So, I'm an ftm and honestly, I don't get what the allure is to wanting to be a girl. What are the positive points to being female? Because I just don't seem to see them.
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So, I'm an ftm and honestly, I don't get what the allure is to wanting to be a girl. What are the positive points to being female? Because I just don't seem to see them.
Yes I can understand your question; What does the other side have that I do not have.
I see you like the Idea of being strong, dominant, powerfully, in short manly trites.
I guess with me anyway, I like the Idea of wearing pretty clothes, looking nice, not
DAB nice, but feminism nice.
When you see a pretty girl, she is the attention of the room. I know I will never reach
that goal in a million years, but I can dream, and put on a nice dress and enjoy the moment.
Some here have been fortunate to go on to full transitions to being a female, Other's can
only live the life they wanted to by dressing full time. They have the body type to be able to
achieve this goal. I myself have the body of a lumberjack; Great for cutting wood, but I would
look like a cartoon in a dress outside of this house. My wife understands my desires, and is
OK with my dressing. and even under dressing.
I wish you a lot of luck; Shark, you are able to look like a handsome young man, You know what a
feeling inside that gives you. It is much the same on the other side of the street, If you can get
my meaning.
I hope this answers some of your questions, I know your question will bring many responses.
Hugs
Rader
Let me just say, that I'm really looking forward to reading the responses in this thread.
When you put the question like that, I honestly can't answer.
When I'm in girl mode, I just feel "mo' right", I guess ... like a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle is put in place, and then the whole picture of me makes more complete sense than it did before. Maybe it's just that internally, I'm a soft, vulnerable person who is more in-line with female stereotypes than male stereotypes.
Society completely disdains males with those traits, and also being a product of this society, I've managed to internalize that conflict ... there's a symbolic mismatch ... the label doesn't represent the contents ... like a "sad clown" (those gimme the heebie jeebies) ... when I get in girl mode, it sort of temporarily re-aligns my outward appearance with what I feel inside, and then I don't feel the discomfort of the symbolic mismatch maybe.
Or maybe I'm just thinking about it too much and I just like dresses and being pretty, LOL.
As a MtF who can't understand what anyone could find alluring about being a dude ... is it okay for me to ask the same question of you? What on Earth could you possibly find attractive about being a dude?
For me its a comfort thing. I feel more comfortable being all dolled up and pretty. I think there is a part that has to do with the attention that Women rrecieve too. When a beautiful woman enters a room, everyone looks. Plus there are so many more options available to women. Men just wear jeans, shirt, sometimes no style to their hair. It is just very dull. I love the colors, the smells, and feeling of being pretty. Not sure if that answers your question or not. Maybe we could trade bodies! LOL :tongueout
Youre asking the wrong question, really. The motivation or need to be a woman, for those of us who are transgendered comes from deep inside. It may be something genetic or influenced by hormones during fetal development, or both. Whatever it is, it made me feel that need to express my feminine nature. It is not as though I was attracted to women's clothes by observation and envy...It's just who I am. Isn't that also true for you?
That for me is a hard question to answer. In the begin maybe it was the pretty clothes and makeup. As a man I was always very uncomfortable and very ashamed of myself in everyday life. As a child I always wanted to be a girl and do the things other girls did. Most woman are more honest with each other. That is something I don't see in men.
This question I will think on and see what else I come up with.
I also never thought I could be a woman because of my height and shape. But as for now I just feel so much more natural as a woman. I know I am not pretty and won't make guys look twice at me but I am happy now.
Good luck with you quest. I am sure you will get some wonderful answers.
Aha! This explains a lot. When we were in line for bodies during the Formation, You got mine!! :D. How do you feel when you become male?
The allure? It's just what I am, it's how I was born. How else can I explain it?
*thinking of a brutally honest answer*:thinking: Probably many of the reasons you don't? One of the biggest thing for me is that when I am in femme mode I am popular, outgoing, happy, friendly, more relaxed, more open. I am also an attention...well you know... like being noticed and I am. I am everything I wanted with a girl when I was in my teens and twenties. I am "me". Even people who know me in both modes say that.
We all tend to focus on the not so good aspects of who we are in daily life and to be honest I would not want some of the things that go with being a female (make your own decisions here). You see being a guy as all the good things that go with it and guys DO have more perks (what was the song if I were a boy I'd roll out of bed..."). At my age I get the majority of perks women who have been around get. I don't get the hassle of having to fend off guys or having the physical things once a month (or after 9 months). I don't have to fight for a job that pays less or get disrespected in that same workplace.
Mostly, it is just "something" that feels right. You know the feeling but in the opposite direction. Hard to really put a name on it. Just something inside. An inner spark? :idontknow:
Well Shark... to be... or not to be... a woman? ... a man?
allure... ?
attraction... ?
Since my final purge, about four years ago, I've built up a collection of feminine wear (mostly dresses).
A dress sometimes begs me to put it on... or so it seems to me...
Daft, huh?
I don't have a choice, as far as I can tell.
Cloths (i.e., what the world describes as "feminine clothing") choose me... and always have!
Does that help you?
:hugs:Gaby
I have to agree with kim! Nothing allures me! It's just the way I feel inside that I should be a woman! True I love the clothes etc. but my mind seems to belong to a female so my body should look like one!
Not sure, it's kind of an odd phenomenon. Even having put the CDing on the shelf recently in favor of a new GG relationship, I feel it's like learning to ride a bike, you never forget how regardless of how long it's been. IN short, it's a part of me I can choose to display or not--just being myself.:)
Allow me to answer with a question. What is the allure to you wanting to be a man?
Great question. For me I enjoy everything feminine, the choices in clothing, shoes, hair styles, jewelry and accessories, plus the makeup and the way it transforms your appearance. I have and continue to enjoy the perks of being a GM and do not wish to become a full time woman but once in a while it is who I am. Women are treated and communicate more honestly than men who always have to protect their MACHO image even when they don't feel like it. Hell I even played semi-pro football for a couple of years (during the NFL strike had the chance to play for the Bengals, wide receiver). The guys were always out to prove how tough they were, it wasn't about playing as a team it was always about ME!
When younger I had more female friends than male, while I could fight with the best of them I preferred playing with the girls. I love the feeling of being a women even if only in my own mind. My communication with my wife and others is more honest and open because as a woman I feel the same need for false pretense, nothing to prove, just be me.
Hugs
Jolene
Hugs
Jolene
I did my time as a guy and the kids are grown, now it's time to feel right.:)
Good question what's the allure to being a guy? Lol. Hell I just lie the clothing choices the softness selection, comfort, women clothes are so good looking, a nice pair of heels over sneakers anyday
When I was young and would actually look "pretty" when I dressed, I got much more attention and was actually treated nicer by the guys that were attracted to me than when I was a guy looking for attention from girls. I guess I was more social as a "girl", if that makes any sense at all.
I also must agree with Kim, I don't think I could have answered any better then this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthia Anne
I thought we'd have a variety of answers that ranged a broad spectrum of CDing. Seems there a number that feel the way I do. Born this way. The wrong way. I know I should have been born a female.
I always hear thats its to relieve the stresses of being male. I don't know about that, I've never felt too stressed being male.
Its like I guess owning a truck. Its good its practical you can haul things with it. But you see commercials and watch movies the feature real fast sporty race cars. You think those have got to be fun to drive once in a while.
What's the allure to being a woman?
Never thought about it....I like being a man.....I just like to dress in womens clothing.
I don't remember wanting to dress like a girl as a kid. Sometimes I have bouts of gender identity dysphoria and entertain thoughts of transitioning. I think my desire is more a product of extreme self-loathing. My childhood was not a happy one to put it mildly and I theorize that I may have created some form of secondary personality, one that is the most opposite of what I am, as a coping mechanism. When I dress I can relax. I can become someone else. The more feminine the clothing, the better I am able to let go. It's a wonderful escape.
Sometimes I fantasize about what I could be if I wasn't a father, husband, son, brother, male etc but I know that is not possible at this time.
I have no idea, but as the shell begins to fall apart I'm beginning to accept that I should not have been born a man.
Interesting topic though :)
I don't think of it as wanting to be a woman, but rather as a desire to express myself as I wish.
At work today I looked at all the women wearing nice cool summer dresses in a wide spectrum of colors and patterns, pretty necklaces, earrings, and bracelets, and wonderful shoes ranging from flats to heels. They obviously had quite a lot of fun picking out and wearing their creative outfits.
I was stuck sweltering in a shirt and long trousers with a color choice of blue, brown, or black. It distresses me greatly to be restricted like this, but that is what happens when you get the Y side of the coin flip.
There are other attractions. Women treat each other better and have better social relations. They don't have to spend all of their time and energy figuring out where they are in the packing order. They aren't expected to be able to handle any situation that comes along.
Now, I'm realistic and realize that being a woman isn't all wonderfulness. However that does not reduce my distress at my own situation.
I am looking forward to hearing the FTM side of the discussion. What are the attraction for them, considering that GGs are already much more free to explore male clothing options without being ostracized?
The allure is having no body hair except for wishing long hair on my head, boobs, panties, earings, nail polish, jewlery, wearing silky dresses, high heels and acting the part.
Oh and when you put all that clothing and stuff on at the same time then go out in public, there is a huge invisible weight taken off your shoulders and body that you can't see but its not there anymore.
It's like the old saying goes , The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
You know what I find stupifying, is that women who want to be men, and I know what I'm talking about, as my sister is in that category, just never got the being a girl and feeling what it is. They haven't liked the fact that they had breasts or felt inferior to men. I like the way I feel in womens clothes because I can't wear them everyday. I haven't had real breasts that might hurt when they grew. So I have to imagine what that feels like.
I don't honestly believe that I'll ever pass, so I have to live in the shadow of who I would like to be. Oh well, that's my price. As a woman, you won't knownwhat it feels like to wake up with a H-O in the morning. Guess that's your price. Then again, I don't hear many women wanting that part so much. For now, I'll keep underdresssing and have to be happy with that and my imagination.
GG chiming in here... Several comments on women being more honest with each other: Women are NOT honest, not with each other. Those outings, with even my closest friends, which CDers tend to romanticize as "girls having fun" are not carefree social occasions for a flock of pretty women. They are very competitive. Whose husband has the biggest job; whose kids have the best grades; who has the best real boobs; whose kids have the best sports record; who has the most stylish hair; who has the most expensive clothes; whose kid has the most extracurricular leadership roles; whose second home is in the most exclusive location. It sounds like we're all congratulating each other on our good fortunes, but those bright, tinkling voices are speaking some very cutting words. Watch the movie Mean Girls. It doesn't stop when the girls turn into women.
Jee whiz! I just logged on and read all your responses. Thank you all for putting in your opinion. Now here's mine:
For me, being a dude makes me feel like a lot of you ladies have put it. Just right.
Being a guy means having courage, a desire to protect but the capacity to love. It means power and confidence. Class and courtesy with a tad bit of swagger. (ok maybe a lot of swagger) It means low maintenance mornings lol. The competition is seen as real and not just cute.
I'm aware that not all those characteristics are reserved for males, but it's just what I give to males.
I don't know. It just makes me feel right. Like coming home after a long trip. Just comfortable and correct.
pardon me ... this is totally off topic to the thread, but that is fascinating.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlana
so both you and your sister have gender identity stuff going on? I've often wondered if there IS a GID-gene or something.
For instance, my dad ... uber-conservative in every way and just paranoid to the Nth degree about all things gay (noticeably so, and that's saying something for it to stand out against the background of all the paranoid nuttery that dude is into). .. I've always sort of harbored a suspicion that he was compensating for something and ... you know maybe I didn't fall so far from the tree afterall.
Interesting stuff. Sorry for the derail. Everyone please resume your regularly scheduled thread ....
Yep, Elledsud is correct. Everybody should go watch mean girls. You know Janice? Well a chick did the same thing down to strange details that Regina did to her. Girls have competition, its just different. I'd rather compete at the guy things where actuall skill is involved. As a girl it seems everything I want is just out of reach. And girls (especially high school) are not kind to eachother in the least. Vicious actually.Quote:
Originally Posted by ElleduSud
I have always wanted that... That darn grass...Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlana
You just explained what the allure is to a "T". Many of our contingency acknowledge that we didnt choose it, we were born with it. Our brains were morphed, something got crossed, and here we are. Instead of the physical, like our closely related intersex friends, we only got the mental allure to be transgender.Quote:
Originally Posted by mfakley
Many of us are dressing in our preferred gender, which is registered in an inaccessible spot that cannot be cured or altered, except to give it freedom to express. It's almost like we are not really crossdressing, but dressing correctly to conform to the image in our mind. That is, for some of us, not all.
Well, for one thing, the fashion choices are better. Guys clothes are boring. :yawn:
Who needs gender? ....seriously?
And there you have your answer.Quote:
Originally Posted by the_shark
The "allure" or charm of m2f transitioning is both psychological and physical. The pull is felt because of an inner urge or predisposition.
(1) It's psychological because there are pre-existing (inborn) feminine personality traits the extent of which varies depending on the individual. The more inwardly transgendered the greater the tendancy to naturally express this aspect of ones personality.
When the itch to do so intensifies and the time & setting are permitting, an m2f transgendered individual can relax and allow his feminine personality to fully manifest and self-express. If this pre-existing feminine self is deeply ingrained or has evolved and strengthened over time there can occur a total or near total conversion in gender identification. One undergoes a powerful, fundamental psychological transition from male to female as the female personality takes over, influencing all aspects of behavior, thinking, feeling, likes & dislikes, attitudes, opinions & preferences all of which are markedly different (even contrary to) the normally dominant male personality.
The maleness of ones normal personality is greatly diminished. It fades in importance and influence. One is now barely aware of that 'normal' everyday self or altogether forgets it. 'He' becomes 'She' in a very genuine sense. Totally immersed in his normally repressed inner female self, one that is independent and as real as (or even more real than) the coexisting male personality, the m2f individual looks, acts, thinks & feels in a manner that is predominantly if not wholly feminine. And does so in a way that is legitimate, authentic and true to inner herself.
(2) It's naturally arousing to transform to your own ideal 'girlfriend'. When you look in the mirror the (subdued) male in you doesn't recognize the sexy, sultry, alluring girl reflecting back. This is at once confusing & arousing, empowering the female you see in you, now freely expressing in everyway possible. As she exerts more influence you fall for her allure & are liable to do things you normally wouldn't. Once overcome with and immersed in feminine feelings, sex is intense & overwhelming.
Are you kidding? Hah, I love guy's clothes! Simple, sexy and comfortable (thats the big one) if you ask me.Quote:
Originally Posted by NathalieX66
There's that grass again...
Thats a very elegant well though out responce.Quote:
Originally Posted by Annaliese2010
Dressing up makes me feel soft, alluring and vulnerable, I find a need to feel protected rather than to protect, to comfort and caress rather than simply provide. I can't explain why I enjoy feeling this way, but it's a nice treat when I get a chance to go fem.
the same exact answers as to why your a man.Quote:
Originally Posted by the_shark
Interestingly, this is very much like the answer I would give for what draws me to presenting as a woman. For me it's less about feeling softer or more delicate; I actually feel stronger and more confident. I've never felt like I've related well to being one of The Guys. I have always felt on guard and insecure in those social settings, as if I don't have the skills to match up. But when I dress, I feel like how I look matches who I am. I won't be expected to compete in Guy terms; I somehow know as a woman though that I will fully be able to account for myself in any situation.Quote:
Being a guy means having courage, a desire to protect but the capacity to love. It means power and confidence. ~the_shark
Please note, I am not implying that it's harder to be a guy and that being a woman is "the easy route." In many ways, I think it may be harder to be a woman (which, I admit, I'll never truly *know*). I'm just saying that it's harder for *me* to be a guy, but when I am in girl mode, all the pieces feel like they have finally dropped into place.
Perfect reply. I'm with you on this.
I enjoy my 'maledom', and wouldn't trade it for the world. It's just that I also love to 'girl-up' occasionally (becoming much more frequent) and enjoy the variety of women's clothes. So much variety! Just beginning the makeup thing as well. It's fun!!!
Di
Hi,
None, being born different ,not a wont or even thoughts about being do i have to choose, my mind programing was wired as a female plus some internal body differences, just some crossed over with male , clothes yes they are lovely nice to wear never had a bearing on who i am,
For me its in being who i am & expressing that part of myself as a female / woman, does not mean what little male expresson there is its all a part of my makeup as a person down to the advantages & disadvantages that comes with being different.
...noeleena...
I like the experience of the "knowing"
It is enjoyable because everyone wears a mask but you see them anyway.
What appears to be superficial is really just a ritual and there is language below language, everything is layered and nothing appears as it seems.
Often the extreme sensitivity and connectivity feels like "to much" but yet without it there would not be the knowing that takes you past the surface and into the depths.
Being this way almost killed me but I'm glad for the experience now that I have moved beyond it.
You stop needing to manage yourself when you become whole, things become quiet yet the intensity is not lost.
Now I paint my toe nails because I'm "not" resisting and not as a consequence "of " resisting.
Crossdressing is a river and everyone dives into it from the same bank but it is the bank you call home when you finally swim out that is the test of who you are.
I have come full circle so have changed into what I already was, bringing up from the depths what was denied.
I thought the allure was escape from what "is" but realize now it was escape from what "should have been" and so now the should have been "is" so there is no allure.
My mind is finally quiet, a very strange experience and I wonder where it will take me.
Adam, because you want to go the other way I would say that you have been attracted to the male physique, dress and mannerisms.
I have the opposite reaction, I am attracted to female physique, dress and mannerisms.
The question I would ask, why do you want to be a man.
I have only read your post and not any one elses.
I would say there a lot of analytical threads there and I will go read them myself now.
I try and answer the OP's question before being tainted by other replies.
Of which I see there are many.:)
Since you are a ftm you will probably agree that the desire/need for those of us with gender identity/expression traits are not a choice but an integral part of us. Most, probably even you might agree that life would be less complicated if we weren't in this group (not better necessarily, but less complicated) so a rational choice would be to skip all of this. I, personally don't feel my need/desires are of my own choosing. This is where i am on the gender expression continuum and so I need to crossdress and I desire to experience some things in life from a female perspective so to speak.
Now to answer your question about the pluses, women have more choices in clothing, jobs (paid less I'll admit), how they appear. Also along the lines of your veiw, no one questions a female when they wish to emulate a man but males are chastized for wishing to do feminine things in many cases. This is a drawback to being male. males are expected by western culture to always behave manly. and there are real stresses that come from that (we die much younger then females.
GREAT POST!
Shark, I think you're gonna need a new lawnmower. Lol! I agree with you though. Damn green grass is as bad as a pink fog.
The clothes and the shopping
what she said, there is very little "allure" to it and there have been many days that I have cried myself to sleep just wishing i could have been a "normal" guyQuote:
Originally Posted by kellycan27
Allure is really the wrong word. It's really pretty clear that I'm bigendered. There are just times when Tina needs to be allowed to be herself. I'm not yet sure what the mix will end up being, but there will be time for both of my gendered selves, separate and unique.
All of the differences in the "trappings" of one gender or the other is not a part of the reality of what makes one transgendered. The "trappings" are what define the style of each of my gendered selves.
Well then tell us...from your perspective what are the positive points about being male??????Quote:
Originally Posted by the_shark
It's all in ones viewpoint now isn't it??
It's not so much about the grass being greener on the other side than it is your side of the fence being a turnip farm.Quote:
Originally Posted by the_shark