Is it common? Give me your opinion!

Hey girls :) I want to know how you feel about something.

Well, Im 22 and I have a girlfriend, that dont know (yet) that I am CD (since 7 yrs), and when we make sex I ALWAYS have to visualize myself as a girl to make it work. I can be wearing the most masculine clothes, but I really feel like a woman inside. I truly feel like a lesbian, no matter what im wearing. And I dont need to be in a passive position too, I feel like the dominant woman.

So, the term "crossdressing" usually refers to men that wear womans clothes, and of course, I love wearing girls clothes and make up, but in the end, I really dont need it to feel like a woman.

Are you like this too or the clothes are necessary to make you feel like a girl? And in bed, you think yourself as a man or as a woman?

;*

I have felt the same way.
My last gf I was envious of. I wanted to be the girl for her also, I was disappointed she wanted me more as the male.
I have changed in that I do not need the clothes but I want the figure.
I can wear male clothes but I do love my attached forms, corset and control top panties to tuck.
I just want to feel like I am a woman.
....

Love your look.
Will u tell her soon?
Be careful, I lost my last 2 gf's when I came out to them.

This can be a tough one. When I was with my female partners I always played the male role even in my head, I guess because that is what they expected. In my mind though I would prefer to be with a gg that would accept me for who I am and let nature take its course. I know this is not a sexual forum so lets not get too in depth about this, but at times I would prefer to be tretred like a female and play that role, but not with a genetic male. I do enjoy time with other cders but alway prefer to be more on the giving end. Not sure if any of that made much sense. So honestly if I had to choose a gender role, It would be closer to lesbian or bisexual female. I guess life would be easier for everyone if there were no role labels and we knew just who that pefect mate was that we could be free to be ourselves with.

Have never felt that way with my wife dressed or undressed. I married her to be her man although Jaylyn loves wearing the clothes and makeup I am pretty much male underneath. I have wondered from time to time how it would feel being on the other end as a GG. I don't place labels on people so I can't tell you what that makes you and really if it works for you who cares what the label is. Be yourself and be satisfied with who you are. Life is too short not to, even at your age of 22.

Hi Natalia, I would like to dress up to have sex with my wife but that don't happen it's all guy mode in bed.

i would love to dress up as a women in bed with my partner but it just isnt going to happen for me, she can accept naomi, but not as a sexual partner. and natalia i think u might be trans sexual as opposed to cross dresser i dont know that just my feeling, but then only you can know how you feel, if that makes sence. but i do think that if u have to think in your head that you are a girl whilst having sex then is that fair on your partner ? anyhow those are my my thoughts naomi

Two things come to mind here Natalie.

First, it’s a big turn on for some when thinking about girl on girl. Perhaps it’s that scenario that runs through your head when you are with your girlfriend.

And saying you feel feminine with or without the clothes is exactly how I feel too.
That’s why I identify as transgender. Suzy is the real me in my head.
Could you be the same?

Food for thought.:thinking:

Suzy

I think a lot of us feel this way at some time or another.
It is not unusual.

No, not me. I have had sex with my partner dressed over the years. And at those times, yes, I feel feminine. There have been times that after the act was over, I couldn't wait to get back to male mode. Other times, I'd stay in fem mode. I happen to enjoy being all man for the woman I love and want her to view me and think about me as her man. So I'm thankful for the times I've been allowed or even asked to be fem in bed. But there is still that over powering need to be her man and don't want her to see me as feminine more so than masculine. kind of a blend. A masculine man that has this small feminine component to his personality.
We as cross dressers are so different and diverse in what we feel inside and what we do or ant to do when dressed. I'm happy being a masculine male that has this feminine side. But masculinity will win out every time.

Natalie I never really think of myself as a women, I do identify some days as feeling feminine. They say feeling like your a women really, that's thought of as being Transsexual. But years ago, I say a interesting picture, it's historic, naked guy with his arms out from his sides, and he has to many arms. They had put him in the middle of a clock face, 12 hour type we are all use to. 12 at the top, 6 at the bottom, now think o the most feminine girl you can think of, stand her on the top of the clock, take the macho guy you can think, a real hulk of a he-man type. OK stick with me, now at one o'clock, put a pretty little lady, not quite as feminine as the first, then a little more masculine lady next, a real tomboy at 4 at five a trans women, who wants to be a 6.
Start up the other side, with guys, when you get to 11, you will find, that transsexual, wishing with all her might she had been born a women. Some where on the clock face we all have a spot, all you have to do is find you spot.

Whether dressed or not, yes I think of me being a girl. I love the feel of us as two girls together, although my wife still wants me as her man. But we play, role play and enjoy exploring one another - very often as girls :-)

I'm completely heterosexual, but when I'm in bed with a girl I fantisize about wearing makeup, or a dress, etc.

It's quite common for CD's to fantasize about being the woman having sex with a male. If u fantasize yourself as a female with another female, that sounds like a similar fantasy.

The important thing to remember is sex and other fantasies r a natural part of the human experience. However, the gender(s) u r ATTRACTED to is who u should be having sex with!

I'm kinda like that, too. Yeah, I fantasize that I'm the woman. Nothing wrong with that or probably very unusual for us. However, what is strange for me.... Since I'm single, I sometimes go out to gay bars because they are more accepting of us at night and I don't feel like I'm going to have to have defend myself physically. But, the last two relationships were with lesbians (relatively short amount of time together, as I work a lot of hours). And, both approached me at the bar (not at the same time! different relationships!) Anyway, they wouldn't touch me or even want to see me unless I was Jenny. Go figure. But we enjoyed a good time in bed (blush) and they wanted me dressed throughout which was perfectly fine with me (more blushing).

Natalia, I have always been like that. I've been with women and men, but have always visualized myself as a girl. Unlike you though, I always want to be the passive one.

In my head, the girls I've been with were having sex with another girl. They just didn't know it. :heehee:

Great question, Natalia. Short answer: same with me, regardless of clothing.

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Originally Posted by natalialimapoa

Hey girls :) I want to know how you feel about something. I truly feel like a lesbian, no matter what im wearing... So, the term "crossdressing" usually refers to men that wear womans clothes, and of course, I love wearing girls clothes and make up, but in the end, I really dont need it to feel like a woman.

Are you like this too or the clothes are necessary to make you feel like a girl? And in bed, you think yourself as a man or as a woman?

;*

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I am TOTALLY like that too. In bed I am always a woman. Clothes are irrelevant with respect to my gender ID. When I have sex with a woman it always feels like girl-on-girl. I have recognized this simple fact a while back and concluded I am an M2F transgendered lesbian, just as you've described.

In my opinion we are therefore truly transgendered i.e. are genuinely authentic females based on some as yet unknown neurophysiological state that we were born with as opposed to what seems to me to be the vast majority of crossdressers who, while acting or posing as female, all the while maintain an essentially inwardly male self identification.

Not making any value judgement. Just saying it's something I've wondered about over time based on the many hundreds of postings I've read since joining this site several years ago. That we belong to a sub-population or group that is quite rare in numbers vs the average mean. Your post seems to validate this. Thank you!

What you fantasize about when you're in the sack is your business. You are entitled to your own thoughts. If they can enhance performance, great.

I guess there are times when i have felt or thought of myself as the woman with my wife and she likes to play along with it as well. However we have never done the deed with me totaly dressed or with make up wig, (which she doesnt want to see) so it is just underwear garments and yes sometimes she will be the dominate one and i do truely love when that happens. I am not sure if i thinking i am a woman or wanting to feel femm or is it i just enjoy being submissive to her. MY normal life doesnt allow me to be the Submissive one, i am the one who makes all the descions and sets the tone. I am the trouble shooter the fixer etc.... So when i get a chance to dress that is an escape for me and when with the wife and she is the dominate or strong one it is very fullfilling.

Wow, a lot of different opinions here, that`s nice :)

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Originally Posted by GroovyChristy

Natalia, I have always been like that. I've been with women and men, but have always visualized myself as a girl. Unlike you though, I always want to be the passive one.

In my head, the girls I've been with were having sex with another girl. They just didn't know it. :heehee:

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Thats exacly how I feel! Its like I am a girl tricking people that I am a boy. Including my girlfriend.

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Originally Posted by Jenny CD

I'm kinda like that, too. Yeah, I fantasize that I'm the woman. Nothing wrong with that or probably very unusual for us. However, what is strange for me.... Since I'm single, I sometimes go out to gay bars because they are more accepting of us at night and I don't feel like I'm going to have to have defend myself physically. But, the last two relationships were with lesbians (relatively short amount of time together, as I work a lot of hours). And, both approached me at the bar (not at the same time! different relationships!) Anyway, they wouldn't touch me or even want to see me unless I was Jenny. Go figure. But we enjoyed a good time in bed (blush) and they wanted me dressed throughout which was perfectly fine with me (more blushing).

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Thats funny. My first girlfriend, at 17, turned out to be lesbian, not bi, really just lesbian. My second girlfriend was bi, and alredy had dated a girl. I think they can feel our girly aurea. It sounds really fun to have relationships like yours haha

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Originally Posted by Tina B.

Natalie I never really think of myself as a women, I do identify some days as feeling feminine. They say feeling like your a women really, that's thought of as being Transsexual. But years ago, I say a interesting picture, it's historic, naked guy with his arms out from his sides, and he has to many arms. They had put him in the middle of a clock face, 12 hour type we are all use to. 12 at the top, 6 at the bottom, now think o the most feminine girl you can think of, stand her on the top of the clock, take the macho guy you can think, a real hulk of a he-man type. OK stick with me, now at one o'clock, put a pretty little lady, not quite as feminine as the first, then a little more masculine lady next, a real tomboy at 4 at five a trans women, who wants to be a 6.
Start up the other side, with guys, when you get to 11, you will find, that transsexual, wishing with all her might she had been born a women. Some where on the clock face we all have a spot, all you have to do is find you spot.

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Well, I dont see he-man as ultra macho, but ok haha This is a really interesting exercise, I will do it to see how I feel.

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Originally Posted by Yvonne York

Whether dressed or not, yes I think of me being a girl. I love the feel of us as two girls together, although my wife still wants me as her man. But we play, role play and enjoy exploring one another - very often as girls :-)

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I love this feeling of two girls together too, thats whats in my mind when Im doing sex with her. I hope she will accept my CDing when I tell.

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Originally Posted by suzy1

Two things come to mind here Natalie.

First, it’s a big turn on for some when thinking about girl on girl. Perhaps it’s that scenario that runs through your head when you are with your girlfriend.

And saying you feel feminine with or without the clothes is exactly how I feel too.
That’s why I identify as transgender. Suzy is the real me in my head.
Could you be the same?

Food for thought.:thinking:

Suzy

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I really think that what excites me is not the girl on girl fact, but the fact that I can express all my feminine side on bed. I think I have a girl mind, so the clothes are just an acessory to me.

Everytime I think myself as a transgender I feel weird, it seems so far away from now that I cant even see it, but i won't ignore this possibility. I think that if I passed totally perfect I could live happy as a woman.

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Originally Posted by Naomi Newman

i would love to dress up as a women in bed with my partner but it just isnt going to happen for me, she can accept naomi, but not as a sexua partner. and natalia i think u might be trans sexual as opposed to cross dresser i dont know that just my feeling, but then only you can know how you feel, if that makes sence. but i do think that if u have to think in your head that you are a girl whilst having sex then is that fair on your partner ? anyhow those are my my thoughts naomi

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Well, this question about "being fair" is something I ask myself sometimes. But looks like she really likes the sex, and I ask weird questions like "dont you feel something weird when we f..k? dont you feel like something is missing?" and she says that not, so it seems fair to me. But i plan to tell anyway.

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Originally Posted by NicoleScott

What you fantasize about when you're in the sack is your business. You are entitled to your own thoughts. If they can enhance performance, great.

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I think the word "fantasize" dont describe what happens. I mean, I a woman in sex, in my head, its just natural. I think it enhance the performance because seems natural, while me being the man dont. I dont need to be wearing girl clothes, Its just a feeling.

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Originally Posted by Annaliese2010

I am TOTALLY like that too. In bed I am always a woman. Clothes are irrelevant with respect to my gender ID. When I have sex with a woman it always feels like girl-on-girl. I have recognized this simple fact a while back and concluded I am an M2F transgendered lesbian, just as you've described.

In my opinion we are therefore truly transgendered i.e. are genuinely authentic females based on some as yet unknown neurophysiological state that we were born with as opposed to what seems to me to be the vast majority of crossdressers who, while acting or posing as female, all the while maintain an essentially inwardly male self identification.

Not making any value judgement. Just saying it's something I've wondered about over time based on the many hundreds of postings I've read since joining this site several years ago. That we belong to a sub-population or group that is quite rare in numbers vs the average mean. Your post seems to validate this. Thank you!

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I think you got the point.

Sometimes I think that I am closer to transgender than CD, because I have a girl mind. I mean, its more than dressing, the dressing is just a consequence of a feeling. I think you are more advanced than me in this question, because you have a clear thinking about it. Thanks for sharing how you fell, it will help me for sure :)

If you don't mind me asking, do you feel you might be a transsexual? Are you happy or unhappy being a man, outside the bedroom?

Remember, at some point, at the very least, you will have to tell your girlfriend about your crossdressing.

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Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV

If you don't mind me asking, do you feel you might be a transsexual? Are you happy or unhappy being a man, outside the bedroom?

Remember, at some point, at the very least, you will have to tell your girlfriend about your crossdressing.

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This is a hard question for me. I mean, its not like, "yeah, I totally would be a transsexual, I feel TRAPPED in this body". I dont feel totally confortable with my body, I truly wish I had larger hips and smaller shoulders and were shorter, but its not strong enough to make me feel unhappy.

I think I am happy being a man, because I am a happy person, but I would love to wake up as a girl tomorrow, it would feel more natural to me. As a man I have a lot of girl features, I cry in love movies, work with graphic design, do a lot of things at the same time. I love clothing, tight jeans, and use a lot of jewelry. I think this makes me feel happier because its closer to how I feel.

Im planning how I will tell her, I really dont want do disapoint her but I know I cant fake it anymore.

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Originally Posted by natalialimapoa

H but I really feel like a woman inside. I truly feel like a lesbian, no matter what im wearing.

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I know the feeling/ You're not alone in this

hello natalia. I do feel that when I am with my wife I am the man even though we have experimented together while dressed. I do fantasize about being with a guy but in my fantasies I am a GG anatomically. My wife knows this and being a wise girl she said that fantasies are just that fantasies. I guess that I am a straight guy and a straight girl at the same time but that's just in my head and I am not physically attracted to men. I guess that I must be bi. confusing isn't it. Take care Andrea x

I can only visualize myself as "feminine" sexually. Not necessarily with a female body, though sometimes I do. I don't need the clothes either but sometimes the props are fun. I'm strictly a sub. I've tried having relationships with women that were more on the sub side (we had so much in common! LOL!) and that was a disaster. I stick with dominant women. So if you want to compare it to a lesbian relationship, it's more like butch/femme (where I'm the femme) than lipstick lesbians. On the other hand, sometimes I feel like a gay bottom stuck in the mind of a straight dude. This sexuality is so rare that there is no adequate language to describe it. That's why we argue about it all the time. I'm sure the gender police will be along shortly to explain that you can't be a lesbian without a vagina and being a bottom is not necessarily "feminine." {yawn}
:tongueout

What you describe is NOT common. I can assure you that your girlfriend would not take that news well.

Great question. Had to reflect on this one for a while... and no, I don't visualize myself as a female. I also don't think about being masculine during sex either. I can't think of a single instance where I felt strongly either way, which I suppose matches how I feel about gender. The one constant is that I prefer bottom/submissive, and my wife prefers top/dominant... it works out quite well.

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Originally Posted by natalialimapoa

Are you like this too or the clothes are necessary to make you feel like a girl?

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I don't "need" them to feel like a girl but they sure do help so much to immerse oneself "into the zone" .

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Originally Posted by natalialimapoa

And in bed, you think yourself as a man or as a woman?

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Mostly a man .... but a girly one :)

I do not think it matters what you need to think about to make the sexual relationship work. If you are able to satisfy both your GFs and your own sexual needs than it is not that big a deal.
I understand your feelings.
However, at some point will have to be honest with her and yourself. You are only 22 and I think most of us older people here will agree the feelings only become stronger with time.

Dear Natalia
Posing to look like a woman helps us feel the feminine side of our nature ...we all feel like a woman but we need to see that in real life ...what type of beauty we have ..what do we resemble to ...are we beautiful or not ...isn't that the nature of a woman ?

It's not unusual to be... in the mood only when you are dressed or thinking of yourself as female. There are many different ways TG people see themselves- too many to catalog and do serious research on all the myriad ways. What you are describing is one of them.

These names and labels are something you will grab onto at first as you try to figure out where you fit exactly- but everyone will tell you do not worry about the exact difference between 'transvestite' and 'crossdresser' for instance- the words are only generalizations- and everyone's own understanding of words is a little different- you are what you are- labels can only generalize. If you must go further- you might look in the new DSM V, but again- don't get hung up on a category.

By the way- your avatar looks awesome! If this is how you look as a girl, holy cow, i can see why you'd never want to be male again!

:-)

<big hug> and don't let any of these answers worry or upset you- sometimes even unpleasant replies can spark a bit of new understanding.

Best wishes,

-Kristi

I don't feel like you do, but I don't think it's uncommon. CDers come in all flavors. Some are clothes fetishists, others are on a journey to becoming transgender and most of us are somewhere in the middle. Some are hetero, others gay and again, most of us are probably bisexual to one extent or another. I'll give my usual advice. Stop worrying about labels and just be you, whatever that is. Life's to short to spend time trying to wedge yourself into someone's definition. You are what you are.

And, my next bit of advice, tell the girlfriend. Good, bad or indifferent, she needs to know. Better to tell her early on than develop deep feelings and then find out she can't handle it. You deserve a SO that loves you for who you are. This one might not be the one. Then again, she might be. You won't know until you are honest with her. Besides, you owe her the truth even if it hurts her.

I certainly do not need clothes to feel female. I feel that way 24/7. No one notices though, because I'm insanely good at acting.

I can't answer the second question.

I enjoy both roles. During "normal" sex, I do not crossdress and I really enjoy taking the lead and being powerful. I do not visualize myself as feminine in any way.

Sometimes my wife doesn't feel like sex, but is willing to let me crossdress and she... um... stimulates me using other means. In that situation, I do feel completely feminine and visualize myself as a woman. I find it quite interesting that my brain can cope with two very different personas.

:oYes. When dressed I feel like the woman I am portraying and have different feelings. I once had a casual encounter with a man. Light stuff but interesting nonetheless that he wanted to and thought of me as an attractive woman in his eyes. I guess I do pass. Once the clothes come off though I am back man mode. Have not had any encounters since then when dressed. Something Must be wrong now. :straightface:

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Originally Posted by Annaliese2010

I am TOTALLY like that too. In bed I am always a woman. Clothes are irrelevant with respect to my gender ID. When I have sex with a woman it always feels like girl-on-girl. I have recognized this simple fact a while back and concluded I am an M2F transgendered lesbian, just as you've described.

In my opinion we are therefore truly transgendered i.e. are genuinely authentic females based on some as yet unknown neurophysiological state that we were born with as opposed to what seems to me to be the vast majority of crossdressers who, while acting or posing as female, all the while maintain an essentially inwardly male self identification.

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I have felt the same way since I was a teenager -- like a lesbian when having sex with a women -- but have never felt the need to dramatically label it. I think it is simply wonderful!

There is no need to compare myself with other CDs, especially with high sounding adjectives like "more true", "authentically neurologically transgendered", etc. Sometimes the hype is just hype. To close my eyes and be lost in the envelope of the feminine archetype/magnetic field is to me indicative of a highly sensitive, empathic receptivity. I feel that everyone at this site embodies that in some way or another.

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Originally Posted by Taylor Ray

I have felt the same way since I was a teenager -- like a lesbian when having sex with a women -- but have never felt the need to dramatically label it. I think it is simply wonderful!

There is no need to compare myself with other CDs, especially with high sounding adjectives like "more true", "authentically neurologically transgendered", etc. Sometimes the hype is just hype. To close my eyes and be lost in the envelope of the feminine archetype/magnetic field is to me indicative of a highly sensitive, empathic receptivity. I feel that everyone at this site embodies that in some way or another.

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this is perfect :)

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Originally Posted by natalialimapoa

Are you like this too or the clothes are necessary to make you feel like a girl? And in bed, you think yourself as a man or as a woman?

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Well, I'm not a girl. But I sort of feel very similar during sex, in that I feel like I'm supposed to be and behave like the girl, while wanting the girl at the same time. Which makes for all sorts of mental gymnastics in order to behave as 'the guy' while feeling like 'the girl'. It's not easy.

The clothes were simply a way to reinforce the feeling that I was the female I felt myself to be most of the time, making it easier to go through the day to day normal routine without the constant feeling of being in the wrong clothes and role. I've since stopped crossdressing, but the feeling of being sort of 'mis-cast' in the play of life continues. I try to keep my mind busy with other things; males mostly 'single task', so while I'm involved with other things the gender dysphoria thought process gets pushed into the background.

I am always a girl inside regardless of clothing. I am not a lesbian, gay, or bi.

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Originally Posted by Taylor Ray

I have felt the same way since I was a teenager -- like a lesbian when having sex with a women -- but have never felt the need to dramatically label it. I think it is simply wonderful!

There is no need to compare myself with other CDs, especially with high sounding adjectives like "more true", "authentically neurologically transgendered", etc. Sometimes the hype is just hype. To close my eyes and be lost in the envelope of the feminine archetype/magnetic field is to me indicative of a highly sensitive, empathic receptivity. I feel that everyone at this site embodies that in some way or another.

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Hi Taylor. I agree with everything you say. God girl, you're so articulate. I feel you on that and appreciate you and the high-minded qualities you obviously possess. A breath...........of fresh air so sweet. Really. Actually. Truly so. Would just hazard to add....with all THAT in mind. It's so true. Sexuality so doesn't relate to 'looks' or the degree of perfection of how you're dressed. Not makeup nor fingernail paint up. Not lips or whether you're hip. Carryin. Red white or blue. Colorful vs. drab w/o a clue. It all resides in the chemistry of the mind.

When the lights are low. Cuddling so...lovingly. One in front. One behind. Clock's ticking, marking time. Chimes....how soft how nice. And if you're both awake. In that safe zone of each other's aura...above beyond all other day-to-day night-to-night experience. That's the REAL. The deal. The thing. The reason Why you work n worry. Struggle & strive. What propels humanity forward. Ever pushing plunging. Ever accepting. In the province of the mind, the reason Why. We do what we do. Slings and arrows. Razor sharp tips of a thousand piercings. The pain. Of everyday life-living. The agony the ecstasy. Yet underneath? We are all Unified by....

Our common mortality. Nothing really lasts forever. Everybody want's to rule the world. Except? Us. For WE know we feel we...See. Above and beyond most others WE. Have, as you say, an inborn Sensitivity which...in my humble opinion...is why we're the best of Both worlds. Not male. Not female. But in some way Hybrid. Primarily feminine. Yes! (and thank God for that, huh?). But nevertheless, within our memory engrams there lies enough of our (pseudo, but still real, sometimes surreal) quasi male life experience to render a deep never ending never fading knowledge and understanding of that OTHER side, which, along with our ever-present and growing real life female identity thereby allows us to enjoy a deeper appreciation of both sides of the fence, a critical understanding of where and how we went....Wrong (as a lopsided species).

If the U.S. Constitution is correct...where We the People hereby collect, congregate and uphold the simple universally accepted fact. The one principle which, with elegance and grace answers THE most basic question as to the purpose and meaning of life (echoed in all religions, by whatever stripe) is simply stated as follows: To form a more pure and perfect Union. So...by the application and extension of simple logic, isn't it then True how WE are the vanguard of this ultimate global goal?

I mean, sorry for the long-winded response but...Are we? Or are we not? [I rest my case. Sorry for the lengthy read. Ok?]

I don't need clothes to feel female but I rather like being dressed up because then I feel congruent on the outside as well :p
I know i'm a girl on the inside and I share your feeling of feeling like a lesbian, but i'm not the dominant one in my relationship xD
Dressing helps with the whole being treated as a woman though :P It seems people have a lot easier time calling me allison when I haven't got any stubble ^^
I have to wonder since we identify as women on the inside if it's really even cross dressing technically but I stopped trying to answer that and just don't care anymore xD I'm me that's all there is to it.

I'm still not doing sexual things but i'm sure i'll be feeling female on that end when i get there ^^

I feel the same way. I feel like a lesbian.