I'm trying

Sometimes I want to go out and buy him something nice to wear, to be that cool with it. I did buy panty hose once, but I got the wrong size, he wore them anyway.

Sometimes I want to punch him in the face. For keeping this from me. For making me fall in love with him all the while knowing what he was hiding. Then for telling me. Making me have to keep this secret.

Then I think what's the big deal? They really are just clothes.
Like I said. I'm trying.

It has been 2 or 3 years now that I have know. 3 years since the panty hose, 2 since it became everything else, as far as I know.
I am unsettled. Is there more? When will the other high heel drop?

He says this is it. Only a private hobby, it makes him feel sexy and I never have to see it if I don't want to. I allow the panty hose in bed when we make love, because quite frankly for some reason they make the sex fantastic. He is more aggressive, which I love. And the shaved legs are less noticeable which is good, because they kind of freak me out still.

I hope this is the right section. As you can tell I am a girl and my husband is a part-time cross dresser. He reads this forum, but is not yet an active member. He has suggested I join the spouses group so I have some one else to talk to. I wanted to introduce myself to all of you, because I may want more than just the wives opinion sometimes.

Thank you for your time, hopefully I have not offended anyone with my first post.

Im a little older than you ,,But get about nine more post under your belt an I can PM you an we can have a girl talk ,lol,,,lol,, An Ill tell ya all I know about this train ride !

Your comments are so well written and your feelings are so understanable. Your husband didn't tell about his crossdressing for two reasons: 1) He was probably ashamed, and 2) He didn't want to lose you. Some husbands take this secret to the grave with them or until they are caught. As a crossdresser I feel that society views us as just one rung up from pedophiles, so we tend to hide who we are. I can't tell you where or if your husband's crossdressing will lead, so my best advice to your is to communicate with him about it your concerns. It's important that the two of you talk about his crosdressing. The worst thing you can do is make it a taboo subject, as it then becomes a wedge between the two of you. Good luck and thanks for your comments.

Donna

Thanks for being so loving, and accepting. I admire your stregnth and courage, as well as your Imagination.

Yeah, womens's clothes & lingerie, they make humanity interesting.....lots of mystery. Nice stuff.

Humans are not so easily definable, there is no black and white.

I can only reccomnend you that you should figure out what works best for your needs, and what you're willing to accept. In this relationship, you matter too.

Hi Marie, nice to have you here. This is a really great forum with a broad spectrum of members. When you've made your 10 posts, do come and join us in the FAB forum, we're not a bad bunch really!

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Sometimes I want to go out and buy him something nice to wear, to be that cool with it. I did buy panty hose once, but I got the wrong size, he wore them anyway.

Sometimes I want to punch him in the face. For keeping this from me. For making me fall in love with him all the while knowing what he was hiding. Then for telling me. Making me have to keep this secret.

Then I think what's the big deal? They really are just clothes.
Like I said. I'm trying.

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Yep, all the emotions I've been through - I reckon its pretty normal -

Hi Marie, Welcome to our family. You will find a great bunch of other GG's here to offer you all the support and understanding you so justly deserve. I alway like to see new GG's joining and look forward to their posts. Not only the GG members here, but some of us CD's will be more then happy to answer your questions and offer opinions. My heart goes out to all GG's that have to put up with us CD's. Even I sometimes wonder how and why they do it. No, not true. Most do it because they really love and care for their husband and hope to find a balance and happiness in the marriage. I hope your husband appreciated you as well as loves you.
To join FAB (females at birth), you need to make 10 posts in any thread that suits you. Well worth your effort to be among a private section just for wives and SO's of us CD/TG members. I look forward to reading more from you.

Marie, I understand the problem you have. I have been married for 30 years. I went full time as a woman going on 4 years ago. My wife is very understanding, we have lot of fun as sisters. Years ago I would wear her cloths but now days she wears mine. We are retired and have lots of fun dressed together, girls night out once a week, shopping and what so ever.
I wish you the best.
Love, Kimberly

Just the fact that you're trying speaks volumes! It takes time. You may not want to do everything, but talking about it is important. I'm learning this right now myself, and you've gone through every emotion my wife did.

Hi Marie, and welcome to the forum. Your feelings are very normal! Check out the thread in Loved Ones called "Now I like it, now I don't. It's up at the top under Stickies. It made me feel a lot better after reading it.

Don't look at him keeping this from you as dishonesty. That will tear your relationship apart. He kept it from you because he was trying to repress it. Nobody wants to be a freak. A lot of gay guys get married because they're trying to repress it. At least he likes women :)

But don't let him abuse you with it, either. A lot of crossdressers come out to their wives and then think it's a license to prance around the house in a dress five nights a week. If he feels the need to constantly push your limits then there's probably a deeper issue -- whether it's him being transgendered or him being depressed or manic-y and self-destructive and just spinning out of control trying to sabotage the relationship.

So don't say, "This isn't the man I married!" just because he was trying to repress this. But if this is a serious issue then you need to seriously evaluate what you both want out of life and if those things are compatible.

And everybody could use some therapy. It's great to be able to unload your drama on someone who can honestly tell you if you're blowing things out of proportion, or if you're lying to yourself, or whatever.

Welcome Marie.
Your in a fantastic,loving community now.And you and your partner have so many friends to lean on.
You are not alone anymore.
Good on you for joining our family.
Eddie XO

Hello Marie, welcome to the forum.

"... offended anyone with my first post" ... of course not :hugs: I think you are correct on many counts but yes, it can be just clothes (and for plenty of us it is) but it has changed things. Not least of all that you feel like he couldn't trust you.

Below is a copy and paste from a sticky thread in the "Loved Ones" section called "Now I Like It, Now I Don’t: Understanding the Acceptance Pendulum" Here's a LINK

This thread (written by a GG) is all about how many crossdressers have discovered, a wife’s or girlfriend’s road to acceptance is rarely smooth.

Quote: "For all but a tiny minority of women, finding out about their partner's crossdressing is a traumatic experience. The degree of perceived trauma varies considerably from one woman to the next and depends on many factors, including her upbringing, her values, the strength of your relationship, and the circumstances surrounding her initial discovery. Some women seem to take the news in stride, while others are completely devastated, but for nearly all of them there is some emotional work that needs to be done before true acceptance can take place. This work is commonly known as coping. Any time there is change in our lives, there is potentially a sense a loss, and coping is the process of dealing with that loss and adjusting to the new situation." Unquote:

My point is, don't feel bad or beat yourself up that you feel you are not as accepting as you perhaps think you should, or could be. Take it from me, where you are now is way more than most. Obviously there is still a lot of feelings that need to be resolved. Even if wives are ok with CDing intellectually, it might take some time for them to come to terms with it emotionally, and that's ok .... especially when it's happening in your back yard. That said, I urge you to keep talking with your husband and see if you can work through these changes. You never know, you might find other fringe benefits other than the panty hose when making love :)

Hugs
Rachel

Marie, welcome. You've demonstrated a sincere desire to understand your husbands "quirk'", and to come to grips with it. I think you've come to the right place.

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Originally Posted by Marie GG

He says this is it. Only a private hobby, it makes him feel sexy and I never have to see it if I don't want to. I allow the panty hose in bed when we make love, because quite frankly for some reason they make the sex fantastic. He is more aggressive, which I love. And the shaved legs are less noticeable which is good, because they kind of freak me out still.

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I've underlined that portion of your quote that I believe has a great deal of significance. In order to be sexual, one needs to feel sexy.

Possibly, you're husband doesn't feel sexy as a man. I know I don't. I'm much more inclined to initiate intimacy when dressed en femme, as I feel more attractive and desireable when I'm doing so. "Whatever floats your boat", as the saying goes.

If you're enjoying the lovemaking, then that's a good thing.

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Originally Posted by MarieGG

Thank you for your time, hopefully I have not offended anyone with my first post.

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You're welcome. It's worthwhile and gratifying to be given the opportunity to assist in one's understanding of what makes crossdressers who they are...

And you've certainly not offended me... I think most CD'ers being asked their thoughts by GG's are pleased to respond honestly and thoughtfully. :hugs:

Marie, you are a loving wife. Your emotions will continue to run high and low. Intellectually you can accept the dressing. Emotionally it will tear at you varying amounts from time to time. Do not hate yourself for having these normal reactions. The others here have said it far better than i can, but I live the same roller coaster from my wife. It does not make me think any less of her for reacting normally. If anything, I/we generally feel terrible knowing the hurt this knowledge brings.

Get to your ten posts and join FAB. Get your crossdresser to join here.

Barbara

Oh Marie!! You sound just like I did!!!

Welcome to the family! I am so happy that he is wanting you to join us and find some peace in this! He sounds like he is really trying hard to get your understanding and acceptance! That is so good to hear! You will go through so many emotions, and they will come and go..... it is completely normal! Get your posts in!

Big hugs!!! :hugs:

Thanks to every one for being so welcoming and friendly! I had hoped it would be this way after lurking for a few days reading posts.

I am working on my 10 so I can join the other wives :daydreaming:

If you can stomach it, I know it's hard at first.... You could get your 10 by posting on the photo threads, and the Loved Ones section is a great place to get a quick, honest 10. Your intro thread won't count, so you have to go elsewhere for them! Good luck! And welcome again!!!

Marie, first of all, everything you are feeling is normal. Secondly, your hubby is quite likely straight and there is nothing more. All you can do is talk about it. Ask any question you want and he has to answer. Nothing should be off limits. Talk. A lot.

Also, there are many wives here who are/have gone through what you are. Reach out to them.

Marie, welcome! :hugs: I see right now you have 13 posts, so I will see you soon in FAB!

It is quite understandable in how you feel ,as for the Cder it is part of them but you like so many other wife;s/so find that they have just been thrown into this and it can be quite hard to get your head around it some times.
I am sure that you have thought about and asked most of the questions that go through your mined when you fined something like this out and as you have said one of the big ones is " Is there more" well to be honest that cannot always be answered yet as a lot of the time there is not but occasionally there is only time will tell on that one and the best way to find that out is to keep asking questions and you will soon get a feeling of what is going on with the cding but sometimes a Cder will go or have thoughts of going beyond their normal level of Cding simply because they do not understand all of it and then fall back to their normal level way of thinking/acting , OK you might say but none of it is normal but the thing is for us it is or most of it is .

The header says it all.
I wish you every success and there is plenty of support and good advice here.
If a lot more tried there would be a lot less heartache in these forums.
Try, work at it, have patience and you will succeed.

I have a question. What does GG mean? I'm a gay crossdresser so I'm not familiar with terms straight crossdressers use.

Hi Marie
welcome, I totally understand where you are coming from, don't know how long you have been married. I found out not quite one year ago and we were married just over 27 years at that time. Just had our 28th anniversary this month:).

You have known for 3 years, and have no doubt done lots of reading and mental processing. You are still together, looks like the inital shock did not tear your marriage apart. I look at our marriage alittle differently now, I too felt totally betrayed by him not teling me this prior to the marriage, I do realize that things were diffenent 27 years ago, however honesty was still honesty. I do view the marriage with alittle skepticism now, I wish i did not, true is I do, but how could one not after all those years and that revelation.
I love him, he loves me. If you are each others best friend, if you have always been each others #1 fan, if life would be so sad without him in it, you will open you mind, your heart even farther (sounds like you are) and together you will venture forward allowing each other to be the person they are, if you truly love someone, and they truly love you, you will never let each other go...
I am glad you are here.

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Originally Posted by Marie GG

As you can tell I am a girl and my husband is a part-time cross dresser. He reads this forum, but is not yet an active member. He has suggested I join the spouses group so I have some one else to talk to. I wanted to introduce myself to all of you, because I may want more than just the wives opinion sometimes.

Thank you for your time, hopefully I have not offended anyone with my first post.

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Hi Marie, :welcom: to crossdressers.com I really can't see how anyone could be even remotely offended by your first post.

The fact that you have joined here and are trying to understand more marks you out as a very special sort of person and the fact that you want to join in with the discussions is a real bonus to the rest of us.

I'm glad you've gone past the magic 10 and will now be able to join the FAB forum, there are lots of extraordinary women there.

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Originally Posted by WyrmQueen

I have a question. What does GG mean?

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GG is the term we use on the forums for someone who was born a girl in a girl's body it's short for Genetic Girl

I am a trans woman so I was not born in a girl's body - hence the distinction.

Thanks for the response Rianna.

I'm offended! If you think we would be offended by a wife that is trying her best to come to terms with her husband being a crossdresser, and she is having trouble doing it completely. Wow where have we heard that one before.
Sweetie few wives that learn after marriage, that they have gotten a crossdresser, take it all that well, some take years to get used to it, and others never do, at least you are trying. I think joining us here is a great step in the right direction, and I hope we can all help you find some of the answers you are looking for.
Welcome to the wonderful world of crossdressers!
Tina B.

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Originally Posted by Tina B.

I'm offended! If you think we would be offended by a wife that is trying her best to come to terms with her husband being a crossdresser, and she is having trouble doing it completely.

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I am so pleasantly surprised how supportive you all have been. I came here looking for a couple of wives to chat with who would hopefully understand how I was feeling and now I have all of you. :)
I guess I just worried about invading your "sanctuary". Also I don't feel very supportive when I talk about wanting to punch some one in the face, but I guess I haven't actually done it so that is something ;)
I really have been terrible to my husband the past couple of months, borderline verbally abusive. I didn't really realize how mean till we had a talk last week and I agreed to come to the forum to find some other wives to vent with. Now I am so glad I did.

Oh Marie, if punching your hubby in the face is the worst thing you feel like doing, you're not doing too bad! lol

Do come and join us in Fab - its not all about venting, but of course you are welcome to do so if you want to. We talk about all sorts of stuff and have a good laugh as well.

As you've already seen, there are lots of wonderful people here, TG's, CD's, GG's, TS's - and the more you find out about the whole spectrum, the easier it gets. You've obviously got a good sense of humour and that helps.

SP xx

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Originally Posted by Marie GG

Sometimes I want to punch him in the face. For keeping this from me. For making me fall in love with him all the while knowing what he was hiding. Then for telling me. Making me have to keep this secret.

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Originally Posted by Donna St. Marten

Your comments are so well written and your feelings are so understanable. Your husband didn't tell about his crossdressing for two reasons: 1) He was probably ashamed, and 2) He didn't want to lose you. Some husbands take this secret to the grave with them or until they are caught.

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Originally Posted by Raquel June

Don't look at him keeping this from you as dishonesty. That will tear your relationship apart. He kept it from you because he was trying to repress it. Nobody wants to be a freak. A lot of gay guys get married because they're trying to repress it. At least he likes women :)

So don't say, "This isn't the man I married!" just because he was trying to repress this. But if this is a serious issue then you need to seriously evaluate what you both want out of life and if those things are compatible.

---

I've been married almost 34 years now, and my wife only found out 5 years ago.

As many others, I got caught. Even though I had a few close calls, I had hidden it for so long, I almost thought I was invincible.

But when we were dating, my CDing was always an undercurrent in my mind. In fact, it was the last thing I thought about before I proposed. How could I marry someone if I was a CD. In high school, I wondered if I was gay (we used a pejorative 6-letter work that began with f and ended with t back then) because that was the only word I knew that sort of explained what I did.

Anyhow, I thought about it for a long time. I decided that I was hetero and not gay, and that the CD thing was an arousal fantasy that was just a phase I was going through and would go away once I was married. I wouldn't need that type of arousal.

It turned out I was right on the first count, but wrong on the second count.

Just to say that my main deception was deceiving myself, but trying not to deceive my futurw wife.

Hi Marie,

My wife and I are in the exact same position as you and your husband. We are still working it out, and I think my wife is at the same stage you are. Sometimes I feel like she wants to "punch me in the face" about it. :)

My only suggestion would be to keep trying. You sound like you are really trying.. trying to understand. And I think that is the best thing for you and your husband. Understanding, sympathy, compassion. That is the only way to continue.

For me, I kept myself in denial when I was single (similar to Steffi). I was strangely attracted to dressing up, but thought it was a phase, and I didn't really take the time to explore it. I only tried on one thing at a time. Once we were engaged, I decided to step up the dressing to a full transformation in order to really understand it for myself. I thought, if it's not for me, and I feel awkward and never want to do it again-- then no issue, no need to tell my SO-- life goes on as normal. I didn't want to confess to my future wife SOMETHING I DID NOT UNDERSTAND MYSELF.

Well, needless to say, I totally enjoyed dressing up. BUT, I still did not understand it. SO, I still kept my secret. She found out by accident. It helped my to accept who I am even more, now that I was forced to explain myself!! I still don't understand all of the mechanisms behind why I dress. I accept it, but I don't understand it.

much love,
Candice

doesn't every woman want to punch her BF/husband in the face every now and again? Totally normal!, but we don't. Remember that guys!

I am really glad that your communication with your husband is open enough for him to tell you how your verbal actions made him feel, that must have been a difficult conversation but so necessary! If you can keep talking about things with him, that is a good thing.

Most of the CDs, TSs and TGs on this site are really happy to have GGs here and our perspective, so chances are you will not offend anyone just by posting. I have some pretty strong views I post on here sometimes but I don't think I have offended too many people!

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Originally Posted by Marie GG

Sometimes I want to punch him in the face. For keeping this from me. For making me fall in love with him all the while knowing what he was hiding. Then for telling me.

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I know nothing of your situation, but I'd like to point out that what you describe might not be the actual case. Some husbands are not aware that they are CDers when they marry.

Some CDers are amazingly ignorant about themselves and the societal pressure is that we remain so. In my case, all I knew that I had was a strong interest in things that were feminine. I knew that this was not socially acceptable, so I shoved it into the a far corner of my mind and ignored it as best I could. I considered it to be an expression of my normal attraction to women and that was where I was when I was married. I couldn't tell my bride-to-be about something that I hadn't yet figured out for myself and anyway I figured that my "interest" would go away once I was married.

After marriage life got busy. The "thing" for feminine things remained, but it wasn't prominent enough to discuss. Again, how does one discuss something that one has not sorted out for oneself? Children were born, houses and cars needed fixing, and there were plenty of things to distract me.

A couple of decades pass. For some reason (male menopause?) the feelings start to gel and finally become prominent enough for me to do some research. Gee, there were other people out there who share some of my feelings and they are called "crossdressers." I couldn't be one of those, could I? Well, it turned out that I could.

At this point, I did hide it from my wife. I now had something definite that I could hide, plenty of shame and guilt about it, and no idea of how to broach the subject. I realized pretty quickly, however, that the stress involved was damaging our relationship and it became evident that we would have to discuss it.

We did, and that was by far the scariest thing I've ever done. All I could think about was 20+ years of marriage being destroyed because I didn't keep my mouth shut as a man should. I should have had more faith in my wife. Mimi came through and has stood with me through the rough and smooth.

Marie GG, your story is likely quite different from ours, but the decision you face is similar. It boils down to whether you can forgive your husband and move forward with your life together, or whether you will focus on the feelings of betrayal and let them fester. If you read the various threads on the forum you can find examples of both approaches to that dilemma and their outcomes.

Your husband, of course, has to do his part. You're in this together and you both need to strive for a situation that will work for both of you. The pink fog can be blinding, but he needs to figure out that your feelings are just as important to his happiness as his own.

Marie GG, I'm glad that you're here with us and I strongly encourage your husband become an active member of the forum. I think that Mimi and I learn quite a lot simply by reading each other's posts.

Hugs, Eryn

Welcome Marie. Keep coming back and have hubby engage the forums. You also. My wife knows and just recently, a best friend of mines wife came and talked to my wife about my bestie wearing womens panties. He confessed it to her not long ago so my besties wife confided in my wife because my besties wife knows I dress up with my wife for fun. In short, if you need another GG to chat with, add my wife.

Hello Marie
Welcome to forum, hopefully we can put your heart at ease with some of the responses that some of us give you. As I myself am struggling with telling my wife and find its such a heavy burden on my heart keeping secrets from her. Though,I feel if I tell her that she would feel that Im trying to steal some place of hers in our relationship.(she-jane, I-tarzan).As if I want some of Jane for my self and she'll feel that she cant provide that in our relationship. Do you feel(being a GG in a relationship) that may be an issue? Thank you for joining and best of luck to and your husband.

Thera

Hello Marie, and welcome. Trust in when I say, everyone here, both male and female, understand completely what you are going through and our hearts ho out to you, as does our admiration for you. As time goes on and you read more and more, you will come to realize the vast size and how complicated this gender issue really is, and how difficult it is to not simply understand but more importantly, to openly accept as an integral part of society today. Please keep an open mind and without a doubt, ask as many questions as you deem necessary to help you understand this more often than not, secretive world that exists unbeknown to most wives/spouses. Take comfort in knowing you are not alone.

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Originally Posted by Thera Home

Hello Marie
Welcome to forum, hopefully we can put your heart at ease with some of the responses that some of us give you. As I myself am struggling with telling my wife and find its such a heavy burden on my heart keeping secrets from her. Though,I feel if I tell her that she would feel that Im trying to steal some place of hers in our relationship.(she-jane, I-tarzan).As if I want some of Jane for my self and she'll feel that she cant provide that in our relationship. Do you feel(being a GG in a relationship) that may be an issue? Thank you for joining and best of luck to and your husband.

Thera

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Thera
Thanks for the welcome.
As for telling your wife, it is tricky. I dislike the secrecy aspect but there are still days I wish I didn't know. I am glad that he told me the majority of the time. It was very tough not having someone to talk to before. He had suggested this forum a couple of times but I wasn't ready til recently, and it has helped me a lot. I have made friends with many GG's who understand me and have joined the FAB forum as well. Just try to understand that acceptance takes time, you have know about it for a long time, and are used to it, and to her it will most likely be a shock. I never suspected, so it came as quite a shock.

In my relationship I don't have an issue with the Jane/Tarzan situation, but my husband does not have a fem name or persona, he only dresses in private (away from me too) and has said that he does not wish to venture out. He has described feeling "sexy" in the clothes, but not "girly" or "feminine" so I guess I don't really feel he is trying to replace me as the woman in the relationship.

Hope this helps.