277 Replies!

277 replies (so far) to the "how straight are you" thread. I have no idea why this thread had more legs than similar threads I've seen. The results seem a little different, too. (I'm a margarita or two in as I start this, so forgive...)

I read all of them. Interesting, I think, that only a few were adamant about their "straightness". Most of us are, big surprise, turned on by... each other! More specifically, we're turned on by women like us with a little "extra". At least by the fantasy of it.

Given my current state of alone-ness, I'm given to a lot of thinking. I posted on the board not long ago that after a long life of straight, I was suddenly gay. I'm not so sure that's entirely accurate. I'm not trying to dodge the "gay" tag here. Not in the least. That "thing" that defines gay, I've done it, I LOVE it, and I'll do it some more, given the opportunity. Let's make it clear. I'm single. If I were married (and when I was married) there's not a force on the planet powerful enough to cause me to cheat on my wife, and I figure that fidelity is a common trait among us.

OK. Now I'm three margaritas in! I'm betting that this fits more of you than it doesn't. I don't think I'm "gay" in the classical sense. Here's the deal. I don't want a relationship with a man! I don't want to raise a family with a man (or a cd). I don't want a man (or a cd) to accompany me to the funeral of a loved one. I don't want a man (or a cd) to comfort me in a time of need, and I don't want one to go to the company Christmas party with me! I don't want to be in love with one (although I thought I did).

Here's what I want. I really don't want a masculine man (although my standards are getting lower). I want a girl with... one of those "things". I want to go shopping, go to a movie, go to a nice restaurant. I want to kiss and hold hands in pubic if the mood strikes. Then I want to come home and do those things that by definition make this a gay relationship. Then the next day I want to go back to my "normal" life.

All of that, to me, is not "classically gay". It is, and this is the big deal, an extension of my crossdressing life. Otherwise, I've run out of thrills. I've spent a lifetime looking for the next thing to trip my trigger. Soon the new thrill was old hat, and I was looking for the next. I'm 56 years old, and there's not much in the realm of the cd world that I haven't done, and done it to the point of being bored with it. I'm a bit envious of the girls who post on here about wearing panties for the first time, and what a thrill it was. I wish it was still that way for me. It's not. Not in the least.

Gay? In the "Modern Family" sense, not at all. In the leather bar sense, not at all. In the imagining myself with the cute guy in the office sense, no. In the "Please, would somebody just give me 30 minutes" sense... I'm probably headed there!

For me, it is most certainly an extension of this life-long quest to look like (especially), act like (secondarily), and to whatever extent reasonably possible "be" a woman. A quest to experience life as my own version of a woman. Not as a woman entirely. Only the select little bits that I choose. Then I want to go back. Back to living the life of a moderately successful... man. I want to have my cake and eat it, too.

That... is my cake. I'm betting I'm not alone.

BTW... If you can look at the Picture and Video Gallery on this very site and not thing "OMG, I'd SO do her!", you are absolutely, unequivocally, undeniably... STRAIGHT. That's the litmus test! I failed.

Gender identify is disconnected from orientation. We like what we like, sweetie.

I find big, burly, furry men hot, I find lithe, smooth, curvy women hot. I also find big furry women and smooth lithe men hot. I find those in the middle hot. If they are *interesting* people, *good* people... then I'm interested.

What you see in your head as who you could live your life with is part socialization, part role view, and part hormonal. You like what you like. You are who you are. Those of us who find a partner to match that are blessed.

<3

- MM

Nobody seems to listen to me on this...lol...but, old romantic that I am, for me, its all in the eyes and the heart. The genitals don't matter, not to me. Of course, a somewhat attractive wrapper helps, but it isn't essential. Its all a matter of how I feel when I look in the eyes. I know...silly Sammie the romantic...sorry...its how this girl is built. Sigh...tee hee :heehee::battingeyelashes:

That thread is THE perfect illustration of "me too". The lemming effect. Monkey see, monkey do.

Humanity 101. Most Humans are happy to follow the leader. It's part of our basic programming going back tens of thousands of years.

Follow the Leader [in fact] was the title of one segment of NGC's Brain Games a month or so ago.

It showed beyond any shadow of a doubt what can happen once something gets set into motion.

I'm not implying anyone was lying, in the thread, but the fact that so many "admitted it" made it very easy for anyone to do the same. Most folks want/need to fit in with the group whatever the group might be.

"Normal" Human behavior.

Certainly 277 replies says a LOT about the majority who water here.

It certainly gives a strong hint that at least for SOME, CDing is a way to "justify" being Bisexual.

No one needs to justify anything.

Sorry Wild...Lol... I felt exactly the same before I knew I had a GID...and long before I ever dressed....:heehee:

Hi Rhonda, Maybe I'm missing something ,But I've only been with one woman my wife of over 50yrs.

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Originally Posted by Rhonda Jean

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I read all of them. Interesting, I think, that only a few were adamant about their "straightness". Most of us are, big surprise, turned on by... each other! More specifically, we're turned on by women like us with a little "extra". At least by the fantasy of it. ...

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Rhonda, you can not draw a correlation between the respondents and cross dressers in general. I can assure you the the vocal minority represented in the replies do not represent "cross dressers."

I can relate some, in desiring to play the part of a classy lady, with a man ...once in a while. I have 00% given up on attracting a GG. I have nothing to offer, as i am poor, and have some other issues. I have had personal ads out for years, but only have met 3 admirers. I had two meetings with one of them! As a wise GG, i have limits, and boundries, and the VAST majority of men will not respect them, so, I have almost met many men, but something scared me, at the last minute, maybe intuition, and detecting control freaks, or danger. I agree, that there is a human nature desire, to keep wanting more thrills, and that is dangerous. There are a lot of dangerous men out there, sadly. We live in a time, when many women "just don't need men" anymore, and millions of men are love and sex starved, and not very patient about getting some, if there is an opportunity. How, i wish man did not have so much of that testosterone stuff! . I would not want some guy "owning" me, controlling me full time either!!!. But, once in a while, a date with boundries would be fun. I can understand the fog you are in. We need to be careful, though, and I mean me, too.

I never replied to that thread. Probably because it would be redundant. That Boobs thread doesn't want to end either! We all loves boobs!

Being familiar with Brain Games makes it very easy to predict what will happen...

should someone post a thread...

***Ima100%Str8. HowzaboutU?***

There IS a reason this site posts #s. Makes it easy for folks who don't like to read.

I have to agree with Sammie, what's between the legs doesn't matter. I have dated men and women before I got married. To me it is who they are inside that matters, of course there does have to be a little physical attraction too :)

With Carly on this I have dated both and yes its about that certain personality you can click with.

I'm so straight, if I see even the slightest sign that the person looking back at me from the mirror is a guy?

I'm taking my girlie things off!

Thinking about this. I felt I should clarify something. All that I said is true, hypothetically. In reality, I have been married for more than two decades to a wonderful woman, and have never strayed from her in the slightest.
I guess, my point was that, for me, sexual attraction is completely bound up with love.
If I don't have that...it matters nothing how beautiful or sexy, male or female....it isnt happening. And me, I love my wife.

Samantha, if I may ask, how did you discover being GID late in life? Is it a self diagnosis or from a counselor?

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Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels

Being familiar with Brain Games makes it very easy to predict what will happen...

should someone post a thread...

***Ima100%Str8. HowzaboutU?***

There IS a reason this site posts #s. Makes it easy for folks who don't like to read.

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You have a point. You should start one!

I admit that I fall into a common trap. I tend to think that others here are just like me. I'm just a little more forthcoming about it than most. I know intellectually that that's absolutely not true, and have made posts in the past pointing out the importance of not painting with a broad brush. But when I come here the basic premise is that most are like me.

We are such an incredibly small minority. Practically invisible. When we visit here, though, it's a different story. This place makes us feel "normal".

There are lots of chicken and egg, nature vs. nurture discussions here. Wherever it comes from, I think we'd all agree that putting on a dress (or a thousand other typically female acts) is a powerful thing for those of us so inclined. We do it, and do it, and do it. Often at great peril and at horrendous cost. We are not like other men. They're not "just clothes". Jeans or slacks, that's just clothes. When we slip on those panties and fasten that bra, put on our makeup and style our hair, polish our nails, put on our earrings, slip on our heels... that's not just clothes anymore.

I DO NOT think that we're all gay or bi, or headed that way. It doesn't have to manifest itself in that way. I hope it makes us, actually, better people; that we can love on a deeper level, be more considerate and sensitive to other's feelings, more devoted to our families... and we're not afraid or embarrassed to show it. Obviously, it doesn't always work that way, either.

Conclusions? Hardly.

I'm as straight as a banana but I never felt compelled to respond to that thread because of what Wild described. I'm not big on these kind of pile-ups. I also don't think that "straight" whatever it really means is a useful concept in a cross-dressing context, especially when "love for oneself as a woman" comes into play.

I did not post to that thread, and neither did I read it. The title seems to me, a silly question. The number of posts indicates there is nothing of substance left to say. For what it matters, I have had intimate relations with two women, my first and second wives, and have no desire to have intimate relations with any other woman or man.

Best wishes
MsVal

Rhonda, your self-analysis is valid, as is where you perceive your place in the world. Your honesty shines through.

Your angle on this is really no different than many (or most?) on the admirer scene. That they are happy to take you to bed but not to meet the parents, their friends, etc. I've read a few pieces over the last year on what seems to be a very minor movement on the part of some men who find the transgendered woman attractive & desirable, to proclaim it proudly and treat her as any other woman (girlfriend/partner/wife), not just in the bedroom.

Kind of sounds like you have little interest in being that woman, and there's really nothing wrong with it. But don't rule out the possibility of falling in love someday when you least expect it. You had to be fluid to get into your categorical box in the first place, a similar fluidity can get you out of there as well. Either way, I hope you find happiness!!!

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Originally Posted by Sara Jessica

Your angle on this is really no different than many (or most?) on the admirer scene. That they are happy to take you to bed but not to meet the parents, their friends, etc. I've read a few pieces over the last year on what seems to be a very minor movement on the part of some men who find the transgendered woman attractive & desirable, to proclaim it proudly and treat her as any other woman (girlfriend/partner/wife), not just in the bedroom.

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I agree with Sara - but I'll add a bit because this has been on my mind quite a lot this week. One thing you desire, along with most admirers, as best I can tell, is the one thing that I nor many other transgender women can't really do for you. I'd really like to go out on dates with men. I'd really like to do more than just date sometimes. But so many of the men who seek out women like me want me to have a functional penis - and I just don't, hormones have seen to that. It has its uses - but having sex with me is not like having sex with a man. It just doesn't work that way.

It's a shame really, because unlike many on the admirer scene, and totally unlike anyone I've ever personally encountered, you are not a freaking creep Rhonda Jean - you are a wonderful person and I'd date someone like you in a heartbeat. Except I don't think I'd provide the experience so many seem to crave - I think you'd be disappointed. (Which is too bad - I'm really a pretty fun person to go out with.) And from personal experience with other trans women - we're great - just different.

So I've sort of resigned myself to looking for straight guys - but that isn't going to happen until after I have SRS, and even then, my generation is not my friend. The same age group I'd be trying to date were the same guys who called people like me "faggot" in school.

It's very possible that my bisexuality will remain largely theoretical during my lifetime! Oh well - I really do appreciate other trans women, and hey, unlike men of any sort who'd date me, I actually know where to find other trans women.

A short aside for anyone who's an admirer who might happen to read this post:

1. Requesting the company of "a tranny or *******" is going to alienate the women you want to attract. Those are the wrong words to use.
2. Understand that women like us are A LOT rarer than men like you. We are ~0.3% of the population. We are rare and special. Judging from the personal ads I've seen - most of you are completely average. And that's FINE - but asking for a perfectly flawless specimen of an incredibly rare type of person, for your use as a one time sex object (OMG, hope the wife doesn't find out...), is pretty unrealistic.
3. Although we appreciate the fact that you have a penis (so do some of us!), it turns out that we are quite familiar with them, and there's no need to send along a photo of yours for reference. We'd much rather know something about your personality that might make us want to be with you. Also, looks count for something - a picture of your face counts for a lot.
4. Keep in mind that most likely all of the examples of sex with a transgender woman you've seen have been pornography. Has your everyday sex life been much like the straight porn you've seen? For most, I'd guess the answer is "hell no." So do keep in mind that much of what you see in "transgender porn" is unlikely to bear much relationship to reality! That said - the reality is actually pretty awesome.

Honestly I don't buy the idea that 277 replies is evidence of anything other than rather intensely selective sampling. If you look at the reply rate, you'll find that the highest response rates are associated with anything related to sexuality, and particularly anything relating to out of the ordinary, non vanilla sex...and especially anything that addresses the fantasy sexual life of many a closeted CDr. A lot of people here get off on the fantasy of gay sex, the fantasy of being treated like a lady, the fantasy of expressing something en femme that they couldn't do as a male. Some few may actually live this out, but I wouldn't begin to say that this all that informative about the sexual preferences of the majority.

I dunno Kim, I'm inclined to think "where there's smoke, there's fire." Look at the typical TG fictional story plotline:

- man in panties gets discovered by evil domineering woman
- he's blackmailed into becoming her sexy ******* servant
- the story culminates with the hapless man, now most decidedly a her, thanks to breast implants, performing oral sex on another man.

These are very common fantasies. And no, most won't act on these - for one thing, having someone "force" you to do something you desperately secretly desire is a pretty unlikely scenario, and most lack the courage to act for themselves. (And there are all manner of practical problems even if they do.) Still, I wonder if the world were a bit different, if more of us wouldn't indulge in these fantasies.

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

Rhonda, you can not draw a correlation between the respondents and cross dressers in general. I can assure you the the vocal minority represented in the replies do not represent "cross dressers."

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The thread didn't interest me so no response but the inference in this OP concerns me. Add me to Jennifer's pile.

Some threads do get people's attention.
Some of them I have replied more than once and contradicted myself each time...
So there goes the "litmus test". :)

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Originally Posted by PaulaQ

I dunno Kim, I'm inclined to think "where there's smoke, there's fire." Look at the typical TG fictional story plotline:

- man in panties gets discovered by evil domineering woman
- he's blackmailed into becoming her sexy ******* servant
- the story culminates with the hapless man, now most decidedly a her, thanks to breast implants, performing oral sex on another man.

These are very common fantasies. And no, most won't act on these - for one thing, having someone "force" you to do something you desperately secretly desire is a pretty unlikely scenario, and most lack the courage to act for themselves. (And there are all manner of practical problems even if they do.) Still, I wonder if the world were a bit different, if more of us wouldn't indulge in these fantasies.

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Actually I agree with you. Some of the smoke comes from a smoldering, untended ember. And, at least in the online world, often where there is smoke....there is smoke.

I think there are a fair number who indulge in fantasies because they really can't face up to the possibility that they are bi or gay. Somehow it's wrong if they imagine being naked and having sex with a male, but it's ok if they are wearing a dress...or better yet, that ravishing beauty is packing a little extra equipment. On the other hand, I also suspect that, since this is a porn free site, some participants getting off on the fantasy. As I once heard on 'Will and Grace' gay porn is the ultimate heterosexual sex aid.

My real point is that the assortment of replies is a little more muddle of lots of different people...but the fact that it dealt with something "naughty" kept the thread alive long past it's normal expiration date.

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

I think there are a fair number who indulge in fantasies because they really can't face up to the possibility that they are bi or gay.

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Or that they are actually women inside, and are straight? That scary prospect doesn't make being gay or bi seem so bad now does it? ;)

I know that I wish I had been a gay man instead of a trans woman...

A thread describing a thread. How appropriate, since it was such a long thread.

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Originally Posted by Sara Jessica

But don't rule out the possibility of falling in love someday when you least expect it. You had to be fluid to get into your categorical box in the first place, a similar fluidity can get you out of there as well. Either way, I hope you find happiness!!!

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So true. I never try to limit my vision of what could happen. Actually, I try not to think too much of the future in any detail. Maybe I should. It might actually manifest that way.

Hope everyone finds their match.

wait I thought ALL crossdressers were gay??............................................. .................................................. .................................................. ...............................kidding

@adriana - there really are gay crossdressers - but they really are in the minority.

i know...im just playing .....thats my #1 pet peeve

One of my biggest surprises from being here is learning that most are straight. I really expected a wider mix of orientations.

- MM

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Originally Posted by mechamoose

One of my biggest surprises from being here is learning that most are straight. I really expected a wider mix of orientations.

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Indeed - the relative lack of homosexual CDs the large majority of heterosexual crossdressers has been noted by more than one scientist researching gender. It's a very interesting asymmetry. Who knows why that's the case, though? It goes against the notion that gender identity and expression are unrelated to sexual orientation, so the observation is fraught with political issues. On top of which, hardly anyone in science cares that much about trans *, and doubly doesn't care about CDs...

So is this the thread for people to talk about the "straight thread" but were afraid to? :raisedeyebrow: I am going to throw this out there.... That there are more CD's who wander from a perfect horizontal line of sexuality than do non CDers. I do think that much is evident. I do agree too, there has been enough research that has shown that a majority of us are indeed "straight" without exceptions, fantasy or only when dressed or with other CDs... whatever exception that some may feel still allows them to carry on the mantle of heterosexual.

I am not judging. I agree that identity and orientation are not directly connected. I do think though that there is a greater likelyhood of the two being somewhat in line.

As far as I know, [and I could be wrong of course] Gay men are NOT turned on by females/the female form/female body parts. It's not Rocket Science that few would want to dress up as/try to pass as women.

A better question might be whether some percentage of Gay men are LESS "inspired" by their VISION as straight men.

This has really burst my bubble.... I used to think I was the only one, I was unique, one of a kind... Now I realise I'm just one of a crowd...

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Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels

As far as I know, [and I could be wrong of course] Gay men are NOT turned on by females/the female form/female body parts.

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And most 'butch' or 'maleish' presenting Lesbians I have known have ZERO interest in men.

What, are we *all* skirt chasers? ;)

The gay men I have known have a 'type' they like... twink, bear, muscle, leather, 'straight appearing', but it doesn't vary in actual gender very much. I think that it is actually MORE visually realated. (at least IMAGE related)

Great observation, WAH.

- MM

@mechamoose - yeah gay guys objectify each other even more than straight guys do!

@WAH - what about drag queens?