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I have a question, I am hoping that this does not offend anyone. I guess it is more directed at those who cd, since my husband dresses part time.
Why do you dress? Is it a desire or a need?
I really hope no one is offended. I just really want to understand and thought it would be helpful to get more than one person's point of view.
Well It can vary for most people in my opinion, but for me I do it just because I enjoy it and see nothing wrong with it. I don't have a need. After all I enjoy dressing like a guy, girl, or a little inbetween.
I started this way when i was age 5 or 6.......long before puberty.
Let's face it: you women have the real of expressing yourselves through any number of things, maybe we want some of that too:
Growyour hair long
highlights,bangs, tresses
Dye your hair
Pedicures
Manicures
shave your legs
Pierce your ears.
dresses
skirts
pants
jeans
shorts
heels
flats
pyjamas
nightgowns
earrings : studs, hoops, dangly
etc.
You girls have all the freedom, and society expects that from you.
I want a piece of it too....without the social stigma.
Ads I'm speaking from someone who is a straight dude....not that it matters.
I dress because I like the way the clothes feel against body, especially shaven legs. Also because I like and want to get/be in touch with that femimine side. They also make nicer clothes for women.
A bit of both for me. I also enjoy it and see nothing wrong with it. I do it to express an integral part of myself. When I am unable to do it for some reason or if I try to repress it as I have in the past when I was still struggling with the shame and guilt society foists on those who are different I feel like I'm not being true to myself. I feel oppressed. That's no way to live one's life.
Can't be offended by honest questions. It started with me at a late age, and just felt right and was the only thing that lessened growing anger issues. Turned into a realization that there was an internal need to present as female that was more than just the peaceful feeling I derived (not sexual) from dressing. The need to present has lessened, but the female presence has increased. It is now just a part of who I am and feels natural to do. It is just me now.
Barbara
Why do birds sing?
This is very personal (and I don't mean that as saying you should not ask it, just that every person has their own reasons) I can answer for me. I like the look and I like the feel and I like me in them. Is it a need? Well not really. I don't have to dress up but I like to. It can be a stress reliever and it just feels nice. Maybe I am a little different though because I see it as just clothing, Clothing that I like but clothing none the less. In many cases it "fits" me better. It fits how I think it should fit. I was a young person in the 1970's and the cut and look of women's clothing shows what I like to show. Slacks and shorts are cut better, not all baggy and nondescript.
I dress because I have very deep feelings inside to. It just feels natural to wear womens clothes.I have always felt a little femine...it just took many years to figure out that I am transgender.
Hi Marie,
I am 51 years old and have cross-dressed all my life. I am what would be described as the "text book" heterosexual cross-dresser. For us, dressing as a woman is a need not a desire and having our wife's support and/or understanding is crucial for our well being an happiness. It is my understanding that we are born CD and it is not a learned thing as is in the case with fetishes. I have memories of sneaking into my mother's closet to try some of her clothes on that go as far back as when I was about 3 years old. The need to dress has not gone and it was a source of discomfort because I did not know what was going on and used to feel guilty until I learned how things work and accepted myself.
My wife is understanding and has known since before we started dating. She is not thrilled about it but since she knows what it means to me and loves me enough to accept me as I am, she lets me express this need within certain rules that we have agreed on. I understand that it is impossible for other people to understand this "bizarre" impulse and need since it deals with issues associated with sexuality. A heterosexual CD is not gay nor does he wants to become a woman. I guess it would be easier to understand if we fell into one of this two categories but we don't. We tend to be more loving, loyal and faithful husbands.
I hope this sheds some light on you. I have just become a member of this forum but have had over 30 years of experience investigating and dealing with this. Please feel free to contact me if you need me to clarify or elaborate on something that I have said.
I am so glad no one has been offended so far :) Everyone has been so nice here, it is the last thing I'd want to do.
When reading many of the posts here I have seen the phrase "the urge to dress" and that is the part that makes me wonder about a "need" to dress. I used to be a smoker so that is the easiest way for me to understand a compelling urge to do something even if sometimes you don't want to.
After reading so many posts on this topic in this and other forums, I think you will get many different responses because there is a wide variety of reasons people do this. The way I see it for myself, some women like to wear red lipstick, black eyeliner, and nail polish, and some women don't. Nobody ever questions why one woman likes to and another one doesn't. The rules for men are much more rigid. I am a man who likes to wear red lipstick, black eyeliner, nail polish, jewelry, and both women's and men's clothes. I am wearing a skirt and a t-shirt now, I just like it. I tried to list reasons when I came out to my ex-wife (only one guess how that ended!), but, when it comes down to it, I just like the way I look in my avatar photo. I don't think I'm a woman, and I don't even feel particularly feminine most of the time, I just really like androgyny.
Lots have different reasons for crossdressing.
Myself if I can't dress the need grows and grows inside me, pushing me further to express my feminine side more.
The clothes feel wonderful, I feel wonderful, and it just feels right.
A stress relief, I totally agree as it seems to take me to a different place away from the daily hassles.
I am married and her acceptance, encouragement, help and companionship would mean so much to me.
Lynda
For me, it's definitely more a desire than a need at this point in time.
I do it because female clothes feel far and away more comfortable, but I must state clearly, and admit to myself, that part of it may be simply because they are drastically different than male clothes. I also dress because there are times here and there when I just like pretending to be a female, even though it's exclusively in private. I'm still in that newbie phase where it's exciting and crazy to dress up, but I'm heavily pacing myself, to keep that feeling running, and partly because I have no idea what the next part is.
Third, I just feel more... "right"... dressed up. I know virtually every single TG on this site has said that, almost word for word at times, but... I just don't know how to explain it. Others might be able to.
Plus I'm simultaneously, and forever, still in the phase where I'm trying to figure out just exactly who/what I am, so... Yeah... Hope that helped.
No offense here it is a great honest question. That said to me it is a need, desires I can ignore or really just give up when the need calls. When I really feel the pull to dress it is not a desire it is a need to feel like me. Dressing fulfills a part of my person that I can not fill otherwise. I like probably most others including your SO have tried not dressing and a desire is hardly enough to make a person with such willpower stop doing something that they often feel is wrong. We often try to stop dressing if you are around here long enough you will hear of binging and purging. No sane person would throw away what may amount to large sums of money worth of clothing and makeup and then purchase it all again based on desire. In short it is heavily proven that crossdressers dress for a need not because we are perverts.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marie GG
I discovered... its a 'need' as long as you feel repressed. If you are free to explore and learn about it, it becomes more of a passion and something fun to do. The largest fear I had was being seen as someone other than who I am... just because I like to dress up doesn't make me someone else and souldn't change the relationships I have with anyone. My fear was always that other people would make assumptions about me that were not true. The main thing is for everyone to stop thinking of this a a problem to solve...and instead embrace it and have fun with it!
I would have to describe it as a compulsion. I started before I was six years old. Although I was afraid of being caught back then, I felt compelled to do it as often as I could. I'm 71 now and the urge to crossdress has persisted throughout my life.
I was recently trying to find out what was going on with me, maybe just trying to figure myself out. I had also recently purchased my first purse as I had always wanted one. Why I had waited so long to do it was beyond me I thought. Then when I started to carry my bag people began giving me looks as if I was doing something wrong or I'm gay. I am not gay but I remembered when I was younger I would try on clothes or garments of my mother's and sisters. I didn't tell anyone of course I was the only one who did that. So even after growing up and getting married I had never stopped nor had I told any one yet. But I found this urgent need to tell everyone and show myself who and what I truly am. Now it is somewhat of an obsession. Dressing is what I need to do and what I love to do now my life is so less depressing.
Like others say it is different for all of us. For some it is a need for some it is an urge I just believe it just what our femme side needs to get out. And get some girl time. This doesn't any questions as it as they probably do not need to be answered. There is nothing wrong with wearing clothes. Especially if you purchased them. Life is too short to stop someone who is not hurting anyone from doing something they like.
Tess
Good question, Marie. I dabbled in cross dressing as a teenager. I don't know why. It may have had something to do with sexual relief at the time. Something forbidden. Fast forward a number of years. Cross dressing was not a part of my life. I never thought about it. I had not engaged in it. Stress came to bear. Mental war wound surfaced. How does one relief stress? In my PTSD support group, many wondered why I did not engage in self destructive behavior; drugs and alcohol. How does one tell a bunch of guys he sought relief in cross dressing. Cross dressing allows me to escape my male experiences by letting Stephanie take over for a period of time. It's the best therapy I've have engaged in yet. Not the most inexpensive, but, the best.
Maybe we have been caught in an illusion we are beginning to wake up from.
I do not know what it feels like to be a man or a woman I just know what it feels like to be me.
This "me" lives opposite of how others expect me to be, I can force myself to "be" what others expect because of the body I reside in but it is contrary to "me" and leaves me exhausted.
A mans mind is built from a female template so we are females that have been changed but remain female.
Some females are changed so much they forget that they are female and think they are separate and call themselves male and usually these males have emotional difficulties because they are not able to feel like they are part of life anymore and only exist to serve but not live.
This confusion comes from sex because nature changes a female to make reproduction possible leaving this changed female (male) trying to go back to what she (he) really is.
Nature failed with me (which for me I'm happy about in some ways) so I was not removed from what I am (female) to the degree most are changed into (male).
This also left me largely indiferent to sex so I do not sexually respond to myself as a male and find nothing erotic (desire) that is an object, only anothers mind could offer this possible experience.
The "need" to dress is when my sense of self is threatened or needs to be reinforced because I have been pulled into the illusion by being a part of the world that I am male and this removes me from my natural state of being female that nature created.
To understand a man you must remember that they are female first and male second and than it becomes a matter of determining how far removed they are from their female selves.
I admire any man who is able to find happiness being a man because from my point of view it is unnatural.
I'm beginning to think that much of the violence done in the world comes from this illusion that a male is not female. I have never resented women like I see with so many men who must treat them as inferior because I never was separated from my female self and so do not feel that anger and blame it on women.
The challenge for a (female) male is sex because the act is opposite the female energies. All men are vulnerable sexually because they are built from females and so this can create great conflict within the mind which is why you see males doing all these crazy sexual things.
A males sexuality is brittle like glass and can be easily broken and so must be managed by his partner with care.
If it was not for sex males would be females.
Just some random thoughts but hope I answered your questions.
Most of the time it is a desire but if that desire does not get seen to after a while then it becomes a need , there are occasions when the need just hits you first .
Although I guess that deep down that desire comes from a need to feel feminine and I once said " It is only clothes" but if you think of it all clothes have a meaning even work clothes so this " It's" only clothes does not work for me any more :D
I can only tell you that for me it is a part of who i am. I desire to dress because it makes me feel sexy. I feel very happy when i am fully dress and yes it is also a need that i need to adresss no pun intendent. I feel so relieve when i am dress up and go out either to a club to dance and drink or just go outto the store or do other mundane thing that women do. If i had to tell you why i dress, if it is for a need or for a desire I would tell you that it is for both because it simply makes me happy to do it.
Hi Marie, welcome to this place. :)
I won't answer your question (I'm a GG), but I want to say that we have a varied membership here, from crossdressers to transsexuals and everyone else in between. Although you've asked your question in the crossdressing section, all of our members are free to post in every forum section, and so if in some of the responses it appears as if the members identify more as women, this is because they are closer to the transsexual end of the spectrum than the crossdressing end. Please keep this in mind as you read all the answers. You're new and although it can be somewhat confusing at first, there is a difference between people who will never plan to transition, and people who do or who might.
That said, carry on folks!
Hi Marie,
Reine, as usual, is 100% right. We are a very varied bunch indeed and I guess we all have our personal journey to take, albeit we get together and share our stories from time to time like many travellers.
My story is similar to many others... Way before puberty I was interested in making clothes for my 'Action Man' figures and whilst I loved all the male stuff too, I definately was interested in some of the more girly... I remember being very interested in my mother's clothes... nothing creepy, just fascination really. It was like a magical world. The smell of perfume... When puberty hit, I remember thinking 'Oh God' this is it I am going to be a guy... like there was a choice?
So that was it and I have lived as a guy for a long time, have had a few careers, brought up a family... I am not gay, I love women and have had some very intense and loving relationships - still do!
But this enjoyment of expressing a female side doesn't go away. I have tried to get rid of it over the years and it always comes back stronger and more intense. So I have accepted it is part of who I am. Does it make me less of a man? I don't know.. I am not a typical alpha male... I am on the 'creative' side I guess... but I regard it as a need - don't know why.
But I enjoy the feeling of the clothes, the sheer pleasure of having a hair free body, everything! Do I wish I was a woman? Sometimes... Do I wish I wasn't me? No... I have three wonderful daughters, a wonderful wife who I wish I had been more attentive to over the years and less distracted by work and music... No, I don't mean the last bit! I enjoy my music and love my work. And I love all the friends I have made, etc..
So it is... complicated...
I don't know if I am helping. I am the same guy I have always been. I have just learned more about being a person and think I am in a better place for it. More tolerant and forgiving and just plain in love with life!
But I am sat here in a skirt and need to get into male garb and go to work very soon... and I am putting it off... chinos don't feel the same!
Ana Cristina Garcia and Chickie are not only unbelievably beautiful, but they each express their thoughts so elegantly that there is no need for me to detail my own very similar (albeit less coherent) thoughts on this subject. Although, as others have pointed out, there is no single correct answer to the question presented in the original post, Ana and Chickie conveyed my thoughts far better than I could have done myself.
Marie,you have asked the most obvious, and unfortunately most difficult question for all of us. Why? I mean it really doesn't make any sense, and honestly at times it does seem well just a little bit odd, and that's just how I see myself!
Your analogy with smoking works to the extent that yes, there is this strong urge to dress, particularly when I haven't had a chance to for a while. Is there some sort of biochemical "release" that occurs when one is able to express ones gender freely? I don't know. It sort of fits to an extent. BUT the analogy fails in the sense that one cannot "give it up". Instead of improving ones health and mental wellbeing if an individual denies this then typically their mental health deteriorates. Oh, and CD'ing doesn't give you emphysema and cancer :)
The best I can express it is when I want to dress and I do, I feel comfortable and good about myself. Do you get up some days and think "today I might wear that nice skirt I got last week because I want to" when others you are more comfortable wearing a pair of jeans? It's sort of a bit like that. At least for me. I definitely do not dress to attract other people, the only person I am interested in attracting physically is my wife and she is NOT attracted (sexually) to me dressed! But I think we all dress to impress others when we go out, and if I go out guy or girl mode I'm always a little bit chuffed to receive a compliment.
wow, now I'm rambling. Hope this thread is helping you out. But please don't get super hung up on trying to "understand". Most of us that do it don't. If you do work out the why though please make sure you tell us all ( or a the very least me :)!)
I have yet to wear, and unsure if that is in my future or not.
So many talk about the anxiety of going out in female clothing while in a male body. To me I suffer the reverse effect as I feel like a female cross dressing in male clothing and simply don't need to work on the illusion to look male.
I feel out of place and awkward looking at myself in the mirror. The more female I make myself appear, the more it compares with reduction of female clothing in the minds of anyone looking at me. Wearing just one article of male attire to my mind, is the same as wearing just one article of female clothing in the minds of our community's CD crowd.
Right now I have not one vestige of female anything to me, so I feel like I am cross dressing completely as a man. Going unshaved, that is to me putting on male make up. Wearing a typical male ball cap, that is to me the same as a frilly scarf.
Everything to me, is just the reverse. This morning the wife had my male half do the usual male thing in the morning. As I see it, that was no different than going out on the town en femme to a CDer.
Every time my friends treat me like a guy, I feel the same way a CDer feels when they get treated like a guy. I suppose that is the only time a CDer and I feel the same way.
i have been dressing for over 60 years i dressed as early as 3 it is something that i can not stop doing i have tried many times i quit drinking i quit smokeing both just put it down and did not do it again this i can not stop i was born this way i know it is not easy for you to understand but your husband is the same person you married you just know him a little better now if you can find it in you to except him as he is his love for you will only get stronger this i know from my own experience.
Perhaps using an analogy of eating would be more useful. Yes, eating is a requirement for life so we all must eat; but what to eat? A healthy life could be made with plain tofu and steamed vegetables. However day after day it would get really boring. Add a few spices or some meat and dairy foods and meals get more interesting.
I liked Nathalie's comments on the variety of clothing that women can wear but are generally off limits to men. Skirts and dresses are a good start. Now we get into the old thread of, "if women can wear pants why can't guys wear skirts?"
The real reason we cross dress is as varied as the population here, we all have a slightly different reason. For me it is an enjoyment of the "nicer" clothing with pretty colors and the accessories. I also find that dressing gives me a sense of relaxation and peace. Any sexual connection has long since vanished, I'm 66. As for it being a "destructive behavior"; I fail to see how that happens given any number of other alternative behaviors.
I dress because I enjoy it and I plan to continue.
Hugs,
Sandra1746
Hi Marie, I hope I'm not confusing things for you but I think framing the answer around a popular misconception helps a lot in attempting an answer to this question - and I do mean "attempt". Basically we as a culture tend to forget that Gender, Sex, and Sexuality are completely different things, and the Gender part gets especially confused with sex because we assume that two sexes means two genders, but if you look outside Western culture that is often not the case - some societies recognize up to five or even more unique genders with specific cultural roles. From a Western perspective gender identity is kind of like a political spectrum. Some dress purely for sexual reasons, some see it as stress release, emotional comfort, a release from feeling trapped in the wrong body, some/all of the above and more...the personal reasons are endless. It's not a perfect answer, or even one that everyone here will agree with, but thinking from this perspective I hope provides a little insight :)
Which came first? The chicken or the egg? For me, there's a desire and a need to cd. Last night, I was at a club dancing and looking at the different relationship types around the dance floor. Lesbians, gay's, tg's and a small token few herero's! I thought to myself, what is their motivation for the way they are?? Everyone's got a story of desire and need that's led them to the point they're at this moment and it's all good!
I started when I was about 5 so it's the desire/need is deeply ingrained in me and part of my makeup....
Hmmmmm, It it a need or a desire? Very good question.
I guess for me it is a little of both. When I come home from a long day at work, all greasy and dirty. Nothing feels better then to get all cleaned up and get into some nice womens clothes.
Just like my wife can't wiat to get out of her daily dress clothes and get into some Jeans or sweat pants. I spend my day in a work uniform. Can't wait to get out of that into something more comfortable.
So need or desire, can't really say, It is not a matter of life and death that I dress. Although sometimes when I don't get to dress it feels like part of me is dying. So I guess I don't NEED to dress. More desire to be comfortable in how I am dressed.
I guess that about says it.:daydreaming:
When very young, satisfying a sexual desire.
When in my teens to now I looked like a weedy boy.
There was not much attention from girls.
When I dressed I looked like a blond bombshell.
I got attention from the girls that I desired because they wanted to know my secret.:)
I was not recognized by the boys and I could fend them off with a withering comment anyway.
From about 25 onwards it slowly goes downward. Body shape and facial features changed so now I can get sprung.
There is satisfaction in looking attractive to others wether presenting male or female.
As a male I work for money, as a female I can have a better life.
At age 80, and having been a CD since age 6, I am probably one of the older CD's on this forum. Like a lot of other CD's, I dress simply because I like to! I like the fit, feel, and look of feminine clothing so that is what I prefer to wear! But there is no NEED to do so!!
Dear Marie,
I dress because I have a deep inner desire to be feminine. Crossdressing exposes that inner desire to be a woman and the sensation of being dressed completes my release of my inner feelings. I have tried so many times to repress my desires to dress and they all have failed. Please embrace her when she dresses as this will create a deeper lasting bond between both of you. Dressing as any gender is and has always been about how you feel inside and it brings out your ability of self expression.
Maybe someday in this world how you dress would be looked upon as someone expressing their true inner feelings not about how non-conforming they appear.
Let her be herself and you will see who she really is.
Hugs,
I agree. This is essentially my story, except I'm 62 and I told my wife about 18 years ago, long after we were married...but our relationship concerning me being a CD is essentially the same as Cristy's.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cristy98girl
Hi Marie. Let me take a stab at this. Need or desire. Good question. If it was simply a desire, I think many of us would not continue to dress though out our adult life. I think I have a NEED to dress to fill a DESIRE to dress born out of an early compulsion started as a young boy that noticed the differences between girls and boys, or men and women. I looked at girls and women in awe of their beauty. Like so many things we as boys did, we emulated or played pretend. I liked the Lone Ranger, Roy Rogers and other heros from the weekly TV series of the time. So we dressed as cowboys and Indians, strapped on our six shooters and mounted out pretend horses. We also played with the neighborhood girls. Of course they wanted to play house. Some of us were either talked into playing the mom, or wanted to play the mom. We so admired the girls and the dresses they wore, that we wanted to experience house play from their side. We never outgrew that need to role play as one of our heroes. Those "heroes" we wanted to pretend to be, happen to be the girls and women that touched our life. Some how, for some reason that we were to young to understand, we tried on an article of clothing that our heroes wore. For some of us, going through puberty, with hormones beginning to interest us even more in the object of our hormone driven desire, began to have sexual feelings for girls. The feel, the softness and difference in how the clothes fit drove us even more. We pretended to be the object of our desire. Our earliest masturbation experience may have included wearing a slip, bra and dress. So we continued experiencing these new found feelings and became hooked for life with no conscious choice.
To ask if it's a need or a desire is almost like asking if having sex is a need or a desire. So I conclude that it's a desire that controlled deep within our subconsciousness. So we dress and emulate women because we have the desire born out of a need. Or is it we dress and emulate women because we have a desire born out of a need? All I know is, it isn't going away. It hasn't for some 50 years for me.
Funny thing is, that while in pre-puberty, puberty and teen years, early twenties, I dressed so infrequently that in was not much more then an every now and then fetish. Of course back then, pre-Internet days, I thought I was the only one and did not even have a name for what I did.Never gave it a thought as to whether or not it was a need or a desire.
Good point Reine. I did not mean to exclude anyone! I am really interested in everyone's responses. I think that for some reason it is easier for me to understand when someone wants to transition or dress full time than it is for me to understand a part time cross dresser like my husband. For that reason I am especially curious about those who do not plan to transition, if that makes sense. But like I said I am interested in everyone's reasons.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
Thanks again to everyone for your responses :)
I wondered that for many years. It took me decades to become comfortable with all this and to realize that this is just who I am. It's not something I do for fun, it's not done to shock anyone. Part of me is just female and the only way I am comfortable expressing that is by being me...
Why do I wear feminine clothes? Is it a need? A desire? How about it is second nature to my being?
I am no scientist nor do I have a medical background, but I believe as a crossdresser, transexual or transvestite - it is part of who we are (as has been previously stated by others). In essence, we are 'born this way'.
To the best of me recollection, I started exploring wearing girls clothing when I was about 8 or 9 years old - very similar to others. What triggered that exploration - I have no idea.
My technical background asks - what prompted the need to explore? I suspect that part of my need to explore was a natural process. Little is known about the cause of why we crossdress, etc, but there has been some recent research/findings that indicate variations in the brain of transgender individuals. From this I lean towards a theory that we are all customed built from our sex, physical aspects (height, eye and hair color, et al), genetics, and internal 'programming', which includes our gender identity. I believe the latter is reponsible for intiating the exploring of feminine clothing.
Today, some 50 years later, it feels natural to continue to explore or 'do things in a different way' than the typical male. Women's clothes (all of it so far) feels natural and in most cases, fits me better than men's clothing. (Note: I am very statuesque - 6'7" and have a small frame). I wear panties everyday, keep my nails polished, shave my underarms and legs, but I refrain from wearing a bra and women's jeans and tops to work. However, when I arrive home from work and on weekends, I wear women's clothing. It is very doubtful that I'll ever go out though.
So why do I do it? It's a natural extension of my being. Now if only medical science could verify this theory and society could accept it, life would be so much better for the TG community. TG-ism is not the end of the world as there are far worst issues that need to be addressed.
Just my thoughts.
i started at 5 when mom showed the ways of little girl and i loved it ever since, been dressing ever since and i like too give out tips too the newbies too that need help or know's what work's for me hug's Tiffany
Marie, I'm a part-time dresser, and I do it because certain items, as well as the complete transformation, excite me sexually. I like being a man, and all the things men do (hobbies, sports, father, husband, etc.), but I enjoy dressing up occasionally. However, understanding why I dress probably won't help you understand why your husband dresses. I leveled with my wife when I told her, and she knows what drives me, to what extent I dress, how far I want to take it (and not take it), and answered her typically-asked questions: gay? - no, Become a woman? - no, etc. Just a guy who likes to dress sometimes. So, ask your husband to lay it all out for you. If you want to understand him -ask him.
I find it very refreshing when a GG wants to understand their CD husband. You are to be commended for that Marie!
The best advice I can give is to talk it out with your SO because all of us are at different places with this. Many things here do not and will not apply to your SO. The ladies in the FAB section will help a lot too.:)
everyone has different reasons. i can only speak about mine and it's pretty simple. my makeup as a male is such that my masculinity and femininity are pretty much equal. i was born with male parts and have lived all my life as a male and rather enjoyed it. i don't feel conflicted about my masculinity nor do i feel i am a woman trapped in a man's body.
i've also become aware through this site and other research that there is nothing really unhealthy about dressing. it's not a fetish, or a sickness and really the only thing that may be a drawback is how family members, friend or society view or accept it. but trust me the tides are turning daily and i do believe that one day, seeing men dressed in women's clothing everywhere you go, may be commonplace.
however self-awareness has shown me that i can and do enjoy express a feminine personality and ultimately a feminine appearance. so as a result i get to enjoy my life both as a man and a man who appears to be a woman. and along with that, being passable, and dressing in a way that is appropriate for who i would be as a woman is very important. so i dress completely or not at all. male mode means male underwear and so on.
there's one other benefit that i think is really cool. i have a choice now to look like a middle aged man, or a lady. i think the lady is more appealing and far more attractive.
one last thing. while i have an extensive wardrobe and all the things that go along with it, i don't really feel a compulsion to dress. whenever i have the time to dress and become cassandra, it's all good.
hope this helps.
Marie, I'm an old CD, I've been dressing since I was 6 years old, at least the the first memory I'm sure of. I don't know why I did it that first time, to long ago to remember, but after a lifetime, I can say it's not a choice for me, it goes beyond a simple need, it's a compulsion, that demands I dress. if I fight it and try to be a man's man, I wind up depressed, filled with rage, become a very argumentative person, and generally find life very unsatisfactory. If I dress when needed, I am a very happy go lucky kind of guy, fun to be around, thoughtful, and caring. So I not only like me better when I dress, so does my wife. Since I've been retired a few years now, I dress a lot, because I can, and I am happier than I've ever been. Which makes the wife's life happier too.
Tina B.
Hi Marie,
Reine's post really nails it. We, including your SO, are all different. For me, I know I was born this way. If your SO is just openly dealing with this for the first time, it will probably take her some time to figure out where she fits on the scale and whether it is a need or a desire. I know for me, it was stressful not "knowing" myself and trying to explain all of this to my wife at the same time.
Debby
Hi Marie, for me I used to think it was a desire and I thought that I was bad for doing it! as I got older I learned it was both, a desire and need and as I look back it was always there ever since since I was a young boy. Cannot say why but it really makes me feel wonderful and complete. I love my wife and family and hid it until I turned 50, it suddenly hit me so hard my emortions were all over the place and stress levels through the roof. I talked to my wife about it she was scared at first probably fear of what I might do next or that others might find out. We both agreed that neither of us wanted it to change our situation in the community family etc. She has accepted my feminine side and trusts me to enjoy it without outing myself to our friends family etc.. My wife said if it makes me happy then I should do it. I feel so lucky for two reasons First my wife accepted me even though it was a shock after 25 years of marriage, and no I did not keep a secret or lie I really thought I could live with out it, wrong, and second I am lucky in that I am a croosdresser and my need to dress is satisfied with occasional dressing up a couple times a month and we are both happy and comfortable with that. I know the need to dress and everything elses runs from occasional to always to hormones etc. We have as much diversity as any group of people. I think it is wonderful you ask and are on this forum, it means you care and want to understand, I hope this forum helps you! I still don't understand it myself, but I know it makes me feel like a whole person and much happier in life.
:iagree: I want to see what it's like in the GIRLS ONLY club. For me, it's less of a need and more of a desire, but I am very frequently thinking about my next opportunity to dress up.Quote:
Originally Posted by NathalieX66
Marie, the difference with crossdressing and your analogy is that we didn't dress and then became hooked. We, most CDers anyway, were born hooked.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marie GG
Regarding the few comments on "variety" as a reason to CD, I don't buy that at all. While there can be no doubt that women's clothes offer more variety, that only gives a crossdresser more choices but not a reason to CD.
I too started very young and I asume found soft things comforting and pleasurable. Not sure I'll ever know why - or that it matters, though I understand why you'd want to try and figure it out. I like women's clothing and make up - as most soft things in our society are female oriented and it gives me great pleaure to feel those things on me and see myself in them. I have a need/desire to express myself sometimes as a girl but love most of the guy things about me too. Just got tired of trying to deny one side of me that needed me to love and accept it. Bottom line, I'm a damn fine Dad (others tell me this) and a loving and caring husband ( my spouse tells me) and successful businessman and dressing will never change any of those facts. Am also blessed that my wife loves and accepts me and I love her more than I ever thought possible since she learn of and has been trying too to accept this side of me ....even as she admits she may never understand it. So if you can see enough good in him, can find some boundries regarding the dressing that you can both live with and are willing to periodically be open to negociating those mutual boundries , I think that's a blessing on both of you.
I am a late bloomer so to speak. over the last two years it has become painfully apparent that I am much closer to the transsexual end of the spectrum. For me dressing helps align my mind - womans to my body male. I have found if I don't do this my stress levels go through the roof. I need to have my body reflect my mind as much as possible.
This only applies to me not everyone else on this form.