such a thing and not be affected. OMG I just.. don't.. understand.. how some guys who have all That (a pretty, dedicated wife & 2 kids) can be So fcn self-centered. YOU, the lovely momma to his two children should be the Center of his WORLD! Excuse me if I sould harsh and naieve, presumptuos and too quick to rush to judgment but, like...damn the CD fun and frivolity, duh! Like...puhleeze. No...I'm not trying to be mean...in fact I'm actually showing great restraint at the moment! It's just that it really gets to me to hear about guys like him...well...the kind of guy he seems to be given all of what youve described. I mean he's either a case of extreme gender dysphoria, in which case one can understand how he's recently treated you, to some extent anyways (no, not Really) OR he's taking all the great things in his life for granted & simply doesn't value what he has enough to elevate you (and his kids) above his own needs....what-Ever those are, but to me, in this case seem to be...um...CD'ing? LOL. WTF?!

And yes yes yes I know I know... there are those whose neurophysiology at birth is such that they are very strongly transgendered, so much so that it is cruel and unrealistic to expect them to ignore, temper or give up whatever behaviors they need to pursue in order to come to terms with or resolve what must be the inner crucifixion many of these individuals certainly feel i.e. the stark and ever-present conflict one would feel being a woman trapped inside a mans body. My only question: IS this the case with Mr. Compassionate? My guess? Like um... No! Those unfortunate individuals suffer everyday...often intensely so...to the point of near total dysfunction. They are driven to seek help by MD's, psychiatrists, to find relief thru HRT and for the most extreme cases of such a mismatch between body and mind, undergo sex reassignment surgery so as to bring the body in-sync with the mind. At the other end of the spectrum are those men who simply get-off mimicing a woman by way of clothes and womanly accoutrements. Not that that's 'bad' in any absolute sense...but it IS when it makes your Wife and Family suffer!

IDK what your husbands story is...where he falls along the spectrum of possibility that links those two extremes, from simple sexual adventurism to true & extreme transexual dysphoria, but it seems to me any Guy who can father 2 kids, for many years lie to his wife by keeping this Thang about him secret from her, and Then, to react sooo coldly when she suddenly and abruptly discovers his deal, even when she's obviously shocked, hurt and emotionally distraught about it, as any girly-moma would be, given how it would suddenly raise all sorts of question wrt to the ongoing and future security implications that must alarm her (esp. if she relies on him for financial support)....all strongly implies he is Not all THAT 'transgendered', 'transexual', or whatever fcn term you wanna use, but more in-it for lesser more personally gratifying reasons.

Awww I feel so sorry for you, Sweetpea - and I'm sure you are. But please let me say...the intensity of my reaction is the result of the degree of sheer anguish you seem to be feeling. If I'm wrong or ahve misunderstood, I am truly sorry for coming across really-really harsh...but wtf...I think I'm right...right? OMG there is Nothing more important than your wife and kids. If I'm way off base, I am truly sorry for the 'rant', and I apologize to him/her/whatevr the fc. But given what you've said...and especially the hurt and anguish you've indicated...and given the the fact that there's the future of two little kids at stake......well....I'm sorry but my strong sense is that he's a real ah. Period!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

Basically, we're mostly guys here. U can't hurt our feelings THAT easily. And if, in a few cases u do, we'll get over it in no time! I haven't read anything that hurt mine!:straightface:


SweetPea, Shannon and other GGs. Here's why we often seem immature. For many CDs, they've thot about they're dressing urges on and off their entire lives. Rejecting, then resisting, then dressing, then starting this cycle all over again and again. FINALLY, they get to a point where they fully embrace they're inner fem feelings. The fite is over! Then, they show up here. They're so giddy to finally be who they've WANTED TO BE for years AND they r accepted here! I can't describe the relief, satisfaction, and joy we provide each other here. Something many of us can't get ANYWHERE ELSE! Many of us keep our secret lives entirely to ourselves outside the Web! OF COURSE we want to show off!

Remember back to that first junior hi, or hi school dance of yours? U were all made up and dressed to the 9's for the very first time and u looked in the mirror. Looking back was this BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN!:battingeyelashes:
And, u went out knowing u looked gorgeous! Wanting everyone to see the beauty u had become! Well, THAT'S HOW IT IS for some of us!:heehee:
Immature? Yes! Think of us as young teens because many of us FEEL like that! I've been dressing for 15 years. Yet, I'm just beginning to go out as Sherry. It's kind of like a young teen finding out who she is! And, LOOKS MATTER!
Which is a COMPLETE OTHER aspect of dressing that is like looking into the mirror the first time! Seeing the reaction, rejection or acceptance, of our alter egos in public! Further validation some of us need. However, many NEVER develope the courage or desire to leave our closets dressed!:sad:

Lastly, SweetPea, have u ever heard the expression, "If momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!"?
A happy marriage should be a 50/50 partnership. Sharing and communicating with each other so partners can work out the bumps with compromises that either work or re-worked until they do!
When my marriage reached a point where compromises weren't possible anymore, we separated! Then, divorced.
I suggest both u and your SO need marriage counseling immediately! Because it sounds as if your communication and compromising has become all one sided! And, "Momma ain't happy!":sad:
I'll bet your marital problems r NOT all about CDing either!:thumbsdn:

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I really like how you related this back to GGs and talked about it in a way from our experiences. I definitely know how exciting it can be to go out and look cute and want to show off. (It didn't end at junior high haha). But, I still think it's interesting that there are threads that are like, "What underwear do you wear? What's your favorite?" Underwear is pretty cute and all, but I don't really talk to my friends about them. I remember when I got my first thong...I was in high school. It was pretty tacky...it was like this silk zebra print thong...it looked like something a male stripper would wear haha! But, I went with a friend and we felt pretty scandalous about buying this "sexy" underwear. The only conversation that we had really about it was that we wanted to wear low-cut jeans so our boyfriend's could see it. (We were like 14...give me a break lol). And, we also talked about how we were going to hide it in the laundry. My mom found my thong one day and said, "Well, I hope you didn't spend $10 on these." It totally wasn't a big deal. And, that's about when my underwear conversations stopped...I realized they weren't a big deal. My friend and I were talking about the VS fashion show recently and somehow this got to conversations on cheekies versus thongs. We both decided that they were nice, but she said thongs just weren't as comfortable (frontal wedgie potential). And, I recommended a brand that I wear (that's not VS). But, I never get into convos with my friends about what they are wearing, what color, what style... It reminds me of way back in the day when chat rooms were cool. These pervie men would message me privately and say, "ASL?" (Age, Sex, Location). And, I would say, "Uhmmm hi...I'm 15/F/AL." Immediately afterwards it would be, "What color underwear are you wearing?" It was fun to mess with them with, "Knee length boxers in magenta and gold...there's a stain on the back of them though." I always wondered like WHY the color of my underwear? I think women are hot too...and, I think my SO is hot dressed. But, I don't really care what style or underwear she wears. I know it's a big deal to some CDs....but, like...why is it thread worthy? And, perhaps, we will never know. But, it does bring me back to those "ASL and what color panties are you wearing" days.

Again, I really liked reading your response and I could definitely relate :)

Shana, I'll take a stab at the panty thread.:) I posted in it because it's popular. We are totally anonymous here. I found it like bragging, I'm a Cder and I'm wearing these sexy little panties today. I found it totally harmless, but now avoiding it based on opionion.:) I didn't post in the what would you prefer breasts or vagina, but didn't find it offensive. I think most people have wondered what it would be like to have been born the opposite sex. I hear of "penis envy" from genetic women, maybe it's similar, I don't know.:) Some of the threads are just for fun, and harmless, and not meant to offend anybody.

Quote:

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Underwear is pretty cute and all, but I don't really talk to my friends about them. I remember when I got my first thong...I was in high school. It was pretty tacky...it was like this silk zebra print thong...it looked like something a male stripper would wear haha! But, I went with a friend and we felt pretty scandalous about buying this "sexy" underwear. The only conversation that we had really about it was that we wanted to wear low-cut jeans so our boyfriend's could see it. (We were like 14...give me a break lol). And, we also talked about how we were going to hide it in the laundry.

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I read somewhere sometime that as a Cd or TG you went through all the phases in a GGs life, trying unsuitable/outrageous clothes and experiment the way a GG would in their teens.
So fore some of us I suppose we are still as a Cd a lt younger in our exepreince than that of our real age.

montse

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Marleena

Shana, I'll take a stab at the panty thread.:) I posted in it because it's popular. We are totally anonymous here. I found it like bragging, I'm a Cder and I'm wearing these sexy little panties today. I found it totally harmless, but now avoiding it based on opionion.:) I didn't post in the what would you prefer breasts or vagina, but didn't find it offensive. I think most people have wondered what it would be like to have been born the opposite sex. I hear of "penis envy" from genetic women, maybe it's similar, I don't know.:) Some of the threads are just for fun, and harmless, and not meant to offend anybody.

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Yeah, I agree. The panty threads don't bother me, but I think that it could bother a lot of SOs because it kind of makes you wonder, "Why is my SO sharing this stuff online?" I don't know...but, I can see where some issues might come up.

I found the breasts versus vagina to be kind of offensive just because, as a woman, I don't pick and choose my body parts. I didn't dwell on it too incredibly much though. It was mildly sexist, but definitely not the most sexist thing on this forum lol

I actually love my vagina. (Participated in the Vagina Monologues in community theatre in high school). I think about what it might be like to have a penis sometimes. I think it might be cool to be able to alternate between the two (or have both)...I think a lot of it is because it's part of how I experience my bisexuality. (I won't get into it on this thread). And, it's definitely a trip to strap one on and be able to be the dominant one in the bedroom and have things go my way. I couldn't imagine picking and choosing body parts though of a man. I'd feel only partially a woman and only partially a man if it were the case, and it would REALLY bother me. But, I do know quite a few women without breasts...but, GGs are born with a vagina. So, it would be a little complicated to pick and choose and come to a gender happiness for me. But, that is just my opinion. I do think gender is mainly an internal identity. If for example my SO transitioned and did not have SRS, I would still consider her a woman. But, I would honestly think it was a little strange if she transitioned to be a woman and did not want a vagina (or to undergo SRS). I would probably wonder how that all works out in her head. But, again, it's just my opinion. What's right and make sense for one person may not make sense and may not be right for another person.

Ok, I'll take a crack at this. First of all, SweetPea, I have found nothing the least bit offensive in any of the posts of yours that I have ever read. I found the "anonymous" post rather stimulating, frankly. Then again, I don't get bent out of shape easily!

I will give you my take on the issue of maturity or the lack thereof: When Tina first appeared to my wife and me, Tina was a complete novice. She knew nothing at all about being a girl, and what she thought she knew was wrong. My wife and I started to attemp to understand the lack of knowledge of "all things feminine" and we discovered that our experiences growing up, being socialized as a boy vs a girl were strikingly different. One discussion we had focussed on when girls "experiment" with different aspects of what they are expected to "know or be" when they mature into women. This discussion included topics like makeup, clothes, shoes, lingerie, and then moved into topics about psychology and other expectations/desires. At that point she said, "in that framework, Tina is about 3 years old" (btw, she now thinks Tina is well into adolescence!) So, what would a three-year old be into? Those wonder-girl panties you mentioned would be appropriate, maybe the beginning of earrings and jewelry? Soon thereafter a fascination with nail polish and some aspects of makeup, etc.

So, I really do believe that you have observed correctly that those here who have accepted their feminine selves the longest appear to act more maturely because they have gone through the "growing up" process that every child goes through. We M2F transgenderds mostly were socialized as boys, and to transition to our mature feminine selves we seem to have to go through the whole growing-up process as girls. It surely happens faster as adults, but it seems we have to gain that experience, and especially have to "talk it out". I posted in that "what color are your panties" thread soon after I got here, but then I just moved on.

Lastly, thank you for being here. Asking why we do anything, whether we ask ourselves or others ask us, is an important part of the development of our feminine selves. I hope that your SO will come to that understanding soon.

best
tina

Hiya SweetPea,
No offence taken. I doubt very much if you could have offended anyone on here anyway! By and large I think we're a pretty thick-skinned lot (most of the time). :-)

Keep thinking positive, the negative junk will sort itself out if you do that. We're all here for you if you feel that you need help/support.
}}cuddles{{

SweetPea - I am so sorry your partner is being so uncommunicative about this. The problem seems to be that he is failing to share his feelings rather than that he dresses in women's clothes.

I find I have little in common with other CDs and nothing at all with TSs, or the CDs who want to attract men. Like you I find the panties stuff a bit tedious -I don't think I have even opened the thread let alone posted to it! My main worry about the wide range of topics posted here is what a woman who has just found out that her husband wears women's clothes and is worried, might think. What conclusions might she jump to? Do the members on the outer reaches of gender post more than those of us in more 'balanced' circumstances (I know this is a value judgement but can't think how else to put it). I am not saying that there is anything wrong with any of this, just that it might not be entirely representative,and some aspects might worry partners more than others.

I have no answers to any of this, I fear. For me, (and I may not be representative either), I like skirts and dresses and everything that looks good with them. When I go out I want to look lovely in a way that impresses women, and I am not that bothered about passing as a woman. I am just acting. The idea of going out dressed as a woman in trousers defeats the purpose. Putting a stunning outfit together is fun - fun you simply can't have in everyday menswear. I fear fun does not really equate with refusing to talk with your partner -but |I hope it works out for you.

I agree on all your points, Sweetpea. I never understood the desire to post what color underwear one is wearing. I look at that as being between me and well me. Some of the posts to me appear juvenile as well. Sometimes I am like grow up people (CDers) this is not what a woman is, they don't go talking about such things between each other. Most CDers don't get what being a woman is like and never will. Even though I was raised by a single mother and I sure tend to act more feminine then I should. But even I don't get what its like to be a woman.

It goes beyond the clothes, the clothes are simply trappings, it's whats on the inside that matters. And its like that with me. Not sure how many CDers are like Susan above. While I do have Skirts and Dresses, their not the end all be all for me. Take now for example while I am wearing women's clothes, yes, I have on a t-shirt and jeans. No skirt, no dress. When I do go out, I generally am again wearing a t-shirt and jeans. If you watch some of the folks here they say when dressed they don't wear slacks or jeans, just dresses or a blouse and skirt.

And there is no need to apologize, not for asking questions. Not for wanting to know more about this.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Marleena

Shana, I'll take a stab at the panty thread.:) I posted in it because it's popular. We are totally anonymous here. I found it like bragging, I'm a Cder and I'm wearing these sexy little panties today. I found it totally harmless, but now avoiding it based on opionion.:) I didn't post in the what would you prefer breasts or vagina, but didn't find it offensive. I think most people have wondered what it would be like to have been born the opposite sex. I hear of "penis envy" from genetic women, maybe it's similar, I don't know.:) Some of the threads are just for fun, and harmless, and not meant to offend anybody.

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I posted in both threads. Imagine spending decades in the closet all by yourself, and finally finding an accepting place. Of course you would want to share the parts of your life that would be building up over the years. Maybe it's immature, or just part of the "coming out" cycle @Shananigans described.

That said, my heart goes out to the OP, because I know she is hurt and she is in pain. Please, don't let a few CDs "letting their hair down," get YOU down. I hope you find comfort and encouragement from the sympathetic community, and that your husband learns how to be more sensitive to your feelings.

Ok...fair is fair is suppose, I should be honest as well. The original post did seem to paint us all with the same brush and the "anonymous" tag didn't help. I was planning to just ignore the post an move on then another thread referred to it and I jumped in anyway.

I really don't post about the underwear I have on and I've never considered which particular "female parts" I would prefer to have. I actually consider that kind of a weird question.

This simple fact is, a part of me likes to express myself as female and, for that, a lot of people tend to label me as some kind of pervert. Your original post made it seem like maybe you were one of those people which is why I initially sought to ignore you.

I'm sorry your SO withheld this from you for so long....that wasn't fair to you at all. In my case, it was while I was dating my future wife that I realized this would never just "go away" and I came out to her before we got married. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. I just came to terms with it myself and now I had share it with someone very close to me for no other reason than I knew she had to know. Acceptance was a process for her but it ultimately worked out. I got a lot of questions about sexual orientation, she had to learn that sexual identity and sexual orientation are not the same thing. In the end, it all worked out.

On the plus side, by making this post, you've encouraged a lot of us (CD and GGs) to express many things that seemed to just be under the surface. So, in then end, I think your honest expression encouraged a lot of good conversation.

.....and you shouldn't feel like you have to post anonymously here...we're supposed to be a supportive community :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shananigans

I really like how you related this back to GGs and talked about it in a way from our experiences. I definitely know how exciting it can be to go out and look cute and want to show off. (It didn't end at junior high haha). But, I still think it's interesting that there are threads that are like, "What underwear do you wear? What's your favorite?" Underwear is pretty cute and all, but I don't really talk to my friends about them. I remember when I got my first thong...I was in high school. It was pretty tacky...it was like this silk zebra print thong...it looked like something a male stripper would wear haha! But, I went with a friend and we felt pretty scandalous about buying this "sexy" underwear. The only conversation that we had really about it was that we wanted to wear low-cut jeans so our boyfriend's could see it. (We were like 14...give me a break lol). And, we also talked about how we were going to hide it in the laundry. My mom found my thong one day and said, "Well, I hope you didn't spend $10 on these." It totally wasn't a big deal. And, that's about when my underwear conversations stopped...I realized they weren't a big deal. My friend and I were talking about the VS fashion show recently and somehow this got to conversations on cheekies versus thongs. We both decided that they were nice, but she said thongs just weren't as comfortable (frontal wedgie potential). And, I recommended a brand that I wear (that's not VS). But, I never get into convos with my friends about what they are wearing, what color, what style... It reminds me of way back in the day when chat rooms were cool. These pervie men would message me privately and say, "ASL?" (Age, Sex, Location). And, I would say, "Uhmmm hi...I'm 15/F/AL." Immediately afterwards it would be, "What color underwear are you wearing?" It was fun to mess with them with, "Knee length boxers in magenta and gold...there's a stain on the back of them though." I always wondered like WHY the color of my underwear? I think women are hot too...and, I think my SO is hot dressed. But, I don't really care what style or underwear she wears. I know it's a big deal to some CDs....but, like...why is it thread worthy? And, perhaps, we will never know. But, it does bring me back to those "ASL and what color panties are you wearing" days.

Again, I really liked reading your response and I could definitely relate :)

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I was hoping to relate what it's like for us! Me, anyway! Remember, males r very visual oriented. I've read that and I think Sherry is an affermation of that male characteristic, Shannon!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shananigans

Yeah, I agree. The panty threads don't bother me, but I think that it could bother a lot of SOs because it kind of makes you wonder, "Why is my SO sharing this stuff online?" I don't know...but, I can see where some issues might come up.---------------------------
But, I do know quite a few women without breasts...

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As a straight guy, I've never cared a whit about what color panty my GF or Sherry is wearing. So, why would I be interested in what color banana hammock some guy here is wearing? On the other hand, that's MY mental image! Since guys r visual, I expect they see a difference image in their minds. I still can't explain the popularity of "panty" threads, unless most r gay, bi, or in denial! Seems so to me, anyway!

When u mention, "small breasted women", it sounds like you've met most of my GFs and ex, Shannon! While they all have small breasts, they all have nipples MUCH larger than mine! (That's the functional part of a breast!) Mine r still much smaller and I expanded them years ago using suction devices. As I'm SURE u know, nipples r a most effective turn on device for humans! The rest of the breast looks nice in a gown, but is really just pretty addiposte tissue! So, no one should downplay a GG's sexuality because of their breast size! I don't think u can measure CDs sexuality the same way!

I hope you didn't feel attacked in my reply to your Anon post. I didn't feel you were attacking me or other CDers at all, just trying to understand things. I tried answering as best as I could, but missed what you were getting at of course. I'm sorry that others got offended & hostile towards you. I did notice a lack of apologizes from them, after your response was posted:thumbsdn: Some CDers should keep an open mind & not jump to conclusions. CDers: just because you may have had problems with what or whom ever in your life, don't let that cloud your perception of what others are talking or asking about.

I think many CDers (myself included) could learn a lot from the GGs here. Why bring your baggage in & use it to drive them away? It also seems like there is a bit of a subconscious territorial mindset here with some members. IMO this section of the forum would be lame without input from everybody: TS, GG & CD (descending alphabetical order chosen not "ranking" for the hypersensitive), not just one group. SweetPea has some very valid points. A CDer Etiquette sticky thread with GG only replies would be great. Dear ReineD....

I posted in the panty color section for one of my 1st 10 posts & wearing panties was still a bit exciting for me then. Now it's no big deal, just undies. B or V, not my cup of tea:eek: BTW what does goes on in the GM section? Never even noticed it before this thread.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Clueless

BTW what does goes on in the GM section? Never even noticed it before this thread.

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I never noticed the GM section till today either.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SweetPea_GG

....... And ....why do some participate in the panty color thread the breasts or vagina thread and others that seem so Juvenal to me being a grown woman. I have words for actual women who flaunt their panty info or talk about things to basically get attention like that. That's not what emulating a woman is really about or at least IMO. Yet I see the excuse of that some of you are in that "young girl" stage but yet that just kinda makes me sick thinking about it since really you all are grown men so what's wrong with acting like a grown "woman".

When I first came to these forums I looked in this section. It took my breath away and not in a positive way. WHY can't you all post some of the topics in your GMA section. Away from new wife/gf eyes. Some things can hurt a lot and then we come to the conclusion that heck you all must think like this topic. But then again I think some of these topics you must want in the section to somehow "show off"......

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SweetPea, i too have often wondered such as you ask and state here. Children, not adults talk like this. And yet it's about life. It's how some people think. Not all the time, not every day, still the do. That you have been hurt in your personal relationship, then come here and are hurt again, it's not fair. Then again life isn't fair, it's life. If you believe in God then you know he/she doesn't put you through what he/she can't get you through.

If you believe you have been abused here then i am truely sorry for that, it doesn't show us in a good light. Certainly it doesn't show the abuser in a good light, or the forum owners and mods. As to the childish threads seen, we all of us, yourself included, can't be serious all the time and some of this is really funny. Some is just sick and as you say shouldn't be in an open forum. I ignore such threads which i believe are not in good taste. I would advise you to do the same.

SarahLynn

I think im wearing Hanes cotton prints, regular bikinis, boy shorts just don't cut it! not really sure though since I put them on in the dark before I had coffee. I do know there is a hole along the seam on one side and they will probably completely fall apart soon. I have some pink VS panties, their cute and all but they don't hold the tuck in so there pretty much useless to me kinda like the bra I bought from VS too. Apparently their measuring tape shrunk in the wash because a 34 isn't really a 34!

OH wait this isn't a panty thread??

SweetPea,

As one who may have been a little harsh in responding to the MANNER and TONE in which the question was delivered, I want to state that I was NOT invalidating your feelings (to do so would definitely be a shameful act.) Based on your post in this current thread, it is clear that you are hurting, and I do so truly wish things were different and better in your life. I only really have half the story, so I can't give you any thoughts as to why your husband may not be more "partner-like" in this situation. It is unusual for a person who has been hiding something for so long that finally comes to light not to be a little more repentant and understanding of your hurt. There may be something more that is hidden. I do pray that your tomorrow's will get better.

Sweetpea A lot of things have been said thus far that more than cover what I would have said, but in the OP you said:

"Yet I see the excuse of that some of you are in that "young girl" stage but yet that just kinda makes me sick thinking about it since really you all are grown men so what's wrong with acting like a grown "woman".

Growing up is a process that involves discovery of both one's self and the world around them, and the cumulative result of experiences. It's a progression, not a decision. Think about how much experience you have being a woman, versus how much experience the average crossdresser has being a woman. Most here are grown men. But growing means learning, and learning the femme self can be like starting all over again.

I remember when I first started I simply *had* to wear heels and dresses, and show off my cleavage techniques. Now that I'm more comfortable as Violet, I'll wear pants, flats, sometimes I'll just slum it!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SweetPea_GG

When I first came to these forums I looked in this section. It took my breath away and not in a positive way.

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I want to respond to just this question & comment because it describes your initial reaction so well. It resonates with me because I had a similar reaction. It's sort of like a movie scene where someone pushes open a door into another scene - think The Wizard of Oz where the doors into the Emerald City are opened. OMG! Just LOOK at all this! Some of it is beautiful and some of it is a little weird!

Yet, we're both here. I suspect for the same reason. That there's enough useful content, from our respective points of view, to make the rest irrelevant. The problem is that, as social creatures, we worry about associations. In that respect, I'd prefer to treat the site as the mall. I don't have to go into every store and there are many in which I have absolutely no interest whatsoever.

It's a little more complex than that, though. We run into friends in the stores we do like who just came from the stores we think are silly - like shopping in Nordstrom with grown-ups dressed in Halloween costomes who were just playing with the stuff in Toys-R-Us. (I'm not trying to offend anyone here, analogies only go so far!) So maybe it's more of a mash-up instead of a mall.

In the end I reconciled the weirdness with this fact: There is nowhere else to go where there are so many of us who can intelligently address my concerns, almost real-time, in fact. I post a real need, I get a real answer. I read the forum for a long time before joining. After walking through the Emerald City doors and hanging around for a while, my sensitivity to the things for which I don't care has gone down. More than mere desensitization, I'm learning, once again in life, to live and let live with more generousity than I started with.

I hope this helps.

Lea

SweetPea, Thanks for the explanation and I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties. I think you could benefit from some counseling if you can afford to do so. I'm not saying this so you can learn how to be more accepting but for your own self. A skilled therapist can help you put things in perspective. Sure you try to make your husband happy, but you need to do that for yourself as well. Since he isn't up for talking I think you need to find someone who is.
As my reply to the post Reine forwarded stated, there are as many variations of CDer's as any other "group". What your husband does or needs is one variety. You need to figure out if you two can happily work through this. Being sad most days is not healthy. I wish you the best and I hope you can find some helpful support to gain happiness again.

First off I want to thank you all for replying positively to my thread here.

Cindyo So many things in our lives are similar and some are very different. yet we share a lot of the same views on things. I am very glad to have met you on here and that we have connected. its good to know im not alone in the way I feel sometimes.

Jimbo55Hall Thank you for replying. And yes the first post was a bit more rough as somtimes when I have thoughts running through my head its hard for me to spill out what I am trying to say in text. But I think this whole process has made all of us think a bit more and in good ways. I am glad there has been a positive outcome now.

Sue Thank you for understanding and letting me know that I dont need to apologise for everything. Its a habbit of mine and I know I need to break it. I do hope that in the future more "learning and discussion" type posts will be posted here. I do see some but then they are water down by what I like to think of as the "pink fog or unicorn and glitter" posts.

Marleena Thanks so much! And yes a lot of things arnt caused by CDing itself but sometimes its the fuel that is helping the fire burn lol.. I am despertly looking for my water! haha

RuthM Thanks Ruth! I agree acceptance is a 2 way street.. at times I feel like mines on a dead end with a big brick wall but I do pray and hope that he does brake down his at sometime and then we can work together.

BRANDYJ Again as you know BrandyJ I am so lucky to have you as a friend. your words over and over are always inspiring to me. I know if I am having a very hard time that I can come to you with anything and you will not judge me but will be there with open arms.

Shananigans I want to be you.. or atleast have your mind. You are so very smart and so level headed it seems on the forums. your acceptance I am jealous of. I do wish for that when I strive to try and accept these things but over time the lies and hiding have scard me. But I am trying... who knows maybe one day I will reach that point of acceptance and find balance.. I never give up.

LeannL Thank you for making me feel valid and that I have a place here. I am glad that someone does agree with me that some topics really should be placed in the MaB section. Sometimes I worry about new wives or GFs coming and trying to find out about CDing and reading some of the "over the top" posting..

taÃ*s Thank you.. Encouraging words do help and give me hope.

Marissa333 you are probably right that I will always have a bad taste in my mouth about Cding.. although I have many CD friends here and it doesnt even bother me of what they wear or look like or like etc.. it just hit me hard when it was someone I love so deeply who had lied from the beginning that makes it getting over it harder. I just really wanted to make clear that I have no CDing issues to anyone here.. to each his/her own.. its just a total different story when its a spouse.. maybe that makes me a hypocrite. lol

Miranda09 I dont think anything can make me stop posting here.. well unless the power all goes out and all our computer blow up lol.. but thank you so much for your sweet reply! =)

Dana7 I am very glad that I have made you think and others think and ponder my questions. I think that we all learn on a daily basis.. it might not be something we agree with but we learn other views and take in different statements. There are so many out there with some great opinions and views on the issues.. some might be a bit shy or scared to get yelled at for feeling how they feel in his area.. but I do hope that some will step up and ask the really hard questions.. they are what leads to good discussions if everyone plays nice =)

jillleanne your reply warmed my heart and made me smile.. for that fact that you are a total stranger for me yet your vibe you sent me was very caring and warm. Thank you for that I needed that today!

Julogden I had thought in my orginal post that I said some and not ALL.. I dont like to group a certian type of ppl in one group.. everyone is different this I know of =) I was not asking the question before to take out my issues on you all. My orginal question really had nothing to do with my marriage but with what I have observed on this forum area for a year now.. and I was curious.. so I asked and asked in the safe way that I knew how to at the time. If I sounded like I grouped everyone into the same category then I apologize.

Cynthia Anne thanks for the reply. Yes my post here probably made my SO sound selfish.. and everything I did say is true but its not like this is a 24x7 thing,. He has many good things that I love about him as well as non CD things that make me wanna scream lol.. but I think this is true about all relationships that we all get the good the bad and the ugly.. but what we live for is the good.. what we strive to see is the good. We have moments where we are down and can only see the bad.. thas when we need friends like I have here to show us that they care. =)

Baby Steps This is gonna sound silly after my previous reply above but I do hope that he does see everything I do on a daily basis.. there are many times when I feel taken for granted.. But im hanging in there cause ive come to far to just give up and my heart doesnt want to give up.

TGMarla I am so glad your replied and talked about if the roles were reversed. I dont think that view is looked at much on here.. although I know the topic was reciently started.. although to be very honest with everyone I really dont think some of the replies were fully honest and fully thought through.. but its a hard issue to even wrap your brain about.. I see myself as open minded.. or atleast I thought I was.. but then I learned what I did and I guess im not as open minded as I thought.. cause the one person in my life who I cant get over with this issue is my husband.. all others im fine with it doesnt bother me.. with him it does.. :sad:

docrobbysherry your quote about a happy momma makes me think of another quote which is "happy Wife = happy life" lol.. its true though that in a relationship or marriage it needs to be 50/50.. and well mine is far from that.. but its better then what it was when we first started out.. we were SO very young then.. but I do hope that things even out more.. I would be happy with even 35/65 lol

Rachel Flowers Thank you Rachel for your reply and for explaining and few things in your view.. although the "younger" female inside thing just still creeps me out with grown men but hey there are worse things in life I guess lol

Scarlet Rose I think understanding is hard for GGs like you said cause of the wide range of CDers.. some are sexual some just like panties some need to have shoes.. some must dress to the 9.. some want to go out some want to stay inside..so we cant just group everyone in the same class and thats somtimes hard when your dealing with a issue like CDing from a GG looking in.. a new GG wants to have good solid answers as to why etc to help them understand but there is none really.. some might know a little bit about why.. but its different for everyone..so new GGs will have to learn that they cant ONLY rely on the forums.. cause you will get a rainbow of answers =)

Annaliese2010 3 kids.. I have 3 teenage kids (lol had to point out the 3 cause its been work! lol).. but thank you so very much your post made me feel a lot better and validated.. and for someone to see it from a wifes side and how this does effect her to helps..but yes LOTS of times I think to myself .. WTF! lol

Montse I think I must have been a plain jane teenager cause ive never really went through thoes phases lol

suchacutie Thank you and I am glad you didnt get offended..and that it was stimulating to the brain. I try =) lol

Kathy M Smith Thanks for the positive thoughts =)

susan54 thank you for taking the time to reply and being caring.

Ashley_Marie Thank you Ashley. I am glad I am not so alone with my views on certian topics.

Savannah Smiles Thank you for your post and your hopes for me.

Josie M Thank you Josie.. I am sorry you felt that i was painting everyone with the same brush.. I didnt mean to come across that way. I am so very glad that things worked and are working out good for you.

Clueless thank you for replying and thank you for things you have said in the past as well. Its nice to know that there are thoes out there who are trying to understand us GGs too and why we may feel like we do.

SarahLynn Thank you for your heart felt reply. I do believe in God and I do know that he will not give me anything I can not handle.. and boy have I been praying hard lately =) lol

Aprilrain lol yep think you miss the turn for the panty thread entrance lmao

heidi99 Thank you for your reply.. again I am sorry if I had a certain unpleasant tone in my OP.. I really did not mean for it to come across that way.

Violetgray Growing up all over again but as female for you men is still strange for me and still sits with me funny but for some I guess its something that has to happen in order for you to get to a certain point in life.

Lea Paine Thank you for your reply and yes I agree with a lot of what you said.. plus I love the Wizard of Oz =D lol

Sarasometimes Yes thank you and I do hope to in the future talk to someone.. I have a problem with strangers and opening up face to face (computer is totally different) Ive been to a few years and years ago for other issues.. and it takes so long for me to feel comfortable. I do hope though to go again sometime and find someone I can feel comfortable with and can afford at the same time lol