Thinking about venturing out into the world!

Ive been thinking about going out dressed lately (thanks in large part to this site). Ive taken a car ride like 2 times late at night and it was so scary yet exciting. I was wondering if you girls have any advice on how to go about getting out and getting over my fear. Im sure most of you girls just didnt walk right into the mall your first time dressed and let the world be damned. I think im semi passable so i feel like i might look bad in bright lighting at close range.

I dunno i guess im just wonder how to get out and not feel rediculous.

Window shopping at the mall is a good place to start. Going to the movie theater is also a good place because they're usually dark and you don't have to interact with many people if you aren't comfortable. Going to the movies is a great confidence builder. You can also go to a cross dressers group event, there everyone is supportive. The big thing is to just do it, you'll be glad you did!

I have only been out once before, but if I were to offer a suggestion, it would be to just do whatever it is you have to do that day, only dressed as a woman. Just do it. Be confident that this is who you are. you look passable to me, and honestly, i think most of the difficulty we have is in our heads. I dont think youll run into any difficulty.

Baby fish don't do good if they try and learn to swim in an ocean first. Take your first swim in a small lagoon.
You're doing fine by the baby steps you are already taking. It's YOUR comfort zone that matters. Not mine or anyone elses. After you take more baby steps and gain confidence you will explore more. Set a new goal each time. You've already did the car. Now park somewhere and take a short outside walk. Hospital parking lot. Get out walk around a couple of cars and get back in your car and go home. Next time maybe park the car at a movie theater. Get out and make sure your "walk" makes you pass close to someone walking in to the theater. Get back in the car and go home. Grow with it and have fun.

You will be surprised how well being out in the day light feels.In natural light most CD's look more passable.IMO.
The mall is a good place or Goodwill/thrift store.
I love antique clothing shops and that was where I went my first time out in day light.I was so confident I went thru a peddlers mall looking for antique glassware and tea cup sets after that.
Just go wherever you want and look like you belong there like any one else.No need to make eye contact but don't act afraid to do so.If you do just smile.

So far i like the movie theater idea, a little interaction with people but mostly in the dark so maybe id feel comfortable there. Its an idea i guess, proably to chicken to do it any time soon however. Ill just keep trying to lose some weight and work on the makeup till then.

i like the ideas so far

Tracii, your right about the acting like you belong thing, but thats gonna be really hard at first

Not quite directly into the mall. After months of feeling just as you do, I stepped out my front door and moved a sprinkler. The world didn't end. That kinda broke the ice. The next morning I went for a hair appointment wearing a bit of make up and androgynous clothes. I came out to my hair dresser and she helped me create a feminine hair do. Feeling empowered, my next stop was the dress barn and later that morning I had a full makeover at MACs. The next day, dissatisfied with my hair, I went to a wig shop and bought my first wig.

In brief, I felt the need to move on from a housebound existence. After taking that initial plunge, I realized that the water was fine. It doesn't take long to get over your fears if you just jump in.

Take your time. Dress comfortably and similar to other women in the same venue. It is exciting/scary but you have to try to appear calm and relaxed.

You appear to be a pretty girl in your avatar so don't be surprised when people look at you! As a guy you're used to going through the world pretty much unnoticed, as a woman everyone checks you out. Smile at the other womem; don't look at the guys (acknowledge them or smile and you'll get hit on).

Most public venues should be fine. As a first timer I suggest ones where you can keep moving (like malls) not ones where you are trapped in one place (like sit-down restaurants).

But most important - PICK SAFE PLACES! Please do NOT go walking around dark lonely areas at night! Please do not go into bad neighborhoods nor visit biker bars. I can't believe how many first timers pick situations that no GG would ever venture into alone. You are generally way better off in a crowded mall in bright daylight than you are in a dark parking lot at midnight.

Hugs,
Persephone.

I enjoy going to female only clothing stores in strip malls: Catos's and Dress Barn are my two favorite. I usually go early when they first open. (10 am) You can park close to the door and walk in. Crowds are light that time in the day and those two stores usually are free of men and teenagers. Often there will be a Payless or maybe a Sally's Beauty Supply in the same strip. Both of these can be fun to venture into,

Around this time a yr there are alot of PRIDE events going on so would be a safe place to join in for a first time out.

BUT whereever you decide do act confident:)

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Tracii, your right about the acting like you belong thing, but thats gonna be really hard at first

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If you go out and act nervous ( I have seen first timers constantly looking around to see if someone is looking) someone will look....because they are thinking whats wrong?
So practice in your mind walking confidently and get out of the car and just do it....be an actress if you have to and before long it will be old hat.
Keep in mind...you are doing nothing wrong and like Traci said you belong there.
Good Luck:hugs:

I think my first event dressed outside in the big world (outside of Halloween) was to get gas in the car.It combined the driving while dressed and still getting outside of the car. I remember distinctly how terrified I was when someone pulled up at the pump next to me. But they did their business, I did mine and off we went in our different directions.

good luck and enjoy that first outside step.

Don't push it. Take baby steps. Like you stated no one just walked out the door and right into a mall. if they said they did they are lying. Your own comfort zone is what is important. If you feel confident and comfortable with a idea....go for it. if not, save it for another time. My first venture out completely solo ( my SO and I went out for halloween together my very first time out) I got pulled over by the police. Not exactly the best first solo outing but not overly horrible looking back on it. My next solo was to a CD shop and that one went without a hitch ;) There's an idea, full dressed and at your local CD shop :D

You can always go to a drag show somewhere.

How to get over your fear? It's kinda like skydiving...just take that first step and let the rest happen.
A deep breath helps too...

Dont forget to smile

Great advice from all previous posts! Going out the first time should be IMO, a wonderful memory! Most people out & about do not notice too much, so if you are presenting as a GG, most will not give a second glance, as your avatar looks very "passable". Please DO NOT over do the GG attire, makeup, or actions! Observe GG's in your age group as to outfits, actions, and makeup. Be relaxed, comfortable, and confident in who you are at that moment. Make your first time out enjoyable.

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Originally Posted by DanaGirl

Im sure most of you girls just didnt walk right into the mall your first time dressed and let the world be damned.

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My memory is a bit fuzzy now. Just a couple of weeks before I realized I was a crossdresser, I bicycled over to the edge of a meadow beside a nearby woods and changed into some panties there, outside but not "in public view". I don't think I did that again after I realized that there was a reason I kept "trying clothes on". Similarly I might have walked around a bit outside in the dark over the couple of weeks after, but I have no memory of doing so then.

The first time out that I am certain of, was 19 days after I realized I was a crossdresser. I went into a mall, changed in the family room, and then walked around the mall in a skirt and top (mostly hidden by my jacket when I choose to gather my jacket around me.) Yes I was nervous :o Still, I would have gone even sooner except that happened to be the first day I could sneak in the time.

The mall I choose was one I already knew. That had the advantage that I felt confident at all times about where I was and where things were in relationship to my position; "knew all the escape routes" if you want to put it that way, but more that I wasn't having to deal with two things at the same time, the dressing and trying to navigate a strange place. It did have the disadvantage that the womens clothing stores I went into in order to browse for things for me, I was already known (due to all the "shopping for my wife" that I'd done... yes, I was naive before I realized I was a crossdresser). On the other hand, this was also an advantage, in that the SA's in those stores already knew me to be harmless and polite, rather than "who is this strange person, and what do they want ?!"

Ok firstly this thing about being out in the car. You're sat in a steel safety cage with locking doors so this is a good place to start.
You’re where so many of us have begun our own journeys. Ask yourself this. When you're out in drab how much notice do you take of other drivers? The truth is it's difficult often to see who's driving due to reflections off the windscreen, doubly so at night, so it’s very easy to go un-noticed. Driving around in daylight you soon realise no-one is really looking at you. Once you’ve become more comfortable with being out in the car the next step is to get out for a walk. You’ll find lots of good advice in the forum about picking suitable safe places to sally forth. Walking to a post box, reading the timetable at the train station, getting petrol at a pay at the pump station or visiting a cash point. These and more are the small journeys many here have taken along the path to gaining greater confidence to spend time as ourselves in the wider world.
Scary yes but also immensely rewarding and often leaves you feeling both exhilarated but calm at the same time. Taking these ”baby steps” keeps you in control and there’s no reason you can’t string several together within one journey. It’s a bit like getting a pilot’s license, you need to get the hours in before going solo. If you try to fly too early there’s always the chance you’ll crash and burn.
And for the record, I’m still working on being out there and interacting with others but each time out I learn that bit more about how to act and how others react to me and my confidence grows.

thanks again for all the advice, im gonna try to get in the car when im dressed and leave the house, start at night and then maybe during the day. maybe get some gas. I think you girls are right i just need to take baby steps untill i dont feel like peeing my painties at the thoughts of it.

ill try to get dressed this weekend and leave the house, at like 4am or something.. (ill let you know how things go)

Hi Dana!
I love and agree with the advice that's been added to this thread. no wonder we like the website so much!
Baby steps is great advice. I recall my first venture was just to step out on the front step, next, a thrilling walk in heels to the mailbox and back, next, a ride in the car, then a walk around the block, finally, a trip to a department store. It was (and still is) exciting, and with each outing, ones confidence grows.

If I might offer any advice, it would be that you choose an outfit that would be typical of what the other gals where you're headed would wear, be age appropriate, and, (this is key) be confident! Believe it or not, most people don't take a second look (really!).

Your pic is darling, and I absolutely believe that you are passable! Now go get some shopping done girlfriend!

-Krissy

Dana, my two cents: just put on your big girl panties and go for it. If blending in is your goal, dress age and venue appropriately and make sure to move about in a feminine way. Pick a time and place you'll feel most comfortable with be it the mall, grocery store or trans-friendly bar. Remember to mind your surroundings and good luck! Don't forget to tell us about it later! ;)

4am a bit early for me, I started venturing out at Dawn for early breakfast at secluded coffee shop, while the shop only had a few (or no) other customers.
It took the encouragement of my wife for me to do normal chores and girl stuff (shopping, movies etc)

Good luck.......I know I'm forever hooked. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Gay bar at night, mall in the mornings.
In your car, in a duffle bag, carry a “drab” outfit, shoes, jeans, shirt and some handy wipes to clean the makeup off your face in case you have car problems or some other emergency.
Trust me on this.

Dana you look great in your pics just wear normal clothes and blend in the first few times and later on do some clubbing (with friends) in something snazzy once you have your confidence built up.
I did the mailbox thing first and things like taking the trash to the curb all that stuff.Go for a walk on a Sat morning or to the park and feed the ducks.
Its really fun once you get over being nervous.
I went to the park today and laid out in the sun for about 30 min in my new bikini my first time wearing a bikini in public, packed a small picnic basket, read a book for a while on a bench down by the lake and fed the ducks too.At that time I was wearing the denim mini and a cami.
No one bothered me all day. My own hair in a high pony tail.Sunglasses helped the over all incognito look.
You can do it so take your time.

Dana, the first time I drove somewhere as Amy and got out of the car was at a supermarket, somewhere around 11 PM, I would say. I got some candy for Sabrina, paid in the self-checkout line, and went home. Nothing bad happened, though I might have caused some teenagers that were exiting the store as I went in to make some sort of snide comment that I couldn't quite hear. Subsequent times I went out, I didn't even get that. Eventually, I got to the point where I'm not afraid at all anymore, because I have confidence in myself and in my presentation. I've been to grocery stores and drive-throughs, to group meetings, gotten my hair done (I highly recommend this experience!), and shopped at Lane Bryant. I'm getting closer to one of my goals, which is to be able to function in the "real world" in either gender.

There's no reason you shouldn't be just as successful. You look perfectly cute and femme. Time to go out and enjoy life, girlfriend! :)

- Amy

Dana, I can't advise you because I haven't plucked up the courage yet - much as I'd love to go out there myself. But I wanted to wish you well. You look very passable to me and I think there's lots of excellent advice in this thread to make things go smooth.

I think you need to do what you are doing and work up to the next step.
It doesn't happen overnight.

If you are near Chicago, consider walking around Michigan Avenue, River North, the Loop or any other busy place. You can easily get lost in the crowd...especially as everyone else on the streets pays attention almost solely to themselves. And if like most CDs you favor dressier clothes, there will be many well-dressed GGs in those places so your clothes will blend in, too.

Im gonna try to get in the car and go for a ride whenever i get all dolled up. Im trying to set this as a goal and take it from there. Ive gotten into the car 2x before but im thinking if i make it a regular thing, then maybe i will get more comfy with being outside. Hell maybe even during the daytime one of these days.

ill try to get dressed this weekend and leave the house, at like 4am or something.. (ill let you know how things go)[

Can I suggest a compromise. Go out just before dusk. If you're worried about neighbors seeing you wear drab stuff over the top and remove when away from your neighborhood. I''ve found that if walking in a (good safe) residential area the most common type of folk you'll encounter are dog walkers.

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Originally Posted by DanaGirl

Ive been thinking about going out dressed lately (thanks in large part to this site). Ive taken a car ride like 2 times late at night and it was so scary yet exciting.

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Hi Dana
Just do what I did. Dress up pretty and go dancing at a gay establishment. No worries there. Had a great time.

well i got dressed up tonight and got in the car and drove around for like 20mins and got out and put gas in my car. I wasnt sure if i was gonna crash the car from checking myself out in the mirror or is i was gonna have a heart attack. It was intense as hell.

I almost went to a mcdonalds drive thru and got a hot fudge sunday but i chickened out maybe next time

thanks for helping to give me the curage

*HUG* good for you sweetie! Don't worry too much about not hitting McDonalds. Girl you should be nothing but proud!

Well one more milestone for the books on to the next one!!
You did great !! woo hoo!

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Originally Posted by DanaGirl

I almost went to a mcdonalds drive thru and got a hot fudge sunday but i chickened out maybe next time

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Hey, there's always next time. The local McD's is the first place I got "ma'amed," but that wasn't until after I'd already gotten out in the car a few times. :)

- Amy

well id never really thought much about going outside and blending in and just being a girl, but recently i find myself wanting to take things a bit further. I read on here that CD'ing tends to pregress, so i guess these feeling are pretty normal. I guess id like to know what its like to be accepted as a girl by the rest of the world when i out and about. Still feel like i need to lose some weight and work on my makeup. I feel like im pretty decent at the nightime sexy makup but i cant seem to get a casual daytime look.

anyway i guess im rambling, thanks again for the support and encourgment to get outside, maybe someday im get out and be passable.

Dana. You're not comfortable with your weight or your makeup? Golly, you're a girl already! Get out and enjoy yourself.
One little confidence builder. Remember that women are much better at making eye contact with complete strangers than guys are. Make the extra effort to do that when you are out dressed as a guy -- smiling at checkout clerks or people you pass on the sidewalk, and sharing a friendly comment or two -- and it will go a long way in making you feel comfortable being seen and seeing others when you are out looking pretty in a wig and skirt.

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Originally Posted by DanaGirl

thanks again for all the advice, im gonna try to get in the car when im dressed and leave the house, start at night and then maybe during the day. maybe get some gas. I think you girls are right i just need to take baby steps untill i dont feel like peeing my painties at the thoughts of it.

ill try to get dressed this weekend and leave the house, at like 4am or something.. (ill let you know how things go)

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If you're going out "dressed" at 4AM in the morning, you should be dressed like any real woman would be at 4am in the morning. Probably in sweatpants and your hair tied up behind your head. 4am is not a natural time for people, especially women to be out unless they are working or on their way to work.

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Originally Posted by DanaGirl

I guess id like to know what its like to be accepted as a girl by the rest of the world when i out and about.

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Don't do this to yourself. You're going out and enjoying this for you and not the rest of the world. Trust me, the rest of the world has their own issues to deal with.:hugs: