Are You Arm Candy???

I was thinking about this just this morning.

My last Lady broke up with me because I have to be Amy and not the man she wanted me to be or thought I should be. She says she would be embarrassed to be seen with me as Amy. I know the term is used for a nice looking girl being a girlfriend of a guy, but it seems to me that males are more Arm Candy to females.

If girls want a man to be a man, are males really only Arm Candy to them. That way a girl does not look gay, if she has a man, But, if her male dresses as a female, then she doesn't have someone to show off, but rather someone to be embarrassed about.

In this instance I am not Arm Candy, rather an embarrassment, to my last Lady anyway.

I respectfully disagree. Being a man is more than just the way you look and dress. Being a cross dresser makes a statement about you as a person, and one that reduces your masculinity in the eyes of most others, male and female. You are basically saying most women are shallow and care more about appearance than anything else. In my experience, males are worse than women when judging appearance. Human males are more visual than females, thus tend to make initial judgements based on appearance.

I am very much arm candy...but in the opposite way. Guys like to be seen with me in public. There are those for who appearance is more important than anything else.

I would say no, males are not "really only" just "arm candy" to women.

Actually I would say regarding any significant other as a person who views us as arm candy is quite offensive. Not only to me, but to them also. Nor would I say (and certainly never hope) that anyone regards his/her partner as someone to show off, someone to verify their own sexual preference.

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Originally Posted by Amy Hepker

My last Lady broke up with me because I have to be Amy and not the man she wanted me to be or thought I should be.

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Please explain: "I have to be Amy"
who's forcing you to be Amy?

I am far from wanting to be someones arm candy. Im not going to drape myself around someone just to make them look or stand out. If they cant be with me for the fun times. Then Im perfectly fine just being myself out cruisin around.
Renee

Hello.

From the age that a girl starts to really notice boys until they see there wild oats or have them sown. Yes. I think males are arm candy. Women want to change men's appearance to make them more, in there eyes attractive. So they can show them off to their friends. Women want to be seen as able to attract the most Hanson desirable man in the area.

There is an old adage. A women marries a man wanting to change him. A man marries a women hopping they'll never change.

Both are accurate to a point. Sayings such as these come about for a reason.

Women eventually grow out of this and settle down. Find a mate that is good earning potential and will make a good mate and father to children.

But let me throw in two more points here. One. Men are the same about arm candy. Two. Not all women are this way.

I think I go along with Natasha's view on this.
Women do like to mold their partners into something acceptable to them and men are not innocent either.
They choose a woman all ready to go. Too lazy to mold.

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Women want to change men's appearance to make them more, in there eyes attractive. So they can show them off to their friends.

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I have had first hand experience with this and can verify. One of my ex GF wanted me to style my facial hair into a goatee. I couldn't figure out why until I saw a picture of her ex!

Personal "arm candy" experiences:

If pretty women insisted on their men being arm candy, I would have had a lot less dates, girlfriends, and a marriage! The fact that many of those women WERE arm candy disproves your point, Amy. Does it make me a male sexist pig? I'm guilty of that but, not proud. On the other hand a leopard can't change his spots.

If I could find a straight male willing to have Sherry be his arm candy, I'd be thrilled to death! But, being one of those, too, I'm NOT holding my breath!

In general women fear social exclusion more than men. It is this fear of exclusion that makes them often self critical or fearful of criticism.

Embarrassment for her would be threats to being judged as having done something against social approval and acceptance so being excluded than from society.

In general men have a certain psychological autonomy that is difficult for women to achieve because a man can survive alone easier than a woman.

In general women are more concerned about what others think of them than men.

In general what threatens a man is different than what threatens a woman, allowing men to take risks that a woman would want to avoid.

There is a an element of social risk to public crossdressing that a risk adverse woman will never tolerate.

It also can cause her to be sexually challenged where she does not lose her desire for the masculine presentation that originally attracted her.

Besides being his wife and the mother of his children... I hope he would consider me his arm candy. He's mine after all. At first i was attracted to him physically. Isn't that what attracts most people in the beginning? I'll admit it... I was darn proud to he the one on his arm and and the fact that he chose me was a real ego boost... Eat your hearts out bitches! LOL

You are making this whole premise way too superficial. It really is quite simple. Women generally want their men to be men. They typically grow up dreaming of their Prince Charming rather than Prince Charming in a ball gown (wouldn't that be Princess Charming???).

It takes a very special woman to be all good with one who is TG on her arm. Yet at the same time I cannot fault any woman who is not willing or able to take that leap.

Hi Amy, Maybe she wanted her own (( Boy Toy )).

I am probably more 'arm candy' now than when I was first married. In the environment I was in four decades ago, I was not out of the norm. Yes, maybe some have preferences for hair and eye color, or height. But, in the military back then, everyone in the "Green Machine" was fairly decent looking, more so than now.

Fast forward four decades, not even that far, and, I'm 'arm candy' in the sense I've never become a sloppy male mess showing cracks of my ass, beer gut, etc. Yes, I could use a little more hair on top, but, at six foot, there aren't too many people looking down on me.

My wife compares me to other men and not just of the six decade club. Some of the reasons for maintaining a somewhat healthy look has been my quest to fit into a nice dress.

My wife knows of my interest in women's clothing, but, she knows that is not evident when she is on my arm. Yes, if I were to go out en femme with her, she would not consider me 'arm candy.'

No, I disagree with the 'arm candy' thing you're saying. It's actually somewhat misogynistic, even though you don't see it.

Let me ask you something: If your girlfriend, tomorrow, said that she was going to, say, shave her head, binding her chest and seriously hitting the gym - how would you react?

Of course, she'd still be "the same woman she always was." We have what we are attracted to. She has what works for her, and you have for yourself. To recognize what that is is not making that person be "arm candy" to you. It's seeing that person as a suitable sexual partner. It is very selfish to expect your heterosexual girlfriend (now ex) to go beyond what she's comfortable with, and beyond what she indicated she was comfortable with, from the start. And, to say that she's seeing you as "arm candy" is saying that you believe a woman is being selfish by being honest, and that you believe women aren't in control of themselves. That's why it's misogynistic. No, she knows what she wants. She's said it all along. And, she's been true to it, from the start. She simply wasn't right for you.

I would suggest if this is a large part of your life, to look for a bi girl, or the rare girl who has a thing for CDs. You'll have a much better chance of happiness for both of you.

I respect and love my wife too much to ever do anything to embarrass her. My CD activities are new to the marriage and am am relatively certain I can enjoy this in private, with her (OK, sometimes by myself in a hotel room while traveling) and she has been very gracious, understanding, and loving about it all. It has spiced up our love life. I think as long as it remains something between just the two of us, behind closed doors, and I continue to be the man she married, an attentive, respectful, loving husband, a great father to our kids, and a good provider, she will allow me to explore a little more. And I will be happy with that. Part of that is visibly being her man in public, which is why I agreed to let my leg hair grow out in warm weather. She is a great woman and I don't want to ruin things.

Don't we all wish that our partner be someone who others think is attractive. That would make them 'arm candy'.

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Originally Posted by Shibumi

I respect and love my wife too much to ever do anything to embarrass her. My CD activities are new to the marriage and am am relatively certain I can enjoy this in private, with her (OK, sometimes by myself in a hotel room while traveling) and she has been very gracious, understanding, and loving about it all. It has spiced up our love life. I think as long as it remains something between just the two of us, behind closed doors, and I continue to be the man she married, an attentive, respectful, loving husband, a great father to our kids, and a good provider, she will allow me to explore a little more. And I will be happy with that. Part of that is visibly being her man in public, which is why I agreed to let my leg hair grow out in warm weather. She is a great woman and I don't want to ruin things.

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:iagree::yt: I could not have said it better myself.

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Originally Posted by Sara Jessica

... I cannot fault any woman who is not willing or able to take that leap.

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Now don't go getting personal!

I don't think its fair to suggest that men are "just Arm Candy". I presume that most hetero women, just like men, enjoy being in the company of an attractive person of the opposite sex. And I know my wife likes to "show off her husband" a bit...just as I am proud to be out in her company - regardless of how I'm dressed.

In your particular case, your GF obviously wasn't interested in a TG/CD partner. That's her perogative as a human being. Don't hold it against her or other GGs. We all need to find companionship that fullfills our individual needs.

Yes, after reading all of these responses, I do agree that I need to find the right Lady for me, and that we are all Arm Candy to our Loved ones. But, you will never see me in male clothes again, EWWWWWWWW!

Amy, I like that answer.

The girl I'm dating now knows & accepts this side of me, but I know instinctively that there is no parity between us.....intellectually, and on a soul level. I value her too much because we are all in the same friend circle, and I want to remain friends for life. ....but we think differently. It really doesn't matter if if I was a regular boring guy, or a guy that likes to wear a dress, or a transgender female. I am wary of certain people that I devote and offer my chemistry to.

The only way I can answer this truthfully, is No, not arm candy. What I am is my own 'mind candy'. My wife might have her own opinion of the whole arm candy thing, I might ask her one day, if curiosity compels me to feel so inclined.

I'd much prefer to say, "I'd be proud to be by your side."

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Originally Posted by carrie r

i'd much prefer to say, "i'd be proud to be by your side."

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well said!!
:D

It is funny. years ago when I had an SO, we actually had a discussion along these lines.

For us, It was not so much arm candy in the superficial sense (neither of us would be considered "attractive" by mainstream society's standards), it was more about how we felt about each other, and being linked at the arm was a way of showing we loved each other and were proud to have each other. Whether I was en drab (mostly) or dressed (trans settings), I was always honored to be on her arm.

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Originally Posted by Amy Hepker

But, if her male dresses as a female, then she doesn't have someone to show off, but rather someone to be embarrassed about.

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That pretty much tells why it's almost impossible to find the few women who might be interested in us; being the SO of a crossdresser would be something other women would make her feel ashamed of.

YES! Finally someone who sees what I do. I know guys are arm candy. Society is made to believe the lie that all crossdressers are gay. We are led to believe the lie that women are not visual creatures. Why do you think girls like to go to clubs, dancing and all. It isn't to dance. It's to show all those other girls what they have.....on their arm....