The urge to disclose is getting stronger....

I am feeling an overwhelming need to tell someone in my life about my whole deal. Disclosure is inevitable. I am starting to get out a bit, I have started shaving everything (not just in the winter)and I filter my manerisms much less than before. I'm pretty sure people are starting to wonder what's up with me. I have recieved several comments about how "different" I have seemed lately (in a good way), which took me by surprise. I have been much happier and more relaxed in recent months as I have taken small steps out of the closet. For the first time in my life, I'm feeling in tune. I would love to explain to the people who mean the most to me why I have been feeling so good about myself, and life in general. I want to describe the positive impact all of this is having on me, yet the thought of coming out is more scary than going out for the first time. Once it's out there, it's out there and that bell can't be un-rung.

I don't really care what the general public thinks anymore but the opinions of the people close to me do matter. That being the case, the majority of the people in my life, from friends, to family, to business partners are all pretty open-minded folks. I am fairly confident that things wouldn't change too much if I came out. Still, fear of the unknown is very real. I believe I have decided who to tell first. Her reaction should be representative of the reactions I get from others in my circle. I feel like they will all find out eventually anyway. I'd rather be the one they hear it from. It just feels like the right thing to do and the right time to do it. Sort of. Now to work up the courage to have that conversation.

I guess I'm just thinking "out loud" here. Thank you for indulging me. :)

Hi Rachel,

I think you have a great attitude that will see you through this next adventure in your life. Based on what you wrote I have a feeling that your friends and family will respond positively because of who you are, regardless of the news itself. It's a big step, one that I haven't managed to take yet, and I appreciate you sharing your feelings.

McKenzie

I know what you are feeling i to have given a great deal of though to coing out to my family i came out to my sister about 10 years ago so i can talk to her about it but she had a real hard time getting her head around it so don't be suprized by some peoples reaction at first. I know how good it feels to get that big weight off your shoulders also that feels real good and you are much happier. if the pic in your avatar is you you realy look great

"Her reaction should be representative of the reactions I get from others in my circle."

I would not count on this ^^^ at all. I know of plenty of seemingly "open minded" people who have some type of "issue" that they are simply blind to. Abortion, religion, politics, gays/gay rights. And those are just the most common ones. Inevitably some of your friends will accept you with no reservations and some won't. Everyone is different.

Ultimately, you have to be happy with yourself. If you let your friends' opinions dictate what makes YOU happy, it won't be long before some won't want to hang around with you.

Hope it all works out for you.

So far only my sister knows. She was the one who got me to pierce my ears too. My mother (83) would freak.

Remember, once the cat is out of the bag; you can not return it.
So just be carefully in who you trust with telling. It should be someone that is totally
on your side no mater what. Good Luck.
Rader

Its probably time for you to come out. I think many of us go through similar phases and eventually just get tired of hibut ding and pretending. Chose carefully but don't assume that one person will represent every friend's reaction. People are funny and you just never know. But on balance, the few you may lose will be less important than those who accept the real you.

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Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels

I would not count on this ^^^ at all. I know of plenty of seemingly "open minded" people who have some type of "issue" that they are simply blind to.

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I have to agree.
In the past I've shared personal things with friends who I thought would be totally cool, turned out they weren't as open-minded as I thought.

Regardless, if the need to come out, outweight the feelings of not, then ultimately you'll do what best suits you. Maybe before spilling all the beans however, you could try to gauge the thoughts of each person on dropping some generalised questions/opnions and see how that goes first :)

Rachel,
Life is different for everybody, and nobodies experiences will be the same as anyone else's. Having said that, you should know that my life has just gotten better and better with everyone I tell. Last Saturday was the last of my family, my niece-in-laws. They were great, and it was what I expected. If you just look at those you actually know, or at least have met, you would see some wonderful examples. I think you know that Jackie went to work last Saturday dressed, expecting resistance, what did she get? the rock star treatment. People high-fived her, wanted their picture taken with her, it was a wonderfully positive experience. I have been outed by my daughter to 3 different doctors so far and they have all been not only OK with it, but were actually what I would call enthusiastic. Nikki tells everybody she meets, wether she knows them or not!
You said that you have gotten over what the general public thinks, and that is really key. The people you care about will pick up on your mood and the more positive you are, the more positive they will be. If they care about you, they will accept you. When I told my nephews (2 weeks ago), they told me it was not so much that I had changed, but more that I had added something new.
Again, it is your decision, and you know the people you want to tell best, but always remember to give your friends the benefit of the doubt.

Rachel, I have been feeling the exact same way lately.

I haven't told my parents yet but I know them, and I know they will be OK with it. They may not be thrilled about it, but I know they will still love and support me.
I am also about to tell 2 of my close friends, we are going to try and rent a place together so the two of them will need to know, or I will have to go back to hiding everything. NOT wanting to do that at all! It really is freeing to be going this way in your thoughts isn't it?

Good luck to you!

Hi Rachel,
This is not a light issue by any means.
My family knows my situation, and somehow I don't think they really seem to care. The only thing they seem to nag me about is when are they going to have grand kids? That question kind of hurts a little.
My close friends also know about me, and are oddly fascinated.
I will never, under any circumstances, tell my employer that I am a CD/TG, because of the business culture in my industry sector. it's too small and everyone knows everybody, and news travels faster than fire. My job provides some nice perks and a pension, so I really don't want to give it up. When I'm, retired, maybe I'll do the full time thing, and everyone knows.
I've put up with growing my hair out for over a year, and my company president ribs at me all the time when I wear a ponytail. But I did it, I'm doing it, and I'm, living life on my terms.

Isn't it really something when you start accepting yourself how your perception changes! Good for you girl! Go with the flow but be careful! Hugs!

Get used to it. Until we tell everyone, I bet it is very common for us to think about outing ourselves to someone else. The best thing I can say is to take each person as a separate event. Think about each one individually and if outing yourself to them is really what you want to do. This is something that you can really get a head of steam on and start outing yourself to the next person just because the previous went so well and you are on cloud 9. Keep an even pace. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

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Originally Posted by Rebecca Star

I have to agree.
Maybe before spilling all the beans however, you could try to gauge the thoughts of each person on dropping some generalised questions/opnions and see how that goes first :)

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Ah, great minds think alike! I have been doing this very thing for the last few years, actually. Perhaps more so, recently. Even today I was telling some people at work about CHIX, a local TG rock band (wasn't quite honest about how I came to see the band). Everyone was positively receptive and thought it sounded really cool.

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Originally Posted by JessHaust

Life is different for everybody, and nobodies experiences will be the same as anyone else's. Having said that, you should know that my life has just gotten better and better with everyone I tell.

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This is the feeling I'm getting. It seems with every step forward I take, I gain greater clarity and an added spring in my step. I went to visit one of my best friends in Houston recently and he even said I seemed like a new person. I really wanted to tell him about my first outing, Dallas Feminine Expressions, and everything I have been doing but alas, I chose to keep it to myself, for the time being.

My circle is relatively small. These are people that have known me for the most of my life, and remain after all of the suckers have been shaken loose. They have been there for me through thick and thin, and I for them. They have seen me at my best and my worst, and they are accepting of just about everyone. I would not be close to these people, otherwise. They are all confirmed as supportive of the LGBT community.

The person I am thinking of telling first may be surprised this definitely wouldn't be her first experience with stuff like this. I am considering her specifically because of her experiences and open-mindedness. Plus she's just super cool and a total sweetheart! And she has a Killer sense of style, but that's merely a secondary consideration... :heehee:

I think with each family member and friend that you are thinking of disclosing yourself too has to be considered individually. Not everyone will react the same. Im going through the same process right now telling my family memebers and close friends. So far things have been positive and a great experience. It really feels nice to be able to be myself around the ones I care about. Right now its kinda like a check list as I finish telling one person I wonder who is the next person that I should tell if at all. I wish you the best is coming out to your friends. I hope it is a positive experience like mine have been.

In coming out,
There is no escape clause. Same procedure as jumping off a cliff.
You DO find out who your friends are. They are not necessarily gay either.
Usually more turmoil than a tornado.
But there is calm after the storm.:)

Telling people you crossdress is something to be very careful about...you may not care what "they" think, but that does not guarantee your quality of life will not be hurt...
it is like jumping off a bridge..you can never ever go back...

btw...
Good luck in your future transition....hehe

First of all I would venture to guess most of us have gone through the urge to tell. I write it off to the Pink Fog thing. We are happy with ourselves and want everyone to know why. Still.......caution is needed. Peoples reaction might not be what you want. I spent a long time gauging my wife before she found out. I figured she would accept it. WRONG.
I also lost my best friend years ago when I told him. On the other hand I was outed at work to 30 or 40 people. 8 of them work directly for me. It turned out to be a non-issue. Except for a couple most were ok with it. [Go figure]

I think it is good, letting the people close to you know, but as others have said here. Once the cat is out of the bag you can't put it back in. Just be ready for the fallout if the reactions are not what you expect.

I don't mean to make this harder; but sometimes we as CD sort of live in a nice little fantasy world when dressed. Others don't always understand our life. I have talked to a number of CD that said telling was the best thing they ever did. Others are devastated and wish they could put the cat back in the bag.

Good Luck

All I can say, is, watch out for all those 'open minded' folks. I found out the hard way that they're perfectly accepting of other people being 'different', as long as they don't get too close. Before you make the final leap, try asking how they feel about homosexuality, say, by saying you just discovered someone you were best friends with in high school, the service, college, or used to work very close with, is gay. See how they respond about it. Find out as much as you can. I didn't get any positive responses when I started probing my friends/relatives about this. Seems it's o.k., as long as it's 'not in my backyard'. See my bio for info about how we create an image of another person based on what we know of them, and how a single thing can destroy that whole thing, and bring about the 'I really didn't know him at all' response when you come out to them.

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Originally Posted by NathalieX66

I'm, living life on my terms.

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Rachel, for what it's worth I feel that statement says it all.

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Originally Posted by Rebecca Star

you could try to gauge the thoughts of each person on dropping some generalised questions/opnions and see how that goes first :)

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This is a great idea and a good way to gauge their reaction. Good luck though, clearly you have someone in mind about disclosure, so hope it goes well hon

Charlotte

Usually when you tell one person something as, how can I put it? Mind-blowing as this you have told everyone!

Choose the first one carefully.

SUZY

Dressing since I was 6, hiding for 50 years. I couldn't take it any more. I came out to my wife Oct 2010, it was the best thing I've ever done

although i am a little older, i am single and date around some, when i meet a lady that i want to ask out on a date i will always tell them before hand i am a c/d, i no longer care to date or spend social time with anyone who does not accept me (us) with open arms and understanding. so far i have had mostly good luck with reactions from people i meet. funny, the different reactions i get range from "why" to "i want to be in bed with you while you are en femme" go figure.....and i thought i was the different one!

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Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele

btw...
Good luck in your future transition....hehe

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I've probably got another five or ten years before that tsunami hits. :D

Thanks everyone for the input. Your thoughts and concerns are definitely shared. I should clarify that I'm not looking to tell everybody I know. Just a few people that I would really love to be able to share with. I can assure you that this isn't just a case of pink fog intoxication. I have thought long and hard about this and I'm not in any hurry. If I did happen to loose someone through all of this, well that would indeed suck, but life must go on.

I wish you luck in your endevers. I'm tired of hiding myself too. This year I've pushed the boundaries of what I wear. Nobody really asks me about the elephant in the room. Last year was the beginning with being shaved all the time and then it was panties added and usually the female pants and shorts and tanks. This year the pants, shorts and tops are even more colorful. I have had toenails painted 24/7 since january and even walk around with them barefooted. I do want to talk about it but it seems okay to my wife to be that way but talking about it seems to hit a nerve. Seems we have hit a happy medium, but the pink fog wants more. All I got to say is be happy with yourself and choose wisely who you tell.

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Originally Posted by Rachel Renee

I am feeling an overwhelming need to tell someone in my life about my whole deal. Disclosure is inevitable. I am starting to get out a bit, I have started shaving everything (not just in the winter)and I filter my manerisms much less than before. I'm pretty sure people are starting to wonder what's up with me. I have recieved several comments about how "different" I have seemed lately (in a good way), which took me by surprise. I have been much happier and more relaxed in recent months as I have taken small steps out of the closet. For the first time in my life, I'm feeling in tune. I would love to explain to the people who mean the most to me why I have been feeling so good about myself, and life in general. I want to describe the positive impact all of this is having on me, yet the thought of coming out is more scary than going out for the first time. Once it's out there, it's out there and that bell can't be un-rung.

I don't really care what the general public thinks anymore but the opinions of the people close to me do matter. That being the case, the majority of the people in my life, from friends, to family, to business partners are all pretty open-minded folks. I am fairly confident that things wouldn't change too much if I came out. Still, fear of the unknown is very real. I believe I have decided who to tell first. Her reaction should be representative of the reactions I get from others in my circle. I feel like they will all find out eventually anyway. I'd rather be the one they hear it from. It just feels like the right thing to do and the right time to do it. Sort of. Now to work up the courage to have that conversation.

I guess I'm just thinking "out loud" here. Thank you for indulging me. :)

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i was the same for years i hid my cross dressing from most people, i had told my ex wife when we first started going out as i did not feel it right to hide it from her in the end she said she was ok with it and we were married for 24 years during that time she use to encourage me to dress as she new how much i liked it, once when we lived in Germany i came home form work (i was in the army) to find out she had threw away all my underwear and replaced them with panties and camisoles which i was scared about at the time but got use to then just before our 24th wedding anniversary she told me she was leaving me for some one else and it was due to the way I dressed which was very hard for me due to the way she had been about it but life goes on that was 10 years ago since then i have lived out in the Caribbean on a sail boat where i have dressed the way i want and not had any problems with any one. at the moment i have been back in England for 3 weeks and i am staying with my ex and her husband (we are all friends) and as she spends quite a lot of away i get to dress the way i want to she has told me she is not bothered how I dress when she is not here so i have been out and about wearing skirts etc and do not try to hide it i do not thy to pass as a woman, just a man in a skirt i have been mistaken many times as a woman but i normally always tell people i am male i just went out and had my nails extended at a local beauty salon and asked if they get many men having their nails done and was told i was the first one i went dressed in a long navy blue linen skirt burnt orange linen blouse and open tow beige sandals with a 2 inch heal after the appointment i went on into town and go no reaction from anyone.

i have decided i don't care who sees me if they have a problem with it it is their problem not mine, i am lucky in that i do not work so have no job to loose if you are still working then you must take this into account as it could be hard for you to get another one once everyone knows how you dress but i wish you luck it is only by people like you and me going out wearing what we want to not what other people want us to that it will be acceptable for men to dress the way they want to.

regards Paulie
was Susie Paul

Rachel,

I think all of us who have outed ourselves to any degree go through the same thing. It gets to whatever point for every individual and you have to come out pressing past the fear of humiliation, shame, whatever. When I told my wife, my life changed, for the better.