Lack of CDing- how does it affect you?

Over the last year, I have done very little CDing. Life just has gotten in the way of a lot of it. No less desire.... likely more. What it has done for me, I think is cause a lot of confusion as to where I really stand in all of this. I have felt myself over the last several months becoming more and more aligned with feminine, femininity, perhaps being or wishing I was female. Right now I just do not know if I am coming to a different spot, or if it is just the lack of dressing that could be causing this. So my question is, when there is a long period of time of little or no CDing, how does it affect you?

Gendermutt,
I have never experienced log breaks, but to me a long break would count in days, any longer than that and I would find some way of achieving it because I know I couldn't go that long without it ! Looking at it like that it does sound like a pressure release valve !

I just spent nearly a year without being to able to dress much including months at a time. It's hard for me to put into words how I felt. I know at times I would feel anxious about. Other times I just pushed it out of mind but he desire was always there. I did notice that that anytime there was anything sad like in a movie or a news report and I would get choked up which is not really like me. I don't know if that was because of changes from not being able to dress or just the stress of what all was going on in my life.

I know I couldn't have held out much longer without being able to spend some time dressed. For the last three weeks now I've been able to dress every evening any way I want and I have been sleeping in my nightgowns again which is great because for whatever reason I seem to sleep better when wearing one.

Very important question here.
Personally i had a pause of nearly 6-7 years of not being dressed.
The thoughts and drive were there just not the will at that time.

Still wanted to and i recall thinking looking at a GG well dressed in a suit "gosh i wish i had that outfit' etc.

Have been thru long stretch of years that i was not able to go out.

Early in my journey, the obsession of actually had me transitioning to female actually consumed me.
(lotsa depression work thru with that one!)

Currently i am planning a set of outings to keep me sane. Where i work, there are chances to 'work overnight'
and they gets me the chance for Charlene to shine!

I underdress /bottom dress in jeans nearly everyday usually in hose and flats. It does wonders for me.

Fridays, i go out to lunch and wear my heels out and shop in a foodstore to scare off er -- :) i mean impress the locals.

Do it whenever you can !! Full dress is great but compromises work for me.

You need to rock it where you can !! :2c:

~Char

I get anxiety and moody and my mind is absorbed into femininity. I just have to give in and dress enjoy even a few hours and all is calm and peace for me.

Gendermutt, yes it drives the urge MORE for me, absence makes this heart fonder for CD!
I'm facing a week away working with likely NO opportunity for CD, right now how to cope and strategies to be andro are top priority!

I went through long non-dressing spells. I found myself getting depressed and angry a lot. My wife was the one who noticed the most. She saw how dressing changed me and made me more happy.

So far, in a way kinda what I expected, but for me, time will tell. I will say that prior to this period of time, for the 1st year and a half, when I opened up to my wife and started actively CDing, I had 1-2 hrs a day, 3 or 4 days a week, with occasional times of several hours or a whole day. Most of that now has not happened for various reasons. Although.... I could have tried harder or accepted less time, say a half hour, and I am now wondering if perhaps I should have and should be doing so. Today, I am getting the opportunity, and while it will likely take somewhat of a revisit to my prior ways of dressing to know for sure, I can't say that today I feel any different overall, just a whole lot better that I am dressed and letting "her" out.

It has been causing a bit of an identity issue for me. It seemed to me with my prior time of dressing, I didn't feel so much of an identity issue going on. (and yes, many recent discussions with my wife about all this.... ) and now a bit of a marriage issue as well.

So, as of the last several months, I feel more on the feminine side than the masculine side, whereas before, at least at the time I felt more of a equal balance. YET, strangely, my wife has said to me that it appeared to her that my mannerisms and overall seemed to be more feminine then than now. So holy confusion batman, is my head just spun around backwards on this. I show more, feel less, and vice versa???? Maybe I was fooling myself back then, or maybe just that ability to release it just does the common CDer (if there was such a thing lol) a whole lot of good.

Gendermutt,
I feel more than ever that I was born with female traits, they are part of me so some of my thought patterns are on the feminine side with different criteria , I know for most of my adult married life I have tried to bury them in work and living the male life expected of me ! It really shouldn't be any surprise to us that those traits are always going to come through, they need time and attention possibly as much if not more than our male side, no matter how much or little our partners accept those feelings it's not going to stop them happening, nothing can ! This is the part I'm finding hard to put over, my CDing feelings were always there and always will be no matter who I live with nothing is going to change that !

The toxic trifecta returns- depression, anxiety and anger.

I end up getting anxious and withdrawn, usually end up feeling guilty. Therefore I try to avoid not having oportunities to dress if I can.

Makes me grumpy, has become the nick name my wife uses for me if I don't go out weekly.

Depression, anxiety, anger, and emotional withdrawal for me. And hypoactive sex drive.

I try to wear some articles of women clothing each day kinda androgynous and now I'm wearing a bra 3 days a week so it keeps me even and in touch

Erika

I've stopped crossdressing several times in my life, sometimes for many years. It all depends on what else is going on in my life. If everything else is great, I have managed to feel almost completely normal; no mental or physical problems at all. But it's when turmoil strikes, that my blood pressure goes up, headaches whether or not the blood pressure is normal, stomachaches, irritability, forgetfulness, I become short tempered, have difficulty concentrating, and tear up at the slightest emotionally charged situation regarding anything sad or romantic. I stopped going to weddings for a while because I'd wind up crying and just feel miserable knowing that my chances of ever finding a mate are so dismal. Thankfully that's mostly in the past, as I've found a way to combat the loneliness, but it's expensive so I don't know what's going to happen when I start to run out of money. But then again, I'm reaching the age where there are plenty more single women than men, so that's in my favor.

Excellent question, Gendermutt. Thanks for posing.

While I am blessed to have a supportive wife, my dressing still tends to be sporadic. I've gone months without indulging, and it's got to the point, unless we have plans to go out, that I simply defer. Like you, the desire to do so is likely more, but life does tend to get in the way. For me, it's frustrating in finding a balance between being the man my wife fell in love with and being Kim. I believe I suffer from depression, which has gone untreated, and I'm not sure what the exact cause is, yet I venture its a combination of things.

I've done it more this year, and in new and improved ways than I have ever done but for the days between dressing I think about it all the time, coming here can often reduce the thoughts to a manageable level.

Sarah x

Hmmmm, I had to think about this. My lulls are generally limited to a few days, whether work or family related. During the day, when I'm busy, my mind is mostly on other things. Then, I can deal with it. I will feel some discomfort when I'm alone and undistracted by life's goings on.

Good topic gendermutt. I've been engrossed in a mid-life career change going on 6 months now.
Consequently I've had virtually no time to myself and all the wonderful fulfillment that accompanies my girl time.
I was too busy with all this work. Thankfully things are easing up.
The odd aspect during this episode, was that for the first time ever I had no deep internal desire to CD. This really got my attention.

I realize that my DADT state is a contributing factor here. And over these months I have had many opportunities to spend 2-3 days fulltime, but it wasn't in me.
I'm sure that it was a hormonal low as I wanted even less contact with my SO. I reflect back and sometimes feel that CD is not for me.
Maybe it was the Caitlyn media circus.
Meantime at the back of the proverbial cranial chamber, is a faded post-it note that simply says..'I'll be back, Carmen'.
She's always right.

It affects me...I'm moody, but not angry. I feel disappointed.
And we hit those hills and valleys all the time.

I have in the past gone for long peroids of time without dressing .Repressing it (as i call it ) also made me moody and withdrawn no matter how hard i tried not to be .It was like a steam kettle building pressure .When i was finaly able to do it sometimes i felt worse if i was not in the right mood .Other times it solved everthing for that moment .Now i can fortunatly do when i feel like it and the moment is right .For me it has made a big difference :)

Pretty much plain old depression here. :Angry3:

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Originally Posted by chris63

The toxic trifecta returns- depression, anxiety and anger.

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Yea What Chris Said! LOL! Oh so true!!:hugs:

After a failed marriage, for which discovery of my CDing was the precipitating factor, I went pretty deeply into the pink fog for a while. It was huge fun, with no worries about getting caught, because "getting caught" had already happened, and done its damage. But then I asked myself, is this all I really want in my life--getting my sexual satisfaction alone, and having no partner in life? I didn't think it likely that I would find a woman who would be comfortable with my dressing up for sexual pleasure, so I decided to try making a choice: no CDing, in order to foster a good relationship. For me, it worked. CDing remained a big part of my fantasy life, but I was able to resist the urge to act upon those urges, and I had a great relationship--sexually and otherwise--with my second wife, until her death several years ago. Now I'm free to make choices again. I'm not looking for a new relationship; I have plenty of friends and activities. I'm too old to be able to dress up again as the intensely sexy young and middle-aged woman that I enjoyed becoming back when I was actively dressing. I do some online cybersex, and I sometimes get some vicarious pleasure from the experiences of the women on this site. And for me, this site helps me to come to terms with, and accept, some of the non-standard ways in which I have enjoyed my sexuality since I was a child playing around with my mother's and my aunt's underthings. But as for active crossdressing, those days are gone for me. My fantasy life is still active and gives me some powerful excitement, which I am okay with satisfying on my own, alone. While I have some regrets about some things in my life, as I think any self-aware and honest person my age does, I feel good about most of what my life has been and what it will be in my remaining years.

Do not get me wrong, I'd simply love to be Caden day in day out, to always experience life and all of its nuances as her. Life seemingly has more flavor and color as this aspect of me. But it's an unrealistic dream for me. Well, because of my recent rough experience with stress on the cruise, the really rough outing with another CD, and my worry about my dependency on being Caden in order to cope with my stress and PTSD; I began to subconsciously suppress Caden and most thoughts concerning her. I did not become aware of it until I planned an outing with my GG friend Rachel. The most minor and trivial of inconveniences popped up, and I told Rachel I could not make it. Completely out of character for me. It was then I knew something was amiss. I've never mised a social opportunity as Caden since I started going out while dressed. However my mind and body were not done with me yet.

I entered into what I refer to as a PTSD cycle. For me, a PTSD cycle consists of a period of time, mostly on average a week or two, where I suffer my extreme PTSD nightmares. The nightmares consist of events and sensory perceptions of events which I took part in and observed as a police officer and investigator. However this time, my nightmares persisted, in fact, they were magnified. They persisted for almost a two month period. This caused me a great deal of angst and anxiety, added stress and lack of sleep. It strained my relationships.

I spoke at length with my psychologist, and she told me to start writing my dreams down, document them and then speak about them. But she also told me I needed to stop blaming myself for my perceived failures, but also not to blame myself for the things I could not stop or help. This felt better to me, but there was a side effect I wasn't exactly prepared for. My Doctor also told me I needed to stop suppressing Caden. It's not fair to punish "her" for what some other crossdressers did, or the failure to have a great time as Caden while on the cruise with Miss Girlfriend. But she advised me that I need to be able to vent and relax in a way that worked for me; being Caden allows me to do that. But it has recently created it's own problem; I've begun to question my Gender role, I've begun to question if perhaps I've been a very well adjusted Transsexual all along.

Anyhow, I began to feel angry, a LOT, after talking to my Doctor. I was angry at the people who had put me in the situations which created my triggers. I was angry at the selfish people who had created those situations. I was angry at the system which had essentially threw me to the wolves to fend for myself, and NEVER offered a psyche debrief. Sometimes I was angry at specific people or things, other times I was simply just angry. It stressed and strained my relationship with Miss Girlfriend and even put me to the point where I messaged my Psychologist and told her I almost felt like I was at a crisis point. A crisis point very similar to when I was diagnosed with PTSD.

So I began wearing Caden things again. Then I began sleeping as Caden, completely, something I had never done. And each new step helped lessen my anxiety and stress, and even reduced my nightmares potency. Then I decided I needed to fully dress and go out. So I made plans with Rachel and Miss Girlfriend for the three of us to go out to a rooftop bar for cocktails and then dinner. We met, and had a wonderful evening, spent a vast amount of time talking, and all agreed we should do it again soon. That night, my stress and anxiety upon waking was all but gone, and my nightmares had very little power over me. But they were still present. I also had a significant amount of Caden related dreams, dreams where I was living as Caden, working as Caden. Unfortunately, one night I failed to wear anything to bed as Caden, and things flared back up. Needless to say, my visits with my Psychologist recently have been getting very interesting.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

Hey GM, I really understand where you are coming from in this thread. Ever since my urge to dress reemerged five months ago without any real means of satisfying it, I've been on a rollercoaster of emotions. I question my gender balance all the time. I sometimes wonder if the intense feminine feelings are simply a result of my brain seeking satisfaction by any means necessary. Other times I think my feminine side is a natural part of me and I am a true gender fluid. At least you have found a moment to dress and experience some release. I hope you are able to find your balance again.

Bridget

Life's a Bi!ch when I don't get to dress :sad:...............................Debra

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Originally Posted by Lori Kurtz

After a failed marriage, for which discovery of my CDing was the precipitating factor, I went pretty deeply into the pink fog for a while. It was huge fun, with no worries about getting caught, because "getting caught" had already happened, and done its damage. But then I asked myself, is this all I really want in my life--getting my sexual satisfaction alone, and having no partner in life? I didn't think it likely that I would find a woman who would be comfortable with my dressing up for sexual pleasure, so I decided to try making a choice: no CDing, in order to foster a good relationship. For me, it worked. CDing remained a big part of my fantasy life, but I was able to resist the urge to act upon those urges, and I had a great relationship--sexually and otherwise--with my second wife, until her death several years ago. Now I'm free to make choices again. I'm not looking for a new relationship; I have plenty of friends and activities. I'm too old to be able to dress up again as the intensely sexy young and middle-aged woman that I enjoyed becoming back when I was actively dressing. I do some online cybersex, and I sometimes get some vicarious pleasure from the experiences of the women on this site. And for me, this site helps me to come to terms with, and accept, some of the non-standard ways in which I have enjoyed my sexuality since I was a child playing around with my mother's and my aunt's underthings. But as for active crossdressing, those days are gone for me. My fantasy life is still active and gives me some powerful excitement, which I am okay with satisfying on my own, alone. While I have some regrets about some things in my life, as I think any self-aware and honest person my age does, I feel good about most of what my life has been and what it will be in my remaining years.

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Hi Lori- i have had some of those concerns as i am in middle age but to stop all together, wow. Not sure i can do that!
My CD life has spanned 40 years and has evolved with the struggles that all long trips encounter.
The rough spots when i need to dress even half dress keep me sane and on the road comfortably.

Charlene is me and I her. My therapist a GG, gave me some of the most comforting advice that has worked for me.
She said dont stop because you can't stop. You will never stop even with guilt, purges etc. She summed her advice to me by telling me "Give yourself permission never to stop and just get it done. Its in your DNA so accept it and love your life".

Thats what i did over 5 years ago and never looked back. Years from now if i look 'matronly' or 'miss doubtfire-ish' that is ok with me. I've accept that reality already.

Thankfully i have a lot of living to do before that time and gotta live the dream in this moment and share it with others!

My 2 cents.
~Charlene

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Originally Posted by Debra Russell

Life's a Bi!ch when I don't get to dress :sad:...............................Debra

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Debra cant agree more. Ya get real cranky too !

~Char

In general, crossdressing helps me to be in good mood and to smile much often.
When I do not crossdress... I am not happy, and I feel very stressed. This can be read in my face and in my (bad) humour.

I am generally okay for awhile if I'm not dressing, but after a certain point I get really antsy to dress again.

Basically it gets me down when I can't dress, I want to do it so much it's unhealthy sometimes. I get withdrawn from everything and peed off very easily.

I once went 7 years without dressing. I had purged everything when my wife and I split. I never once even thought about dressing during that time. I always felt that something was missing, but was caught up in day to day life. I started up again after moving to the city I am now in, and immediately started to feel better about life in general. But 7 months ago, I quit the job I had and was unemployed for a while. I didn't spend anything on clothes, and just wore what I already had. Now that summer is here, I've stopped again. I certainly agree with the other girls saying that it affects them when they can't dress. To this day, I can't explain how I went for all those years and never even thought about buying anything girlie.

I haven't been able to dress for over three months now. I'm going insane. I can't stop thinking about it, I get depresssed, angry, grumpy, easily upset and burst into tears (never expected that one).
I'm looking forward to when I can let Daphne out again, and haven't been able to resist some retail therapy. Which just makes it worse, 'cos now I've got two gorgeous dresses I can't wear yet... Some mornings, I even get up, and instead of getting dressed for work, I briefly slip on a dress or skirt, in the wish that I could just keep it on.

sigh.

When my daughter was away at school I was able to dress every couple of weeks. Now with her graduated and home with her's and my son's schedules I go months without an opportunity to dress. I am getting quite stressed and irritable lately. I take every opportunity to dress even if only for an hour. I need to plan a femm get away to regain my sanity. or send the kids out of town.

Maybe I'm lucky but I've never been depressed about not being dressed. I can be happy in dull old boring guy mode. I don't hate the male side of me. He's just a doofus. Until late last year I went many years without fully dressing, mostly because I had some form of facial hair going on. The bearded lady look is not a turn on for me.
I could get by in those years just by putting on heels & hose for a while until my feet hurt or just putting on fake nails. Get my femme fix and go about my day.
Sometimes I would just look at the girl stuff in the closet and that would make me happy, just knowing it was there.
Maybe getting older and testosterone levels dropping?? had something to do with my really getting back into dressing late last year? I've purchased more female stuff in the last 10 months than I have in the last 10 years. And you all have seen the brunt of it in my posts.
I'll ride the girl waves as long as they last. I'd say if you are getting depressed about not dressing try doing little things to remind you of it. If that doesn't do it maybe a
therapist could help. The true TG & TS issues are way over my head and I'm certainly not one to give advice on those topics.
Hoping you all have peace in your life.

Well... My experience is very different that most of the other girls. Every spring and summer I give up crossdressing. I'm at the beach, I go surfing and I am fine. In the late fall, I start dressing again and I am very happy to do so. I guess I am lucky not to suffer any adverse effects. I feel that I am dual natured anyway and my male side just comes out more in the summer.

I used to dress 5 days a week which was wonderful. Even a small break then would make me hyper sensetive. Now with my daughter in the house full time I found it got easier to repress the urge. But when she's out for a long period of time I take the chance to dress which is wonderful.

I never leave any chance to crossdress, when I am alone at home.

I start having withdraws. I couldn't go into a store without browsing the womens section after a month. I don't even want to think about going longer

Hi GM, I can't imagine not dressing for a few hours everyday.:daydreaming:

I have my ups and downs, my guy and girl. Currently, I am heading into week 4 of no dressings by choice. Just taking a break and really haven't missed dressing. I suppose it's knowing I can dress when I want to that allows me to simply relax and dress as the calling manifests itself.

It drives me nuts. I actually have a skirt and blouse in the counsel of my ride and slip into it for the ride home from work. Unfortunately I'm a very hands on person and find myself assisting others( guys on they're hot rods) normally wearing jeans and t-shirts.

My longest ever hiatus –*in between pauses of a week on average – was one month for a work-related trip. I kept open the possibility of returning to it eventually at the time. The CDing fantasies got bad (and sometimes more stereotypical :straightface:) during that time, but there was no consequential mood change due to the anticipation of finally getting back to it.

With the recent spate of events after being outed by my family, however, the game must have changed. These few days I've become rather lethargic and melancholic, what with the talk from my family of how 'unbecoming' and 'shameless' I must have been to do such things. Which is especially odd considering I still wear a few pairs of women's jeans and jacket on occasion despite presenting male. I'm sure it's more than the clothes. It has to be more than the clothes. As of now, I'm still letting nature run its course (less the female presentation, make-up and wig).

Thank you again for your replies and thoughts. I can say to some extent I sympathize with my own. However, what I have experienced also is a shift toward "feeling " overall more feminine. And on that note, I am off to start a thread on what feeling feminine means...