Sigh, Lonely.

Part of being a CD that really sucks is the fact that its that much harder to find a GG to be with who is understanding and doesnt run to the hills when i tell them what i do. Ill meet someone and when I tell them I like to CD they just disappear. I dont want to be one of those people that keeps it a secret because I feel thats just wrong. I like to be upfront so as not to get hurt when I get attached and they run. Its been a long time since i had someone in my life and more and more I feel like Im destined to be a single person the rest of my life, which sucks. I dunno, Im just lonely and ranting. I just really wish I could meet someone awesome who is understanding.

I have been where you are and yes it feels bad but you never know who will come along.
Be yourself be honest and the right one will land in your lap when you least expect it.

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

and the right one will land in your lap when you least expect it.

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or not and you die alone in some alley in a torn soiled pretty pink dress! just sayin

Im just tired of waiting. Ive been waiting for years for someone to "come along." Im not a drinker so I hate bars and clubs and such. My options are limited where I can meet girls. Pretty much all there is is online and everyone online is a waste of time for the most part. You meet someone, talk for a bit and everything is awesome then they just disappear or lose interest. Its disheartening and makes me feel like crap ya know.

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

or not and you die alone in some alley in a torn soiled pretty pink dress! just sayin

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Dying alone seems more and more of an inevitability. lol

Never lose hope and go take a listen to Raise Your Glass by Pink!

There is someone out there for you and when you find each other you'll be blown away :).

All we can do from here is give you : hugs : and tell you that your time will come, probably when you least expect it.

You just have to keep trying. It is worth it when you find one. Makes you forget all the loneliness. Its hard I know.

Now I am not a full on cross dresser. I am very happy in my panties and womens jeans. I have found a woman that loves me in panties and womens jeans. In the mornings when she stays over night, we lounge around my house in panties drinking coffee. I never have to hide the fact that I wear panties, she even likes it when I wear extra frilly, girly panties wuth lace, ribbons and floral colors. She really loves lingerie too and likes it when I take her lingerie shopping. I like the especially girly jeans with no back pockets. She likes how hot they make me look and tells me when we are out in public. I like being out in public, holding her hand shopping and women will look at my obviously girly jeans, (I wear the big flare, tight, no pocket girls jeans when I am with her) then look me in the eyes and stare. I just smile! :)

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Originally Posted by RachelRoxx

Dying alone seems more and more of an inevitability. lol

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Tell me about it..... I've already picked out my pretty pink dress.... its not soiled or torn..... yet..... sigh.....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RachelRoxx

Im just tired of waiting. Ive been waiting for years for someone to "come along." Im not a drinker so I hate bars and clubs and such. My options are limited where I can meet girls. Pretty much all there is is online and everyone online is a waste of time for the most part. You meet someone, talk for a bit and everything is awesome then they just disappear or lose interest. Its disheartening and makes me feel like crap ya know.

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I see from your profile that you're 28. Honestly, that tells me that you really haven't been waiting all that long. But be that as it may. Here's what you do. 1) keep looking on the on-line dating services (actually , lots and lots of people meet that way. 2) Besides the club and bar scene, consider joining voluntary service organizations. You'll meet some interesting and thoughtful people. 3) Don't push to hard...and try not to feel or act as though you're desparate for companionship. 4) work on your self esteem...if not being in a relationship is disheartening and makes you feel like crap, then you are basing your self worth on the wrong thing.

As a human being, your value is intrinsic - its not based on what you do, who you know, how much you earn, or what accomplishments you can claim. Believe in yourself and learn to be comfortable with yourself - or to be trite - love yourself first. Then, you'll be prepared to a relaitonship.

Being truthful has its disadvantages. It seems from the numerous CD'ers in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship with a wife have survived disclosure. The wives are willing to accept some degree of cross dressing because they know the true overall nature of their 'man.' I still think the societal no-no on cross dressing dooms new relationships from progressing. I think many women think society will look at them as having something wrong also for hanging in there with a 'guy in a dress.' Just my personal opinion.

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

I see from your profile that you're 28. Honestly, that tells me that you really haven't been waiting all that long. But be that as it may. Here's what you do. 1) keep looking on the on-line dating services (actually , lots and lots of people meet that way. 2) Besides the club and bar scene, consider joining voluntary service organizations. You'll meet some interesting and thoughtful people. 3) Don't push to hard...and try not to feel or act as though you're desparate for companionship. 4) work on your self esteem...if not being in a relationship is disheartening and makes you feel like crap, then you are basing your self worth on the wrong thing.

As a human being, your value is intrinsic - its not based on what you do, who you know, how much you earn, or what accomplishments you can claim. Believe in yourself and learn to be comfortable with yourself - or to be trite - love yourself first. Then, you'll be prepared to a relaitonship.

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Its not not being in a relationship that makes me feel like crap, its meeting someone and them all of a sudden just disappearing. Makes me feel like im not good enough or not interesting enough or whatever. Its kind of why my self esteem is so low, all my life ive met girls who just lose interest or meet someone else or anything to go away and it makes me feel like im just not good enough. I feel stuck in a box. I constantly have dreams where everyone i know is going somewhere and i just cant get there and it mirrors real life. All my friends are moving ahead, great jobs, great wives or girlfriends and im just stuck here, cant find a job, cant find a girl. Everyday is the same, wake up look for work, get disappointed after a while, play guitar to calm down, play Battlefield, hit everyone up to see what theyre doing, everyone is busy. By the end of the night i cry myself to sleep because i spend all day everyday home and alone. Im tearing up just writing this and thinking about it. My confidence and motivation and completely shot and gone. Like i said i dont really like bars or clubs but im dying to go out dressed. Like dying for it but i have zero confidence, no friends, no money and my height scares the ever loving crap out of me. I know i know, "get out there and try" but its hard when you have nobody to go out with. I am not going out by myself, thats just depressing. I dunno, as you can see my mind is being pulled in every possible direction and my pessimistic attitude doesnt help. Its hard to be positive when nothing has ever once worked out for me, ever.

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Originally Posted by RachelRoxx

Its not not being in a relationship that makes me feel like crap, its meeting someone and them all of a sudden just disappearing. Makes me feel like im not good enough or not interesting enough or whatever. Its kind of why my self esteem is so low, all my life ive met girls who just lose interest or meet someone else or anything to go away and it makes me feel like im just not good enough. I feel stuck in a box. I constantly have dreams where everyone i know is going somewhere and i just cant get there and it mirrors real life. All my friends are moving ahead, great jobs, great wives or girlfriends and im just stuck here, cant find a job, cant find a girl. Everyday is the same, wake up look for work, get disappointed after a while, play guitar to calm down, play Battlefield, hit everyone up to see what theyre doing, everyone is busy. By the end of the night i cry myself to sleep because i spend all day everyday home and alone. Im tearing up just writing this and thinking about it. My confidence and motivation and completely shot and gone. Like i said i dont really like bars or clubs but im dying to go out dressed. Like dying for it but i have zero confidence, no friends, no money and my height scares the ever loving crap out of me. I know i know, "get out there and try" but its hard when you have nobody to go out with. I am not going out by myself, thats just depressing. I dunno, as you can see my mind is being pulled in every possible direction and my pessimistic attitude doesnt help. Its hard to be positive when nothing has ever once worked out for me, ever.

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Rachel, read over what you've just written. Then think about where your priorities should be right now, based on what you've identified. Finding a girlfriend probably shouldn't be the first thing, not even the second thing on your prioty list. Nor should going out dressed. The first thing is to work on your self esteem and the second thing is to get some kind of employment. Get those two aspects of you life in order as best you can, then I would strongly encourage you to spend some time with a therapist...or if you can it might even be better to start with the therapist. You need to work on some personal issues before worrying about friendships, lovers or getting out dressed. Seriously, this is important!

That person you seek is out there, she just hasn't found you yet. Don't give up hope, just live your life to the fullest and do what makes you happy. sooner or later you may cross paths as life is funny like that and it will probably be in the most unexpected place.

It's always best to be up front though, if you read around the forum you'll see that a lot of the girls have been married for years upon years before they told their SO and it had the potential to be disastrous. You will skip that step doing it the way you are doing it.

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

Rachel, read over what you've just written. Then think about where your priorities should be right now, based on what you've identified. Finding a girlfriend probably shouldn't be the first thing, not even the second thing on your prioty list. Nor should going out dressed. The first thing is to work on your self esteem and the second thing is to get some kind of employment. Get those two aspects of you life in order as best you can, then I would strongly encourage you to spend some time with a therapist...or if you can it might even be better to start with the therapist. You need to work on some personal issues before worrying about friendships, lovers or getting out dressed. Seriously, this is important!

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Youre right Kim and I agree. But yes getting work is definitely something i need to do first. Its just hard to suppress strong feelings you have inside ya know? I know if i can just get a job and some money in my pocket id feel a whole lot better about myself. And i do try really hard, i send out tons of resumes, call tons of places, fill out tons of apps. And never get anything. Its tough out there right now. And if i dont find something soon im going to lose my car and if that happens ill seriously snap bacause i have less than a year left on the loan. I will explode if that happens. Believe me i want a good job more than anything, I was just ranting about how i feel in general. Plus i know working will be good for me because it will get me out of the house. And I cant stand being inside all day, which is usally why i go fishing but im poor so i dont even have gas to go fish and relax, so i jam to relax and it works for a while but then i remember im still inside and, well, blah.

And ive seen therapists but theyve never really worked for me. Id rather come here and talk about it because even though i dont personally know any of you we at least share something in common. I never feel better after talking to a total stranger about how i feel.

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Originally Posted by Miss Joanne

That person you seek is out there, she just hasn't found you yet. Don't give up hope, just live your life to the fullest and do what makes you happy. sooner or later you may cross paths as life is funny like that and it will probably be in the most unexpected place.

It's always best to be up front though, if you read around the forum you'll see that a lot of the girls have been married for years upon years before they told their SO and it had the potential to be disastrous. You will skip that step doing it the way you are doing it.

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I agree and I will always be honest up front, I hate secrets and its not fair to keep a secret from someone you like. I usually wait until after a few dates to tell her. But its always sooner rather than later. I see it these forums like you said the potential for disasterous results from waitng years and years to tell your SO, id rather not find someone i love and lose them, instead ill tell them before all that. lol

You just have to keep fishing and smiling. You will make a great catch some day.

Find a TG support group in your area lots of couples out there and one of them may have a friend looking for someone just like you.

Ant the winner of Ms happy goes to Karren.
:-)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RachelRoxx

Its not not being in a relationship that makes me feel like crap, its meeting someone and them all of a sudden just disappearing. Makes me feel like im not good enough or not interesting enough or whatever. Its kind of why my self esteem is so low, all my life ive met girls who just lose interest or meet someone else or anything to go away and it makes me feel like im just not good enough. I feel stuck in a box. I constantly have dreams where everyone i know is going somewhere and i just cant get there and it mirrors real life. All my friends are moving ahead, great jobs, great wives or girlfriends and im just stuck here, cant find a job, cant find a girl. Everyday is the same, wake up look for work, get disappointed after a while, play guitar to calm down, play Battlefield, hit everyone up to see what theyre doing, everyone is busy. By the end of the night i cry myself to sleep because i spend all day everyday home and alone. Im tearing up just writing this and thinking about it. My confidence and motivation and completely shot and gone. Like i said i dont really like bars or clubs but im dying to go out dressed. Like dying for it but i have zero confidence, no friends, no money and my height scares the ever loving crap out of me. I know i know, "get out there and try" but its hard when you have nobody to go out with. I am not going out by myself, thats just depressing. I dunno, as you can see my mind is being pulled in every possible direction and my pessimistic attitude doesnt help. Its hard to be positive when nothing has ever once worked out for me, ever.

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Maybe it's time to write country western songs for girls like us?

Seriously, perhaps the rut you are in has nothing to do with the fact you are a crossdresser, perhaps you just need to try and just get a more positive attitude about life in general. I know that is easy to say, and possibly you need some some counciling to get there, but that is just what I see from someone looking in from the outside based on your posts.

Wish you the best!

Just keep trying. Believe in yourself. I have been there, I can appreciate how hard it is. But the effort is worth it.

I usually tell the woman early on in the dating phase. The current one I told on our first date. I cant stand to be with someone that does not accept for who I am and I do not want to waste my time with a woman that is put off by this. Thats prob the reason for my success is that I rid myself of the women I should not be with which leads me to find the one I should be with more quickly.

I know this is easier said that done. You have to be ready for rejection when you bear your soul in this fashion. I have found more rejection than acceptance. But when you find a woman that is not put off by this, it washes away all past rejections.

Thanks girls. I guess sometimes I just need to hear people who have gone through it tell me its going to be ok. I know it will be, Im a good person, just sometimes i feel the saying is true that nice guys finish last. Or in my case nice CD's. Haha. Its part of why I love this site. We all have been through some of the same things and we all have something in common. Thanks ladies. You are all awesome, every single one of you.

In know how you feel,been there felt the same way,first I don't know what type of work you do but keep trying and maybe take something out of your field just temporary and get back on your feet.I know because I have had to take some bad jobs before but it payed the bills(just barely) and then self worth comes back,things get better,confidence grows and that is an important part of going out and meeting people.It says you live in philly,you say you play guitar,why not play in public?somewhere near city hall,maybe a girl will stop to talk to an interesting musician.All things in good time,get out enjoy your freedom,breath in the air(cough,cough),soak up the sun,do some girl watching and pick up some tips through observation,"allways look on the bright side of life",you know the song.
luck and joy Lisa

THis song always puts a smile on my face when I play it. Cliffs of Dover by Eric Johnson. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55nAwmVLQSk

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RachelRoxx

Part of being a CD that really sucks is the fact that its that much harder to find a GG to be with who is understanding and doesnt run to the hills when i tell them what i do. Ill meet someone and when I tell them I like to CD they just disappear. I dont want to be one of those people that keeps it a secret because I feel thats just wrong. I like to be upfront so as not to get hurt when I get attached and they run. Its been a long time since i had someone in my life and more and more I feel like Im destined to be a single person the rest of my life, which sucks. I dunno, Im just lonely and ranting. I just really wish I could meet someone awesome who is understanding.

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Hi Rachel
Listen, when you meet a girl and you think she may be the one,then concentrate on her,forget about everything else .Your going to need to build a foundation on love and trust first before you throw this out at her. I sense,(dont wig out everyone, just an opinion,no offense meant) women and men are like children. How would you feel if some girl popped out something off the wall to you after 6 mos of dating? Like a child you need to earn thier trust and love before you tell something like that.

I know......I know.............Whaaaaaaaaaat?:heehee:

Thera

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Thera Home

Hi Rachel
Listen, when you meet a girl and you think she may be the one,then concentrate on her,forget about everything else .Your going to need to build a foundation on love and trust first before you throw this out at her. I sense,(dont wig out everyone, just an opinion,no offense meant) women and men are like children. How would you feel if some girl popped out something off the wall to you after 6 mos of dating? Like a child you need to earn thier trust and love before you tell something like that.

I know......I know.............Whaaaaaaaaaat?:heehee:

Thera

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Well personally I would be extremely pissed that she didnt tell me right off the bat. I dont want to fall in love with someone then have them tell me something that could be a dealbreaker. So ill stick to being upfront after a few dates to avoid heartbreak. My heart has been broken too many times and ive built a re enforced concrete wall around it with barbed wire and land mines protecting it. lol. It will not happen again. But whatever works for some i guess. Just doesnt work for me.

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Originally Posted by Thera Home

.Your going to need to build a foundation on love and trust first before you throw this out at her.
Thera

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Oh right and then after this trust and love has been built up, she is told about the cding...yeah then all that trust just went out of the window! You should really read some of the posts from the GGs here.

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Originally Posted by Sandra

Oh right and then after this trust and love has been built up, she is told about the cding...yeah then all that trust just went out of the window! You should really read some of the posts from the GGs here.

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Exactly. I think, and most ould agree, its better to be upfront and honest in the beginning rather than later. All that "love and trust" will be destroyed when she finds out ive been keeping a secret for so long. Really bad idea. Plus its better for the protection of my heart to just say it in the beginning rather than say it later and risk being heartbroken.

Being upfront and open just guarantees you will take much longer than others, but in the end you will be happier. In reading your posts, a job to keep you busy should be first priority. While working on that, please try to find some volunteer work that will occupy your time and put you more into contact with people. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, meals on wheels,, some senior wellness centers. Check out Habitat for Humanity in your area. I am sure there a wide variety available. This will occupy your mind, and get you worked into being with people, and the more you are with people, the more chances to talk to others, and maybe connect.

Don't give up hope, just stay busy. They are out there.

Barbara

Nice guys DO NOT, REPEAT DO NOT finish last! That is a myth! I know first hand!!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by RachelRoxx

THis song always puts a smile on my face when I play it. Cliffs of Dover by Eric Johnson. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55nAwmVLQSk

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One of my all time favorites !

[SIZE="4"]Rachel, I can understand, as few can. I am 58, right, 58, still single, still alone, no dates for a long time. I am a lot like you, hate bars. I also am up front about dressing, after a time. It is very hard. In the Philipines, and some other foreign countries, the gals almost grab American guys off the plane or boat. Here in jaded, spoiled America, it aint so easy, at all! Even as a non crossdresser, i have had great difficulty finding a ladyfriend, but after dressing, well, you know.[/SIZE]

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

or not and you die alone in some alley in a torn soiled pretty pink dress! just sayin

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Finally! A good reason to look forward to dying! My goodness, Karren! That sounds so ROMANTIC! U DO have a way with words, girlfriend!

I'm going to start searching for that special dress immediately!

Barbara Ella I so right, my friend. Serving and helping, volunteering does not totally fill the void, but it does wonders, and many couples have met that way. I volunteer, at the nursing home here, with my cats. Some of the dying people just love to touch a cat or dog again! One 99 yr old lady kisses my cat, and kisses me! I just wish there wewre some ladies nearer my age!

I've met girls and dated them when shopping in women's stores. A lot of it is attitude and confidence about yourself. I've been married a long time, but about 10 years ago I met a SA in the lingerie department where I had tried on and purchaed a bra. We were talking and I asked if she would like to have lunch. I found her interesting to talk to nothing more. She thought I wanted a date and said she had just gotten engaged and wished she had met me before.

I've met far more girls in stores and at events than in bars. Go where the most girls are and be your self. Church girls date CDs too.

Part of it in my experience is not hiding who you are. Own it. Wear more feminine things in public confidently; it might even start up conversations with strangers. Remain true and honest.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mistress Frillee

Nice guys DO NOT, REPEAT DO NOT finish last! That is a myth! I know first hand!!!!!!!

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The above myth is unfortunately a mix of a few problems, first of which, is that 'nice guys' usually think that by providing a woman with lots of choices is a nice thing to do. But it's not. Women, well, most women, don't want to be the one making the decisions. They want you to magically read their mind, and then lead them to the activity they want. But of course that can't be done. So the best we can do, is to try to be interesting and fun to be with in our own way, and hope we meet a woman who likes us that way. DON'T MAKE HER 'LEAD'! DON'T MAKE HER MAKE THE DECISIONS! She'll eventually get around to telling you what she wants sometimes, if she really wants to do something.
That said, you can be a nice guy by trying to pick up clues when she is unhappy, and then changing you path, but you run the risk of her finding out that you're doing that, and then you appear as a weak male, which then makes you unappealing all over again.
That's all I've got right now.

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Originally Posted by sometimes_miss

The above myth is unfortunately a mix of a few problems, first of which, is that 'nice guys' usually think that by providing a woman with lots of choices is a nice thing to do. But it's not. Women, well, most women, don't want to be the one making the decisions. They want you to magically read their mind, and then lead them to the activity they want. But of course that can't be done. So the best we can do, is to try to be interesting and fun to be with in our own way, and hope we meet a woman who likes us that way. DON'T MAKE HER 'LEAD'! DON'T MAKE HER MAKE THE DECISIONS! She'll eventually get around to telling you what she wants sometimes, if she really wants to do something.
That said, you can be a nice guy by trying to pick up clues when she is unhappy, and then changing you path, but you run the risk of her finding out that you're doing that, and then you appear as a weak male, which then makes you unappealing all over again.
That's all I've got right now.

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Yes, the above is 100% correct. Make clear cut decisions, take the lead and do not be a push over. Be decisive. (but in a nice way)

As a GG ... I just want to say Nice guys DONOT finish last....If you go to a bar, jsut bear in mind those girls are looking for bad boys. so go where the nice girls go. My SO is a nice guy. I LOVE nice guys. They are the best!
Hang in there be yourself and it'll happen.

I met my girlfriend in my female guise at a TG club because she has TG friends/clients. She was NOT looking for a relationship with one, but the connection was what it was. We've been together over a year now. Is it destiny? Long term future? I don't know, I'm not a crystal ball reader. We have good times and we have bad.

I think if I ever wind up single again, it will behoove me to just be the best me and if I find someone that wants that, great. I doubt I'll actively look for someone though. It's nice to have someone that accepts me for me, but ultimately, the only one that must accept me for me, is me (and I have enough issues with that). This is EXACTLY the way I operated after my divorce in 2008 and it worked out, so it must be a good plan.

Get Up and Away from the computer and television and all those other gadgets! You are not going to find a relationship sitting around your home. Go out and actually talk to people. If it is nice people you want to find, go where the nice people go. Same goes for bad people. Yes some will up and disappear on you. It wasn't ment to be. That is life. Only you can control what happens in your life.

First of all if you don’t have kids now make sure your partner knows before you have kids because the kids get hurt much more than you or your spouse when you’re arguing or get divorce, plus ex wife / child support is a bitch. Believe me when my ex found out it was a miserable 4 years before our divorce and the kids grades went down in school and their attitudes went from positive to negative. They are doing great now but I know that they would have been better off if their mother and I got along.

Get your own house in order. Get a job, any job will do. Know who you are and be satisfied with yourself. When you have confidence in yourself it shows. Only after you are happy with yourself by yourself, living and dressing the way you want will your confidence show. Then is when, out of nowhere your love will walk into your life. No one wants someone who is desperate.

Therapy is great only if you get a great therapist. Make sure they understand CD’s and are able to deal with the underlying issues not just surface garbage. Surface therapists are a dime a dozen and you can get that stuff out of a book.

Join a local CD support group. They will have a lot of answers, help you get out more, and help you feel more confident.

As in anything confidence spurs success.